Well at Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now

Erastus 1

The land entrance to the grindylow village was a great circular hole nestled at the foot of the mountains, perhaps thirty feet from a cliff looking out over the sea. As I peered into the monochrome depths, the sunset glared at me through the smoky haze enveloping the island. The baleful red disk and washed-out orange sky would be gone by the time we finished here.

At the bottom of the pit was a swirling cove full of seawater, ready to swallow up any intruders. I circled the opening, taking note of the tangled mass of grimy black ropes that the grindylows used to climb in and out. At least some of them would easily hold my own weight, but I couldn’t be sure about someone heavier like Cog or Owlbear. (Appraise 7+2=9)Behind me, Rosie tied off one end of our fresh thick rope to a tree; it wouldn’t reach all the way to the water, but it was sturdy enough to hoist an unconscious Owlbear.

We huddled next to the tree for a final whispered conference. While we hadn’t been seen by the grindylows yet, we’d spotted a few in the shadowed passageway that led to the rest of the caverns. If we snuck down, we’d probably have less than a minute before the grindylows raised an alarm.

“Sosima, you will be utterly vital to this operation.” I said, laying it on as thickly as possible. “We haven't known each other for long, but I’m confident that you would be the best possible vanguard for this assault. You’re a skilled close-quarters combatant, as a Tiefling you have Darkvision, and you’ve had the wits and skill to survive alone on this island for years. The Dretch will go in first, obviously, but that’s just to keep you from being wasted on chaff.”

Sosima preened as I praised her, before nodding with a huge, illusion warping grin. Her needle-like teeth lengthened and warped as the edges of her mouth creeped all the way to her ears.

“It would be a pleasure.” She purred, “these loathsome creatures have been out of my reach for far too long. It will be very satisfying to wipe them out before finally leaving.”

After I’d hinted that I knew she was a ghoul, Sosima had grown sloppy with her disguise. The illusion was still present, but what little effort she’d put into avoiding these failures had evaporated. She’d even stopped breathing, making her a perfectly still and silent statue any time she wasn’t speaking to one of us.

“I’ll be sending the Dretch and Lady Aulamaxa first, for obvious reasons.” I said, to the relief of my party, “That leaves one more person I can send down safely with feather fall. I’m willing, but calling Dierdre to this plane has left me with very little magic left.”

The Atomie in question perched on my shoulder. She was just large enough for that to feel slightly awkward, especially given her distinctly feminine appearance. I was glad to have her back; she wasn’t as strong as the Dretch or as durable as the Voidworm, but she was a known quantity. Having a trustworthy and intelligent ally who would follow the spirit of my orders to the best of her abilities was solid gold.

“I’ll go.” Cog said, “I don’t mind the danger. If we find the prisoners quickly, I can make sure…” he paused, looking at Sosima skeptically, “I can take care of them while the fighters focus on the enemy.”

“Good idea.” Sandara agreed. “So, an important question: Are we stealing anything while we are here? Obviously we focus on saving our comrades, but if they happen to be kept near something valuable…”

She let the question hang in the air.

“We pocket anything that seems like it’ll sell well if we have a minute to do so.” Syl said with a shrug. “If things go crazy and we end up driving off the whole tribe, we can ransack the place.”

“That’s not why we are here!” Rosie snapped. “Why are you even thinking about that at a time like this?”

“These guys have obviously been targeting ships for a while. There’s a good chance they’ve picked up some nice things.” I told her with a shrug, then continued more sternly, “With that said, don’t get distracted. We secure the prisoners first. I don’t care if you find a chest full of diamonds. We get everyone back here and secure this exit before the tides change. If anyone is injured, we get them to safety. Got it?”

“No one get injured!” Rowe growled, looking at us each in turn. “Goblin chief always has treasures. Even stupid water goblins have good stuff, probably.”

“Deal,” Sandara agreed with a laugh, “If we leave injured or without treasure, it’s because we didn’t follow the plan.”

••••••••••

Seeing Syl drop into the water, I rappelled down the rope, because of course Autopilot could flawlessly rappel on his first try. (Climb a rope with a wall to brace against 6-1=5 success!)

DC5 for climbing 30 feet in six seconds, up or down, seems like it might be bullshit. I’m not complaining, to be clear. Just saying. 

The rope was long enough that it took two turns for each member of the party to climb down, even with the ridiculous climb speed. That meant about a minute for five people to scramble down the rope and drop into the large pool of sea water. Once there, we gathered together on a ledge that led into the rest of the grindylow colony. We crowded together in knee deep water, murky enough that we couldn’t see our feet.

So our footing is going to be bad, there might be traps, and the water is more likely to get deeper than anything else. Great. At least we aren’t blind too. Wait. 

“Ah, shit.” I groaned. “Where’s the Dretch?”

The simian bellow echoing from down the stone passageway, quickly joined by shrill cries of pain and a deranged laugh, answered my question before I’d even closed my mouth.

“It ran off the moment we got down here, and the Voidworm followed.” Cog revealed, “The ladies and I decided it would be better to form up here while that thing makes a distraction.”

“It took a right,” Sosima added. “I’m not sure if it was hoping for victims or a place to slack off while we fought.”

So… follow it and provide support, or sneak the other direction while it makes a distraction? Ugh. No, I need to keep an eye on it. It’s not allowed to fight anything but grindylows. If they can exploit that, things could go south fast. 

“Alright. We follow along behind it.” I decided. “If we can keep it on task, it’s our strongest asset. Cog, Sosima, you stay between us and the Dretch but don’t engage unless you have to. Rosie, Syl, Dierdre, guard the rear. We don’t know the layout of these caverns. Alright, let’s move!”

Dierdre directed one of her dancing lights to fly ahead of us as we sloshed through the increasingly deep water. Rosie was swimming by the time we saw the Dretch, and the rest of us trudging through waist deep water.

In the dancing green and gold lights, clouds of blue grindylow blood spread beneath the surface of the water. In the few moments it took for us to wade down a stone hallway, the Dretch had already engaged the enemy.

As we rounded the bend, the demon stood waist deep in the water, gleefully ripping chunks out of a struggling grindylow with its needle sharp teeth. Four more grindylows frantically stabbed the dretch’s impenetrable hide; it didn’t seem to even notice. It was deliberately focusing on the arms and tentacles. Given that demons do not actually need to eat, it was most likely enjoying the victim’s horrified screams. (Sense motive 12+1=13)

“Finish him!” I commanded the demon, with no more impact than the spears. “Damn it; guys, provide support from here.”

I cast a ray of frost on the struggling squid-goblin. The poor thing, already in critical condition, expired. It’s face slackened as it died, released from its pain. I met the demon’s hateful gaze. 

“You are here to kill. Not to torture.” I reminded it coldly, “now finish them. There is work to be done.” 

I just killed someone. 

I focused on the goal, ignoring the pit in my stomach. I continued to use the only offensive spell I had at my disposal to dispassionately fire ray after ray at the squidmen. The grindylows broke and ran; an implacable demonic assailant was one thing, but now he had a squad of mortals backing him. One of the grindylows charged at me, having realized I was giving it orders. It was foolish; my death would have simply released this creature upon them all. Besides, the ghoul woman would allow no harm to come to me. She, unlike the Dretch, tastefully finished the fool off before feasting. 

I summoned this thing. It’s rampaging through here because of me. I specifically told a fucking demon to kill these guys. 

The grindylows had brought this upon themselves. They had taken Owlbear from me. No doubt this was part of a long and profitable pattern of behavior. They deserved death, though I took no particular joy in such a one sided slaughter. The grim faces of my companions, save the ghoul, told me that I was not alone in my distaste.

Well. Yeah. They probably do deserve it, but could I have done this differently? What if I’d had that cat? Could it have helped me negotiate? We wouldn’t need to kill everyone if they’d just give our people back. 

The grindylows fled, predictably enough, deeper into the caverns. The voidworm intercepted one, lashing it with its tail of madness. It was staring at its hand, awestruck, when the Dretch tore out its throat. It was a small mercy, I supposed, to not understand what was happening. 

Dead is dead. 

The goblin girl’s weapon was apparently unusable when wet, so she instead rigged her magical traps behind us as we walked. She whistled a merry tune, as if she wasn’t neck deep in chum. The halfling was pale; she was strong for her size, but much like Owlbear her soft heart was a weakness. Syl, ever reliable, gathered the goblin spears without looking at their faces. Her face was a blank mask, the same one she wore when treating our wounds. Sandara scowled at the Dretch’s back, though I couldn’t tell if she found it horrifying or merely unsporting. 

I should be happy that my plan worked. We are devastating these guys. No one’s even taken a real hit yet. Just focus on that. You’re protecting your friends. 

We waded through several chambers, following in the dretch’s bloody wake. The voidworm, when it backed away from the front line to regenerate, assured us we were moving towards the chambers where they had Owlbear and the others. The battle blurred together, until I saw the Dretch abruptly fall beneath a particularly deep patch of water. I almost skipped my turn, then stopped and read the new entries in my combat log.

Dretch has been missed by a claw

Dretch has been struck by a claw for 5-5=0 damage 

Dretch has failed a save vs paralysis 

Dretch has been struck by a claw for 6-5=1 damage 

Dretch has been missed by a claw

Paralysis? Ghouls? Well… they are dead. They probably don’t really need to breathe. 

I could barely make out the straight lines of a metal grate beneath the shifting water, through which pale arms were reaching up to grasp at the Dretch. The grindylows had swam along the surface, out of the ghouls’ reach. Larger individuals, less agile in the water, would inevitably be brushed by the freakishly long arms. The decision to lock five bloodthirsty ghouls behind a metal grate to serve as a trap in one’s home would make sense only to a goblin. 

They lured us here on purpose. 

“Ghouls.” I said hollowly. “Sandara, can you take care of them from here without hurting Sosima? If she has to step back, I don’t think the Dretch is in too much immediate danger.”

“No worries.” Sandara answered. “I can leave people out if I know I need to.”

The phantom crack of grapeshot echoed through the passage once, and the ghouls still lived. My ray of frost dissipated in the water, not reaching the heavily injured ghoul I’d hoped to finish off. Rosie jabbed with her harpoon from a safe distance, and Syl attempted to toss a spear through the water with no success. To make things worse, the ghouls proved more capable of harming the Dretch than I’d anticipated.

Coup de gras! Automatic crit due to paralysis. Dretch takes 12-5=7 damage 

Coup de gras! Automatic crit due to paralysis. Dretch takes 8-5=3 damage 

Damn it. That thing only has 18 hp under all the damage reduction. 

As much as I had swiftly grown to despise the Dretch, we needed it. One ghoul raked its wicked talons across the demon’s neck, while another dug deep into the soft flesh of its armpit.

“Cog, drag it away from the ghouls.” I commanded, before explaining my logic, "Sandara is almost out of positive energy and the rest of our ranged options won’t work well through this water. They can reach its weak points; it won’t last long at this rate.”

Cog dodged forward, taking a moment to slash at the grasping undead hand that sought to drag him below. He tore the corpulent demon away with a single heave, while Sandara’s last pulse of positive energy for the day blasted holes through the ghouls. Only one was still moving, and a few rays of frost ended it as well.

Sandara cast Cure Light Wounds

Dretch has been healed for 6 hp. 

The Dretch vomited water up once it regained the use of its limbs, climbing up onto a rock. The demon glared at the water, as if the liquid itself had been responsible for its pain. Green puss oozed from the gaping wound in its armpit. The muffled cries of four men echoed through the caverns, hoping to guide us.

“Chop chop.” I clapped my hands. “We dealt with the ghouls and the worm says our true challenge is just around the corner. There is still work to be done, and I sincerely doubt they have two cages full of ghouls. We aren’t stopping until this is done; ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid the part where we can merely observe is at an end. Miss Quinn, you would oblige me by focusing on keeping all members of the crew alive with your spells.” (Intimidate (dance) 9+10=19)

We were almost completely fresh, at least in terms of hit points. The dretch had served his purpose well, taking dozens of hits from the enemy spears. Physically, we were doing great. Magically? I was out of spells, and Sandara’s most efficient form of healing was all tapped out on ghoul extermination. She still had five spells she could use to heal or defend the party, but her cure spells were single target and required that she touch someone.

We had to swim if we wanted to follow the voices any further, and to further complicate the issue the Dretch had developed a fear of deep water. After the ghouls, it refused to hop down off of the rock. When I commanded it to take point once more, it only snarled at me. No swim. Pale men. No swim. 

“The only reason we aren’t killing a loathsome creature like you is your utility to us.” I growled at it in abyssal. “Rosie, if it refuses to accompany us then we can’t leave it behind. I’ll give it to the count of ten. After that, I believe you have the strength necessary to puncture its hide.” (Intimidate 14+10=24)

It grudgingly flopped into the water, splashing us all with the demon bile that floated like oil on the surface. We all fell into line behind it, ready to finish our grim work.

••••••••••

Owlbear

Albert yelled along with his mates. They could hear someone fighting the fish people, and Narwhal thought it was rescuers. That would be good, but only if they could find Albert and the others. So they yelled, as loudly as they could, from the little stone ledge.

The four men took turns laying down in the darkness to rest, since there wasn’t much space on the ledge. The fish men had strapped heavy weights to their legs, so swimming away would be too hard. Albert could probably manage it for a while, but he didn’t know where to go. Especially since something was in the water; Albert heard it splashing sometimes and making scary gurgling noises.

Albert was really strong, but Mama didn’t like when he hit people. Hitting people to get what you wanted was mean, so he didn’t do it unless he had to and he never liked it. Like when bad men tried to take his stuff, or hurt Mama. If everyone decided to try to swim away, Albert knew how that would go.

“Owlbear, can you fight the big scary fish monsters?” They would ask.

“I’ll try, even though it’s scary.” Albert would answer, even if he wasn’t really sure if he could. The scary girl fish was strong and could do magic, and he didn’t know what the fish monster in the pool could do. He just knew it was bigger than him.

He saw the light first, because he was standing up. Green and yellow, and moving a lot. Albert had seen lights like that, on the ship.

“Emrys’s fairy friend is here.” Albert said.

“Besmara be praised!” Rattsberger said, almost bursting into tears. He was a little person; Albert wasn’t sure if he was a halfling or a gnome. He wasn’t nice like Rosie, so maybe a gnome?

There was a lot of splashing, which the fish people didn’t do when they swam, so Albert thought there were lots of people coming. The first person Albert saw in the dancing lights was really ugly though. He was fat, and pale, and had too many teeth. Mama said not to be mean to people that were here to help you, but it was really bad looking. It smiled when it saw Albert. It was a mean smile, but maybe it was just a mean looking person?

A different big monkey thing appeared on the ledge, almost knocking Sivikah off. It was green, and hunchbacked, with big hands and shiny claws. It immediately hit Narwhal, who yelped in pain. Owlbear didn’t know what was going on, but he knew what to do when someone hurt someone else. He picked the monkey thing up, and pressed it against the wall.

“That’s not nice.” He said.

The monkey thing hissed at him. It’s breath smelled awful.