Two Ways To Deal With It

February 22

The ceremony hall was crowded today. Since today was the closing ceremony of the school year, the next school year will start next month at the earliest. Although this should be different, the school does it this way to give several days off for everything that happened a few days ago.

There are only 7 students in our group because of what happened at the Ueno Dam, Kojiro, the giant of the classroom, paid his respects to his fallen comrade in battle with his presence, even though he was also one of the kidnapped victims, Yasunobu is also here, despite his anxious appearance he still made the effort to come, Yamada is silent without saying anything, even he knows that it is time to pay respect. But of all of them, Keisuke is undoubtedly the most devastated, in his face you can see the cost of the tragedy, poor guy, to lose his girlfriend like that, without being able to do anything, just when they had such a close moment the day before. Unfortunately, I know this feeling very well, the same thing happened to me with Nanami, it is a tragic experience that I would not wish on anyone, not even my enemies.

This reminds me, in a slightly different way, of the ceremony of returning to port after months on the battle front. When a ship returns to port, either because it has completed its mission, gathered supplies, or made repairs, the entire crew appears on deck in their uniforms to present the ship to their superiors. This ceremony was not very different from this one: the important people spoke, we in line listened, and unfortunately also the missing people. Because of these ceremonies, it could be clearly seen that the number of people who left was not the same as the number who returned to port because of those who died in battle, and this time the casualties could be seen in my group.

Because of the tragedy that happened that day, a farewell ceremony is also being held for our colleague Utagawa, who died that day. Nothing less because of a mistake I made. That is why there is a large black picture of her face in front of the stage. The rest of the audience was also sad to see such a terrible story happen to their comrades. Although my mother did not want me to come here today, I came because I thought the least I could do was to pay my respects to a comrade who fell in battle. I even wanted to talk to her mother about what happened, but after seeing her crying with the photo in her hands, I decided it was better not to add to the pain.

Although what happened was horrible and I do not understand why some want to forget it quickly, it seems that it is something that will be difficult. The only news on TV right now is the attack on the Ueno dam. The only positive side of all this shit is that not a single word has been said about me, because all the credit went to our teacher Miss Xian, but because she uses a fake profile of hers, they use her other name. Although this would be a nightmare for someone with a fake identity, hers is so well done that the police do not seem to suspect anything.

But my mood these days has been terrible since February 19, because I have hardly been able to sleep since then. Even though I thought I was over it, every time it gets dark I feel like I am still trapped in the subway tunnels, like a dragon is going to attack at any moment. It is so much so that my family can tell if I am having another anxiety attack just by looking at the color of my eyes at night. Although Tamamo accompanies me and hugs me at night, I still don't feel safe enough to sleep, so she prefers to talk to me about unimportant things. But it seems that yesterday I looked so bad that I think she put me to sleep with one of her cursed talismans, because one night I was playing cards with her when I realized how much daylight there was already, but she did not mention anything about me falling asleep. Momo, on the other hand, has also tried to help me in her own way, the last of her inventions was a helmet with straws where you can put drinks on the sides to use it. But this one works sideways, so you can use it lying down. I have no idea how it works, it's just her way of trying to cheer me up.

My mother got scared one night when she saw my red eyes in the dark while I was going to the bathroom. She tried to help me by telling me how incredible I acted in the situation, which was undoubtedly on the level of a hero, how almost the entire class got out of that incident thanks to me. But still, even though I saved almost 30 people, the only one I remember is the one I failed to save, again. Maria, for her part, although angry at not being able to help, seems to have given me space to be sad, as her regular teasing has not appeared these days. Kazumi and Charlotte have been quite quiet and have hardly left the room we gave them. They still have no furniture due to the amount of money we spent these days, but we gave them two futons so they can practice sleeping.It seems like they don't want to bother me at all now that they've noticed that I'm not feeling well.Tamamo has been in charge of taking care of them during the day and teaching them artistic things like painting with a brush or composing a song. When they finish, they bring me their drawings or sing me the song they just composed. Without a doubt, they do their best to help me, and although I try to do my best as well by thanking them for their love, at the same time I feel ashamed of myself for showing you this face of me, as someone who is theoretically strong and who has gone through very similar things before, even cries with fear when the night and its darkness come.

But just like all these years of fighting, I can't just wait for myself to feel better, I have to continue to prevent this stupid thing from happening again. On the other hand, there was the attack on the dam, because according to my daughters, one of the most affected by what happened was the I.S.C., because it seems that their main supplier, Matsumoto Chemicals, cannot produce anything due to the lack of electricity to run the factory. This has left the I.S.C. unable to produce the necessary amount of medicine that is still being ordered in Europe because of the conflict. The state has apologized for allowing this to happen and for affecting the international community. Undoubtedly, the investigation into whether they were responsible will now be suspended, and what is worse, the I.S.C. announced today that they will increase their security in the country in order to fulfill their obligations to other countries. They were the biggest winners of the misfortune that happened that damn day, it couldn't be a coincidence. I was convinced of that. We cannot remain so passive, we must do more than just watch them from a distance. They have already shown that they are not interested in endangering innocent people to achieve their goals. So I thought we should investigate further what exactly the I.S.C. is trying so hard to achieve. So I'm going to see what other vendors have and check their shipments or see where they take them. Maybe I can find something to stop them. My mother also agrees with this plan, because she thinks that Japan's relations with the Alliance could be affected depending on what happens here, not to mention our security.

As for the strange girl who appeared, well, we have no idea who she could be. Both Tamamo, Momo and I thought that she might be some kind of demon because of her appearance. But despite how little we know about her, one thing seems to be for sure, she has something against me and it seems to be because of something she did during the war against the dragons. We cannot rule out the possibility that she will reappear in the future. The way she fights is so strange, and her erratic behavior seems too strange. I can't remember seeing anything like this in my life until that day at the dam. I need to find out more information about her and what she wants from me.

The inspector brought his granddaughter breakfast, it was an American-style breakfast fresh from the White Moon Cafeteria. Although it was very strange for a normal Japanese and even more so to see someone like Inspector Yamamoto going to ask for it in the morning, there was a good reason for it, it was very rich and sweet, which Haru loved. She had been very decadent these days and her apathy had decreased a lot, so her grandfather, worried about her, had gotten up earlier than usual to get something to spoil his granddaughter with. The poor old man couldn't even pronounce the names of the foods correctly, let alone know that his granddaughter might like them, but he tried his best, with some help from Saeko, the cafeteria worker, until he was satisfied with the result. He knew that what he had brought could be something that would allow Haru to walk again. There was probably no happier man and fish out of water in the world than this man coming back to his house to deliver that package. He arranged it as best he could on a table for the bed, and since he had seen that the pancakes were topped with honey, he even decided to make the face of a cat. Although the result of his drawing left something to be desired, he only thought of doing everything within his reach to see the girl smile. He carefully carried the table to his granddaughter's room and entered, hoping for the best possible result of his work. Inside, Haru was already awake. She had missed the graduation ceremony for the same reason as many of her classmates. She sat in front of the television and watched the news about the dam. When she noticed her grandfather entering her room, she was surprised and reflexively turned off the TV, but no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he had seen her.

"Another time watching TV," the old man said, trying to sound affectionate.
"You won't be able to get back to your normal life if you only keep thinking about the past."
"You have to move on with your life, watching the news won't help you at all".
"What happened has already happened."
"You did your best and thanks to that you are back here today"
"Today brings something special for a special person for me, I hope you like it, it's your favorite, right?"

"That's the problem I have..."
"Have I really done my best?"
"The best I can do is to pass out until I wake up after everything happens?"
"You wouldn't have been afraid of anything in that situation"
"If I want to be as respected as you, I have to be the same and not be afraid in a situation like that!"
"I have to have the courage to face my fears!"

"Another time watching TV," the old man said, trying to sound affectionate.
"You won't be able to get back to your normal life if you only keep thinking about the past."
"You have to move on with your life, watching the news won't help you at all".
"What happened has already happened."
"You did your best and thanks to that you are back here today"
"Today brings something special for a special person for me, I hope you like it, it's your favorite, right?"

"That's the problem I have..."
"Have I really done my best?"
"The best I can do is to pass out until I wake up after everything happens?"
"You wouldn't have been afraid of anything in that situation"
"If I want to be as respected as you, I have to be the same and not be afraid in a situation like that!"
"I have to have the courage to face my fears!"

"Although I'm glad you're feeling better today, I must tell you that you're confusing things."
"Bravery is not something you earn and keep, it is something you must actively demonstrate with your character"
"Brave is not someone who acts without fear, brave is someone who chooses to act in spite of fear.
"And that is why I believe that you are already someone brave, because despite what you have been through, you are still you today.

"But if it had been like your grandfather, none of this would have happened.
"If someone like you had been around, none of this would have happened."
"I even sure that even Utagawa, nothing would have happened to her."

The inspector kept his sadness to himself. There was no way he was going to tell his beloved granddaughter that there was actually someone out there trying to prevent this from happening. Even so, she could not avoid it completely. But the inspector couldn't blame the white girl either, because despite the situation she had managed to get almost everyone out alive was less than a miracle. The old man knew that if he had been in charge from the beginning, he would not have been able to achieve something like that even with the help of the other policemen, let alone on his own. He could not tell Haru that what happened in that dam was something the police considered a success because he did not want her granddaughter to see that he might not be as incredible as she thought he was.