NOVEL SIMPLE Revenge of the 3
Do you know the devastating feeling when that little cream on top of your extra spicy pumpkin latte tips and falls to the ground right when you put the cup to your lips, hoping you'd get a cute moustache in front of your crush, but all you're getting is disappointment, disgust and shame, and the realisation that your crush doesn't ever want to be with you, like forever.
Or the feeling one would get when an overly beautiful and enchanting woman full of innocent sex appeal squats like an old male with limp problems there and hovers over a cup of coffee trying to relieve herself pleasing the coffee cup for whatever reason, and just at that moment an overly handsome, eight pack abs even seen through his elegant suit, yet annoyed male comes in and freezes seeing this display of shamelessness.
Yes, it was this feeling of the beginning of a true beautiful, passionate and magical love story between a goddess and the shy coffee cup and the thridwheelhandsomemale.
It was this tragic and sobbing, heart-pounding, emotional love triangle that had the potential of breaking the net. What was this timing? Yes, Eric prayed, begged for someone, anything to help him but this wasn't what he meant!
This only brought more shame to his already decreasing dignity that not even the most embarrassing act of his arrogance could've put a single damage to this full HP of 1 million points.
Although Eric didn't look like himself, it was still fucking embarrassing, ok? Then the next assumption came! With this deep voice and scowl, disgust on his face, he asked, "What are you doing?"
Fuck! Can't you just walk away and pretend nothing's happened? What do you mean what I'm doing here? Can't you see? Are your eyes just there to judge someone and are useless decorations?
It is what it looks like! Do you need me to spell it out to you that I'm fucking trying to take a piss into someone's cup to spite them and you caught me red-handed? Now, what are you gonna do about it, huh?
But the actual Eric should've asked himself what he was gonna do because once again, three options popped out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Why just why in the world does everything need to be an option now?
Hey, story, learn a lesson from fucking otome games, that only give you the illusion of having a choice when in reality you don't! All you do is pretend to think about a choice, press a button and then go along the plot that forces you to go!
So, when the three options appeared, all Eric wanted to do was to spit blood into the coffee and hope his scummy blood could poison the damn creator of this damn choice and story!
Once again the cursed interface appeared before Eric with golden boxes surrounding the nasty options.
Option 1: Play cute, pretend to slip on the floor and splash coffee on him
Yuck what damn cliché. Get out of here! As an editor, I'll never approve!
Option 2: Fart on him...
Wait option 1, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I didn't mean it! Though I'm not unfamiliar with farting on someone, I still would like to choo-
Option 3: Take a dump in his mouth.
"..."
"..."
W.T.F?
Let's just not comment on this and pretend, that a sentence like this has never existed in the history of mankind.
But option 3 confirmed that it was indeed Nol's story. Fucking, poop analogies everywhere! Get the fuck out of here! You only belong to one place and that's under someone's ass!
There was only one obvious choice! It was 3- cough, 1 of course. Even though the cliché hurt his editor's soul, it was still better than giving in to Nol's damn disgusting fantasies!
With all of his attention, Eric carefully chose number 1 afraid to slip and mess up and choose either one of the hell options, getting deepthroated by them.
After Eric pressed the cliche, his body moved on his own and how the world willed it, Eric tripped and splashed the coffee on the handsome male who was obviously not so very pleased about this.
Angry he glared at Eric who apologised profusely, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Eric stood up in a hurry, so his tight and short skirt barely covered his private part and for some fucking reason his shirt was half unbuttoned as well showing parts of his triple D cup.
At this obvious fatal temptation, the handsome male couldn't help sizing the female in front of him up while pretending the scalding hot coffee, almost tainted by a female juice, wasn't burning on his board and firm chest.
On top of that, Eric had to act even more seductive and pushed up his breasts purposely and rubbed her plump thighs together to create another juicy illusion!
Note, Eric was still fucking controlled by the game? He wasn't doing this because he wanted to!
But before the male could open his mouth, bang- the kitchen door opened again, this time a hot office affair was caught by the manager who luckily quickly closed the kitchen door behind him.
But this manager's peanut brain was only capable of feeding ants, thus he didn't misunderstand the situation and instead only saw Eric with the coffee cup and the coffee splashed onto the handsome adonis.
In an instant, the manager got even more furious than the male and started scolding Eric, "Erica, how could you do that to our CEO? What's going on in your brain?"
Then he turned to the CEO and quickly bowed while kissing up, "I'm so sorry, boss. She's new, please forgive her-" and more yadi yadi ya that Eric wouldn't understand because for fucks sake another 3 options came up. How many times do you want me to score misfortune? Huh?
Eric was only speechless at the display of physical doom.
Option 1: Slap the manager and kick him.
Well...
Option 2: Force the manager and CEO to make out.
FUCK! Stop trying to turn everything into BL!
Option 3: Faint and push the manager out of the door.
How... convenient. Eric could only roll his eyes at this. But then Eric noticed the ultimate death sentence that forced him to his knees and lick up to that golden thumb that was basically non-existent. T-This was the CEO? What the fuck was a CEO doing here?
Hello? Go back to your office or do meetings whatsoever! Why the hell would a CEO of such a prestigious company fucking have time to idle around and lounge around in some useless office like this? But Eric had no time to waste, he quickly chose the only obvious option number 3!
On cue his body moved on its own again. He pretended to faint and pushed the manager magically out. Because that's how it works when you faint, you accidentally pull on the door handle and open the door while accidentally pushing the manger out while magically closing the door again and then magically fall in front of the CEO's feet who only looked coldly at you before... before the worst thing that could happen, happened:
The CEO's lips curled and he muttered an amused, "What an interesting woman."
NOOOOO! Eric knew it! This was after all a cursed CEO novel and Eric was obviously the fucking FL and the CEO the damn ML!
At this mind-shattering realization, Eric went over his limit and managed to gain control over his body. He jumped up without any care, grabbed the CEO and anticipatingly asked, "Nol? Del? It's me Eric!"
But this was only met with a disappointment shattering devastation.
"What the hell? Who are they? Don't you have any manners? You should know who I am. But... indeed an interesting woman. How did you even get into my company? As clumsy as you? "
Did you really buy my stupid act? Do CEOs really fall for these clumsy and stupid girls that are seen as interesting? Really? No, this wasn't the time to complain about this. The real problem was that this was neither Nol nor Del!
Fuck, this no-name character was too much of an cliché! Seriously, he had to romance a 2D character? Would Nol or maybe even Del magically pop up later?
Eric didn't want his ML to be a book character he neither knew nor was real!
Wait, didn't it mean Eric preferred Nol or Del to be his ML as well either or...did it?
Anyways, Eric wasn't pleased about this development. He got so annoyed at this walking cliché spitting cliche fire that he accidentally, this time really accidentally, blurted out, "And what's a damn CEO doing in an employee's kitchen?"
"Oh?" This deep, dark and overly amused 'oh' was enough for Eric to instantly realise the situation he was in and it was definitely not good at all. The CEO approached Eric. His numbing, good-smelling cologne hit Eric as the oncoming steps of the CEO signalled a bad turn of events. The more the CEO approached Eric, the more Eric retreated.
And as all cliches wanted, Eric was backed into a corner. In the middle of a public kitchen, a high and mighty CEO that not even the other CEOs of big companies could touch, was cornering a simple new office girl that should be way below his standards. But the problem was, this girl was the FL and as all FLs she was devastatingly attractive ro the ML.
The FL was so fatal in her appearance that even all the inanimate kitchen objects wanted to get off to her and ejaculate their object semen all over her.
So, it was to the pleasure of the counter, as the FL aka poor little male Eric, was backed into the edge of the counter and confined between the two oh so strong arms of the CEO.
He was a head and half taller than the FL even though she wore high heels and when he lowered his head, his hot breath tainted the petite and trembling FL who gripped the rim of her skirt, trying to straighten it.
The CEO noticed this action and smirked, then his view fell onto the crook of two juicy melons that were perfectly viewable from the spot the CEO was right now. Their bodies were so close that the sparks of two leads who were made for each other (cough forced) were violently felt.
Eric, however, even though a shy and innocent expression graced his face, cursed over and over in this heart again. Just stop this! You wannabe cliche descriptions of a typical CEO story that described how hot both leads were, how amazing their chemistry was and how amicably attracted they were to each other now, despite perhaps not having it right now.
So, after 3 more whole paragraphs describing the undeniable sexual tension in this coffee scene, which was actually just one second in real life, the male lead said, "Hmm, what a bad woman. Exactly my type."
STOP! WITH! THE! CLICHÉ!
Eric wanted to faint from the anger! Just stop it already, there's no place for you here! But what was even more blood-boiling was, yes you guessed it, the number 3! Curse you three!
How many options has it been in the span of 10 minutes when Eric was tasked to get the coffee for the office bully May?
But this time the choices went increasingly another direction than Eri could'Ve ever wanted.
Option 1: Give him a blowjob
Option 2: Handjob
Option 3: Boob job.
...
Fuck? What about the poop? Shit? All that stuff? B-Bring it back! Right now! I'm sorry I cursed you!