Growing Lilies

“Is this supposed to be so boring and tedious?”

Lily scowled up at Sunica. She’d spread her notes out on the floor, and the scaled girl was laying on the couch above her and staring down at her work. Admittedly, it had been hours. Digging through her notes on the basement spell and looking for any glyph that might contain radicals in common to the translation glyph, or might have to do with speech or communication. She was finally getting ready to do some actual spellwork when she realized she needed to be enchanting Bay too. So, now she was sketching out spell formations in her notebook, trying to get an idea of how to maximize space on his round body. But, boring? Lily was affronted.

“It’s not boring! It’s super interesting!”

“It looks boring.”

“That’s just ‘cause you don’t know what’s going on.”

Sunica looked skeptically at the human girl. Lily puffed out her cheeks.

“You’re doodling.”

“Well. Okay. Maybe I’m doodling. But I’m planning! Don’t [Mages] spend most of their time with their nose in a book too?

The balaur girl shrugged, then rolled over so she was on her back with her head hanging upside down off the couch.

“I guess. But I don’t see that part. I just see the spells. Your spells take forever.”

“Well yeah. I’ve gotta plan. The ones that I know well can be done pretty fast. But that’s because I made them slowly and carefully like this the first time, and then practiced. What are [Mage] spells like?”

“Well… They usually just point a wand or a staff or a hand, and say a spell name and it comes out. Like…”

Sunica stood up suddenly on the couch, and pointed into the empty room. She spoke with a deep authoritative voice.

“[Fireball]!”

Lily half expected something to happen. Of course nothing did. Sunica dropped back down onto the couch and stared at her human guest.

“Huh. I could probably fake that if I had to.”

“Yeah? Give it your best shot.”

“Hold on, lemme kill two birds with one stone here. I need to put the first spell formation on Bay, and then I’ll show you.”

Sunica started asking what stones and birds have to do with anything, but Lily was already concentrating. Enchanting. She was going to be an [Enchanter]. So, this was her first project, and she thought she had some cool ideas. For now, she started with her first spell. She wasn’t about to play with anything strange in Sunica’s living room, so she was planning to stick to mostly stuff she already knew for now.

Lily drew out the first spell circle around Bay. This was a simple circle with one empty node. She repeated the process, layering a second one with two empty nodes, then another with three, and another with four. It was difficult, but her primary focus was layering spell circles almost on top of each other. She wanted to be able to change up the spells that were on him easily, and so she was creating a variety of templates to leave on him, that she could fill with whatever she wanted. Anything that required the more serious spell circuits or the like would have to be done manually, but if she had empty circles with various nodes she could slot in and remove glyphs very quickly.

For now, she stopped at four. It was taxing trying to get them so close together. But, she still wanted to show off, so for now she stood up. She placed her hand at chest height above Bay, and focused on inscribing the push glyph into a template. She gave Sunica a grin, and pushed some mana into it, causing Bay to float up and into her hand. She held him out.

“Hah! See! Magic. Levitation! Super Magical Girl Luna Reverie at your service!”

Sunica feigned applause.

“Wow, he can float! But, [Mages] can levitate things without a skill too you know. What else can he do?”

Lily scowled.

“Not impressed? Then how about this?”

She let go of Bay, letting the push spell keep him levitated directly in front of her, and inscribed some more glyphs into the four node circle she had made. This time, three light spells and the compass spell pointed at Bay, so they would rotate around him. The three lights slowly formed around him, and started rotating. Lily was starting to feel a mild exertion from keeping up both spells. But, her mana pool felt much larger than before she came here. Was that her skill? [Heretical Mana]? She gave Sunica a smile, and moved her hands above and below Bay to show off that he really was floating.

“See? No strings or anything! And the lights are all me too!”

“Uh, Lily? Do your scars always glow like that when you cast?”

Lily glanced down. Sure enough, the scars on her hands and presumably the rest of her were showing with an opalescent light while she focused.

“I… guess so?”

Sunica sounded concerned.

“Does it hurt?”

“Nah. It used to, but now I don’t feel a thing!”

“Hmm. Okay. Well then Miss [Magical Girl], what kinds of things can you do? What are they like in the stories?”

She grabbed the fire poker from next to the furnace and swung it in front of her like a sword, and put more mana into the light spells causing them to get bigger. She held out her ‘blade’ in front of her, 

“Magical girls are cool! They– I mean, ‘we’ go out at night and fight monsters! Do good deeds! Save people! We’re not exactly [Mages], or even dedicated spellcasters. Plenty of Magical Girls use swords and other martial weapons! But they’re magic, and usually part of the persona and outfit change. They often have spells and uh, I guess what you’d consider skills here, and they are magic, but… Ugh. How do I put it. A magical girl fights with her emotions! The spells are part of it, and magical power is too for sure. But those get converted into whatever represents her best you know?”

She did a few more practice swings with her poker sword and continued.

“It’s about being pure of heart! I mean, that makes it sound like a good or evil thing, but that’s not it. Being true to yourself and your desires, allowing yourself to be the truest sense of yourself and letting that come into reality, you know? And then her powers will reflect that. Like, a girl who truly wants to protect her friends more than anything might have a magical transformation that gives her a sword and knight-like armor, but it’s… It’s like a projection of who she is on the inside, see? And the strength of that desire, those emotions and how strong and pure they are are what give her the magic, and the power.”

Lily was sweating, trying to explain and keep these spells going. But she didn’t want to stop. It felt like good practice, and it made her feel so proud of herself keeping two spells going with her own mana, while swinging around a fake weapon and talking too. She really felt like she was growing and getting stronger.

“Ohh. I think I get it. It lets you be whoever you are on the inside, on the outside! I mean. That’s relatable isn’t it? I think everyone has a bit of themselves on the inside that would love to come out more often, huh?”

Lily almost dropped Bay when she caught sight of Sunica’s face. Of course. She remembered how polite and withdrawn Sunica had been towards her when she first arrived, not to mention in the city. Well, until disaster struck. She must be holding back a lot… Time to cheer her up!

“Yeah! Exactly! So, a magical girl usually gets an accessory that is with her all the time. Like, a necklace or bracelet, or something like that. And when she activates it, she transforms.”

“She transforms? Into what, a dragon?”

Lily gave Sunica a confused look, but went on.

“No no! Into her magical girl form. Usually a super beautiful or cool magical outfit, with accessories and extra powers! And all she has to do is draw on the power of her heart, who she is, to use them. Like, like. You wanted to be a [Dragon King] right?”

Sunica blushed and looked away.

“Ah, I- I mean it was a silly kids imagination…”

“No!”

“Huh?”

“No! That’s perfect!”

Lily dropped the poker and let her spells on Bay fade. She grabbed up her notebook and pen, and started doodling. She drew a simple almost stick figure Sunica, complete with horns and tail.

“Is that supposed to be me…?”

“Shh! Don’t laugh! I’m doing something!”

She drew a crown on the figure’s head, and a big sword to go with it. A cape. Armor on the arms and legs, a breastplate with a skirt that came down to just over the armored leggings. Then she added some fire breath to one side, and some lightning in the background.

“See? See? Like this! A magical girl Dragon King! It’d be like that!”

“Lily, you are terrible at drawing.”

So she said, but Sunica’s face gave her away. She looked at the drawing longingly.

“A magical girl makes her dreams come true, and the dreams of the people around her! See? It’s MAGIC! But not my circles, or whatever [Mages] do. It comes from the heart, see? It’s a projection of who you are inside. And you! You could be like this.”

Here, Lily may have made a mistake. A hint of bitterness entered Sunica’s voice as she replied. Lily was a little startled.

“But I’m not. It’s just a childish fantasy. Thinking about stuff like this is pointless. I am what I am.”

“Huh? Well, yeah, it’s just a story, but stories can be fun.”

Sunica stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to bed. You can take the couch when you want to sleep. If you need anything, knock.”

Lily looked at her, confused.

“I’m sorry if I said anything wrong, I just wanted to share.”

“It’s not–. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

The balaur girl turned and walked towards her room. When she got to the door she turned one more time, and this time the bitterness was deep in her tone.

“Reality is reality. We can’t change it. Who we are on the inside doesn’t matter in the face of that. Longing for something different only hurts.”

She closed herself in the room, leaving Lily in the silence. She stared down at her excited drawing, suddenly feeling very immature. She talked quietly to herself in the now empty room.

“I know that. Don’t you think I’d be different if I could too?”

---

A few hours had passed. Lily spent the rest of the night alternating between enchanting Bay and adding more doodles to her notebook. Some of them were spells, others were additions to her little magical girl page. She had added a pile of treasure and loot to Sunica’s side, as well as big dragon wings that she was imagining Sunica could turn on and off. She’d also drawn a magical girl Lily to go along with it. The one representing her had a staff that doubled as a bow that shot heart tipped magic arrows, and while it was a staff it enhanced her magic power. She had a good time drawing a cute layered dress to go along with it too.

It was fun. She could see how it could make you feel bad instead of good though. She’d always loved stuff like this, but there were a million reasons she’d never explored that interest. After all, a dress like this wouldn’t look good on her in a million years. The goth lolita look really only worked if you were thin and small, and she was neither of those things. A cute animal companion and adorable magic powers just didn’t suit someone like her. But it was fun to fantasize sometimes.

Still, when she was younger she’d gone through a phase of being outspokenly against anything overly cute. It was part of her angsty teen phase. But really, she just wished stuff like that suited her. Every time she’d tried though… Well, she remembered being bullied for it. To the point that anything designed to be cute had filled her with bitterness and disgust. Now she was older, and understood that those feelings came down to wanting what she couldn’t have, not actually hating that stuff.

But… She could see why her insistence had rubbed Sunica the wrong way. She’d apologize in the morning. That wasn’t going to stop her from doing her own little designs though.

She started on an ice theme for the dress. Wouldn’t it be cool if she could conjure patterns of ice that were also spell circles? Plus, the fire and ice bit with Sunica was so cool! Maybe a bit of royalty too? Ice queen? She giggled to herself.

The spells were also important though. She was getting sleepy, but she thought she had one more thing she wanted to do before she went back to drawing until she fell asleep. She wasn’t much of an artist really. She liked to think she had good ideas, but the execution was… not the best. Somehow spell circles just came easily to her though, despite needing to be pretty precise. Lily was wondering about that. Sunica seemed to think they were really complicated, but they didn’t look that way to her. Was it a perception issue? Was it actually complicated, but it looked simple to Lily? Or was it actually simple, but it looked complicated to Sunica? Maybe neither. Maybe it was just a matter of personal strengths. But that interaction had been on her mind.

She realized her mind was wandering again, and refocused. The truth was, she’d figured out the spell already. Or at least she had a glyph to test, and she really thought it was going to work. But, she was nervous to try it and stalling, because it was a new glyph. She remembered being in the basement. Star had called her out for this behaviour, when she started talking about mantis shrimp and chaos emeralds.

“Nothing to do but go for it I guess. I hope this doesn’t cause trouble. Sunica, please forgive me if it does…”

She focused on the one node circle she’d put on Bay with her new glyph, and pushed mana into it. Then, she tried speaking to him, like he really was a mascot character. Only, with any luck, Star might hear it.

“Hello? Can you hear me? Star if you can hear me, I’m okay. Please try saying something. I don’t think it’ll work, but just in case. I’m in a strange place, with someone friendly. Please be safe. I’m going to try and find you, okay?”

She felt the spell doing something, but that was it. No other feedback at all. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but it was somehow still a let down. She had no idea if she’d done… anything! Oh well. Maybe it was working? Maybe he could hear her? She tried again, this time focusing harder. Star. Think of Star. The spell on his bandana. Him. Her companion. Her magic on him. Focus.

“I’m here. I’m alive. I made it. Please be okay. I miss you more than anything. I– I’m not okay without you. I’m trying my best. I’m holding it together. But I keep falling back into these stupid patterns. I miss you. Please be okay. Please? I will find you. I will. I promise.”

Still nothing. Oh well. It wasn’t a two way spell. She could see how it might be edited to be one, but only if the other side knew you were trying and connected back. Even then, only if the circle was designed for it. You’d need an empty node there… 

She grabbed her notebook and started sketching it. The result looked weirdly like the yin yang symbol. She thought it was called Taijitu? Whatever. Two circles that made up one circle. Her spell would go in one side and be replicated on the other side. The other person would have to do the same. It was like a secret code. But, if he could hear her…?

He couldn’t cast spells! Well, wait. He might be able to see the spell on his bandana, and then replicate it. It was just a drawing after all. She’d have to describe what to do in detail. A message! How could she turn this into a repeating message?

The stacked spells on Bay! She could turn him into a radio device for now! It would just copy the spell once and do it over and over again. She could do that. As long as she kept pouring mana into it. Maybe she could make a battery, and charge the battery before she slept?

Her mind was racing now. Yes, this was it! First, the spell. She set up a simple repeater using her circuitry. Not something she had done before, but not too hard. Thank you Minecraft for teaching her basic circuits with redstone and getting her interested!

Next up, she cast the spell, and spoke into it. She desperately hoped it would repeat the message, and not just the spell without it.

“Star! Listen. You can talk back to me if you figure this out. You need a spell circle, shaped like two teardrops against each other or a yin yang sign. The only glyph you need is in the basement! It looks like a mouth, or two mountains, or… something like that. It’s in a small circle nested near the elevator! Put it on your bandana! Then you need to give it mana somehow. Please, please figure it out! Please!”

Her desperation really came through, but she didn’t care. If this worked… please let it work!

She held the repeater on her spell as she worked on making a battery. A small circle outside of Bay that would drip feed him mana from an object, and finally her charging spell. Only instead of stepping inside it, she put her rolled up sleeping bag, and instead of drawing ambient mana to power it…

She focused. She dug deep. She had a lot of mana in her body now. A lot for her, anyway. Focus. Pull it out from deep inside. Push it into the spell. All of it! Like that night outside of the apartment complex, when the spell had almost eaten her. But now, this was her power. She just had to let it flow out of her. Not like a faucet, like a river! Even if it hurt, if she could just dip into that same state. Just for a moment, she could use all her mana at once to charge the spell!

The glow from her scars lit up the room. At some point, the fire had died way down, and she was brighter than it now. She almost laughed. They burned. She hadn’t drawn on this much power since getting them. She hadn’t HAD this much power before getting here. But now, she had to charge up this spell. Let it repeat. At least for tonight. At least until she woke up. Then she’d do it again. And again. As many times as it took!

“Please, just… WORK!”

She felt something wet drip down the front of her face, but tried not to lose focus. She just needed to charge it up! She just needed to–

“Stop!”

Sunica’s voice startled her. Lily turned, and looked at the balaur girl standing in the doorway of her room. She almost lost contact with the spell, but she turned back to it. Just a little more. She could add just a little more!

Sunica grabbed her shoulder roughly and shook her.

“Lily! Lily! Stop! You’re hurting yourself!”

“Huh?”

Lily let go. The spell stopped. She wished she could have given it a little more. But, now that she was coming back to reality, she was feeling pretty tired. Maybe it was better to stop there?

“I- I’m fine. Really. Just a bit tired. I’m sorry for yelling.”

She tried to give Sunica a smile, but the girl was staring at her with fear in her eyes. The sound of liquid hitting the wood floor made her look down. Was that… blood?

She reached up and touched her face. Oh. Her nose had been bleeding. She almost laughed.

“Oh, it’s just a bloody nose. I’m fine! I really. I’m feeling kind of dizzy.”

She really was. Sunica helped her over to the couch, and then shook her hard.

“You IDIOT! After everything we talked about earlier? You could have at least waited until the morning, or asked me to supervise!”

“I- I’m sorry, I just. I thought I had it figured out. I think I got it right! I think.”

She looked over at the spell. Her vision was hazy, but it did seem to be working. She smiled in relief.

“Lily, please, listen to me. You’re not okay.”

“I am! I–”

“LISTEN.”

Lily stopped talking.

“I’m glad you got away with only a bloody nose that I can see. But please. Please hear me when I say this. This behaviour? It’s not normal. It’s not okay. You can’t keep hurting yourself like this.”

“But, I had to cast the spell!”

“DID you? Did you have to do it alone?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have pushed that on you. It was my fault. I– I’m really sorry. I meant to apologize in the morning.”

Sunica put her head in her hands for a minute and took a deep breath.

“Did you know it was going to hurt you?”

“I–well. I didn’t know.”

“Did you think it was going to hurt you?”

Lily remembered being as reluctant as she was to cast the spell in the first place.

“I knew it might. But it was worth the risk.”

Sunica looked her in the eyes for a second. Was she holding back tears…? Her tail was lashing around too. Why would she be sad? Had Lily made her that mad? She hurried to apologize.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- in your house. I should have gone outside at least. I–”

“SHUT. UP.”

Lily gulped, and fear began to settle in her stomach. Oh no. She’d really made her mad.

“Lily. You are NOT okay. I’m not mad that you did the spell in my house. I’m not mad that you cast a spell. I’m not mad at you for earlier. I was scared for you! I am scared for you! You have to stop doing this!”

“I can’t stop casting magic…”

“Not magic. You have to stop taking risks like this. I know what you’re thinking. ‘It’s fine if its just ME’. Earlier today you insisted we were friends. Are we, or aren’t we?”

“Well, well yeah I mean–”

“Then I’m sad and scared that my friend seems to have no regard for her own safety. You should have asked me for help! At least to watch and make sure things didn’t get out of hand. What if it wasn’t just a bloody nose? What would have happened if I didn’t snap you out of it?”

“I would have been fine! I… I think.”

“But you don’t know, do you?”

“... no.”

“Please. Even if you can’t change your way of thinking enough to stop jumping head first into danger like this, please trust me enough to at least ask for my help!”

Lily stared up at Sunica. Her eyes were full of fear. She really was near tears. And the desperation in her voice… It sounded like the same desperation that had snuck its way into Lily’s message. That made it sink in a little.

“I’m sorry. I– I’m really sorry. I’m not used to having friends. I’m not used to trusting people. I’m not used to asking for help. I’ll try.”

“That’s the best you can do?”

Lily nodded, sourly.

“I’m sorry. I really will. I just.. I’m used to not getting help. I’m used to people not caring. It’s hard to change your way of thinking. But I promise, I’ll try my best. I really mean it.”

Sunica took a deep breath, and turned to get Lily a cloth to wipe her face off. 

“I’m sorry too.”

“Huh? What for?”

“Earlier. I acted out. You were just trying to make me happy. I see that now. I saw that by the time I was in bed, but emotions are… emotions.”

“Yeah… I know how that goes. For what it’s worth, I think I understand how you were feeling.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, trapped! I mean, with your culture being the way it is, and your color keeping you at a distance from everyone. I’m sure that conversation hit close to home. That stuff can for me too. Fantasies can be good. But they can also be painful. I can’t tell you how often I’ve fantasized about… about just being normal. Not scared of everything, you know? But it’s like being in a cage. Eventually, someone saying ‘lets imagine what it’s like outside the bars’ just hurts.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s about right.”

“That’s got to be difficult. But, I just want you to know that no matter how everyone else sees you, to me you’re just the girl that saved my life and is letting me bum around in her cabin. I think you’re a hero! That’s only my opinion, and it doesn’t change how anyone else around here thinks. But… It’s something, right?”

Lily held up her notebook and showed Sunica the drawing again.

“It might just be me, but I can really see you this way. You know?”

Sunica laughed, still with a hint of salt, but also with a bit of genuine humor.

“You are so lame you know that?”

“Hey! Rude!”

“Did you draw yourself too?”

“Huh?”

Lily remembered that she had added a design for her too, and grabbed the notebook back, hiding it behind her back.

“Ah! Um, that one isn’t done yet and I uh… Yeah. I did.”

“It was cute.”

“Oh. Um. Thanks.”

Lily was suddenly feeling very small, but… more content. She smiled at Sunica.

“Magical Girl Luna Reverie strikes again! Although that name doesn’t really go with this design huh?”

Sunica opened her mouth to reply, when a voice interrupted her. It came from Bay. A suspiciously familiar girl’s voice.

“Uh, Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is there someone there?”