A Bond Beyond Blood

So, what am I supposed to do now?

I ran away from my problems like an idiot, just because I couldn't answer a simple question, all because I can't seem to make up my mind.

"Fucking terrific, can't even say no to my little sis wanting to have sex with me..." I mumbled into my cushion, cringing at the idea of it.

I don't even know what's stopping me here. All I've been wanting was to live a normal life, I even was planning to move out soon. All I had to do was keep to it. Could've just said that no, we aren't having a relationship, obviously.

When I think about actually saying it to her, it's like a knife becomes jammed through my chest. Just thinking about how she'd react to my rejection makes me physically ill.

I don't like her in that way, I think. Though the way she kissed me felt way more pleasant than I'd hoped. I'm ashamed to admit I kind of enjoyed it.

This have started to gone off the rails for a while now. I've known about her crush, but at the time didn't think much of it. Chalked it up to puberty, not a big deal. Like her inviting me to dance at the end of our middle school ball when a slow dance was on. It was too childish to worry about, at least at that point.

How she gazed enamored as I led her hand to and fro.

Back then the sharp stares was much more burdensome.

Though it's not just that, much of her behavior had been rather suggestive.

I just hoped I was reading too deep into it all this time. That her type of 'love' aligned with mine.

...

The feeling of wanting to run hadn't waned in the slightest. My thoughts only repulsed me, as every moment I had spent my time with her, most of my life, was involuntarily put through a suggestive lens. It felt like tar had gotten stuck down my throat, as my breaths turned laborious.

Assuming that I do love her in that same way, would I truly be able to embrace that? Betraying not only myself but every around me that wished, or thought, I was a decent person?

How would I justify it? It's legal? It's our business?

At that point, what remains of me, my family, after I piss all over it?

Yet the more I thought about it, a realization bubbled in the recesses of my mind, like an all encompassing void gnawing at my edge of reason.

"...Fuck. I actually do love her."

Even thinking about those consequences, all I can think of is wanting to see her smile again.