Chapter 14

The downside of working at night is that you can't relax and have a drink with friends. Because I have to sleep while others are working and work while others are playing, my close friends are increasingly limited to those in the market. So, when I see friends who stop by the store sometimes because they think of me at night, I am grateful and happy to see them. However, a friend who brings five bottles of soju after 5 a.m. when work is over makes me more worried than happy. Already drunk. You bastard, you sure won’t throw up in my store, right?

“Go first, President Kwon. Anyway, all the goods have been loaded and the settlement has been completed.”

Chungyeon said with a worried face. Next to him, Jiyong also nodded.

“Boss, let’s go. You can really go.”

Contrary to their grateful words, the two stayed as far away from the drunken Namsu as possible. He'd been kind to me like that since he said 'woo-woo' once, but I didn't have time to feel disappointed. I hopped into the taxi with Namsu draped over my shoulders, leaving only one word of request. Of course, when the taxi driver saw Namsu's condition and the bag in my hand, he never wanted to give him a ride, but he showed kindness at my words.

“Tabul!”

And the taxi driver, who suspected that he had seen it on the German Autobahn, drove quickly and arrived at the guy's house in 8 minutes and threw him into the bathroom.

“Ugh!!!”

There is nothing more amazing than seeing with your own eyes what someone else ate. Oh shit, this bastard ate a whelk. When I came out of the bathroom shouting “Fuck you” every three seconds, Namsu, who was upset, was sleeping with a relaxed expression on his face. He tried to step on the sleeping guy's stomach, but he only lightly hit his head in case he vomited again.

Sigh!

The guy who was sleeping opened his eyes with a start at my small expression of affection.

“Huh? Huh? He looks like Kwon Hee-chan?”

“It’s not that he looks like him, it’s Heechan Kwon.”

I put his head back on the pillow as he tried to get up and got up. It was already 6 o'clock.

“I’m leaving, so let’s contact you later. Why is someone who doesn’t even drink suddenly drinking and making a fuss?”

“Don’t drink it because it’s painful.”

Namsu muttered while lying down. I sat back down and asked.

“What’s bothering you?”

"what?"

“You said it was painful?”

"I?"

...Holy shit. This frustration was quite familiar. Now that I think about it, something similar happened to me when I went to a class reunion.

“Are you doing this because of Manager Kim?”

“Huh? How do you know Manager Kim? That fucking bastard!!”

Startle. On the contrary, I was surprised. what? Are Manager Kim of the company collectively psychotic?

“AC, you bastard Manager Kim! I asked you to change the time, so I won’t change it even if I die... AC, I was going to see Heechan in the morning... but Manager Kim is interfering between us.”

You are the one interfering with our relationship.

“Hey, sleep, sleep.”

I tapped the guy on the head again and stood up. No, I was going to do that, but his hand grabbed my leg.

"why?"

“I want to have sex.”

"..."

“Oh, I really, really want to have sex.”

Sex. Well, since everyone lives with that thought in their head, what he said is not shocking. However, perhaps because I knew that Namsu was gay, a scene of him entangled with a man appeared in my mind without me even realizing it. This was seriously shocking. I gently removed his hand and took a step back.

“Hey, what are you doing with your hands on it? If you don’t have a lover, you can handle it on your own.”

“It’s hard to put it in the back by hand.”

...huh? huh?! Eh!

“That’s right, can you put some in there? There’s my favorite dildo in the second drawer over there. It’s pink.”

“Hey! You crazy... Huh, Han Nam-soo. No matter how much I am your friend, I can’t do that. Go to sleep quickly and go to sleep. Why are you awake?”

I woke up.

“I miss people so much. I wish someone would fill me up.”

“...It’s because I vomited and my stomach is empty. If I wake up and fill my stomach, everything will be resolved, so just go to sleep.”

“You don’t like it? Then what about kissing? Huh?”

"do you want to die?"

“Tch... they say they don’t like it all.”

Namsu pouted. Let me introduce it again. Namsu Han is a muscular fitness trainer.

“Ah, I want to have sex~”

“You should quickly find a lover.”

“A lover? No. I have too high standards for dating easily.”

Well then, let’s just be satisfied with pink for the time being. I looked at the dresser with frowning eyes. Is there really such a thing?

“That’s why I’ve only had sex partners so far. Don’t you feel so sorry for me?”

I turned my head in astonishment. Of all my friends, the one I thought had the most similar tendencies to me was the most promiscuous.

“What do you feel sorry for? You must have had a good time.”

“That’s right. Hehe~”

Namsu pretended to be cute again and squinted his eyes. Whether Namsu had sex with a man or was stabbed in the back with a tool, the thing that shocked me the most was that ghost. Han Nam-su, we’ll see when he wakes up. I made a promise and turned around to leave the room. But this time, I couldn't make it to the front door.

“But I still want to have sex with the person I like. I want to kiss the person I like, and I want to hold hands with the person I like. I just want to be able to see the person I like face to face.”

“It will happen soon. Don’t worry.”

“You? You too?”

Is there any way I could exist? I asked myself, I don’t know why I hesitated. I shook my head, pushing away the face of someone who was trying to come up.

“Nothing. I don’t have to appear.”

“Heechan.”

What, are you sane?

“Actually, there’s someone who’s been bothering me lately.”

"who?"

​

 

“Sex partner.”

...It's still shocking to hear it again. Still, I tried to support my friend who said he was lonely because he was worried about me.

“Good.”

“It didn’t work out!!!”

Oh my, what a surprise! The guy suddenly raised his upper body and fell back down as if he had no energy. And then he said while crying.

“It can’t go well. That guy… he’s really ugly. Ugh~”

What if I can't do it? While trying to give advice, I realized that Namsu has always been concerned about his appearance. Unlike other guys, he is neat, dresses well, and pays attention to his appearance. And he liked pretty things. very.

“If you look at his appearance, you will get used to it. If you keep looking at him, he will look handsome.”

“Even after seeing you for a year?”

“...Just wait 10 more years.”

Perhaps because he was saddened by my advice, he started fussing again. Do I have to wait 10 years? So he looks handsome, right? I gave a big nod to the guy who asked. of course. I will be by your side and brainwash you for 10 years. However, despite my comfort, his mood did not seem to improve.

“He’s not my type, but it keeps bothering me. I have a crush on someone else.”

“Crush? Was there someone you liked?”

huh. Namsu lowered his head and muttered.

“Very good. I just liked it from the beginning. But it will never work out for me. Me too, that’s why I gave up. I gave up on everything, but it’s still good. But this guy… This ugly guy isn’t my type, but he’s nice to me. “I keep trying to lose my mind because he gives it to me. He’s not my type, but when I’m having a hard time, I think of this guy.”

What's so complicated? There's someone you like, but if they've already given up on you, you should give up completely. And wouldn't you like it if your sex partner reminds you of him that much? Why worry? I didn't understand. She was just a sexual partner, but now you've grown attached to her and it's hard to get her off your mind? Then I suddenly remembered someone who cheated on me with my sexual partner. I don't want to understand what he did. He definitely deserves to be criticized and abandoned by his lover. However, I don't want to think of him as one-dimensional like a drama villain. I wasn't the type of person to be criticized like that. Suddenly, what Minjae Woo said came to mind.

'I guess people's emotions aren't that simple.'

“Heechan.”

"why?"

“I wish there was a guy you liked too.”

What nonsense... the words that flowed in my mouth strangely could not come out of my mouth.

“Heechan, if you don’t find a girl you like, think about a guy too. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just natural, right?”

"..."

“So I want you to know the joy of sex too. I can lend you a bunch of equipment too.”

“Really, you crazy bastard.”

Oh, I'm a fool for listening seriously.

“Heechan.”

“What else?”

“Hug me. I want to feel your warmth. All I need to do is hold you.”

Namsu opened his arms to the sky. I approached him while looking at him.

“Do you want to feel the warmth? Come on, how about this? Huh?”

I stepped on his body mercilessly with my foot. Once I felt the warmth like an active volcano...

“Ugh, ugh!!!”

"!"

friday. As soon as the test was over, the kids in the class were full of energy. I, who had slept refreshed throughout the exam, woke up with a cheerful face. However, as soon as I woke up, I was called to the teacher's office. It was my homeroom teacher who called me, and unexpectedly, Hakju was also there. What's going on?

“Taekin, did you do well on the test?”

"no."

I answered my homeroom teacher and glanced at Hakju. However, her eyes met as she stared at me with an expressionless expression, and she quickly looked away again. what? Do I get a bad score on the English test?

“The results haven’t come out yet, but I heard that you used one number during exam time and slept. But…”

The homeroom teacher trailed off and smiled awkwardly.

“Your English answer sheet is different.”

“I solved English myself.”

“Are you sure?”

Is it real? I looked at the two people alternately. So if it’s not real, what is? When I didn't understand, Hakju asked me honestly.

“Did you cheat?”

“Yes? Cheating?”

I asked Hakju what kind of nonsense this was, but Hakju’s expression was serious. You mean it's not a joke?

“I didn’t do it. And why would I cheat? I’m cheating on English, which is useless, because I don’t want to do all the subjects.”

“Useless?! Hey, how useful is English to you!!”

“Student head teacher, that’s not important right now…”

His homeroom teacher tried to stop him, but it only made him angry.

“Are you saying it’s not important? Is there a subject more important than English!!”

“National affairs.”

I answered, but only received cold stares from the two people. Is it the Korean language?

“Taekin, now is not the time to say such things. Someone reported that you cheated on the English test...”

“Are you a class president?”

Stop. The homeroom teacher’s expression hardened. On the contrary, Hakju's eyes changed as if he was having fun.

“Why do you think you’re class president?”

“Because he’s the one who’s bothering me.”

Hakju looked at me with his arms crossed, but the homeroom teacher was embarrassed and asked back.

“The class president is bullying you? That’s ridiculous. Are you sure about the class president? You’ve never said anything like that before, right?”

“It’s not something that can be solved by talking about it.”

The homeroom teacher frowned at him, then shook his head resolutely.

“I’m sorry, but the teacher doesn’t believe you. The class president is so kind. What did you say when I was counseling you because it seemed like you didn’t get along well with the kids? You said you wanted to become friends with the class president. So I deliberately asked the class president for you. He said he was doing my favor. “The class president ate with you and became close friends.”

Taek-in said he wanted to become friends first? To the point where you even ask the teacher? It was an unexpected fact.

“I think you misunderstand something.”

“Teacher. This is why I didn’t tell you.”

“But the truth is, no one can tell that the class president is a diligent kid...”

Her homeroom teacher tried to defend her class president, but her class leader next to her stopped her.

“Teacher, Taek-in may be crazy, but he’s not the kind of guy who would lie. Let’s check for cheating first.”

All of Hakju's words of helping me were leaked out, and only one word stuck in my ear. It's crazy. No, this menopausal man...

“Taekin, if you passed the English test, does that mean you studied?”

"yes."

At my words, Hakju tried to hand out the paper he had prepared. I glanced at the paper and saw that it was full of English questions. Ugh, are you asking me to watch the syrup again? I quickly opened my mouth.

“Teacher, I will prove it to you, so please give me a white piece of paper.”

I am not confident about the test. However, I was confident that I could prove what I had studied. I looked at the white paper, emphasizing it. Hakju, whose eyes met, looked at me intently, then held out the paper he had paused on again. Flip it over and turn it into a blank page.

“Prove it.”

I picked up a pen and started writing down the text I had memorized from the back of the paper.

Class president, have you seen this bastard? She huffed and returned to the classroom, but no one was there. Well, even if there is a class president, Taekin can't physically fight, so it might be better not to have one. Still, it was futile. At the same time, hunger struck me. Oh, I'm hungry. She felt hungry and couldn't hold back. As soon as I left the school gate, I ran to the nearby McDonald's. I finished ordering out of breath and as soon as the hamburger came out, I went up to the second floor, drinking Coke through a straw. Perhaps because the exam was over, the second floor was more than half filled with students from our school. Without having to go far, I sat down in an empty corner, buried my head, and ate diligently.

I had just finished eating one burger and as I was unpacking the second bag, I realized that the reason there were no seats around me was because there was a bathroom right next to it. And then I took a big bite of the second hamburger. 1/3 disappeared. At this point, I couldn't help but have doubts. Seeba, has the size of the hamburger decreased? I munched on the hamburger and placed the half-eaten hamburger in my palm. Look at this, it's small. It's definitely small. I ate 1/3 of the hamburger again, feeling very betrayed by the first hamburger I had in a long time. While I was concentrating on eating, I received a text message on my phone.

[Wait at the hotel.]

He replied while chewing bread, meat, and vegetables.

[I’m going to go home and sleep.]

[Hey, why don’t you add a ruler?]

what? I was shocked. I can't even see your face, so what kind of respect is there? I wrote letters diligently. Fuck you. Why do I show respect to machines...

[I was going to hold your hand today.]

[Teacher Woo Min-jae, I will never forget this grace for the rest of my life!]

I lowered my head to the machine. Let’s eat quickly and go. I was so excited that I put the last piece of the second hamburger into my mouth. At that time, someone coming out of the bathroom stopped in front of me for a moment while talking on the phone. His voice caught my attention.

“Yes, sister. See you there tomorrow. ...No, we don’t mind. You know, we’re regulars in Ibiza. And mom went on a trip. I don’t think there will be any problem at all. The problem is not us, but your sister’s boyfriend. No? I heard your sister’s friend also has a boyfriend?”

There was laughter mixed in the voice asking the question. As if it doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend.

“Okay. Bring another friend. ... Yes, I’ll take the car. I told you. Last time, the car was in for repairs. It’s out now. Take a ride and tell me what kind of car it is.”

He hung up the phone and walked away with an excited expression. But he wears his school uniform and proudly takes his car. I crumpled the second hamburger wrapper in my hands and tried to suppress my laughter. The student who disappeared into the distance and couldn't be seen was the class president. Student driving again?? Haha, you caught this guy. I will definitely kill you this time. I happily peeled off the burger wrapper. After eating the third piece, I felt thirsty. I should have bought some cola too.

“Taekin~!!”

I could immediately tell who the unique lively and bright voice was. It was Andy. Before I even turned around, I controlled my frown. For some reason, I felt like I would see him again when I got to the hotel. Still, I never thought I would see it. Are you sure that person is stalking me and not Woo Min-jae?

"You came early? That's good. Even if it wasn't, I wanted to meet you, but I was worried because I didn't know his contact information. I was thinking about asking Minjae, but it just happened! We met! It's so amazing, right?"

“Not really.”

“Haha, I guess you and I are meant to become friends.”

“That can’t be right.”

“By the way, have you eaten? What should we order? Do you like white sundae?”

“I’m full.”

“Stir-fried Baek Sundae was delivered. But I heard it wasn’t enough for one person, so it was good. Let’s eat together~”

What I said didn't make any sense at all. As he grabbed my arm and dragged me towards his villa, I braced my legs and held on.

“I don’t know what you want to give me, so I won’t accept it. I’m grateful you helped me last time I visited, but… huh? Are you crying?”

He was really crying. As he looked at me, he shed tears like chicken poop and held both of his hands tightly.

“It’s okay. I understand. You might be scared of meeting people right now. I was like that too. I didn’t meet anyone because I was scared that person would hate me. Even when people tried to help me, I refused and instead treated them harshly. But this wasn’t the way. “If you do this, you’ll hate me even more.”

“...Okay. What do you have for me?”

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and smiled.

"phone number."

What Andy held out were several business cards. Psychotherapist, counselor, art therapist.

"When you're having a hard time, if you want to confide in someone, just call them and go. Just talking out what's inside you will make your head feel lighter. Of course, you don't have to pay. I've contacted them all, so you can call them anytime."

"..."

"And this is a book I read and found very helpful, and this..."

He put more than 10 books on the table and placed a square MP3 player next to them.

"What I heard here is the music I like. I like music, so listening to music comforted me a lot at the time. To be honest, if I didn't like music and what I did, I would have become a social misfit and wouldn't have been able to leave the room. Of course, you should listen and enjoy it too. It contains popular music. This machine, the sound quality is very good. It is a hi-fi MP3..."

While Anne was explaining something about MP3, he looked at the title of the book. I thought it would be about self-development, like 10 or so, but surprisingly, most of them were novels or essay collections. The Catcher in the Rye, I felt like I had heard of this. I guess it's a hunter's story. In the middle of my life, I thought this would be boring just by looking at the title. The Key to Heaven, is this a fantasy novel?

“You can’t just stay at home. You have to keep going out. You can watch movies, stop by the bookstore and read books for hours, but don’t go to the PC room. The computer is a magnet. You can never leave that place. And exercise, oh, maybe you like exercise? hani?"

work out? Does Taekin like exercising? I like it, but I've never wondered if this guy likes sports.

"It's easier to overcome if you like sports. What sports do you like? If there's a professional team you like, it's good to work hard to support it. Since we are people with the same hobby, it's easy to become friends and it's fun. People usually like overseas soccer, but don't you?"

"I do not know."

“Okay, um… Then, what about music? I’m sure there’s music you like? Do you like music? Idols?”

He asked, holding up the MP3 player. He looked at me with shining eyes as if he would tell me if there was a song I liked right away, but I couldn't answer this time either. Yes, everyone likes songs. Doesn’t Taekin have a favorite song too? But I don't know. Even if you've been living in this guy's body for a few weeks, you don't know what kind of exercise he likes, what song he likes, or what food he likes. He wasn't curious at all. All I could think about was how quickly this guy would wake up and get out of this body.

“Taekin.”

Yes, I raised my head and the other person looked at me with worried eyes.

“What’s wrong? Are you burdened?”

“No. It’s just that I don’t know anything. I don’t know what I like.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know almost anyone that age. There are only a few people who know what I like and what I want to do in the future.”

He grinned as if to comfort me, but I couldn't smile back. He picked up the phone in confusion, probably because he thought I was depressed.

“Ooh, shall we eat chicken feet? Pig’s feet? Sundae?”

​

 

“Who held your hand?”

"uh?"

“When I was having a hard time with being bullied, I was wondering if someone held my hand and I overcame it.”

He shook his head.

“No. No one held my hand.”

Isn't this method real?

“But there was someone who listened to my story.”

“Do you listen to me? You didn’t comfort me?”

“Yes, I just listened. He said something about how difficult it must have been at the end, but at that time, just listening to me was very comforting. Of course, I didn’t completely overcome it thanks to that person, but I felt like I went up one step from the bottom. Even though that one staircase wasn't a big deal, it seemed like it was a path that kept going up. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even known there was a staircase. I wouldn't have been able to laugh like this."

As he said this, he continued to laugh.

“No one at school would talk to me, they would look at me like I was a fagot and I couldn’t smile when that happened. He didn’t smile once for about two years before he left school.”

“You dropped out of school? But you overcame it…”

“Yes, I overcame it. That’s why I quit. I had something I wanted to do, so I wanted to do it quickly. If I hadn’t overcome it, I would have continued to go to school. If I was conscious of those around me, I felt like I had to graduate somehow so I wouldn’t be left as a loser. And maybe. The decision to quit school itself may have been one of overcoming. It's scary, quitting school. But when I overcame it, I was the only one who saw it. Of course, there was shame. In the end, I'm still an idiot who couldn't adapt to the school life that everyone else was doing. "Because there wasn't. But I felt at ease. This method wasn't bad either. And the important thing was after that. I tried to do what I wanted, so I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed later."

"..."

“I was very lucky. I knew what I liked to do. But it’s okay if you don’t know. Didn’t I tell you, everyone doesn’t know. The more difficult times are, the more you go out and see, experience, and read different things to find what you want to do.”

"..."

“Why? Because it’s such trite advice? Sorry, but when you think about it in hindsight, trite advice turns out to be true.”

right. The annoying and annoying advice I often heard was ultimately the truth. There is a reason why adults keep saying the same thing. As I get older, if I have anything to say to high school students, the only thing I can say is what I heard back then. Study hard, go to school hard, and listen carefully to your parents. It's not for getting good grades and going to a good university, but for habits. I force myself to endure the boring school life, study when I don't want to, and force myself to correct my behavior due to the annoying nagging of my parents. This experience serves as a foundation for coming out into society, forcing yourself to hold on to your company, having to do things you don't want to do, and accepting the ridiculous pressures of your superiors and business partners.

Being sincere is not difficult. All you have to do is get your body used to sincerity little by little from the time you are a student. Of course I couldn't do that. So I wasted time wandering around in my early to mid-20s trying to find a place. What if I had someone like Andy who cared and gave me advice when I was in high school? What would have happened if Taek-in had met someone like this before attempting suicide?

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? You don’t look good.”

His words woke me up from my thoughts. And while looking at the person in front of me, I asked a question without realizing it.

“Why would someone as good as you cheat?”

"..."

“If Woo Min-jae doesn’t forgive you so harshly, it means it’s true. Why did you do that? If you love Woo Min-jae that much, it can’t happen.”

“Yes, it couldn’t have happened. It had to happen.”

He lowered his gaze and muttered.

"But I couldn't do that at the time. At that moment, I was worried and concerned about the person in front of me, so I couldn't just leave it. Later, I realized how selfish this was, but I guess my mind was paralyzed at the time."

“You didn’t like that sex partner?”

"I don't know."

He looked at me with an embarrassed smile, but his eyes were lonely and empty.

"I'm funny, right? I've known that friend longer than Minjae. It's a friendship so deep that it could be mistaken for affection. But the day the problem arose, that friend confessed that it wasn't friendship from the beginning. I think I was confused at the time. But, I’m sure now. I really like Minjae. Minjae is the person I like.”

“But shouldn’t I like you now?”

“Why? Because the other person doesn’t like me anymore? Then do I really have to give up my feelings?”

He asked, looking at me with strong eyes.

“You like Minjae too, right?”