Growing Lilies

It had taken a few hours of fidgeting, but Lily had completed a new spell. She wasn’t totally sure it would work, but it should at least settle whether there was someone on the other side of this voice. Actually, it was kinda genius. It was a two sided spell circle! Meant to be replicated on the other end, like a secret passcode or something. It was shaped like a yin yang symbol, or a Taijitu she thought it was called?

Anyway, she cast the spell on her side, and the person on the other side could cast the same spell onto the other side of the circle and it would connect! Long distance calling! The only problem was…

“I don’t wanna do it.”

“Master, you’ve spent hours working on this. What do you mean you don’t want to do it?”

“I don’t want to talk to someone! I- I’m scared. If I’m being honest. I mean what if someone really answers? What will I say? What if it’s someone or something important like Entity A or B? What am I supposed to say to a normal person, much less someone who might be able to wipe out the stars or even magically appear a boat and master magic?”

“Well, you could start with ‘hello’ I would think.”

“I don’t mean it like that!”

“Then how do you mean it?”

“I’m scared to talk to someone. Anyone. I feel… I guess if I had to put it into words, I feel so far beneath everyone else that I don’t have a right to exist. And I feel like they can see it, hear it, sense it on me. Like it’s written on my face. So, I guess I’m scared that I’ll talk to someone, and it’s an important conversation, and they’ll… they’ll realize that I’m not worth talking to.”

“That is silly, Master. You are the most important girl in the world.”

Lily laughed sourly. She knew Star was just trying to cheer her up, and get her motivated. But he didn’t really have the emotional experience to understand that words can’t just erase feelings like that. She didn’t hold it against him though. Experience is one thing that has to come with time.

“Thanks Star. I’ll do my best. But I am frightened. What if I freeze up? Can you take over if I can’t speak?”

“Will they be able to hear me, through my translation spell?”

“I… I don’t know come to think of it. I think so.”

“If you need me, I will try. But please, try your best first. This is something you must conquer, like the pit and the basement.”

Lily puffed out her cheeks and stared him down.

“But I failed in the basement.”

“You conquered your fear, Lady Flamewalker. The results are immaterial.”

“Huh. Hah. I guess so. Thanks Star. I do feel a little better.”

She stared down at her spell circle for a moment.

“Nothing left but to go for it, I guess.”

She activated the spell. Nothing happened. Well, nothing visual. The spell seemed to be working, in that mana was going into it and getting used up. But, was it working?

“Uh, Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is there someone there?”

Silence. Lily counted to ten. Did she get it wrong? Did the other person not understand magic well enough to connect? Was there no one there? All sorts of possibilities were racing through her mind. She tried one more time.

“Hello? If you just replicate my spell on your end, you should be able to talk too.”

Still silence. What the heck. The spell was definitely working. Mana was getting used. As she opened her mouth to try again, a voice answered. It was deep and resonant. A woman’s voice.

“Uh, hello Miss. Nice to meet you. I think you’re not the person we were trying to reach. Did you find this bandana? Was there a dog nearby?”

A dog? Well, it was Star’s bandana. Why would they be trying to talk to Star specifically though?

“Oh, you mean Star? Yeah! He’s with me. Who is this?”

The voice on the other end sounded relieved. Almost like she had been holding her breath.

“That’s great! We were so worried! My name is Sunica. I’m a balaur [Trapper], level 9. I live on the outskirts of Veni. It’s a small city near Avezare. Can you please tell Star that Lily is looking for him?”

Lily stared at the spell. Huh? There’s no way that she heard that right. It was an absurd statement on the face of it.

“Uh, I’m sorry. I think that last message got garbled. Did you say Lily is looking for him?”

She glanced down at Star. He looked back at her, equally confused. She didn’t have to ask if he knew a different Lily.

“Yeah. Lily’s looking for him. She wants him to know that she’s okay. I’ve got her staying in my cabin right now, but she was a little sca– ow! Hey!”

Lily’s mind went blank. What the hell did all this mean? Was this some kind of temporal thing? Like, Lily from the future had lost him and was looking for him and had accidentally created a spell that let her talk to her past self? No, that was stupid. But what else could be going on? Unless… The person on the other end was lying? Maybe they were trying to trick her somehow?

The sounds of a small scuffle, and shout whispering were coming through the spell now. Lily listened closer.

“Whattya mean don’t tell them that? What am I supposed to say? You’re busy right now? Yeah that makes you look so much better! And anything else just makes me sound like a kidnapper or something.”

A pause, then it continued.

“Fine, then you talk to them!”

The spell went silent. That… did sound like something she would say. But there’s no way this wasn’t some sort of trick right? She was wracking her brain trying to think of what these people could possibly gain by tricking Star, and how they even knew to reach out to him in such a convoluted way. A new voice came on. This one did sound an awful lot like her own voice.

“I’m sorry. Sunica was… I’m sorry. Look, is Star there? Can I talk to him? Please?”

“Suuuuure?”

Lily looked down at Star again, and then crouched down so he could hear her and hopefully the people on the other end of the spell couldn’t.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I think they might be trying to trick us? I just can’t figure out what for. Play along for now, okay?”

“Yes, Master. I will find out what they want.”

Lily sat down and let Star take over.

“This is Star. Who is this?”

The voice on the other side grew very excited, almost frantic.

“Star! Star! Oh thank god you’re okay. I was so worried. I was tearing myself apart trying to find you. Where are you? Did you land nearby?”

“What do you mean land? I am at home still.”

There was a shocked silence in reply, but the girl on the other end eventually spoke up with a tremble in her voice.

“Who… Who is with you?”

“Lady Flamewalker is with me. We are on the hard spell surface outside the den.”

“I– What do you mean Lady Flamewalker is with you? Did you give my name away? It’s me! Lily!”

“I am with Lady Flamewalker. Right now. She is beside me. I do not know who you are, but it is not her.”

“What…? If this is some kind of joke– Please stop pretending. Who is that other girl, really?”

“I do not understand. What do you gain from this game? I am with Master. She has never left.”

The girl on the other end was audibly crying. But, was pushing forward. If this was a trick… Lily’s stomach was starting to sink. If this was a trick, it was a really good trick. But she was right here!

“The.. The spell! That’s right. The spell! What happened? It went off, and I woke up in the snow. I almost died. It was so cold. I’m lucky I didn’t get frostbite anywhere. Sunica knew how to bring my body temperature back up, but I slept for days. But when I woke up, you were gone, and I– I think I’m in another world! There’s people here! Please, I’ve tried so hard to find you. Please believe me. I don’t know who that is, but I’m Lily! I am! I promise!”

Star looked uncertainly at his Master. Lily put her arms around him, and spoke again to the crying girl. Her stomach had sunk through the floor. But, she didn’t think this was an act. Not anymore.

“I believe you.”

The girl on the other side made a sound like she’d been stabbed.

“YOU! Who are you? Why do you have Star? Are you at my house? Are you the one who sent the basement spell? Entity B? Give me back Star!”

Lily hadn’t been expecting that, and at the same time… it felt entirely natural that had been the response.

“I’m not entity B. I’m Lily.”

“Liar! Liar liar liar!”

The other girl was sobbing.

“I am. I’m Lily. I think– I think that wasn’t a teleportation spell. I’ve been over here trying to figure out where I messed up. I lived. We lived. But the spell didn’t do anything. It just sucked away all the mana, and destroyed the house. But, I think it did do something. I think it created you.”

“Created me? I teleported! I’m RIGHT HERE. I’m LILY!”

The deeper voice, Sunica came back. Lily could hear her comforting the wailing girl gently, then speaking for her.

“Uh, Miss Outsider? Er, Other Lily?”

“Yeah? I’m- I’m really sorry for all the trouble.”

“Could you give us a few minutes? Take a walk or somethin’?”

“Yeah. I– Yeah. I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’ll announce myself. Me and Star will take some time.”

Star looked up at Lily and spoke.

“No. I will stay.”

“Huh? But… But I’d like to talk about. You know.”

“We will have time to talk tonight. Right now, this Lady Flamewalker needs me.”

Lily almost said ‘I need you too’. Which was true. A small childish part of her wanted to lash out, and say that because she was holding her shit together she didn’t get comfort?  But… the sounds on the other side. She could imagine. Being in a strange place, with a strange person. Who knows where. And learning this. Her heart broke. But, she nodded.

“Yeah. Okay.”

She walked away.

---

 

Lily took a walk down to the boat, and sat on the dock. Another her. The spell had created another her. Was it an identical copy? Was it her? Did it just think it was her? Her head was spinning.

“What kind of final gift was this, Entity B? What part of this is a gift?”

She was a little hurt that Star had stayed, despite herself. Jealous. But it was the right thing to do. It was. He was just being kind hearted towards the copy.

No. No no no. Not it. Not ‘the copy’. Her. Lily. She caught herself thinking in those terms and immediately corrected. No. She would not do that. That girl on the other side of the spell seemed very real. Lily had no way of knowing how exact a copy she was, but she wasn’t going to fall into a pattern of dehumanizing her. She was either a very confused girl, or she was… Lily. Another Lily.

That was so weird. Lily remembered a Star Trek episode like this. Riker had been on a planet with some kind of electromagnetic disturbance, and when they’d beamed him up the one on the planet didn’t get erased. Then they left, thinking they had him. And the Riker on the planet… suffered. In this scenario, Lily was safe and sound on the Enterprise. This other Lily was the one who suffered. So, Lily would do her best to move forward with compassion.

At the same time, it was important to acknowledge her feelings. Her sense of self had been violated. She felt like something had been taken from her. She was Lily. This other person could be someone else! But she knew it didn’t work like that. The new Lily had a right to exist too. It just– It wasn’t fair!

What, was she a child now? Stamping her foot and declaring the world unfair? Yes. It was unfair. Just like every other thing in the entire fucking world. Just like every day of her life up until it all ended. It wasn’t fair. Nothing was fair. Fairness was a joke.

But, there it was. Those bitter feelings. She could still be hurt when things were unfair, because… Because they should be. And this other Lily, this situation was even worse for her.

But… Was it so wrong for Lily to still want to cry? To still be upset? Star had stayed with the strange one. And, that was just scratching the surface. Her feelings about this, the other Lily’s feelings on this… They were small. It didn’t feel like it. But it was the truth.

A thought had been building under the surface of her emotions since she’d had the realization of who that girl was. A terrifying thought. Another world? And a spell that can create a copy of her to go in it?

She had that spell now. It existed. She had it, if she just cleared the basement again. The other Lily too. She might be able to recreate it in time, even without the notes. Wait, did she have the notes too? Either way. This was– This was dangerous. Not just dangerous to her. This other Lily was in another world? At least she thought so.

Nothing was stopping Lily from using this spell again. Or the other one. This was bad. This was so, so bad. There was a reason you don’t create self replicating technology. Nanobots that make more nanobots. A Von Neumann probe? At least nanobots were probably locked to one world. At least Von Neumann probes would take millenia to spread. 

“I see. A gift. I see it now.”

Entity B had given her a ‘gift’ alright. It had handed her the launch codes. A big red button she could push, and– do what? Whatever she wanted. 

So, she could create copies of herself and send them to another world. Other worlds? How many were there? How did the targeting work? She could figure that out in time. And then what? Those copies knew magic. They could cause drastic changes to wherever they landed. And if they were killed? She could send another. And another. And another. She could make copies of herself. Copies! As many as she had the mana for. Oh, and those copies? They could make copies of themselves. And those copies could, and those copies could. It was just a spell. A spell she had. If every copy went out and made two more as quickly as possible, how long would it take for her to be on every world that existed? Well, maybe it was just the one other one. Okay, in that case, how long would it take for a version of her to be in control of every major government if she put her mind to it.

It didn’t matter if her plans failed either. She could try again, and again, and again. An infinite number of times. She could set up the spell to repeat!

And then what? Would those copies all grow in different directions over time? Would they all have different motivations and goals, given some time apart?

This was a bomb. To use it, even once was to unleash something huge and world altering on an entire universe, as much of it as existed. A Lily bomb. An infinity of her. Each one like an image captured in the frame of an infinite roll of film, slightly different than the last because of it’s experiences.

Or she could not do any of this. But it was too late for that. Pandora’s box was open now. Because her copy could do it too. Her copy could go wage a war on the universe, and there’s nothing she could do from here to stop her.

No. She wouldn’t do that. She was Lily too, right? But that was the thing. Was she? She was going to go on to have different experiences. She was going to grow differently from this starting point. She already had. She was friends with that stranger.

So, what? Pandora’s box is open. It’s too late. She could convince Alt Lily to never use it. But, she knew herself. Would she hold to that promise? What if Star was in danger? What if it was a matter of life and death?

She’d do it. She’d do it to live. Which meant her copy would do it to live too. It was inevitable. Their only hope was to go and try to live a quiet life that never called for it.

Because the alternative–

A vision crossed her mind. A familiar image. Herself, spreading across the stars like a virus. A bacteria. A fungus. Something horrible and disgusting. A disease on a universal scale. Her stomach roiled.

No. No no no. She just wouldn’t use it. She’d convince the other Lily. If she had the notes, she could burn them. She could renounce magic. She’d destroy the basement. Something like this shouldn’t exist. It shouldn’t be allowed to exist! If it really was just her in the universe that would be one thing, but someone like her shouldn’t have this kind of power. 

But it did exist.

It exists.

It’s possible.

Which means–

Someone else could use it too.

Eventually, wouldn’t someone else find it too? 

Entity B already had it.

Her head was spinning. She couldn’t do anything to prevent other people from finding and using this spell.

In an infinite timespan, it’d happen eventually. 

Pandora’s box was open.

Could she do anything to stop it?

---

 

“Master, I am here. It is only me. We are alone together.”

There was a sniffle and a hiccup from the other side of the spell.

“Star? I thought you left with her…”

“No. I am here. Right here. I will not leave you, Master.”

Sunica’s voice was softly reassuring Lily on the other end. Star wasn’t sure what to make of that. He couldn’t remember having ever met another human. But, the strange girl was trying to make his Master feel better, so for now he was happy she was present.

“I thought you— I thought I lost you forever! I thought you teleported like me, but I couldn’t find you, and you could be anywhere in the world, even under the ocean or dead or blasted like paste across the universe and it was all my fault and I’m so sorry!”

“Master, you have done nothing wrong. Don’t be sorry. You have not lost me. I do not know how to visit you, but we will find a way. For now, we can talk.”

She sniffled again. His Master was quite a crybaby. But that was fine. He adored her.

“My only regret is that with two of you, I somehow do not get twice the duck feet.”

He heard a sloppy laugh in response, and his tail wagged. He was getting good at cheering up his Master.

“I am glad to hear that you have not gone on a rampage. The other Lady Flamewalker was confident she would go all ‘john wick’ on the world if I were killed.”

“I would! Luckily, you’re okay. I’m so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t. I never could have forgiven myself. I’m sorry. I really am. You said I didn’t do anything wrong, but I did. I put you in danger with that spell. I should have been more careful. Or not used it at all. I had all the time in the world. I just let curiousity get me. I wish I had waited. I wish I had spent more time with you.”

“Master. I am fine. I am right here. Nothing bad has happened to me at all, and we will spend much time together in the future too.”

“Can we? I don’t know how to get back Star…”

“You are doing that thing where you are cruel to yourself for no reason again.”

He heard a laugh from Sunica in the background.

“Really though! I don’t even know if there IS a way back.”

“We are talking right now.”

“That’s just talking though! What if that’s all we can do?”

“That is ridiculous. But even if that were the case, then we would talk. As often as you like. You use magic, Master. We will find a way.”

Another snuffle. She sounded like she was coming down from crying though. Star felt proud of himself. But he meant every word. He was sure that with two of his Master working together, they would find a way to visit. And, even if it were somehow impossible, they would set up a spell to talk frequently.

“I miss you. I miss you so much. I’m not the same without you. I fall back into old patterns. I’m self destructive. You bring a lot of stability and safety to my life. I– I need you.”

“I did not know you were suffering. But, now you have me. When you work it out, I will get the Master here to help with the spellwork so we can talk whenever you connect it. Then, you do not have to be apart from me.”

“Thanks Star. I– I wish I could hug and hold you. But, I’m just so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what to do now though. Maybe I can put the spell together properly and come home? Would– Would it be okay for me to come home? Is it okay if there are two of me?”

“I will speak with the Lady Flamewalker here. I am confident I can talk her into accepting you.”

“Hah, don’t you think you’re persuasive? I feel like I should be a little affronted on her behalf!”

“Oh? You do not think I will need to persuade you to be good as well? I am very powerful.”

The girl on the other end laughed. 

“Master?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ready for the other Master to come back?”

“Yeah. I think I can handle it.”

“That is good, because I can see her approaching.”

The girl took a deep breath and let it out.

“Alright. Let’s go. Round two!”