Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

6/11 evening

“So where is it?” I asked as Aelthalyste and Rajh arrived at the meeting space. “Ulduar, Nazjatar, or Ahn’Quiraj?” My assumption was that C’thun was getting restless, since he was my current mission target and I had been sitting around with a completed scepter for a week. If I were a developer I’d be inclined to start pushing that plotline along.

“Uldir, Prime Designate Eros,” Rajh answered in his booming voice, “Thankfully it is the least of the old gods. It also may be a false alarm. Remote viewing with the Disks of Norgannon shows no signs of a breach; G’huun’s disciples are not even acting with unusual aggression.”

“Ok, but what made you think there would be a problem in the first place?” I asked, “I’ll be honest, I completely forgot G’huun’s existence. He’s not supposed to be relevant for almost a decade.”

“The Synthetic Old God’s containment chamber was opened briefly for repair purposes.” Rajh explained. “There was a minor breach, not unlike the one that allowed C’thun to subjugate the Anubisaths in Ahn’Quiraj. The administrator of Uldir, MOTHER, considered its repair to be high priority to avoid a repeat of that chain of events, and chose to stay inside the containment chamber for slightly longer than protocol normally allows in order to repair multiple other micro fractures. That tripped the automatic alarm.”

It all sounded plausible enough, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a weak point I needed to close. If Nefarian got his hands on an old god, I’d be at a substantial disadvantage. G’huun was “merely” a tier 9, but that put him in the same weight class as Medivh, Elune, Azshara, and the Troll God of Death. I didn’t want to deal with any of that, and more specifically I emphatically didn’t want to deal with an Old God, even one purchased from Wish, capable of bypassing Corruption Defense. I looked over my team and decided to pull the majority of the A-team out of Silithus. Everyone who didn’t have an important day job was going to split into teams and secure the prisons of all 4 living old gods.

Thanks to Brox’s perk and his worthy sacrifice, I had an infiltrator in Ulduar. Yogg didn’t seem likely to be a problem in the next few days, and going there in force seemed like it wouldn’t be worth the opportunity cost. It would rile up the current keepers and turn into an ugly and avoidable fight. I’d work with Nanna personally and take over a few key installations, then we could work on systematically liberating the facility from Yogg. With any luck, I might even be able to lock the old god of Northrend down enough to capture him without too much of a fight. It would take a while, though; the defensive play of keeping him out of Nefarian’s hands was far more important than the greedy play of capturing him myself for now.

Uldir was apparently built under the ancient troll Mecca of Zandalar, so it seemed best to send a delegation led by the highest ranked troll I had on hand: Vol’Jin, leader of the Darkspear Tribe. Probably Ukorz Sandscalp of Zul’Farrak as well; I’d essentially popped in and had Alexstrasza capture him real quick, but he was the ruler of the sovereign troll nation of Farrak after all. If repairs and maintenance were currently underway, I could probably send Archaedes, Ironaya, or Anraphet directly to the facility to provide additional engineering expertise.

The Eternal Palace, prison of N’Zoth, was just a smidge more problematic, as it was firmly controlled by the (loosely) Old God aligned Naga. Hopefully the Old Gods were just using Nefarian as a weapon against me; if they were willing to pull a Thanatos gambit and let themselves be added to Nefarian’s retinue for the power boost, I might be screwed. To make things worse, I didn’t actually know much about N’zoth personally, as almost everything about him was revealed only after I stopped playing WoW. I had Naga in my database now, so in theory I should be able to infiltrate, but locking down N’zoth would be the most problematic of the old gods I knew about, since I was honestly planning on just assaulting AQ.

There were two more old gods (or old god adjacent beings) that I should mention for the sake of completion, but I didn’t think that Y’Shaarj was going to be a threat. He was currently split into 7 distinct entities that were all being starved of energy by holding them on a quarantined continent where their main food source, negative emotion, was kept to a minimum through various cultural practices. There was an entire expansion dedicated to explaining how bringing strife to Pandaria is a terrible idea, and it was currently hidden behind an impenetrable veil of magical fog. It was so far on the back burner I could barely see it in the distance.

The last sorta-old-god I was aware of was about 2000 gp in donations to the Horde away from being captured after I distributed the Kharazan loot. Xal’atath wasn’t likely to be a complete power house, as she hasn’t done much onscreen except for being a magic dagger and possessing an elf girl last I checked. Alas, the catalog only granted powers that have been observed, rather than speculated or hinted at. She’d still be able to bring my retinue’s shadow magic to the next level, and she’d know so much more about the old gods than I could ever hope to. I let Irma know it was time for the final push, and she took out another relatively small loan from the Steamwheedle cartel. Stevie could finish the upgrades to Naxxramas and I could get my knaifu by morning.

••••••••••

Just say no to Cannibalism
Kill Corpse-monger Nog’shra
Reward: remote views of Uldir’s systems will be deemed unexceptional and routine by outside observers, skill-chip: proper Loa worship procedures, Pickup Line

Nefarian didn’t have anything against Nog’shra, but the rewards for killing her were far too large to ignore. He didn’t want to be disturbed while he brought G’huun to heel, and he’d run into an unexpected problem. The Old God of Blood did not, in fact, have eyes. His entrancing amulets relied on sight to entrance people, so he’d needed to rely on audio to slowly subjugate the giant tick’s will. Human Paladin had gone in and tried to inject the powerful entity, but unfortunately it had been uncooperative and its shell far too strong for the needle to pierce in the 45 seconds of invulnerability her shield afforded her.

The second plan, to send in Graw Cornerstone covered in the edible variant of his mind-altering concoctions, had worked quite a lot better, but had only been able to convince the entity to become placid and agreeable enough to speak with Tabetha conversationally. The swamp witch was only slightly less disposable than the dwarf had been, so she could afford to be corrupted by G’huun in the process of his capture. Getting the big worm to humor her questions had been enough for the first breakpoint. In ten hours she would ask for him to teach her, and hopefully the subliminals would be enough to convince him to go along with it. She’d need to be pulled out routinely to have her mind corrected, but all that was really important was to get G’huun to the point where he could be fully enslaved.

In the meantime, Nefarian had other missions that required his attention and work that needed to be done. Hakkar the Soulflayer could be taken on as an ally, which would be very useful, and more immediately there was a new mission here in Nazmir.

••••••••••

Ally with the Blood God Hakkar as an equal partner. You may not capture him until the mission is complete or you will be Penalized.
Reward: 10 Credits, VR Helmet, instant capture of Hakkar the Soulflayer

•••

Nazmir: Defeat Krag’wa, the Frog Loa
Reward: Tsundere Service

••••••••••
Day 22 Zin-Azshari

The work was slow and plodding; the bronze dragons were crafty and cautious, and though they didn’t know of the retinue’s presence here they feared the Infinite Dragonflight. They avoided being caught alone, and frequently worked in pairs. It had taken nearly a full week to corner and capture two of them at once. Anything else would have been too risky.

Their work in Eldre’thar became far easier once Talaada was granted a boon by the Prophet; one he referred to as “paper trail.” Once it went into effect, Talaada became a priestess of Elune according to all records. She didn’t have any personal connections, and she certainly didn’t actually worship a goddess too foolish to submit to the Prophet’s wisdom, but she was now able to openly employ her holy magic and had a title which opened many doors.

The small city was slowly being converted into a stronghold of the Brotherhood, even as they waited for the first pair of bronze dragons to be captured by their amulets. There was little suspicion in a large number of locals coming to a traveling priestess and her highborn arcanist companion. Indeed, most lowborn Kaldorei deferred to the two of them on principle. The idea of directly questioning a powerful Highborne mage with the direct public support of a priestess would be unthinkable to most outside of high nobility.

Talaada had studied along with the rest of the retinue under Doan, primarily to learn how to cast polymorph, so she could now walk out each night and find three or four people willing to sit alone with her in private for one reason or another. Two spells, one arcane and one shadow, would capture any humanoid without an unusually powerful will. She’d already worked her way through the small temple of Elune, which served as an excellent meeting place for the Brotherhood. They still performed all of the rituals Elune demanded; she would be a sister someday, after all. There was no reason to antagonize her. 

Talaada couldn’t help but feel a little directionless. She of course had the bronze dragons to pursue, but everything blended together a bit when she mostly had to wait for the bronze dragons to be captured on their own. She considered her options, and left a note for the Prophet. Thanks to the unusual time he might not see it for days, but she thought it was worth asking.

Talaada *My beloved Prophet, might we have the honor of experimenting with minor missions in this timeline? It would allow us to put our resources to better use, I believe, and provide us with more tools for our primary objectives. It would also be nice if you were to visit for short periods, should you be able to find the time.*