Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

6/4 evening

I decided to set aside the Bronze question and let my advisors talk it over. If nothing else, it might be best to get paradox defense before trying to antagonize the giant scaly time lords. It looked like both blood elf magisters and Alexstrasza had Paradox Defense. I wasn’t sure exactly what the Dragonqueen had to do with time bullshit, but with a little bit of time and investment I could get paradox defense for free, just by doing things I was already planning.

I, in the meantime, had an insanely stupid idea in mind. Dumb enough that I layered on every form of protection I had available. I had Ursula put me in a soul stone first. I had Doan make me invisible, and did my best attempt to cast fade on myself and use stealth, then took off as a moderately sized dragon from Light’s Hope Chapel. I flew right past patrolling swarms of gargoyles and bats, and trace defense helped me slip past the sensors around Naxxramas.

There was a platform underneath the floating death fortress, a spot where flying scourge troops could land. Or me. When I got there, I wrote upon the platform with a flourish: Erich Bismark’s Necropolis. Of course, I’d need to observe from a distance to figure out how that went. If I had a magic pen that let me declare ownership, why not go big?

Hopefully this would go well. I just learned that apparently I could have probably gotten to Anveena through Sylvanas or Alexstrasza, so I really needed an unambiguous win. It felt a little bit like I’d wasted 50 credits slightly accelerating my timeline; note to self, run any potential purchases by all advisors in future.

I teleported back to Twilight Grove to find a very pushy blue haired woman with an outfit straight out of anime and a very unusual business proposition. Apparently something suggested to her by Vanessa.

“Sir, I absolutely need to know how these amulets operate. I propose that you take me on as a consort, I dedicate any time that isn’t already spoken for to your service, and in return you show me how to use these amulets to heal the mind. I’ve already put this one on; I’m ready for the demonstration.” Tyrygosa was just so earnest I couldn’t say no.

“Deal. First up, we need to do a test case with something that isn’t already true, but that we want. Since you’re becoming my consort, how about you declare your love for me?”

••••••••••

6/4 Morning

Nozara’s heart was pounding as she listened to the conversation unfolding before her. At lord Kathra’Natir’s insistence, she had delivered an amulet to Lord Hel’Nurath. Through that amulet, an animated conversation ensued. All in Nathrezim, which she wasn’t supposed to be able to speak. As such, she needed to sit quietly and maintain a politely stony expression while the two dreadlords discussed how best to steal resources from the Legion.

“I need fel iron equipment, if not felsteel. I’ve put together a coven of warlocks who can resummon my troops, but I need gear that will stay with them when they are killed. Some netherweave would be excellent as well, if you have any looms.”

“I have needs of my own, brother. My quotas are quite steep, you know.”

“I can pay in amulets like the one I’m speaking to you through. If you wear it, I’m sure you’ll see the benefits. More importantly, I’m sure you’ll be able to sell them to your superiors.” Nozara certainly hoped so. Of course, between mineral tracking and the large number of additional felsteeds in Zelena’s ranch, her own budget had more than enough room to spare the master a few suits of fel iron plate. Once Kalidosh was captured and his trainees could be subverted, she was certain that martial and soul talents would give her even more breathing room.

No. This meeting was about operational security. Hel’Nurath was a threat because he could at any time, check in on her district and notice how much she was skimming off the top. If he knew that twenty suits of armor were going to be vanishing from Bavira’s smithies every day… well, that would still be Nozara’s problem, should his superior ever notice. The onus certainly wouldn’t fall upon the Nathrezim.

She found herself remarkably placid on the subject. If she was killed over this, in all likelihood she’d be resurrected and transferred to the field team on Azeroth. Battle with enemies that her new split personality didn’t object to, all while surrounded by extremely sexy mortals? She almost hoped it would happen.

•••••••••• 

Lividia stood at the head of an army. Nearly five hundred demons now. Naturally she was the commander over all of them, though she had been assigned advisors. Kathra’Natir, overseeing the Dommes, was also seeing to coordination between the divisions. He apparently had quite a lot of military experience, so he was seeing to trifling tactical decisions so that Lividia could focus on leading from the front. He was surrounded by a small troop wearing bright green armor and weapons that shimmered with fel energy.

The new Nathrezim from Undercity weren’t here; apparently they were still manning the grove of giant killer trees near Hive Re’Gal, but all the other demons were. She gave Mila, at the head of the Spellscales, a feral grin. She was wearing her visage, a pink draenei with big eyes, still dressed as a Scarlet Crusader. The two of them had a bet going to see which one would kill more of the bugs. If Mila won, Lividia would convince their king to take her to bed with him. If Lividia won, Mila would alter her view of Lividia to total worship for a day. Win-win, in Lividia’s view; watching Erich take other lovers was almost as good as pleasuring him herself.

Of course, if Lividia didn’t kill as many bugs as Mila it would be because she was primarily a healer, and she had a mission to do. She pulled out Light’s Wrath and her Amulet, ready to hunt down a letter for her king. The only real mission any of them had for this attack, and thus clearly the most important.

••••••••••

Kathra’Natir went over the plan one more time with Gilnid. The little goblin, currently in the form of a Gan’arg, was in charge of the seaforium payload. Most importantly, a group of gnomish and goblin engineers were going to need to assess the hive and figure out where to plant the explosives to do maximum damage. The assault was two pronged, both including a squad of his Dommes as guardians. First was the mission to retrieve a letter, entrusted to miss Lividia as it was reasonably straightforward but vital. The second was to hunt down the enemy spawning chamber and immolate the eggs en masse. Ideally alongside the creature laying them. For that, Mila and her mages were accompanying his elites, an ostentatious name for the slightly above average troops he’d chosen to equip first. Once they had secured or been repelled from the egg chamber, it would be time to find the right place to set the charges. It was unlikely they would be able to collapse the entire hive, but a few well placed charges should at least inconvenience the enemy substantially.

He looked over at the last troop that had been placed under his command. Mostly volunteers from the Rampant Lions with more earnestness than sense, they had been turned, for now, into wormtongues. Not to be used as warriors, oh no, they would fight only if unavoidably engaged by the enemy. They were each equipped with amulets and would be gathering anything of value left on the battlefield. Fallen equipment, Silithid corpses, demon blood; anything that might possibly be useful to the war effort. If they found themselves in a fight, they would of course do their best, but they were here for logistics, not combat.

Having finished his inspection of his own troops, Kathra’Natir sent forth an Eye of Kilrogg to inspect the enemy and mark out his route. This battle was going to be brutal enough without wandering around aimlessly.

••••••••••

The insects died quickly enough; the narrow passageways worked to Lividia’s advantage. She could lash them with waves of holy fire, and only needed to keep a few healed up. Anduin had taught her a spell he called Divine Star; with that she could heal and kill all at once! Very economical. Most importantly, the tightly packed bugs were ripe for chain lightning, the spell of choice for the Atal’ai witchdoctors that made up the majority of her Flameborn.

Meanwhile, the fire weavers wrapped the Dommes in veils of fire that made it rather unpleasant for enemies relying on natural weapons to attack them. They should have thought of that before they decided to not be fireproof, in Lividia’s opinion.
It wasn’t all sunshine and roses, however. They were, after all, outnumbered quite severely. Her Dommes were not invulnerable, and if taken down quickly enough there was little Lividia could do. Mana was not an issue, but there was still attrition. The bugs seemed to realize they would only make progress if they focused their efforts upon one target at a time, or multiple that were far apart from one another. Lividia’s forces were dwindling by the time that one of the scavengers proudly declared that he’d gotten what they were here for and sent it back to the Grove. Oh how lovely.

“Excellent! We have succeeded in our task; now all that is left is to die gloriously in King Bismark’s name.”

Her flameborn, all such good girls, cheered in unison. “Our lives for the one true king!” With that settled, Lividia started accumulating magical energy as quickly as she could. She wanted a nice, big explosion. How else could she be sure that she’d win the bet?

••••••••••

The elites were far more able to handle threats than the normal Dommes. Proper armor went quite a distance towards protecting the body, to the surprise of no one, and the majority of his troops were dressed in ornamental gear designed for magic users. Better than nudity, of course, but most of these outfits really should just go onto the Flameborn and Spellscales. The Dommes were frontline, despite their affinity for shadow magic, and the physical enhancements worked into fel iron plate armor capitalized on that role nicely. 

Thanks to his new aura of vampiric energy, any blood spilled by his troops would heal them. Not that much was needed there with multiple students of Doan present. The Dreadlord had faced a Guardian of Tirisfal before; in fact he fancied himself one of the reasons that the office had been developed. Having multiple mages of a similar caliber to Alodi under his command was quite an enjoyable experience, though the memory reminded him of how much weaker he was without his blade, Apocalypse. He encouraged the mages to pace themselves. They had been issued wands for a reason, after all; he only really needed one Guardian of Tirisfal melting the enemy frontline at a time and it would not do for them to burn out their own mana reserve if the enemy had champions guarding the egg chamber.

Unsurprisingly, the greatest threat was indeed found in the hatchery. The moment his unit entered the huge vaulted cavern, still with around 90% if their number intact, the enemy was able to swarm in from all sides. Quite a change from the cramped corridors. The queen of the hive let out a rather unpleasant shriek and the eggs began to hatch. Small wormlike creatures swarmed in from all directions at once, overwhelming his numbers with twenty to one odds. They held fast until a massive egg, so big that the Dreadlord had initially mistaken it for the back wall of the cavern, cracked open, releasing a towering colossus which barreled towards them, sweeping a titanic arm through Kathra’Natir’s forces.

He spoke into his amulet gruffly. “Nightfall. I need nightfall.”

Somewhere a hundred miles away, Tyrande heard him and closed her eyes, focusing on the light of Elune and crafting a shroud from it. A shroud that reached out and enveloped everyone in the retinue at once.

“We have ten seconds. Prepare your strongest on that thing. If we can eliminate it we might as well call the mission a success.” Everyone in the army repositioned themselves as their injuries faded away, and those who could began spells with a large windup.

Three pyroblasts, thirty shadow lashes, a carrion storm, faerie fire, and quite a bellowing roar from the druid of the claw all came together to seriously injure the colossus, which was then taken down in its weakened state by an irritatingly nonstandardized collection of weapons. The fight was still brutal, and they ended up losing more than half of their number by the time the colossus was dead.

“Choose a wall. I want the ceiling to come down on this room.” Next best thing after collapsing the entire hive, he imagined. The front line was mostly broken and the spellcasters were getting exhausted. They wouldn’t clear this room. The Gan’arg industriously started setting up near one of the spawning pools while the magpies tried to gather everything at once, knowing their time was coming to an end.

As the timer began to count down, Kathra’Natir focused on defense and assessed the results of the raid. Nearly 2 thousand bugs dead; not a bad haul for a force of 500 people. When the bomb was ready to go off, everyone who could leave did so, post haste. It wasn’t clear if the blast here or the one above them was bigger. Let Mila and Lividia puzzle that one out. It wasn’t of much interest to Kathra’Natir.