Well at Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now

“Mad Dog! Mad Dog! Mad Dog!”

A dozen drunk sailors tossed an elderly man in the air, chanting his name. Caruthers “Mad Dog” Blackwater had been the man to finally put down Emrys’s shadow puppet. It had been too tough a nut to crack. By the time someone managed to beat it, Emrys had already trounced all of the eager hopefuls that were taking the challenge in the hope of getting a spot on the Man’s Promise. Caruthers was the first mate of another ship, and very unlikely to take on a position as swab under a total no name.

Cog sipped his drink, listening to Captain M’Dair’s drunken rambling. He’d slipped into the tavern after the festivities, and parked himself among the crowd that formed around Emrys’s shadow. It let him stay close to the other officers, and gave him an easy alibi if they asked why he didn’t announce himself. He really had wanted to sample the rum and have a plate of meat loaf in peace. However, he also needed to think, and to listen.

••••••••••

“It’s quite a harrowing tale,” Osgri said, sympathetically. “I’m glad you made it out, Crimson, and I understand. It will be somewhat irritating to replace you on Harrigan’s ship, but these things happen. You may of course stay here until new orders come in from central, or we can charter you a ship back to Quent.”

The matronly half orc regarded him with a gentle smile. She’d been a great beauty once, and would still turn many heads if she walked down a street. Her rich green skin and small tusks contrasted with a voluminous updo and elegant black and gold dress.

Cog hadn’t held anything back in his report, but he had gone out of his way to deliver it to the most sympathetic priestess at this temple. Osgri was the mother of an old friend, and had watched him grow up. He needed that goodwill.

“I was actually thinking I might stay under Captain M’Dair for a while.” He said, a neutral tone substituting for confidence. “I think he could be an asset.”

Osgri raised one delicate eyebrow.

“Your sorcerer friend?” She asked. “You were planning on recruiting him, no? How much progress have you made there?”

“I’ve floated the idea by him.” Cog said evasively. “He seems receptive, but I haven’t given him too much information yet. A lot has been going on, you know?”

In actual fact he’d mentioned it exactly once, telling Emrys that he might be able to find a patron if he went to the high temple in Quent. He didn’t seem like a particularly good fit for the worship of Calistria to Cog, honestly. He wasn’t half as vindictive as most of the priestesses Cog had grown up around. Calistria did teach that one should not become obsessed with vengeance lest it consume you, but most of her followers would agree that Emrys had let Plugg off far too easily. Probably Caulky as well.

“To be perfectly frank, Crimson, you aren’t a recruiter.” Osgri said, drumming her fingernails upon her desk. “I appreciate that you’re making the best of a bad situation, but we have many people better trained to induct new recruits. I’m glad you brought him to our attention, he does seem like he could be a potent asset.”

“Nearly all of the recruiters are women.” Cog countered. “He sometimes gets very twitchy around women.”

“And yet you report that his inner circle consists of three women, then you, then another woman.” Osgri said. “It’s very likely that it’s only certain women that trigger him. Have you noticed any patterns? Or a reason?”

••••••••••

“Nendra, my wife, is very particular about her wishes. If I failed to meet expectations, I would be punished.” Emrys explained from his position face down on the table, “Sometimes by her, sometimes by Mistress Dovnu. If they were busy, it would be something simple like a whipping.”

Abusive wife, eh? One that owned him no less. Peppery must have reminded him of her somehow. Bet he’d hate Mom. 

Cog watched from a short distance, considering what he knew. He still needed to turn this into an argument. He needed a lynchpin issue. A justification to stay on the Man’s Promise.

Backing Emrys was a damn sight more interesting than swabbing the deck on Harrigan’s ship, and it had been hell to get his mother to sign off on even that. He wasn’t a mama’s boy, not by a long shot, but openly defying her could turn messy. One does not offend a Callistrian priestess lightly, especially not one as high strung as Dindreanne. Cog had learned that the hard way, though he’d also learned that sometimes doing so was necessary. She’d fumed for weeks when he dedicated himself to Pharasma.

“We live in a secret cavern.” Cog heard, “if I’d left Heslandaena by foot, I’d have likely been eaten or enslaved by dragons, and may have condemned the whole city to the same.”

That’s it. That's the angle I can take. So how do I sell it to Osgri?

Not for the first time, Cog wished that he could rely on a note pad for planning. Operational security forbid it, of course. He could memorize individual facts quite easily thanks to his training, but he envied Emrys’s ability to come up with complex strategies on the fly. Cog’s mind tended to loop back around on itself, catching on subjects he found interesting when he needed thoughts that were useful.

Honestly Emrys is dealing with his issues better than some guys I’ve met. How many customers at the House of Stolen Kisses were just covering up for their shitty home life or compensating for their horrible childhood. Finding and maintaining three healthy relationships as part of his healing process is some Shelyn bullshit. I wonder if he’s favored by her?

“Hey, Cog! You’re here!” Emrys called to him. “You spend time at the brothel. Do you know how much 96 women would cost? All on the same day.”

Syl, who had been drowsing, suddenly began cackling like a maniac.

Then again, maybe not.

••••••••••

The library was silent at the House of Amber Silk. He’d arrived well past midnight, peak hours for the Temple of Callistria. Nearly everyone at the temple had multiple jobs, but nobody had time for paperwork when there was a line out the door and down the street. It gave him the time and space he needed to think.

Cog was used to this silence, so often it had been his babysitter as a child when mother was bogged down at work. He’d been supposed to sleep on a cot in her office, but she’d often find him at a table, sleeping with his head on the desk and a report in his lap.

“Yo, Cog.” Threva called, entering the room. “What the hell are you doing in here? It’s almost dawn. I’m going to bed soon.”

“I’m drafting a proposal.” Cog grumbled. “I need Osgri on board with this, and for that I need more than one argument.”

The big half orc woman walked over to her friend, looking down at the heap of papers from all over the library. Threva was an inch taller than Cog, which she used to tease him about often, and almost as burly which he’d teased her about in turn. Nobody teased her anymore, at least not more than once. Some guys really liked muscular women, and most of the rest had enough sense to be polite about their disinterest. Girls were more of a tossup, but they tended to care more about how she dressed, her hair, her posture: the things she could actually change without magic.

“Huh.” She said, looking through the papers, “Drug trade, dragons, elven folklore, diplomacy with Riddleport, food prices… What the hell are you researching, man?”

“I think there may be a hidden Drow city in the Shackles.” He explained. “Not just a small town, a full sized colony. Probably with at least a few hundred residents.”

“Is that where your friend is from?” She asked, yawning. “Ambrose or something?”

“Emrys, and yes I think so.” Cog said, yawning in turn. “Given his power, I think that may be very significant.”

“How?” Threva asked, pulling up a chair. “If you can’t convince me you’re not convincing mom.”

“Emrys was practically a slave in his home town.” Cog explained. “A nobody. His family was able to comfortably keep him under control, and did so for several decades without incident.”

“So?” Threva asked, unimpressed.

“That means at least one family of drow, one of the more innately antagonistic species on Golarion, is capable of keeping control of a slave who can turn the tide against an army of ghouls.” Cog explained. “That likely means he’s not the strongest person there, and might even be eclipsed by a substantial margin. Setting aside the trade implications of a Darklands city within the Shackles, they might be a threat. Even worse, there aren’t many places in the Shackles where dragons, plural, live.”

“The Dahak Isles.” Threva said, catching on.

“Right next to Port Peril.” Cog answered, nodding. “They’re within striking distance of the capital, for better or for worse, and unlike Aashaq we don’t have any kind of diplomatic ties with them.”

“Alright, yeah,” Threva agreed. “That sounds convincing to me. Any reason you can’t just ask your buddy to spill the tea?”

“He doesn’t like talking about his past and seems to have at least some loyalty to the city.” Cog answered, “I’ll ask, but I suspect I’d get more information over a long period. Maybe even intel he doesn’t know, if this powerful family comes looking for him. If they don’t, that’s even worse.”

“If they don’t come looking for him, that means they have so much power amassed that he’s not even worth pursuing.” Threva said with a shudder. “Yeesh. You realize that my mother is probably going to know you’re presenting worst case scenarios, right?”

“Sure.” Cog said, smiling, “but they are plausible. What spy wouldn’t want more information about a plausibly catastrophic situation?”

“You’ve done your due diligence.” Threva said, standing up, “by the way, you should probably send Linu a letter before you turn in. She probably thinks you’re dead, and she’s going to be pissed.”

Cog winced.

“I don’t think there’s anything I can say that’ll make her not pissed.” He said ruefully. “She was so sure I’d get myself killed she broke up with me over it.”

“It’ll be so much worse if you don’t send something for her along with the report.” Threva said, crossing her arms. “She deserves that much, at least.”

“I’ll get to it,” Cog protested. “I’ve got to pull a dossier first, anyway.”

“On what?” Threva asked with a sigh.

••••••••••

“Scourge is a weak man, and his whipping technique is awful!” Emrys declared. “Dovnu whipped me harder than him when she was happy, let alone when she was trying to punish me! It was pathetic!”

A tiny green woman landed next to Cog, flickering her wings and staring at the four drunks making their way out of the taproom. Sosima had physically lifted Emrys, and was carrying him off to her room as he continued to ramble. Cog doubted they would be up for much once they got there, but Captain M’Dair was full of surprises.

“Milord is in a rather festive mood, is he not?” Deirdre noted, delicately.

“Yep. Welcome back to the prime, by the way.” Cog said. “Did you need something? I’m still sober enough to remember a message for him.”

Dierdre walked along the edge of the table, until she was standing on Cog’s resting forearm. She leaned in conspiratorially.

“Milord sent an agent among the enemy,” she whispered, “and his scheme has already borne fruit. He has prevailed upon the good grace of a captain he is acquainted with to employ him and his minions until they might return to Captain Harrigan’s Fleet.”

“Oh?” Cog asked, “what ship? Who’s the captain?”

••••••••••

“The Kerfuffle, Kerry’s Wind, aha!” Cog said, pulling the file down off the shelf. “The Kestrel.”

He scanned through it, forcing his eyes to focus on the summary near the front. Was this someone Plugg might turn against Emrys, and what would be the ramifications if he did?

Captain: Pepper Black

Home Port: Port Peril

Ambitious, polite, loyal, diplomatic

Keeps a small handpicked crew, likely to be difficult to infiltrate.

Prodigious strength, minimal formal combat training, some bardic magic

Extremely dangerous at short and medium range

Familial links to Blackpowder Svartur and Pirate Lord Avimar Sorrinash

Shallow friendly connections to multiple pirate lords

Hmm. Another nepo baby? Well she’s got that in common with Plugg. Diplomatic, though… we may need to make contact to head off any hard feelings. 

First Mate: Caruthers “Mad Dog” Blackwater

Known abilities: skilled telekinetic; Mwangi style

Ship mage: Winsome Swift

Known abilities: illusionist. Healer. Fey connection

Just going by the numbers this looks like an even fight if they take Plugg’s side, assuming that Mad Dog is typical of her officers. We don’t want an even fight. Hell, if this girl is friends with multiple pirate lords we don’t want any fight at all if we can avoid it.