Dog of War

Camila rose to meet the day, an extra bounce to her movements. Having Beckett in her vines had filled her with determination, and spending quality time with the notice of intent after putting him to bed had only stoked it further. That she ever doubted keeping him for herself seemed ridiculous now. The Terran would be hers in a few weeks. Preferably by choice, but if the little one failed to come to the right decision, she would claim him.

 

Ah, she was getting caught up in the future. Camila reminded herself to enjoy today for what it was. The time to enjoy Beckett the pet would be long, the time she had to take pleasure in taming Beckett the feral was much much shorter. He was sure to be sore about yesterday, likely even angry. However, she would get to make the very first meal he'd ever taste. Her vines twisted together with giddiness. 

 

First things first, she should pick out some clothes for him. Camila pulled up the clothes that Beckett had liked and hummed in displeasure. She'd like to get him into something less... Militant. All in due time. Perhaps she could bring it up after breakfast. She picked out some tan pants and a drab olive jacket for now. 

 

Picking the clothes out of the compiler, Camila's mind turned to the exciting prospect of preparing breakfast. She could make the skillet or pancakes again, since the little one didn't get to actually enjoy them last time. However this was Beckett's very first meal, it should be something new and exciting! She can do the meals he didn't get to actually appreciate another time.

 

It should be something sweet, Camila determined. Sweet, non-pancake breakfast food wasn't a lot to work with. The choice seemed to be between variations of waffles with sweet toppings, or something called French toast, which seemed far more novel. It not only got to utilize the sweetness of syrup but used cinnamon, and had some very positive reviews from her fellow Affini. French toast it was. 

 

Camila made a mental note to go pick up some actual groceries at some point as she compiled the ingredients. It was one thing when she was just petsitting for Cordelia every so often. It was another entirely now that she resolved to keep the Terran. It was a point of pride amongst her people to provide the best they could. She'd sooner be mulched than deny Beckett the finest food and snacks the compact could offer. 

 

Setting her pad next to the stovetop, Camila  cracked an egg into a bowl of milk. She mixed in vanilla, whisking them together as she heated up the flat pan. Carefully, she dipped one side of a slice of bread in, dusted it with cinnamon, flipped it, repeated, and finally  placed it into the now hot pan. Once she had four slices, Camila set her attention on the skillet. She waited a minute, then flipped the first one, smiling as she found it golden with just a bit of browning. A few moments later she slipped the spatula under the second slice and-  

 

The emergency alarm on her pad went off. 

 

Beckett. 

 

Camila dropped everything and rushed out of the kitchen. 

 

-_-_-_-

 

It was dark.

 

They couldn't move. They couldn't see. Their breathing was laborious. It was like trying to suck air through a soaked blanket. Something wet and sticky was pooling under them.

 

Not here again.

 

Where was 'here?'  

 

They couldn't move. They felt so weak . 

 

Why are we here again?

 

Something in them knew this place. Why they couldn't move. Finally, their eyes adjusted, like someone had hit a light switch. 

 

Several bodies lay in front of them, each in a pool of blood, taking up the whole of their vision. 

 

Move.

 

They couldn't move. Fear welled up as they realized the others had no movement to them. Not the slightest bit of color to their skin. 

 

MOVE.

 

They couldn't move. They were dying, weren't they? They were going to die like the others. They could feel the hole in their throat now. They were bleeding to death.

 

MOVE! NOW!

 

They couldn't move. Something wet trickled down their face. Tears? Someone had to weep for the others. For them. Tendrils of darkness were closing in as vision faded.

 

No. Not tendrils. Vines? 

 

There was a voice in the distance.

 

... 

 

Who's Beckett? 

 

They felt something wrap around them, and everything faded. 

 

"Beckett, please!" Miss Verdun cried out. They were wrapped in her vines, held in her arms. They could feel the tears still trailing down their face. 

 

"M-miss Verdun! That's enough!" They yelped, panting. "Put me down!"

 

She did not put them down, instead sighing in relief, "Oh thank goodness."  Miss Verdun brushed some errant strands of hair out of their face. "When I got the alert you were having a panic attack I got so worried , I came as quickly as I could."

 

They snorted, offended at the notion that needed her help. "I didn't have a panic attack, it was-" they shuddered involuntarily as they recalled the nightmare. Why on earth were they remembering that day of all things? They buried it deeply. There was no reason for it to be on their mind. "It was just a bad dream. That's all."

 

" Just a bad dream?" Miss Verdun practically growled, wrapping her vines around them possessively, sending another shiver down their spine. "Dear, you are covered in sweat and tears, and you are still shaking. What. Happened?"

 

The words caught in their throat. She wanted them to talk about that day? It would be easier for them to cut off their own arm. It didn't help that they still felt weak and groggy. How did they even get in bed anyways? They remembered being at the vet, and then everything got fuzzy... Were they in pajamas? 

 

"Beckett?" Miss Verdun's spoke softer now, concern edging into her voice.

 

"S-sorry." They apologized, still trying to steady their breath. "It's-" what do they even say? What could they even say? "I-I don't think I can talk about it, sorry. Can we just move on?" Why did they feel so nervous? Everything had felt so off since they woke up. They were struggling just to keep tears from welling up. 

 

Miss Verdun looked conflicted for a moment before she sighed, "Okay. We can discuss this when you're ready." The day they would be ready would be the day after this left this mortal coil. "Tell me, besides the nightmare, how are you feeling?"

 

"I'm... I'm not sure." They took a moment before continuing. "Everything feels strange, and I'm weirdly emotional. It's-" They stopped themselves from admitting how close to tears they were. "It's really intense. I also feel a bit drained, energy-wise. What happened at the Vet?" 

 

"Ah,"  Miss Verdun looked troubled, "I figured you might have trouble recalling yesterday... After you were sedated, the Vet performed some surgery. He removed the shrapnel in your body and he rebalanced your neurochemistry." He what?!

 

"You messed with my head?!" They snapped. They had no reason, no right!

 

Miss Verdun didn't react to their outburst, continuing in the same gentle tone. "He also informed me about your genetic engineering." 

 

Oh. We're fucked. 

 

All the anger evaporated from them in an instant, replaced by fear. They laughed nervously, "Did he now?" They were so fucked. If the Affini knew they were purpose-built for war, they were fucked. 

 

"Yes." Miss Verdun leered down at them. They felt so small in her vines. So powerless. Insignificant. "Yes he did." 

 

"S-Sorry." They apologized, not knowing exactly what for. Constantly fluctuating between these emotional extremes... they hated this. 

 

"It's good that nothing came of it, but you really should have told me sooner. If you got any standard xenodrugs you could have had a severe reaction!" Miss Verdun lectured. "As it stands, the vet and a few other Affini are working on modifying Terran xenodrugs to be safe for your use."

 

They swallowed, their throat and mouth dry. "It's not something I like to bring up." They fidgeted in Miss Verdun's vines. Being held like this made them feel so vulnerable . Coupled with how emotionally raw they felt, tears seemed inevitable, especially if they kept on this subject. "Can you please put me down now?" 

 

"Okay, petal." Miss Verdun acquiesced, thankfully lowering them onto the bed. "Just be careful moving on your own, you're still recovering from surgery. No extraneous activity today, okay?" 

 

They nodded silently, fearing their voice might crack if they spoke. They took practiced breaths in an attempt to calm down. This was bad. There was no telling what, exactly, Miss Verdun knew. She still called them Beckett, so it was unlikely their actual age had been figured out. Then again, she certainly figured out that they were made , not born. Beckett's record had a mother and father listed, something impossible for them. She at the very least suspected it was an assumed name. There's no way she didn't. The Affini were far too competent for that. 

 

Finding a bit of stable ground, they managed to speak up again, "So what else happened? After the Vet that is. Why do I feel so drained?"

 

"Well, the Vet couldn't use the normal painkillers, so he had to use something a little stronger that would be safe for you. As a result, you were largely unable to move, so I took care of you." A smile crept onto her face, "You were utterly adorable, just so you know."

 

Their blood ran cold as vague memories returned. Being fed, washed, and dressed like... like-

 

Property.

 

"Dear are you okay? You look pale." 

 

They were far from okay. They were seconds from breaking down into tears and throwing up.  

 

They struggled to get the words out, "C-can I- can I have the room?" The tears were already starting to well. It was only a matter of time now. They hated this, they hated feeling so vulnerable in front of Miss Verdun. 

 

"It's okay dear. You are safe with me." Miss Verdun sat on the edge of the bed, which creaked slightly under her weight. There was something more in her tone. Something warm and comforting. "I'm not going to think any less of you if you cry." 

 

They could hold it in no longer, they could only turn away from her as they broke down into sobs. 

 

We should have never come here.

 

Tears rolled down in drops, then streams. They hadn't cried this hard in some time, and at least then it was private. That they were acting so childish in front of Miss Verdun only made them feel worse. The warmth and comfort radiating off of her did little to help. 

 

They should have escaped and hid. Maybe even detonate the Valiant's core to cover their tracks. The Affini can't search for a man they don't know exists or think is dead. They could have resurfaced years later, well after most people had forgotten about the domestication campaign, and blended into the shadows. Now they were utterly fucked. If Miss Verdun wasn't going to recommend them for domestication before, she certainly would now. 

 

They stayed facing away from her, heaving with sobs for minutes that felt like hours. Eventually they were just too tired, their tear ducts too dry to continue, and the crying slowly came to a stop. 

 

They heard Miss Verdun shift behind them. "Feeling better, petal?" What was she concerned for? This was her doing. She wanted this. 

 

"Just done crying." They responded flatly. "What happens now?"  

 

"Well, first things first, I would like you to sit up and drink some water. After that, I suppose I'll have to start making breakfast again." Miss Verdun clicked in annoyance, "It's most certainly ruined."

 

They wiped their face on a section of the blanket they were laying on, and cleared their throat, "I meant with my wardship."

 

"Hm? What about it?" Miss Verdun sounded... puzzled? 

 

They sat up and turned to face her, she looked genuinely perplexed. Oh, stars, had they gotten worked up over nothing? It's a good thing they were emotionally burnt out now, or else they would feel far more embarrassed. "I just thought you learning I was quite literally made to fight might... well, nevermind"

 

The confusion on Miss Verdun's gave way to concern. Ah, they probably looked like hell right now. "Well, I wouldn't say I'm happy you kept something so important to yourself, and I do want to discuss the matter after breakfast. However I don't see any reason to end your wardship prematurely over it." She pulled a small bottle of water out of herself and proffered it. "Here, I want you to drink this."

 

They accepted the drink and took a draught from it- oh they were much thirstier than they thought! They ended up drinking half the bottle in one go, they definitely needed that. "Thanks, Miss." 

 

Miss Verdun smiled at them, "Of course. I'm always happy to care for you, dear." Something stirred in their chest. It was gentle and fluttery? Kind of fuzzy and warm? It was predominantly unfamiliar and made them feel gross. They squashed it down the best they could. 

 

It's nothing more than Affini hospitality.

 

They took another sip of water, thinking of a way to shift the subject. "So... breakfast? Were you able to fix my sense of taste?" 

 

Miss Verdun perked up, and got off the bed. "Yes, you should be able to taste now!" She was practically vibrating with excitement. That was a bit disconcerting- what did she get out of them being able to discern flavor? "I'm sure you'll want to try the previous meals but I was making something special for today. It's your very first actual meal!" 

 

It was an intriguing prospect. "I'm looking forward to it." They finished off the water and placed the bottle in a vine Miss Verdun extended. 

 

They scooted to the edge of the bed. Why was it so high up? They were starting to suspect all the furniture designs were a scheme to make one dependent on the Affini. "Do you think you can help me down? I'm still not feeling a hundred percent."

 

Miss Verdun gently picked them and placed them on the ground, "As I said, I'm always happy to help you, dear." Her voice resonated with something inside- ugh, that gross feeling was back. "If you're feeling better I'll go get started on breakfast again, it shouldn't take long. Approximately twenty or so minutes? You can relax here or join me in the kitchen if you wish."

 

"I'll stay here for now, thank you." They smiled weakly, hoping that it was enough to assuage her. A bit of space was exactly what they needed. 

 

"Alright petal, but don't hesitate to call for me if you want anything- and I mean anything, okay?" Miss Verdun's vines were knotting- was she nervous about leaving them alone? They put a bit more effort into feigning a smile.

 

"I'm fine Miss Verdun, really. Honestly, I could use some space. I'll let you know if I need you." 

 

A few of Miss Verdun's flowers closed slightly, "Yes, of course." She moved to exit the room, pausing in the door frame. "Just- I'm in the kitchen, so don't forget I'm nearby if you want some company, okay?"

 

"I won't." They gave a short, two finger salute. As soon as the door closed behind her, they slumped against the bed and sighed. That could have gone better.

 

Could have gone much worse. 

 

True, having a full blown breakdown like that would be a death sentence normally. The inflated nature of their feelings was a potential issue. It was going to be much harder to mask their anger and distaste going forward. It was extremely infuriating that she just messed with their brain without so much as a heads up. 

 

It's too vibrant here now.

 

It seemed unlikely that they would be able to get Miss Verdun to reverse it. They would have to adapt. For now they needed to collect themselves;  the conversation after breakfast was sure to be arduous. One breakdown was bad enough.

 

They had learned to take pain without flinching, withstand discomfort without retreating. These feelings were nothing more than a series of new pains, new discomforts. They could master them, and return to form.

 

The chime of the AI springing to life made them jump. They had almost forgotten that it was there. "Miss Verdun says breakfast is ready, cutie!" 

 

Already? "I'll be right there. Thank you, Jess." They groaned as they picked themself off of the floor. Shrapnel must have been pulled out of every muscle group. They leaned against the bed as they found their feet.

 

The AI spoke again, simulating concern, "Are you sure you're okay, cutie? I can get Miss Verdun for you, if you wish." 

 

Contemptable fucking bastard machine. We would fry your processors if we could. 

 

They pushed off the bed, standing on their own now and straightening up. "It's fine. Just needed a second." 

 

"If you say so, cutie. Just remember you can always ask for help!" The Hab chimed, indicating it was cutting vocals. 

 

They would love to pull out its wires. Would going one by one or just grabbing fistfuls of whatever seemed important be more fun? Both methods had their perks. Of course that was assuming it even had wires to yank out. 

 

It was a fruitless thought exercise, however enjoyable. The Affini treated the machines as though they were people. Violence against one would certainly result in domestication.

 

They walked out of the guest room and into the kitchen. Miss Verdun was setting a few things on the table, obscured from their view. "You called?"

 

"Yes!" Miss Verdun clasped her hands together, beaming brightly. Her vines were more squirming in delight, flowers in full bloom. "Are you ready for your first taste?"

 

She was way too excited for this. How good could something like flavor even be? "I suppose." They eyed the chair, its seat just above eye level. Normally they would hop up easily but as things were... They turned to the Affini, "Could you-" 

 

Before they even finished asking, Miss Verdun scooped them up, "Help you onto your chair? Of course, petal~" Getting handled like this was becoming distressingly commonplace. Even worse, that gross feeling returned as she set them down.

 

"Thanks," they nearly growled." However, I'd appreciate it if you didn't just grab me." 

 

Miss Verdun shrank. "I'm sorry little one, I'm just really excited to share this moment with you."

 

What an odd notion; what would she get out of them being able to taste? Affini were truly alien. They looked at the meal in front of them: four slices of bread, toasted, with butter still melting atop the stack. A small serving container of syrup sat to the side, a fork on the other. The dish had a pleasant aroma to it. "What is it?" They asked. 

 

Miss Verdun's energy returned in full force, "It's called French toast!" She tapped a finger to her mask, "though I'm not sure what makes it 'French.'" 

 

She continued, clasping her hands together again. "It's mostly cinnamon, vanilla, and egg, but it has a lot of positive reviews! It's normally eaten with syrup or powdered sugar and sometimes fruit as well, but I wanted to keep it somewhat simple so you don't get too overwhelmed." 

 

They eyed the dish again. Overwhelmed by bread? Ridiculous. "Well, thank you for your thoughtfulness." They took the syrup and poured it over the dish, grabbing the fork with their other hand. They set the syrup down and dug in the fork, cutting into the corner of the stack. Miss Verdun was practically staring a hole through them now. Then, finally, they opened their mouth and took a bite.

 

"Oh, fuck." They dropped the fork, hand shooting to cover their mouth as their eyes went wide. They could hardly think or breathe as their senses were flooded with delight. The bread was sweet, rich, and utterly utterly delicious.

 

"Beckett?" Concern was in Miss Verdun's voice.

 

They held up two fingers,unable to speak, signaling for her to wait. Tears were forming in their eyes again as they quaked. How could it be this good? How could anything be this good?

 

"Beckett you need to chew and swallow before you choke." Miss Verdun instructed. 

 

Had they even forgotten how to eat in the shock? Fortunately, the part of them that had been drilled to follow orders was still working. Unfortunately, chewing only produced more of the flavors. How could anyone get through a meal if it was this intense? Luckily the bread was already soft from the butter, syrup and saliva. They managed to swallow it without much chewing, gasping for air once they had. 

 

"Sorry. I just." They paused, panting for a moment before facing the Affini, "It surprised me is all. Is food normally like this?"

 

Miss Verdun sighed, visibly relaxing. "You know you actually scared me there." Her smile returned as she hummed with delight, "To answer your question- yes. Some foods have even more complex flavors and all have their own unique properties and fusions. I'm sure with time you'll find a preference for certain types."

 

Oh, stars, there was more? Curiosity was driving them wild; what else had they been missing? "Well, this is absolutely wonderful, thank you Miss Verdun." They picked the fork up again. "For everything."