Xiu Erdai's daily essays

0018_died

According to my father, there are actually many people with memories of their previous lives, but most of them can only remember some fragments, and regard these fragments as dreams, fantasies, stories they have read, etc.Few people can remember everything in detail like I do, down to every word I heard the teacher say while drowsy in class.

——Believe me, I didn't remember such details in my previous life. This is a skill that I only developed in this life.

Generally speaking, this kind of memory is a good thing. If I could have this kind of memory when I took the CET-[-] and CET-[-] exams in my previous life, I wouldn’t have to memorize vocabulary to death.What is even more cruel is that after working for a few years after the exam, I have forgotten all the things I have painstakingly memorized, and the last little bit is left. It is difficult to say whether it is the result of hard reciting or watching American TV dramas.A good life is constantly wasted on things that are forced to do but have no practical value at all.

Occasionally, the powerful memory of this life can have some side effects, for example, those not-so-good memories.Although they can be buried, as long as they still exist, they will always be dug up and reviewed, and no matter when they are dug, they will never fade and always be so vivid.

Including the feeling of vomiting when memorizing words, including the feeling of being bored when working overtime and wanting to drop things, but the leader is gesticulating beside him, and also including the last perception before death.

My father said: "This is very useful. Death is the most mysterious field, and even Mahayana monks may not be able to break it. You can know the whole process of walking into death in detail. Now you only feel that this memory makes you uncomfortable, but in the future , You don’t need to go to my level, when you reach your brother and sister’s current level, you will know how precious this is.”

Precious or not, I really can't understand now, I only know the pain of being buried alive by the icy snow.Oh, it's actually not too painful. After all, an avalanche is a very violent activity. A small person has no room to resist at all. He is buried before he can react, and he can't even feel the pain almost immediately.But at this time, I am not dead yet, at least I am not, or rather, I think I am not.But it's also possible that I'm actually dead, but the spirit is still there.

Let’s start from the beginning, about my death in my previous life.

In fact, I am not a person who likes to travel. To be precise, I don't like crowded places, especially I don't like to go to crowded places with a group of people.As a chatterbox, I prefer to speak by myself rather than listen to others, especially a group of people.

Many people say that I am quite weird, not easy to get along with, and a bit lonely.I didn't take this kind of evaluation seriously, and I thought with confidence in my heart: People are different from each other, and I didn't live to please you. If I don't like it, I don't like it.

The vast majority of people don't know my dark thoughts. In their hearts, only the taciturn ones have serious thoughts. Talkers like me must forget it after talking. They are silly all day long. He is still young and energetic and does not know how to restrain his edge.

These self-proclaimed mature people can only use stereotypes and frames when analyzing others.Extroverted, introverted, lively, quiet, generous, stingy... Can human beings be summed up in one or two words?

The silent one may be an honest person or the behind-the-scenes *oss, and the cheerful and laughing one may be a silly white sweet or a wolf in sheep's clothing.There are always so many people who firmly believe that the inner truth can be seen from the outer appearance of a person. Do you really think that everyone is a psychological master?

While I was laughing and joking with you, I scolded you from head to toe in my heart, do you believe it?Believe it or not, I did anyway.

Truth be told, I admit I was a bit cynical in a previous life... well, maybe more than a little.This probably directly led to the fact that although I have many friends who can talk to me, I don't have any close friends who can talk to each other.So whenever I calm down, there must be no one accompanying me.

Fortunately, I don't care about the company of others.

I left the city alone, went to places with few people, and went to barren places.Absolutely do not go to tourist attractions, and definitely bypass developed places.I went alone, and went back alone, leaving the negative emotions that could not be vented in the crowd in a place where no one saw, until I went to the snow mountain.

Went there and didn't come back.

It's so strange, it's such a quiet snow mountain, and even though I was just walking quietly, why did it suddenly collapse?

I was buried under the thick snow, no light, all cold, unable to move, the only sound was my body.The sound of breathing, the sound of heartbeat, the sound of blood flowing...disappeared little by little until it was completely silent.

I don't know if my soul had left my body the moment the snow fell, otherwise how could I feel myself slowly dying so calmly?I even have leisurely fantasies: If there is a plant under my body, supporting me to grow up suddenly, rushing out of the snow layer and rushing into the sky...

Isn't that often written in fairy tales?

It's a pity that the fairy tale didn't turn into reality of course, I gradually lost consciousness, and when I regained my ability to think, I had already turned into a baby.

0019_philosophy

It is said that the end of physics is mathematics, the end of mathematics is philosophy, and the end of philosophy is theology. Mr. Newton explained this view with practical actions.

It's really hard to say whether this kind of opinion is right or wrong, but after dying once, I think it still makes sense.

In my previous life, I did well in physics and mathematics. Of course, this "good" is only in the ordinary sense. There is a distance of light years from xx experts, even if it is at least several rivers away from xx experts.

In my previous life, I felt that this should be limited by my innate IQ, but when I think about it in this life, it should be mainly due to the lack of motivation to study, so that I dozed off looking at those wild conjectures, and flipped through those philosophical works. Stay away from the entanglement that goes around and around but can't get around the result.

But in this life, under the shock of death, I can actively think about philosophical problems.

For example, how did the world of this life and the world of the previous life intersect so that I can reincarnate across worlds?

For example, where is the human memory stored? Why is the whole body changed, the soul is also broken up and reorganized, but the memory is still intact?

For example, what is the basis for a person to be this person?Body?soul?memory?If it is the first two items, I am no longer me. If it is the last item, if someone steals my memory, will he replace me?

……

To be honest, I still don't like philosophy. What came first, the chicken and the egg, and what is inherently good and inherently evil, I think it's a waste of time to discuss any questions that don't have definite answers.The so-called debate competitions are all boring, the people who watch them are bored, and the people who debate are even more boring - in my previous life, I was ridiculed by the crowd because of this point of view, and a certain debate girl even slapped me.

Speaking of that slap, although I did owe it, it was mainly because the girl had a bad temper and was in a period of negative emotional outbursts.That girl just lost the debate, but I was talking about the meaninglessness of the debate.

In fact, I didn't target her, I just opposed the debate contest in general, but the girl with a glass heart heard it and glared at me. I noticed her gaze, but I didn't recognize who she was-I said I didn't like it The debate competition, so even if I was forced to go to the debate competition site, I didn't even listen to it, let alone watch the contestants carefully.Of course, even if she is beautiful, she is not attractive to me if she is of a different gender.

I asked the buddies around me: "Who is this, have you ever been abandoned by me?"

The buddy replied: "I just lost that team's defense."

I suddenly said: "It turned out to be worse than being abandoned by me. I wasted a lot of time on meaningless things, and in the end I didn't even have a meaningless but consoling victory vanity. But it doesn't matter, it's just vanity anyway. If you lose it, you will lose it." If you lose it, it will appear that you have style.”

Then I was slapped.

Dude said I deserve it, I think that girl is making too much of a fuss.Later, that girl and this guy became a couple, not only did they not thank me for giving them the opportunity to know each other—their initial friendship was based on condemning me together—but they also despised me for being unmannered when they mentioned this matter.

I'm not personable enough?I didn't reply a word when I was slapped, what else do I need?

"That slap didn't hurt, and there wasn't a single red mark after the slap," said the buddy.

I said: "Is this a question of whether it hurts or not?" Besides, who told you that there is no pain if there is no red mark?Is it okay if my skin is thick enough to not show?

Dude deflects the topic by accusing me: "The most important reason you make her angry is that you always have that 'I'm right, I'm saving your life, you should be grateful to me' face. Dude, the debate is her hobbies. Do you understand hobbies? We must respect other people’s hobbies.”

I don't talk to people who are toxic in love.

Oops, it’s getting too far. In fact, the philosophical question I think about the most in my life is whether the death in the previous life has anything to do with the spiritual root in this life.

For example, I died under the snow in my previous life. When I died, I fantasized about being rescued by plants in fairy tales. In this life, I was reborn in a realm of self-cultivation that was more fantasy than fairy tales. I had ice spirit roots and wood spirit roots.

If there is no relationship between the two, it's just a pure coincidence... I don't believe it anyway.