Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

The orders of the day were done. Night was coming. The monsters were coming.

I put people in their places. Radz fit neatly on her firing platform. Versai swore blind that the monsters only attacked in melee. I hoped she was right, because otherwise Radz was no-lucky-chances-permitted DEAD. Sitting up there with no cover, on her frankly bizarre looking mortar. It was eye searingly impractical, even by the standards of gacha game weapon design nonsense.

She sat on top of the mortar. Really. The base of the tube ran up between her thin white legs. On either side of the tube, attached to a crank were a pair of pedals. Throw one lever, and you could pedal the mortar around to control the direction. Throw another lever, and you changed the elevation.

How did she reload? She did not. Because apparently, the mortar was just ready to fire every minute or so.

I thought I saw Physics sitting on a tree stump, chain smoking Lucky Strikes with the filters torn off and muttering darkly about the need for a union. But it was just a shadow. Yes, just a shadow.

Did I mention all this unfolded from a slightly oversized roller bag that Radz hauled around like luggage she refused to check? It did.

I’ve always been self employed, but I get the argument behind a union. Who else is going to stand up for you? Your boss? Couldn’t always do it on your own.

Radz was vague on how long it took to reload. I hoped it was less than a minute. One Star Artillery, though. I didn’t have much hope.

The Mikas were up on the palisade, ready to fire down. The Judiths had done a bang-up job banging down a nightmare forest of stakes all through the clearing. The flanks were covered by deep nests of thin, whippy branches. The crowns of the chopped trees, essentially. I didn’t think it would stop the monsters. None of this could stop them. It just slowed them down. Gave the Mikas time to work.

Most importantly, it stopped the Mikas from getting flanked. That was the real downside of the palisade. I tried to recreate the fatal funnel effect, but there were limits to effectiveness without the dense abatis. In theory, the palisade would provide significantly better protection and survivability. In practice?

Well. We would see. Pammy was ready to go, her back against the Tower wall until she was needed. No monster was going to reach through a gap and snag her. I would make sure of it.

Versai was the floater and final line of defense. She said she could move around behind the Mikas. With her two handed sword, shield, and plate armor. Sure. Well, the Judiths did make a pretty sizable firing step. We’d see.

Rache would be scouting the monsters and attacking their flanks, same as last time. I had seen her drive right over the tops of the stakes, totally unimpeded. I was starting to harbor doubts that she was really one star, but… guess I would find out.

“Alright. Rache, hold on for a second. Radz!”

”Radz reporting. What needs to disappear?”

”Fire straight ahead, target the trees at the edge of the clearing.” It should be a hundred yards out or so. Well within range.

”No targets identified.”

”It’s area denial. Fire!”

”No targets identified.”

”She can’t shoot unless someone marks a target for her or she sees them herself. Rache can mark targets as a scout. She can’t just shoot at nothing.” Versai supplied. “And only Monsters count as ‘something.’”

There it was. The first shoe dropping. My precious “Maximum Range Four Kilometers” fire support was nonsense without a paired scout. Which… arg.

”Rache, up and at ‘em. Scout for monsters and- how do you mark them?”

“Smoke ‘em up!” She held up a flare gun. I swear she didn’t have it a second ago. She lowered her hand and the flare gun vanished again. What in the Lupin III was this shenanigan right here?

”You know what? Sure. Yeah. I have no questions about any of that. Rache, get out there and start marking targets. When all the monsters are inside of forty meters from the palisade, start attacking the flanks.”

”Wooo! Rache’s riding hard tonight!” She zoomed off into the woods, tassels flying.

“Mikas, fire as soon as they come into range. Keep ‘em off the palisade.”

”Mika’s here, never fear!”

”Thanks. Pammy?”

”Pammy stands with her back to the wall, right by the door unless someone gets hurt. Then I drag them to the door and fix the ouchie.”

”Good job Pammy, exactly right.” I controlled the urge to pat her head. It was hard. “Versai?”

”Floating reserve, but generally stay behind the Mikas and keep the monsters off.”

”Yep. Alright, now we-“

“Targets marked. Radz raining death.”

Smoke had popped up from the forest. The mortar wheeled around faster than I had feared. There was a metallic “Crack!”

Louder than I had expected, though not painful. There was silence for a few seconds. Then a hissing noise, and the most shattering explosion I had ever heard.

I was face down on the ground, hands pressed over my ears. It wasn’t even near me. You can watch videos all you want, but nothing, NOTHING sounds like the real thing. It wasn’t aimed at me, but it’s lucky that none of us needed to drink, cause I damn near pissed myself.

”Targets Marked. Reloading.” She shifted the tube around, adjusting the angle and making minute changes to direction.

I pulled myself back together. I was on the side of the big cannons. I could deal. I could. I tried to count the seconds, but I had lost track early on. Less than a minute. Forty five seconds? Then the metallic crack, and a second later, the blast. This time I stayed on my feet but I still flinched hard.

“Targets Marked. Reloading.” The smoke was getting closer. What kind of effectiveness was this having? How accurate was Radz? No way to know. Not today, at least. She shifted and adjusted while the tube reloaded.

I couldn’t see her do anything to reload, which still wielded me out. I was flat out certain that if a modern military unit anywhere took forty five seconds per mortar fired, that unit would be in for a very educational time. How was gacha magic slower than Army guys?

Crack- One Mississip- Boom. Less than one second. She wasn’t firing at as high an angle as I thought she would be. Must be the extra height. Either that or they were closer than I could tell, trying to spot a plume of smoke in the dim moonlight.

How was Radz seeing it well enough to figure out where to shoot? Wasn’t there… math or something you had to do? Calculus? I don’t think this was covered in Girls und Panzer, but I might have been distracted and missed it.

“Targets Marked. Reloading.”

“Radz, report target range.” Silence was all I got in reply.

Damn you devs! She was responsive before. Is telling me how far the enemies are suddenly an exploit? I could see the blasted ribbon of smoke!

I really wanted to scream about the unfairness of it all. I volunteered to look at almost nude anime waifus. I hadn’t even agreed to any terms and conditions. And now, I had to fight monsters according to the game’s rules, even if it got me killed.

Crack… BOOM! I flinched harder this time. I got my answer. Where are the monsters? “Closer than you would like.”

”Targets Marked. Reloading.”

”Eyes up! We have incoming any second. Mikas! Fire as soon as they are in range!” I knew I was repeating myself. I couldn’t help it. I needed to say something, do something. But I couldn’t.

”Nothing gets past Mika! Nnn. Nnn!”

Radz had wheeled the mortar around until the barrel was aimed almost flat into the woods. Straight ahead. It was only the second wave. Seems the monsters weren’t ready to grow a brain yet.

“I don’t suppose artillery has a secondary attack they can use at close range? A sidearm or something?”

”What’s a sidearm?” Versai asked.

”Something not relevant apparently-“

The crack-boom came almost at the same time. I could feel the air shake, punching me in the chest. The stabbing in my ears passed quickly, but I knew I was still shaken. The treeline was shredded. A patch of it just disintegrated. So did the monsters that had been standing on the X.

Shame about all the ones behind them.

They came spilling out of the forest, long hand-paws digging through gore into the dirt. Really pushing off hard and exploding into the clearing around the tower. Eager to tear us apart.

Tear me apart.

The thought dragged down my spine, knife sharp and shivery cold. They were here to tear me apart. The Awakened Spirits, all my summons, all my defenses, were just obstacles. Just in the way. There was only ever one goal. Those long, all too human hands wanted to reach inside of me and play.

That's what Black Robe had said. What Versai had said too. They didn’t just want to kill me. They wanted to make it hurt. They wanted me broken into tiny pieces before they broke me into tiny pieces. There was something or someone waiting to watch me die, and they wanted to give them a good show. Wanted to make sure they had a laugh.

I almost bolted. I almost turned from the palisade and ran. I wish I could say a sudden furious anger kept me in place. That some unknown spring of courage shot up within me. Watering the flowers of bold leadership.

It was just despair. I couldn’t run. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I stopped them here because I had to. There was no second option. I had to stop them here. But there was nothing I could do. No orders to give. No spells to cast. I had done all I could. And now my life was out of my hands.

”Targets Marked, Reloading.”

Just another day at work for Radz. For Rache too, apparently, as I could see smoke snaking up from the woods. Maybe there was something I could do.

”Radz! Target the monsters you can see at the treeline. Don’t target the ones closer until ordered!”

”Orders received. Radz ready to blow it all away.” Her pedals shifted back, targeting the monsters coming out of the treeline. Some had already made it to the stakes. That was fine. They could come in nice small, slow moving groups. I’d have Radz keep thinning them out for the Mikas.

I could feel myself slip into a detached madness. A kind of fatalism, where you knew you were going to be hurt. There was no way this would be okay. But I couldn’t do anything but accept, so I did.

The monsters were forced to zig-zag around the stakes. They mostly weren’t dumb enough to try and charge straight through a big pointy bit of wood. Mostly. Some got shoved onto a stake. The damage wasn’t fatal, but every little bit added up. Every step slower was a win.

One lucky customer made it within forty meters of the palisade. Five glowing bolts hit it. Most went wide, hitting the limbs. One went in the chest, the other caught it in the face. It smashed into the ground. One down. Five more were right behind it.

The Mikas were shooting slightly downward. I noticed that more and more shots were getting lodged in the monster’s backs. Sometimes fatal, sometimes not. One collapsed, its hind legs dead but still trying to drag itself closer with just its front paws.

Did these things have a spine? I knew where you shot them mattered, and I could see they left a Hell of a mess when you blew them up, but were these actual, functioning biological organisms? I had assumed they were dolls, like the Awakened Souls.

I didn’t know a single thing about this cursed game world. I didn’t know a single thing about the monsters. Black robe had said knowing the monster’s background was vitally important, and not only did I not know, I didn’t even know where to begin looking. I didn’t even know what to be looking for.

There was another plume of smoke coming from the woods. I knew at least one thing- the second wave was only getting started.