Dog of War

"You are quite welcome." Camila couldn't help but smile as she watched Beckett take another bite. He shivered with delight as chewed, his little feet tapping the leg of the chair. Stars, this was everything she had wanted and more. The little one was just too cute. That she could actually make out his biorhythm now as it became an symphony of joy was frosting on the cake.

 

From its hiding place inside her in vines, her pad had recorded every moment. Camila had planned on sharing with Cordelia, but such an adorable reaction was worth posting on the Affini Extranet. 'Terran cutie tastes for the first time' was certain to capture the adoration of Affini all across the compact. On second thought, maybe she should hold off until she got the Notice of Intent filed. 

 

Beckett continued to eat, continuing to vocalize pleasure as he chewed each new forkful. Ohh, she was really looking forward to absolutely spoiling him with all sorts of treats now. When his xenodrugs were ready she'd have to get a graft to grow berries. Possibly two grafts, for a Class-A variant as well.

 

"You're utterly adorable, you know~" Camila teased as Beckett swallowed. 

 

He gave her a puzzled look. "I'll take your word for it." 

 

It was ridiculous that he couldn't see it. Camila would make him realize his cuteness in time. "You know, I don't think I've heard you swear before, petal."

 

Beckett struggled to look displeased as he swallowed his breakfast. "I was surprised. Besides, I am- was a soldier. I don't like to make a habit of it, but it would be stranger if I didn't cuss on occasion." He prepared another bite. "I know you lot don't like swearing, so I've been making an effort." He stuffed it in his mouth, struggling not to flat out moan.

 

The only way the little one could be any cuter was if he was in her vines. Camila very much needed this, especially after the haggering experience of being unable to properly assist him with his panic attack. A simple dose of Class E would have been more than enough. "I very much appreciate that, petal." 

 

It was bittersweet to see Beckett finish the meal. Camila would have to wait several hours until she could give him another. Perhaps she could find an excuse to compile him a treat? 

 

He swallowed the last of it, sighing with content before wiping his mouth. "Thanks again, by the way." 

 

Camila moved to his side so she could assist Beckett off the chair. "Dear, it was my pleasure." She made a point to give him a warm smile. It seemed like it was going to take some time for him to realize just how cherished cute little sophonts like himself were. "Would you like help down?" 

 

"Yes please." Ah, there was that adorably conflicted look. It seemed like Beckett was beginning to get used to being picked up, he didn't tense up so much as she helped him down. 

 

Camila started to collect the dishes, "I'm going to clean up now dear. I want you to go brush your teeth and I'll meet you in the living room, okay?" 

 

Beckett leered at her for a moment. He was even cute when he was angry! This was much better than his previous stony face. "Fine, I'll be out there in five." He grumbled before marching out of the kitchen. 

 

Camila had thought handling a dangerous feral would be much harder, but Beckett seemed to respond well when given instructions. Perhaps it was just due to his misguided desire to avoid domestication. Or maybe his nature as a soldier had some sway? 

 

The cleaning went fast, she finished gathering the dishes and slipped then into the compiler. Taking a cloth and some cleaning agent from a high shelf, Camila wiped down the table and pushed the chair back in. This upcoming talk about his past was going to be much harder than she had thought. With his newfound emotional range, it was possible the little one would have another breakdown. She needed to be very careful. 

 

Satisfied with her work, and nervous about the upcoming conversation, Camila entered the living room. Beckett walked in from the bathroom shortly after, ruffling his hair. "I know you said you want me to relax today, but I'd like to get a haircut. It's getting unprofessional." 

 

"That's actually one of the things I wanted to discuss with you. Would you like help onto the couch? We will be talking for some time." Camila patted the cushion of the seat for emphasis. 

 

Beckett seemed a bit nervous about their talk, shifting their gaze. "I suppose that would be nice." 

 

Camila picked him up with care, and set him into the nook of the couch formed by the arm rest. "Comfortable?" 

 

"Yes," Beckett nodded. "Now, you have questions for me? I also have some for you, but I'll hold until you're done." 

 

That was to be expected. "Well let's start with something easy. Going back to your question about a haircut, I can't help but feel like the way you continue to cling to your militant self presentation is non-conducive to adapting to life in the Compact." Beckett opened his mouth to object and stopped as she raised a finger. "Furthermore, the way you react to intimacy, especially around certain areas, makes me think you may be harboring some unrealized dysphoria."

 

"You have a point about the military thing I suppose, but I'm not 'dysphoric,'" Beckett huffed, folding his arms. "It just feels wrong when people try to get close to me."

 

Pushback was expected, but he had presented a good line to pursue. Camila just had to be careful not to push too hard. "Well, if you can, could you tell me why you feel wrong when people try to be intimate?" 

 

"That's easy. I never got any when I was in the company. I didn't get any when I was freelance. The only time people touch me is if they want to hurt me, or get me to do something." Beckett stated as if it was the most normal thing. "Of course it feels weird when someone tries to cuddle up. I'm simply not right for it."

 

Camila's core ached as though it was about to split in two. By the Everbloom... had he really gone his whole life without any affection at all? "Surely someone tried to show you some tenderness at some point in your life? Perhaps someone you met as a freelancer, or one of scientists responsible for-" 

 

"They didn't give me shit!" Beckett snapped. Camila was shocked he had actually interrupted her. She had never seen him so angry, fury etched into every muscle. Tears were in the corners of his eyes as he continued to shout. "The labcoats and the suits gave us nothing but pain- they treated us like animals!" 

 

Camila stood in stunned silence for a moment. No wonder he was so much the way he was. Why he was so desperate to avoid domestication. "Little one... Beckett... I am so, so sorry you never got the care and love you deserved. I can't even imagine what that must have been like." She was afraid to ask the follow up; Beckett looked like he was about to burst into tears again. "What about between you and the rest of your company? You were all in the same situation, right?"

 

"... No." Beckett's voice was much quieter now. The outburst must have been pretty draining on the poor petal. "Couldn't. Wasn't allowed. Made it easier when they had to replace someone, they said." Oh he was hanging on by just a thread. Camila would trade all her future blooms for just one dose of a safe Class E. 

 

Beckett sniffled, fighting back the tears as they started to stain his cheeks, breathing heavily as he tried to steady himself. "Can we talk about anything else? I'd like to talk about anything else." 

 

Camila had meant to ask why he concealed his genetic modifications, but that was out of the question now. It wasn't worth driving him into a second full breakdown. Besides, if just scratching the surface of that trauma elicited a response this strong, it would seem she had a good enough answer for now. She needed something safe. "Do you think you can tell me about that coin you carry? Surely there's a reason you keep it on you." 

 

"My coin?" Beckett looked surprised, his hand instinctively shot to his pocket. "Why? Where is it?"

 

Camila indicated towards the door. "It's in your hat, on your boots. Would you like me to get it for you?"

 

He relaxed. "Yes, thank you." 

 

Camila crossed the room to retrieve it, taking a bit longer than necessary to give Beckett some time to dry his tears in relative privacy. "Here you go, cutie." She dropped it into his open hand.

 

Beckett smiled, turning it over in his palm. "Do you know much about the first Terran space age?"

 

"I know you used propellant based systems at first."  Honestly the idea of the little ones using something so primitive was as cute as it was concerning. They had even managed to start populating Mars with such systems. 

 

Beckett nodded, "It began in 1959, with the first satellite. The Jump drive is what kicked off the third age." He turned the coin on its face, displaying the back of it, "The very first Terran to ever stand on another piece of rock besides Terra was in 1969. This coin was minted to commemorate it." Beckett chuckled, then added, "Or, more accurately, propagandize it."

 

"Besides that," he continued, giving her a sly smile, "it's lucky." With that he flicked it into the air. "Heads or tails, Miss Verdun." 

 

"Tails?" What was the little one talking about? 

 

Beckett caught it as it fell, and smacked it against the back of his other hand. Slowly, he removed the top hand, revealing the faded bust of a Terran.  "Looks like I win." A particularly adorable grin spread across his face.

 

Camila couldn't help but giggle. "I see! However, I'll ask you to refrain from doing any actual gambling." 

 

"Of course," Beckett stuffed it in his pocket. "Gambling is a waste anyway. Did you have something else to ask?"

 

It was nice to see him feeling better. "Well, let's go back to your self presentation and try this from a different angle. Have you ever thought about growing out your hair?"

 

 He ran his hand through his slightly shaggy hair, mulling over the question. Finally he spoke, his voice clear, "Sometimes? I never really felt I could before, I usually cut it before it even got this long. I guess it's worth trying."

 

Ah, progress! "I think that's a wonderful idea. I can get you some shampoo and conditioner that will let you grow it faster, if you wish." 

 

Beckett narrowed his eyes. "Didn't you say standard xenodrugs could cause a reaction?" 

 

"It doesn't take xenodrugs to stimulate hair growth," Camila giggled. "It is perfectly safe." 

 

"In that case, sure." Beckett shrugged. "It would be interesting." 

 

"I'll compile it so you can use it this evening." Camila felt satisfied for now, having gained a small bit of ground. "You said you had some matters to discuss?"

 

"Yes I did." Beckett's face returned to his old stony mask for a moment before settling into a slight frown, "Firsty, I'm still upset about yesterday and I wanted to make that clear."

 

"I promise you little one, I was very careful to make you feel as comfortable as possible. Normally, a checkup like that wouldn't incapacitate you. Make you a little dizzy for a while, if anything." Camila explained. "I didn't think you would need custom xenodrugs."

 

Beckett humphed. "I'm not mad about that, but it does upset me." His voice momentarily quaked as he continued, vibrating with barely withheld rage. "What I'm mad about is you didn't tell me that you were gonna rejigger my brain."

 

Ah. That she definitely knew about. "I did not want to alarm you, my apologies. You did need your neurochemistry balanced. It was greatly impairing your ability to live happily."

 

Beckett practically growled , now clearly upset. Camila has to fight back a squee, it was so adorable! "If you're gonna mess with my head, you should give me a heads up at least!" He added with a huff, "have I not always capitulated in such cases?" 

 

It was difficult to take the little one seriously. Camila was practically knotting her vines over how cute he was when he got pouty. "I...y-yes, little one," She struggled not to giggle, "I'll make sure you're well aware of it before I mess with your cute head again, okay?"

 

Beckett looked alarmed for a second, then annoyed, "Whatever. Though that is the other thing I wanted to talk about, can you cut back on the 'cute' thing? It's a little weird." 

 

Camila paused. It wasn't an unreasonable request. However... Beckett had never been shown any affection. From his excessively formal method of speech, to his mannerisms, to his preference for using last names, he clearly withheld it from himself as well. This was for his own good. "Sorry, you're just going to have to get used to being told just how cute and adorable you are all the time. It's a lynchpin of Affini culture, I'm afraid," she teased.

 

Beckett's cheeks flushed slightly as his eyes darted to the side. "I see. Moving on- I did want to ask about the wardship."

 

Camila felt a pang of guilt, recalling the nature of Beckett's 'wardship.' "What about it, cutie?"

 

Beckett did his best to return to a more neutral expression. "Well I'm aware it's a trial period before I'm determined to be capable of independence. However, I'm a bit unclear what exactly is expected of each of us, and what exactly determines if someone can be independent." 

 

Camila managed to keep from frowning at the cost of her smile. "Well for the first part, I'm supposed to help you adjust to life in the compact and to see if you can be independent. All you have to do is your best..As for the other part..." She struggled for a moment, thinking of a way to phrase it. "You need to be able to care and provide for all your physical and emotional needs. Generally be able to live a happy and fulfilling life. We do not let anyone in the compact suffer needlessly."

 

Beckett hummed, "And what do you think my chances are?"

 

Now that was a tricky one to answer. Camila certainly couldn't just tell him. "You... will have the best chance if you continue to be cooperative, okay? Besides, domestication is hardly a punishment, petal."

 

"That's rather hard to believe when you use it in place of a carceral system," Beckett stated bluntly.

 

That was a misconception Camila could not let stand. "Florets are not prisoners. They are loved and adored by every Affini, and are the Compact's greatest treasure. No floret has ever hated being one."

 

"...I see." Beckett was silent for a long moment before shrugging. "Well I suppose it's a bit early to worry about it anyways."

 

Camila would have to make sure he truly understood later. Maybe introducing him to other- more florets would help? "Was there anything else, cutie?"

 

"Just one," Beckett held up a finger, "I'm getting rather tired of just sitting around in the Hab. I'd like to go out for at least a portion of the day."

 

He didn't technically need Camila's permission but... why not use this? "I will absolutely love to take you on walks as soon as you're well enough, okay cutie?"

 

Beckett tensed up, that slight crimson hue returning to his cheeks. "R-right. Uhm, that's all I had, thank you." Aaaaaa, getting him worked up like this was too fun! 

 

Camila smiled, "Well I have one last thing for you before I go take care of some paperwork and let you have some alone time, okay?" 

 

"What do you need?" Beckett replied.

 

Camila handed him his pad, "I did compile some clothes already, but I think you should consider looking at other options. It'd be best if you left the military look behind, try some things you feel you couldn't try before." She gave him a warm smile. "See what you do and don't like." 

 

Beckett started up the pad. "I'll take a look."

 

"If you need anything, I'll be in my room. If you need me, feel free to message or ask Jess. You can also come by, of course. Otherwise, I'll come back out and get you when it's time for lunch, okay petal?" Beckett perked up at the mention of 'lunch.' Stars, she couldn't wait to show him just what he had been missing.

 

Beckett looked away from her, "I'll keep that in mind, thank you Miss Verdun." 

 

Camila gave him one last smile, then left. 

 

-_-_-_-

 

They sighed as quietly as they soon as they were alone. That could have gone better. At the very least they did show they desired to remain independent, however... It seemed like they should start looking for a good opportunity to escape. The trial was weeks away, but that wasn't a luxurious deadline. 

 

As for the main plan- Miss Verdun seemed certain they would fail, but also seemed like she may be open to changing this stance with time. For now they should continue their current modus operandi. Continue to not give them any cause, and stay focused. They could scout for escape options in the meantime.

 

For now, they had other concerns. They turned their attention back to the pad, it seemed they had a few notifications. Two friend requests, one from a 'ComfyPlamnt', the other from 'Daze-y'. Wonderful. The last thing they needed was a headache. They ignored them for now, opening a search for clothes.  

 

They ran their fingers through their hair, something they felt they couldn't do before... Honestly, they probably could have grown it out, it would have cost a handful of job offers at most. 

 

They scrolled through image after image of clothing for minutes on end. All the shirts were fine. All the pants were fine. None of them really stood out as something they felt they couldn't do. 

 

Then something strange happened. 

 

For the first time, the pad lagged. Just for a split second, but it definitely hitched. The page refreshed, all the images reloading. Where there was nothing but tees and long pants a moment ago was an array of blouses, cardigans, tights, and even a few skirts and dresses. They nearly dropped the pad in shock. This had to be Miss Verdun's doing, they weren't even using an algorithm! They figured the Pad wouldn't be good for op-sec, but the apparent level of control she had over it was a cause of worry. 

 

Then again... Miss Verdun had asked them to find something they had felt they couldn't do. This definitely fit that bill, and some of these options weren't even  'girly' as much as they were simply non-masculine. This was clearly a test, but they could use this. If she thought they were exploring gender expression, she'll be too busy being supportive to be suspicious. 

 

Perhaps this could be a productive exercise.