Dog of War

They were once more in darkness. They knew this place, they had to know this place. The way the air felt, it was too familiar. Nowhere else crawled up their spine like this. 

 

There was dampness to the air, and they could feel from the staleness the area was small. They could hear something dripping, and the buzzing of electricity. They turned around the best they could, searching for the source of the sound. Then the worst thing that could have happened, happened; they found it. Red and sticky; blood dripping off their hands. 

 

This was the Valiant . They could see her helm now. Her crew lay broken and lifeless. It was the right thing to do, this was the most sure way to seize the ship. No mercy, no half measures, no risks. They felt another sizable drop of blood fall from their fingertips. 

 

It did not splash as it hit the surface. It made a beep. 

 

They bolted upright, panting. A moment later, the door burst open and Miss Verdun entered. Her eyes shone like spotlights in the darkness. She descended on them in an instant, injecting them before they could move to run. The panic bled away as they slumped back down. 

 

"I've given you a Class E, are you feeling alright?" Miss Verdun's voice was... off? There was a coldness in it that wasn't there before. 

 

"I'm fine, just another-" 

 

Don't say nightmare.

 

"Weird dream." They yawned. 

 

Miss Verdun fell silent long enough for the pause to hang in the air. When she spoke again, there was still that strange quality present in her voice. "Beckett... you know you can tell me anything, right?"

 

What? They couldn't help but cock their head in confusion. "I don't really remember the dream..."

 

They could see her twitch in the darkness, before reanimating to her usual self. "That's fine, dear." Her voice was more normal, but there was something still strained in it. "I'm going to give you Class Z's now, okay?" 

 

That was right, they had agreed to take them if this happened again. "Alright."

 

"Goodnight, Beckett." They felt a prick.

 

"Oh, goodnight," they replied as darkness took them.

 

"Good morning, cutie~" Miss Verdun sang cheerily.

 

They blinked. Were they awake already? They felt really awake actually, like they had just gotten the best sleep of their life. The bed groaning as the Affini sat on it brought their attention back to the present. "Good morning Miss Verdun."

 

"How are you feeling?" Her demeanor was completely normal. What was that last night, though? It did happen, right?

 

"Uhm, pretty good actually, but about last night-"

 

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about," Miss Verdun interjected, "We'll just make sure to get a healthy dose of Class Z from now on. By the way, I gave you your Gs alongside the counteragent for the Z, so those are taken care of for the day."

 

Wait, like, permanently? It was two bad dreams, that was entirely un- No, they had to stay focused. "Actually you were acting a bit strange last night, and wanted to know if something was wrong?"

 

Miss Verdun hitched again. "It's-" she sighed. "I had an... unpleasant conversation. It's nothing for you to worry yourself over, but thank you for expressing concern." She clapped her hands together, forcing the gloom away and returning once more to her cheery self. "Besides, we need to get you up and ready!"

 

This was definitely strange. Well, it felt off at least. They hadn't even known the Affini a week, and it wasn't her first switch-up on them. When they first met, it was clear that she didn't want much to do with them. The last three days, she couldn't stop doting on them. Still, it really wasn't their place to pry, and they had their own secrets to keep. 

 

They pushed the blanket off of them and moved to the edge of the bed "Could you help me down, please?" 

 

"I could carry you." Miss Verdun's smile made them question if they were picking up the wrong signals earlier. 

 

It wasn't a far distance, but they weren't going to just let her carry them needlessly. "I'll walk, thank you."

 

Vines wrapped around them, cradling them into the air, "Okay, Princess~"  Miss Verdun teased, holding them briefly before setting them down. 

 

They could feel their heart quicken and blood rush to their cheeks, but they managed to keep their voice level. "It's a little early for that, don't you think?" They had been foolish to be concerned about the Affini, she was more of a hazard than ever!

 

"Apologies." They got the feeling she wasn't actually sorry. Miss Verdun was really starting to go out of her way for such... intimacies. The way their chest fluttered was an odd mix of alien and pleasant. "Speaking of walking, you have finally recovered enough to take one!" She then awkwardly added, "A walk, that is." 

 

Oh, they had been wanting to see the ship. "Well, I've been looking forward to stretching my legs." They replied as they moved to the kitchen. 

 

"Are you ready to get helped into your seat?" Miss Verdun asked as they stopped next to it.

 

"If you don't mind." Having to say yes was nearly as bad as her just grabbing them. Thankfully, Miss Verdun just placed them on the seat, without any antics. Before them was a plate, with three pancakes of varying sizes, syrup poured across them. 

 

Miss Verdun took her place across from them, "I thought you might enjoy them a bit more now." 

 

It's true they hadn't been able to taste then, something that already seemed a strange memory. They recalled the spongy texture, and stickiness of the syrup, but how would it taste? "Thank you for the food." They dug in.

 

It was sweet, buttery, fluffy, and melted in their mouth. Meals were quickly becoming the highlight of the day. They were already salivating for the next bite by the time they finished the first.

 

"You are quite welcome." Miss Verdun smiled, clearly getting something from watching them eat. They did their best to ignore it, simply doing their best to enjoy the meal in relative silence. As the pancakes waned, she spoke again. "You know, you might want to start thinking of a new name for yourself."

 

They blinked. "Huh?" A new name? 

 

"Well, since you are trying out feminine self expression, I thought a new name might help." Right, they had agreed to trying that. It still felt largely intangible on the whole. "You can even try a few different ones if you want." 

 

"I don't know, I'm not really sold on this whole being a woman thing yet." There was no denying how the woman in the mirror made them feel, but that wasn't the same as being a woman, was it? Even if they did look like that, it's not like they would magically be a woman. They certainly didn't feel very much like one. 

 

Miss Verdun pulled out her pad. "I could make a few suggestions."

 

That could only end poorly. They either choose a name she offers, effectively letting the Affini name them, or they appear like they went out of their way to choose something else. "That isn't necessary, thank you."

 

She set her pad aside. "Well I can't keep calling you 'Beckett.'" 

 

"I don't see why not; it's a last name after all." They took a bite to punctuate. 

 

Miss Verdun humphed. "Dear, I know that 'Joshua Beckett' isn't actually your name." That was... well they had figured she might know that, actually. That didn't make being called out on it any less awkward. 

 

"I've been using it long enough," they attempted to deflect.

 

"Even so, it's clear you don't actually associate with it." Was it that obvious? When had they slipped? Or was Miss Verdun just starting to pick up on them that much? "Also, I think that you make people call you by your last name so you can keep everyone at a distance, and that has to stop." 

 

Even being called out on it, they still couldn't cede. "I'm just not ready for that, alright? I'll think about it though." A first name they'd use... a girl's name they'd use? It was somewhat daunting to think about. 

 

"Are you sure you don't want to hear my suggestions? I think you'll like them." That's exactly what they were afraid of. Miss Verdun had practically not stopped teasing them over her maybe being right about the gender stuff. If she pitched a name they ended up using, she'd be insufferable.

 

They shrugged. "It's not exactly the first time I've chosen a name." Not the last either, in all likelihood. 

 

Miss Verdun's smile dropped. "Well this time, it's something you should want to keep." Slowly it creeped back into the corners of her mouth, "I want you to think of something you can actually identify with, and want to use."

 

"Well, like I said," they dipped the last bit of pancake into syrup pooled at the edge of the plate. "I'll think about it." 'Beckett' was fine, as was 'Kade' and 'Johnson' and the dozens of others they had used, long and short term. 

 

"Well until you figure it out, I think I'll just keep calling you princess." Miss Verdun was now fully returned to herself. "Would you like help down, princess?"

 

T-twice?!  

 

Their heart was pounding as Miss Verdun gently laid her vines upon them, in position to help them down. She can't just decide to not use their name! "You will not!" they protested, "What's it gonna take to get you to stop calling me that?"

 

"It's fairly obvious you enjoy it," Miss Verdun stated. 

 

That wasn't true! It couldn't be! It made them feel strange, and warm, and there was that weird uneasy fluttering! "I don’t! Just help me down, please." 

 

Steady breaths .

 

"Of course, princess." Their heart skipped as the vines sprang to action, lifting them out of the chair and setting them down. This was positively infuriating! 

 

Getting upset only encourages her.

 

They couldn't get Miss Verdun to drop it, but they could shift the subject. "You said I can take a walk today, I'd like to leave as soon as I'm dressed."

 

"Aww," She cooed, "is someone excited for their walk?" 

 

Still annoying, but this sort of teasing was easily manageable. "Please don't play with me in such a manner, Miss Verdun." 

 

"Well I suppose I'll have to find a better way to play with you then." Was every Affini this relentless? It would be commendable if it wasn't personally targeted at them. "I put your clothes with your boots and hat in your room. I'll clean up real quick and meet you in the living room, okay cutie?" Miss Verdun turned from them and began clearing off the table. 

 

Why does she even bother asking, if she just does it anyways? They gave an "alright" before leaving the room, returning to the guest room shortly after. There were indeed a few items folded, and placed on the top of their boots. A hoodie and baggy loose pants, similar to yesterday, but with a more obvious floral pattern to them. Largely white, with pink and purple flowers to match Miss Verdun. 

 

They sighed. This was to be expected. Perhaps they should bring it up; choosing the style of things they wore was one thing, but the 'companion dress' stuff was a bit far. For now, they were anxious to actually get out of the hab and see the ship themselves. Blueprints, schematics, and virtual tours could give an idea, but in-person reconnaissance was invaluable when possible. 

 

They put the clothes on, only to find they were even softer than yesterday's set. How could anyone focus wearing something this soft?! Pushing past that as best they could, they kneeled down and strapped on their boots. At least those were familiar. Their shine had dulled, but they were still oddly clean. Haven't been trudging through a rusting ship for twelve hours a day lately. They should reshine them soon, if only to help lengthen the life of the leather.

 

Tightening the laces grounded them. This was just another mission, really. They could overcome something as childish as flirtatious teasing for a few weeks. There was a unique danger here, but danger was far from unusual. They still had the coin as well, and as long as they had that things should be fine. As far as bad ends go, they could definitely think of fates worse than what the Affini threatened, if only a few. They would pull through and deliver on this mission, same as any other. That is what they did. 

 

As they stood up, they confidently tugged on the cap, reassured. Huh, their hair was longer. By a few inches now at least. That growth stuff didn't mess around, it seemed. 

 

What's it look like?

 

The mirror was darkened again. Maybe if they asked Miss Verdun they could see themselves? Perhaps they could just wait, and catch their reflection somewhere while they were out. Miss Verdun would have let them know if it looked bad, right? Not that her opinion mattered, but she did have an eye for these things. 

 

Well from what they knew, most people out on the ship would be pets or their Affini, so there wouldn't likely be a surplus of attention regardless. They gave themselves a once over as best they could without a mirror. Everything was sitting right, and the boots were firmly tight. They marched out into the living room, where Miss Verdun was already waiting. 

 

"Ready, princess?" She teased. 

 

They stayed focused; falling for such a juvenile taunt only encourages her. "Ready when you are."

 

Miss Verdun seemed unphased. "Of course, just try not to push yourself, and if you want me to, I'll carry you back, okay?"

 

Push themselves walking? They hadn't been in microgravity that long. "I'll keep that in mind." 

 

"Alright, cutie." She opened the door, sweeping a few vines towards it like a presentation, motioning for them to step through. "Let's go for a walk." 

 

They adjusted their hat one more time, and accepted the invitation. 

 

It was truly a pity that they had been stuck inside for much of their time here. The way the Hab rings extended before them and to the sides, rotating at an imperceptible pace, was as mesmerizing as the simulated dawn that surrounded them. A simulated paradise and mechanical marvel. From what they heard, this wasn't even close to their larger ships, and proper stations were the size of small moons. They probably even had fully artificial planets. 

 

The sound of the door sliding closed called their attention back. "You can take the lead, I'll just follow behind you, alright?" 

 

Huh, that was unusual. They had half-expected her to try to put a leash on them. Was there a specific place they wanted to check? The ship was massive, they couldn't exactly justify a transit out to something like the import docks for a walk, and walking there would take ages. They were supposed to be giving up on that plan anyways. They should just... pick any direction. 

 

So they stepped forward, taking long measured strides. Heading down whatever paths caught their eye. There were others out, mostly Affini, some carrying their pets, others taking a morning walk. The pet was often too enthralled by their owner to take note of the world around them, with the owner focused on doting over them. A few however, their eyes only partially clouded, waved towards them as they briefly passed by each other. 

 

They would give a short wave back. This was fine, brief, passing acknowledgements like this were easy. It didn't dampen their enjoyment of the well tended foliage that decorated and shaped each pathway. Hanging plants, bushes, vines, and trees separated the paths from each other, flowers and grasses filled out the flooring. Many spaces to the sides were cleared, opening up into scenic views where you could see the river flowing by them. A motherfucking river, on a station . A few of these clearings had small groups of Affini, people, and Xenos they didn't recognize- some kind of giant bee and masses of tentacles. 

 

"Is that a comfortable pace?" Miss Verdun's comment struck them as odd enough to pause.

 

"My pace? This is pretty casual, honestly." As far as they were concerned, they were just walking. 

 

"Well it's just that it seems a bit fast," she indicated the way they had come, "We passed about a dozen other sophonts."

 

They tried not to roll their eyes, and continued moving. "I'm just trying to stretch my legs a bit, I've marched much further and faster than this." 

 

Miss Verdun followed casually. "Well you shouldn't be marching at all." 

 

"I'm not, I'm just saying it takes more than a walk to tire me out." It was as if she kept forgetting the realities of what they were. 

 

"Well, just let me know when you get tired. I'm always here for you." That went without saying, honestly. "You might be healed but I still don't want you overexerting yourself."

 

Whatever. If Miss Verdun actually knew what they were capable of, she wouldn't be concerned. 

 

They were passing by shops now. Apparently with the capital systems shut down, they were all free. There were all manner of places, neatly woven in-between small groups of habs or public spaces. 

 

Trying to catch their reflection in the glass surfaces only gave them a better glance inside. This was getting frustrating; maybe they should just ask?  Letting Miss Verdun know they were concerned about something so silly was unappealing. It would only invite more teasing. As for the shops, they seemed to have everything from custom clothing lines to pastries.In fact, there were all sorts of places to eat, as restaurants were seemingly the most abundant. Most specialized in a few items, or specific cuisine, but a few places had really wide menus. They wanted to try all of it. There was so much though, where would they even begin? Everything looked so good. Despite having eaten not even two hours ago, they could feel drool pooling in their mouth as they passed by a cake shop. Something sweet would be really great about now... 

 

"Would you like a treat, princess?" Their heart skipped into action as they whipped around to face Miss Verdun. As if she had read their mind, she was holding out a berry. They swallowed the saliva in their mouth. She must have caught them staring. 

 

They should say no. They didn't need to eat. Accepting this would only serve to encourage Miss Verdun to treat them like a pet. It's not like they were curious about its flavor either, they had already tasted it. That they were the best things they ever had was a moot point. It was settled, then. 

 

They took the berry. 

 

"Thanks Miss." They didn't remember deciding to reach for it, just that they had. Now that it was in their hand, they felt stuck. They meant to say 'no thanks.' They were going to say no. They probably could have said no, if she didn't show it to them. If she didn't hold it out for them. 

 

They were supposed to show they could accept kindness or something, right? So taking the berry would help, right? None of that honestly mattered, they needed to taste it again. 

 

It did not disappoint in the slightest. In fact, it was somehow even better. They failed to contain themselves as they moaned around it in pleasure, drawing the curiosity of several Affini nearby. Oh, stars, one was coming over now! 

 

"Absolutely precious!" Miss Verdun exclaimed, her vines writhing with delight. 

 

"Yes, what an adorable little one." The other Affini chimed in. They were shorter than Miss Verdun, in fact, they were only a bit taller than they were. Their body was much darker, with deep greens and browns, vibrant purples stripping the leaves in places. They had rough amalgamations of arms and legs in the form of bundled vines. Large leaves were arranged like hair, obscuring the right side of their face, while on the left three eyes glowered with predatory intent. <"Your floret is incredibly cute, may I pet them?"> 

 

Floret?! Was that what they looked like? They turned back to the store window to try to catch their reflection again and failed. <"Oh she's independent, but she is my-.">  They didn't understand the last word. Some sort of slang? "<I'm afraid she's really new and doesn't like petting yet, but you can ask.>"

 

'Yet,' as if they ever would. It was hard to feel appropriately bitter with such a sweet taste lingering in their mouth. They swallowed down the berry, turning around in time to see that they were cornered, the Affini standing over them. 

 

The new one smiled and waved, finally directing its attention towards them. "Hi there cutie, I'm Rhea Athanas, 6th bloom, she/her. Can I pet you a little?"

 

"No thanks." They took a small step away from her and tugged down the brim of their hat. "My name's Beckett."

 

"Yes, I know." She smiled, turning to Miss Verdun, <"Well you've done pretty well so far. Judging  from her reaction to that berry I don't think she'll-">  they didn't catch the next few words properly, they flowed into a way in a manner that was hard to decipher.  <"-long.">

 

The words that slipped out of their grasp were concerning, but they were still processing how it was that this random Affini knew them. The most likely way is gossip concerning the arrival of the Valiant, surely the arrival of so many 'ferals' would be of note. This was bad, such attention always was. The last thing they needed was extra scrutiny, or someone digging through their past. 

 

Miss Verdun nodded, smiling. <"Yes, she's really made a lot of progress already, I'm very proud of her."> 

 

The unexpected nature and emphasis of the statement made an inexplicable bubbling feeling rise in their chest. It tickled in a way, and they narrowly managed to avoid smiling. Miss Verdun was proud of them? Well they had been fairly cooperative and- <"She even understands most of what we're saying,>" she swapped from her native tongue, "Don't you, princess?"

 

They could feel themselves go red. Calling them that in front of a stranger?! What was wrong with her?! No, they couldn't let Miss Verdun rile them up. "It would be hard not to, you're talking directly over me," they huffed, It wasn't like they had eavesdropped anyways. "I didn't catch a few things, but yeah, I got most of it." 

 

"My, only a few days and you can understand conversation?" Miss Athanas looked genuinely shocked. It wasn't like it was their first new language, and it had been designed with Terrans being able to easily learn it in mind. "I can see why your Affini is so proud of you."

 

"She's not my Affini," they protested. 

 

"Goodness, you are precious." Miss Athanas smiled, reaching out to them, and hesitating as they flinched back, bumping into Miss Verdun. She quickly pulled back, standing straight up again. "Well, I have some business to attend to, but have fun on your walk, cutie. Best of luck to the both of you." She waved as quickly departed.

 

"Oh, goodbye Miss Athanas." 

 

"Bye, Rhea!" 

 

What a vastly unpleasant encounter. "Miss Verdun, I am once again asking you to please refrain from calling me 'princess,' especially in front of others."

 

"Absolutely," Miss Verdun nodded, "as soon as you give me something else to call you." Ridiculous! This was unfair, they hadn't even had time to do any research! "I still have those suggestions, you know." 

 

So that was her game. Well, they could stand a bit of embarrassment for a few more hours. Once they returned home they would pick something suitable. "I told you to keep those to yourself for a reason." They started moving again, walking would help burn off a bit of building aggravation at least. 

 

Miss Verdun followed behind, a bit closer than last time. "Did you feel like sharing that reason?"

 

They grunted, as if she didn't know. "No." 

 

Thankfully, Miss Verdun seemed willing to let it slide there. They stepped onto a side path that led down onto a large walkway by the rivers edge. It was fairly shallow, about knee deep at most and flowing gently. There was even a simulated cool breeze down here. What ridiculous extravagance. 

 

It was undeniably pleasant as they walked alongside it. There were still a few others down here, but the wider area let them keep their distance better. Some of them were even playing in the water, splashing each other, or the plants that owned them. Coming by the actual edge of the water as they crossed a low bridge, they were able to actually catch a decent glance at themselves. 

 

There was rippling in the water that made the reflection just a bit unsteady as it 'flickered.' They didn't look quite as rough as they recalled. There was definitely a softness and life to the skin that wasn't present a few days ago. Was that the result of the soaps? Even Class Gs would need longer than a day and two doses to work. Their hair was definitely a bit longer too, it was starting to frame their face. They frowned, it did look a bit shaggy, and they definitely looked large and masculine. "You know, if you wanted to see yourself so badly, you could have just asked." 

 

Shit, Miss Verdun had caught them red handed. "Well I didn't want to make it a whole ordeal." 

 

"So you kept trying to catch your reflection in every possible surface, which was less of an ordeal than please?" She sounded unhappy.

 

"It's just- I figured since you were likely the one doing it-" They had failed a test here hadn't they? They could feel the failure in their gut, like rancid meat. 

 

Miss Verdun sighed. "I had the mirrors darkened because I thought seeing your reflection might cause you distress while you were transitioning, not to hide anything." 

 

"I... didn't want to impo-" 

 

They knew they had chosen the wrong word before it even fully left their tongue. A vine guided their chin up, forcing their eyes upwards as another pushed up the brim of their hat. Their breath hitched for a moment to meet Miss Verdun's eyes, glowing, golden, and mesmerizing. 

 

"You know I told you that you cannot impose on me." The words pierced through them. For a moment the rest of the Vervarium fell away, and it was just them, floating in those floodlights. They nodded on instinct. Miss Verdun looked through them for a moment, before breaking her gaze. "It seems we'll have to revisit this topic later."

 

They could feel the dread set in. "Sorry I just..." They struggled for the words. "I've always just done everything for myself, involving as few people as possible. I'm not used to all this asking for help all the time." 

 

Or this kindness, or these feelings and a thousand other things here. 

 

"I understand," Miss Verdun nodded, "and that's why I'm going to help you." 

 

The dread squirmed in their gut. It certainly didn't sound like they were just gonna talk it out. Hadn't they taken her help at almost every offer? Why wasn't that enough? "Right." They started to walk again, finishing crossing the bridge.