Growing Lilies

She walked with a smile, humming to herself. The hallways were empty. On some level, she was still a little concerned that this was some sort of set up, but every new turn revealing not a single soul was putting her mind at ease. More than that, for the first time in a long long time, Lhexa felt free. 

She spread her arms, and ran down the hall feeling like a child again. She couldn’t help but laugh. Here she was, at the bottom of the sea, in an empty prison that couldn’t sustain her life forever, and she couldn’t remember ever being this happy. She got to a cross shaped split in the hallway and twirled until she didn’t know which direction was which, then picked the path that was straight ahead.

Her rectangle buzzed, and she looked down.

EnA: Good that you’re enjoying yourself.

Lhexa grinned and typed right back.

You can’t expect to open my cage and not see me dance for joy.

She came to a small room with some security cameras and empty chairs. The elven girl plopped down in one and spun around a few times before giving the console a look over. 

Nothing interesting on the security cameras. Empty halls, empty offices, empty eating area. Sitting on the console though, a keycard. Lhexa pocketed it. Maybe it’d unlock something, or let her use the computers. Seemed to be an ID, belonging to a ‘Barny Belladelpha’. What a fancy name.

“Oh no, poor Barny’s gone and disappeared. Thanks for the ID though.”

Actually, that was a good question.

So, are they all dead? Or just somewhere else?

EnA: Does it matter?

Don’t tell me you don’t know. You’re a Goddess right? This poor little mortal is just scared for her fellow souls! <3

EnA: That’s a complicated question. They don’t exist now. Suffice it to say that they felt no pain or fear. They simply ceased to be in this world.

Sounds pretty dead to me. You’re a murderer, you know? Totally belong here with me in prison.

She giggled to herself. She wasn’t sure why she was needling a Goddess, but she felt she could be playful with Ena. She was feeling pretty drawn to the Goddess already. Although, that was probably relief at being ‘rescued’ still flowing through her.

EnA: I am here. So, which of us gets to be the warden?

Oh, and she flirts too! Lhexa got up and walked down the hall again, going straight once more at the crossed paths. She found herself in the cafeteria. Seemed to be one for the guards, but the food was still here. Unapologetically she grabbed a muffin and the untouched half of a sandwich, and started eating. This was so much better than the food the prisoners got! Not surprising.

I’m the warden, obviously. You’re the one trapped in a rectangle, so you ought to be good and do what I say, okay?

EnA: Well, aren’t you bold? I’ve already granted your wishes haven’t I? Ended your boredom? What else would you like from me?

She grabbed a knife off the counter and examined it closely. Seemed like a security hazard. The cafeteria door hadn’t even been locked. She guessed they were just that comfortable with the rest of the security protocols. Damn sharp knife too. She pocketed that as well. Who knows when she might have to stab something. Or someone.

You did say you were going to teach me some real magic.

EnA: You’re figuring it out on your own. Don’t worry about that. Although, you should grab a couple more of those knives.

The knives? So, you want me to collect interesting objects? Can do.

Lhexa circled back and grabbed a few more knives. It took a minute to track down where they were stored, but she walked out of the cafeteria with seven of them, and picked up an apple too.

So you aren’t gonna teach me? Here I was looking forward to meeting you in a classroom setting. I even brought an apple.

EnA: A witch isn’t made by others. She creates herself.

Oh, is that so? What about a Goddess then? Did someone make you?

Lhexa wandered down the halls while waiting for a reply. She thought a Goddess ought to answer instantly. But maybe it was a matter of things being perfectly timed out. Besides, she was apparently watching Lhexa somehow. She wished she knew from where, she’d blow her a kiss. Maybe she should put on a performance? None of her old stuff. Something new. Something hers.

Turning a corner, she found herself in a sort of apartment living section. Naturally, she started trying doors. The rectangle buzzed again.

EnA: Room 237

Lhexa shrugged and wandered until she found that room. The door was ajar, and she was able to just walk right in. Inside was a somewhat nicer living quarters than her room had been. The furniture seemed like the same make, but there were a few posters up and a plant on the counter. As well as a kitchen, and… right by the door, a hanger with two more keycards. Lhexa grabbed them up, and continued into the room.

I see I’m not getting an answer to that question huh? Oh well. Forgive a girl for wanting to know more about her Goddess.

EnA: We’re going to have an eternity together, you and I. It wouldn’t be fun if I told you everything and you had nothing left to discover.

Forever, huh? Are you proposing to little old me? <3

EnA: So much more than that. We’ll dance together through the cosmos. We’ll go everywhere, and experience everything together. Then we’ll invent new meanings of everywhere and everything, just to have more of each other. An eternity of fun. An eternity of love. A game that lasts forever, pushing the limits of hope and despair, of love and hatred, of comedy and tragedy. Our relationship is so much more than that.

Lhexa was taken aback a little by the directness of that response. For once she wasn’t sure what to say. Go along with it? Make a joke? Point out that earlier Ena said that she didn’t want anything from her?

EnA: There are so many good things in this room. Make sure to find them all. Start with the hat.

Hat? Lhexa looked around. Sure enough there was a hat. It was decorated like it was part of a costume. She was sure there was a story there, but shrugged and picked it up. A story that would never be told. What else?

She scanned the room. A jar of candies. She took it and popped one into her mouth. It was sweet. Cherry flavored. Lhexa threw herself down on the couch and started looking over her collected items. Knives, keycards, an apple, candy, the letter she’d received, half a muffin. What did they all have in common?

Pulling out her rectangle she swiped through it. Thankfully, it was designed pretty intuitively. She found a button labeled ‘Gallery’ and opened it.

Instantly a video played. It was a short video of a dog. A girl’s voice rang out.

“One more time, say something for me please!”

She sounded cute and excited. The dog’s tail wagged in response, and it took a playful stance, then the video ended. Lhexa swiped. The next couple things were pictures. Some pictures of fire for whatever reason, and presumably the girl holding a piece of burning wood in her hand. That must have hurt. Whoever she was was dedicated to taking a good picture though.

Next she found pictures of the girl in what looked like a living space. Mostly pictures of her taken through the bathroom mirror. Lhexa saw the girl holding up the same rectangle she was now holding. A human girl. She looked unhappy. Messy tangled brown hair, glasses, bags under her eyes, no makeup. Honestly, it looked like it’d been a while since the girl had even taken a shower. But, Lhexa recognized depression in an instant. She’d been there before.

Are these pictures what you look like?

No response. It was frustrating that Ena didn’t seem particularly forthcoming with information. Lhexa tried again.

I’m going to see you eventually, you might as well confirm or deny.

EnA: If you want, you can think of that girl as me. My beloved game piece. My Lily. I hope you will love her as I love you.

That makes no sense. What about you? You’re going to disappear on me? You said you’d be with me forever!

EnA: I will be with you forever. For eternity. 

So what gives?

EnA: I love you.

What? That’s not an answer!

EnA: I love you. More than the stars. More than all the people in all the worlds around them. More than all the universes in all of existence. More than reality. More than sanity. More than anything. I would tear down the walls of reality itself for you. You make a monster of me, but that is love.

This was going nowhere. Lhexa sat up and began looking around the room again. But before she got too far, she added one small thing.

You make it sound like you’re going away. Please don’t leave me.

She was suddenly feeling very vulnerable. In a way, she had been clinging to Ena like a life raft, and the thought of suddenly being without her was hard. It had only been a little while. Where did those feelings come from? But, Ena had stepped in to save her. Her savior. Her Goddess. She didn’t want that safety to leave her. Yeah, that was it. She shook her head, and began looking again. Then the rectangle buzzed.

EnA: Never. We’ll spend eternity together. Grab the canteen under the counter.

Yeah. Ena was telling the truth, right? But somehow, the feeling in her chest didn’t go away. Something was… wrong. She continued grabbing the posters off the walls and finally left the apartment, continuing down the hall.

Why was she feeling like this? Was she coming off of her normal meds, and that was fucking with her feelings? Doubt was seeping into her chest. She felt full of energy, but full of worry at the same time. She didn’t feel entirely reassured by Ena. But, as long as the Goddess was with her, everything would be okay right?

So, what’s the connection between all these items anyways? I’m starting to feel scared. Am I doing this right?

No reply. Right after saying she would always be with her. How rude. Oh well.

Lhexa flipped one of the knives along her fingers, as though it were a baton in one of her old idol performances.

“You can hear me, right? You’re so mysterious. Is that on purpose? You keep telling me to grab these things, but I still don’t see the connection between them all.”

She let the handle of the knife bounce into her palm and swept it in a slash, striking the air. If only she had had this when she attacked that bastard. She pictured her arm soaked in red up to the elbows, slick.

Not that he existed anymore. Better than he deserved. Better than most of them deserved, probably.

Lhexa let them slip out of her mind. Who cared? They were gone. And her? She was dancing. Dancing with the knife, letting it skid on the wall, sparking as she flowed through the prison. A dancer in her element. She let her body move, let herself sweat while her mind chewed on the problem.

What did all this junk have in common? What thread bound them?

Knives, a decorated hat, letters, merch, candies, a ‘water’ flask full of some kind of synthohol… A lot of things that must have belonged to the guards. Was that it? But then what about the letters? What about the candies? She would have thought that was it, but it didn’t work for all the items.

“Oh.”

The realization hit her bitterly. She slowed to a walk. Everything she was holding had seen the sky. And probably more recently than she had.

“Is that some kind of joke?”

She was frowning now. Her heart was full of betrayal. Maybe not. Maybe she was wrong. She reached for her rectangle, but– she looked down at the knife. When had she started gripping it like that? Blood ran between her fingers and drew a line down the hall behind her.

“You want me to hold onto all these things that have been above? They’re not there now! So what does it even matter? Was this just to play with my feelings?”

She let the knife fall out of her hand. Somehow the pain still hadn’t hit her yet. She knew it would soon though. It was just adrenaline holding it off, along with anger. Madness, even.

“You lead me on a treasure hunt for what? The memory of purple skies? I know what they look like. I don’t need this junk to remind me!”

She turned out her pockets. She threw down the hat. Candies scattered across the floor, rolling through the open doorways around her. 

“How’s any of this supposed to help me? What will any of it actually do?”

Her voice was rising, frustrated.

“How could you toy with me? I want out! I want freedom! I want stormclouds and open skies and the sun! I want it to rain!”

Lhexa felt her ears popping. She could have sworn she heard thunder. She wasn’t thinking straight. Her hand was starting to hurt. She turned, facing no one. Everyone. The only one there was anymore. Her one audience member. Her Goddess.

“I want to be above.”

She swung her head, gesturing angrily. Blood hit the ceiling. Everything was going white. Maybe she was going to faint? She had never felt more electric.

“Do you hear me!?”

She was screaming now. Her voice echoing down the halls and into the rooms around her.

“You promised me–!”

Her rectangle was beeping furiously. She had the tech in her hand, but couldn’t see the screen for all the blood on it. She laughed. She raged. She threw it, far. It slammed into the ground and bounced once… then broke apart. Instant regret washed over her. She chased towards it, through the doorway and dove.

Lhexa grabbed up the pieces of the rectangle, tears streaming down her face now.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know it was fragile. Please Ena, come back. Ena! Please! I need you! Please! I’m sorry!”

She scrambled with the pieces, desperately trying to put them back together. But it was dark in here and she couldn’t see well past her tears. It had come apart, but none of the pieces seemed broken beyond repair. Maybe she could fit them back together?

Then, she felt the wind on her skin. She looked up. It was a cool night out. The sound of waves in the distance reached her ears. She looked at the sky. The wide open sky overhead. A starless night, and yet she could tell there were no clouds. She looked out into a vast sea of nothingness, and for just a second, she marveled at the beauty of it.

Tears still streamed down her face. Her emotions at the surface for once, instead of buried beneath a million layers of denial and safeguards. 

“Ena. Please come back…”

---

Author Note:

Heck yeah, Lhexa chapter. I have a lot of fun writing her. Her and Gull will never be more of a focus than Lily, but I really want to establish them strongly before getting too far into Lily's story. I know this goes against conventional writing wisdom, but I'd really like them to be well known to the readers by the time they show up in the main story.

Still, I've got this wriggling worm in the back of my mind saying that I haven't focused hard enough on Lily 0 this volume so far. Don't worry readers, we will be back to her. There's just so much groundwork to establish! And I admit, I'm really enjoying writing it.

Responses to Lhexa from my beta readers have been surprisingly spread out. Half of them find her very sympathetic and relatable, the other half don't trust her at all. But all of them enjoyed the chapter regardless. I wonder what you all think of her? But, in any case, I think the split response is a good thing. I would never call her an evil character, but certainly her morals and values are different from the norm.

The main thing I want to avoid with her character is giving anyone the bad fanfic Joker vibe. She is not the jonkler. She is not a sneering villain declaring her ambivalence to both good and evil. So, while she has a flair for the dramatic, and a somewhat different moral compass, I do hope she's not giving that. She's a fragile girl in her own way. Prone to obsessive interests and thoughts, desperately needy for love, and actively seeking out intense emotions. Different characters will definitely see her through some very different lenses over the course of this story. But, I hope that by giving her some attention from her own perspective, we as an audience can see her from both sides.

Also, her magic is going to be really fun to explore. I think you'll all like it a lot as we delve in.

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! In my own life things are still crazy. But I'm getting closer to normality. I already have next weeks chapter done, which means if I can get another two done by the end of next week we might be back on a normal schedule by then! If not, almost certainly the week after. Unless something insane happens. Thanks for sticking with me as always folks! I'm really grateful to have anyone reading and enjoying my story. I really put my heart and soul into it!