NOVEL SIMPLE Talaada’s Log
Day 32 Zin’Azshari
The magic circles changed everything. Talaada had spent weeks catching and eliminating the six bronze dragons stationed around Azshara, including the two Secundus hadn’t known about, but it had been so very worth it. It had been childsplay to distribute the circle designs to Doan’s many students. In fact he was able to use his position as a renowned teacher of the arcane, a boon granted by one of many missions, to market them as a set of spells he had developed himself.
Talaada had spent a few days figuring out excuses to get people to stand in circles for twenty minutes. To the patrons of a tailor, it would perfectly and unobtrusively take their measurements. To visitors of the temple of Elune, it would heal all injuries and illnesses of the mind or body. To those who sought to become Doan’s students, it would open their mind to greater understanding.
The footsoldiers, especially the hornier men, were quite a bit less enthusiastic about going out and bringing back new recruits when the method of recruitment wasn’t a polymorph followed by hours of vigorous sex. Their lack of zeal was disturbing to Talaada, but she wasn’t Vanessa. She didn’t have the authority or really the inclination to reformat the minds of every last one of them. The Prophet preferred diversity among his followers, and when she wasn’t irritated Talaada agreed fully. Instead, she met them where they were.
The Kaldorei didn’t really have needs the way that her people had. Damn few of them had ever been hungry for any reason other than dieting. Their idea of being poor was not having enough money to fritter away most of their time on hedonism, religion, hobbies, or “self actualization,” whatever that was. What they wanted, what they saw themselves as needing even after joining the retinue, was a sense of importance. Praise. Validation. Some of them, anyway. Many really were just mindless hedonists underneath it all.
Talaada started with the stick. A very modest minimum quota was instituted; if someone captured one individual every few days, donated a few dozen silver coins, trained to serve in the prophet’s armies, or performed other tasks in service of the retinue they would be fine. If they failed to meet even this low standard, they would be ostracized. Talaada acted more demanding than she really was; she didn’t shame people for their lack of zeal, and certainly didn’t punish people for exploiting the system. One clever fellow brought in a roach or small beast every day, captured it with a magic circle, and then allowed one of his friends to rebuild the creature into an adequate servant for the retinue using a borrowed necklace. It took them about an hour per day and covered the bare minimum nicely.
About four in five recruits acted like that. They earned their keep and if called upon would do specific tasks, but they primarily sought to enjoy the fruits of their labors. Grudgingly or with proper grace, they would do what they were called to and then blissfully go about their day, seeing to their personal obligations.
The rest were a bit more competitive, finding purpose and excitement in being the ones most invested. Talaada kept their names in a ledger, free for any brother or sister to read, and the ones who had paid the most into the retinue were displayed prominently. The top ten percent of names, reallocated each week, were coveted by the pious ones. The top percentage, however, was the sole domain of those that Talaada affectionately thought of as “the devoted ones.”
Just as one in five brothers was pious, one in five pious brothers was devoted; they dedicated themselves fully, bending their full intelligence and time to maximizing their contributions. Many missions were completed by the Pious ones, as those tasks handed down from the prophet himself carried the greatest point reward by far. One might expect them to squabble, but instead these elves, highborn and low, acted as one and split the rewards. They took satisfaction in service, and Talaada shared most of her meals with these like minded individuals.
The rewards were, of course, the most lavish lifestyle that Talaada could present them with using the pooled resources of a growing number of Highborne. If they grew distracted, they would slip out of the honored few. Their privileges would be reduced, they would go back into the field, and they would bring back treasure, recruits, or influence. They would be reinstated, ousting others who would redouble their efforts in turn. It was an elegant solution. Then every night, Talaada would write a short report covering the day’s notable new resources and operations.
Day 33 censer of dreams
Day 34 Greater Normalization Scroll / capture of lady Sira’Kess, officer within the armed forces of the city of Vashj'ir
Day 35 Oil of Ecstasy, reality shift: Aesthetically pleasing individuals of any species will be bound as entranced slaves in the Kaldorei Empire if they would otherwise be killed, if at all possible (retroactive)
Oil of Ecstasy: when rubbed against the skin, the next time the user engages in sexual activity they will permanently gain the benefits of the Sticky Fingers lure in relation to that partner only.
Sticky Fingers: You know all the points that make a waifu melt. You can play her like a piano. Your very touch is electrifying. You are also a sexual savant. Keep a waifu on the edge long enough, and she’ll promise anything to make it stop. With your skills, she’ll be sure to keep that promise. This lure cannot affect targets who lack a sense of touch.
Day 36 reality shift: Magical body modification will become a common fad in the Kaldorei empire, with a marketing push focused around the idea that to be less than perfect is to disappoint Queen Azshara
Day 37
The rewards granted from the minor missions here in this timeline were erratic. For every sacred relic like the Censer of Dreams, they would get two that would grant a mundane magical item or cause the Priesthood of Elune to take up sacred prostitution. Today’s however, was special.
Steal the snuffbox of Lord Desdel Stareye and fuck his wife in the same day. If 24 local hours elapse between these two events, this mission will fail.
Reward: Sticky Fingers Lure
How exciting! They had been given the opportunity to deliver unto the prophet a full lure. The cheapest of them all, and easily the crudest, but still a valuable gift. If nothing else, surely Lividia would enjoy it. Lady Stareye would be thrilled at the opportunity to test the “new ritual” developed by Magister Doan which would allow her to customize her appearance freely. Almost 100 women had already given it a go in several cities, but presenting it as a secret and exclusive honor made the conceited Highborne feel special. Meeting them where they were; it was the best way to recruit people into the Brotherhood.
Day 38 Reality shift: It is an honor for a commoner to provide sexual service to a Highborne; most will drop everything to provide such service if asked. Relationship Shifter rod acquired.
Day 39 Sent Malfurion to attempt to seek the teachings of Cenarius years before he otherwise would have.
Day 40 successful capture of commander Najentus; city of Vashj’ir’s military is now largely under our control. Routine “ritual cleansing” by priestesses of Elune instituted and made mandatory.
Day 41 Retinue Upgrade: Secundus can now insert himself into any large group, such as a large cult or a caste, though not into specific cliques within those groups. Secundus deployed to begin subjugation of Zandalari empire, minor missions directed to him to invite regional upgrades.
Day 42 We have taken the personal staff within the household of Lady Vashj, a handmaiden of Azshara and ruler of Vashj’ir. Should she return to her manor we will have a vector of attack against the queen.
Day 43 upgrade: The past version of Tyrande has been granted the hero class “Priestess of the Moon,” minor reality shift: Lady Vashj is called back to the city of Vashj’ir to attend to a political issue
Day 44
Lady Vashj was of course a powerful mage, but she was also delightfully easy to capture. Her personal guards were brotherhood. Her servants were brotherhood. Her exotic Pandaren and Tauren slaves were brotherhood. When she teleported into her chambers, she found a lovely golden ring on a nightstand that caught her eye immediately. She was overcome with its beauty, and slipped it on immediately. Her maidservants moved to slip off her sheer dress and clean her before supplying her with a new outfit. It would not do for her to vanish before addressing the task that stood before her, not even for an hour.
It was a trifling thing, a decision as to whether or not a certain commoner was intruding upon a market restricted to the Highborn. The noble who called this case was required to duel Naj'entus for the insult of bothering her, but she did look over the case and ruled in his favor. He would be very happy when he woke from his injuries. Vashj was forced to be carried all the way back to her manor by litter, as the pandaren who was carrying her things had forgotten to pack a portal rune to allow her to teleport straight back to the queen’s court. She left the incompetent girl to be punished at Lord Peroth’s estate. Punishment which the sister endured gladly, knowing her freedom was imminent.
When Vashj arrived home and took the rune proffered to her, her body froze as the ring on her finger pulsed. Her handmaiden pressed the rune against her chest, and Naj’entus physically lifted her and carried her bridal style to one of the guest rooms. She was placed in a circle, still unable to move, as her servants began chanting. She sat silently for an hour, raging internally, as she was turned into a weapon to wield against her beloved queen.
••••••••••
Day 45: Disposable stamp acquired; set aside for potential future use or to be redeemed for credits.
Day 46: Scap of Nymphomantic lore acquired. Set aside for potential use with Queen Azshara’s glamor spell. Requested wisps finally arrived; constructed a tree of life and ancient of lore near Mt. Hyjal with consent secured by Malfurion.
Day 47: Vashj selected to serve as bed companion to Azshara, though not alone. She will be provided an amulet to gift to Azshara in private. In the worst case scenario, capture is expected on day 54 while Vashj requires resurrection at the altar in main timeline. Soridormi and magic proof dryad assault team determined unnecessary, but held in reserve.
Day 48: Requesting ruling. Vashj stole oil of ecstasy to seduce Azshara. While this is accelerating the timeline on the queen’s capture as Vashj is being invited back for a one on one tryst, she still appropriated resources that had not been signed off on by any oversight committee or the prophet. Entrancing orb acquired via minor mission.
49: Azshara captured. Minimal mental shifts performed as of yet. She has declared her intention to become the prophet’s queen, and relief at finally finding a worthy husband. Social skills are surprisingly underdeveloped even with social talent; I suspect she over relies upon her entrancing aura.
••••••••••
I had a massive grin on my face as I read through the bullet points. Talaada had a secretary filling out far more comprehensive reports, of course, which I only skimmed. Thanks to the dense cities of the Kaldorei empire and Talaada’s aggressive recruitment strategies, I had a cool two million more retinue members. That included a new hero, Vashj the Naga Sea Witch, and Azshara, who provided me with most of my remaining rebates. At this point the only defense I didn’t have purchased and maxed out through rebates alone was Wyldscape.
I also had sticky fingers, which was nice enough I supposed. I already had extensive sexual cheat codes, but why the hell wouldn’t I want to magnify any pleasure I gave by a substantial margin? Shame I didn’t really have time to go and check in with Azshara; I had to lead the charge against Zul’Gurub today.
I blinked a few times, then realized that I was an absolute idiot. I just slept 8 hours in my own timeline when I could have taken 5 days off by jumping to that timeline for six hours. “Fuck. Well, it’s not worth the trip right now. I’ve got work to do.” It would cost a few motes of the sands of time every time I took the leap, but dammit. Taking a week off sounded nice. Even a working vacation.