Chapter 15

A refreshing breeze passed by my face. Her hair flew back, and her heart felt light as she closed her eyes. I stretched out my arms as if I were the main character of the CF. It just didn't matter what I did. There was no one here, and in front of me was a beautiful white sandy beach, and in front of that the blue sea was so wide that it was mind-boggling. I've never been to a foreign resort before, but I thought that if I did go, it would be like this place. The soft white sand gently supported my body as I walked. I wanted to sit again and feel the wind like last time. I actually tried to sit down. Even though there was no one there, it wasn't scary at all and was actually a comfortable place.

However, when I tried to sit down, something caught me, so I stood up again. Apparently something happened the last time I was here. No, I think I saw something. I looked around. There was nothing, so I just walked quickly along the beach. Yes, I saw it. I saw someone. Someone else here besides me... Huh?! I hadn't walked far when someone came into view. And then I realized just like the last time. This is Kim Taek-in. Hey, Kim Taek-in! I called out loud. But it was drowned out by the sound of the waves, so I couldn't even hear it. The small shoulders that sat with their knees facing the sea did not look back.

Hey, are you Kim Taek-in? Kim Taek-in!! No matter how loud I shouted, the sound could not go forward. I started running out of frustration. It won't work. You have to bring it yourself. I ran hard. I ran for a while and was out of breath, but I couldn't get any closer to Taekin. The beach that used to be paradise has now become a place of nightmare. Fuck, hey, Kim Taek-in!! Kim Taek-in! Hey you...

Startle.

Suddenly everything disappeared. I felt goosebumps all over my body and opened my eyes. Someone was holding my shoulder.

“Kwon Hee-chan.”

Minjae Woo called my name. huh? I answered blankly, and he looked at me with frowning eyes and took his hand away.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Maybe so. I mumbled and sat up. Now that I think about it, it seems like he went into the villa and fell asleep while waiting for him. My head felt heavy. It felt stuffy, like it was full of something. As I was shaking my head to shake it off, the guy asked.

“In your dream, did you get a passing score on the English test?”

Stop. I stopped shaking my hair and looked up.

“Bang points? I’m definitely not a big point. I’m sure it’s at least 30 points.”

Who do you think is a fool? I added, tapping my still dull head with my hand.

“And if you do well, you might even get over 50 points.”

"yo. this."

"... yo. this."

“Did the student head teacher say anything today?”

You know I was called today. Then you must have misunderstood that I was cheating? I insisted strongly in advance.

“I never cheated.”

"know."

know? Do you believe me? Although it seemed surprising, I felt proud that the exchange so far had not been in vain. As expected, Han Guin’s affection is...

“Cheating also requires brains. You have absolutely no ability to summarize to create a cheat sheet.”

“... You are so unlucky. Yo.”

“I’m defending your innocence.”

“Just protect your temper, yo.”

“I was going to hold your hand today.”

“There have been pesticides in my life, but there is absolutely no summary.”

Woo Min-jae could barely nod his head thanks to his intense gaze, saying that he usually drinks pesticides like water.

“Okay. Sit up straight.”

He sat across from me.

“Give me your hand.”

now?

“You said we should hold hands?”

​

 

“Ah, yes...”

I hesitantly held out my hand. Unlike the one who insisted on holding my hand first, Woo Min-jae looked at me strangely when I hesitated.

“Are you scared of failing?”

“It’s not scary...”

I hesitated again. To be honest, it's scary. But it's not because I'm afraid of failing, it's because I know I'm going to fail. It won't work this time. I knew that even if Woo Min-jae spoke more sincerely than last time, it wouldn't work. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that Woo Min-jae was waiting for me right in front of me.

“The dream a little while ago, I saw Kim Taek-in on a white sandy beach. It was a very nice beach, like something out of a movie, but the important thing was that I called out to him, but his voice couldn’t reach him. Even though I ran to catch him, he didn’t get any closer. yo. this."

“It could just be a dream.”

is it? No, the dream was as vivid as an experience. I still remember the coolness of the wind blowing on my face. I shook my head.

“I think Kim Taek-in is really on that beach. But no matter how loud I call, the sound doesn’t reach me...”

“Do you think it would be of no use if I called you?”

"..."

“Why not give it a try?”

He took my hanging hands and held them in his. When a large hand held Taekin's hand tightly, his heart responded immediately. He started shaking for the first time in a long time. His face turned red again. Even though I knew it wasn't my reaction, I felt embarrassed for no reason. I wanted to hide this reaction, so I looked away and asked random questions.

“Why are you suddenly trying to help me?”

“Because it’s vacation soon.”

Why vacation? I couldn't understand, so I stared, and then heat suddenly spread to my face. AC, damn your heart!

"don't do it?"

“No, do it! Yo.”

“Lift your eyes.”

"..."

“Look right in my eyes.”

I forced my eyes up. I felt like my body was curled up like a squid. He's probably holding his hand with his shoulders shrunken like a turtle and his whole body turning red. When I finally made eye contact with him, he opened his mouth.

“You laugh a lot. You’re good at telling jokes, and you exercise a lot.”

I tried to pull his hand away to see what he was talking about, but he pulled back with force.

“You have such a nice smile on your face. You probably smiled like that all the time when you were little. You played with your friends and went to the playground every hour to run. I never thought you would like it too. You didn’t have any friends at school, and you didn’t say a word all day. Of course it must have been difficult to live among people without you, but you didn't realize it. I had no idea that you would have a hard time. Even though there were circumstances that made it difficult for you, you didn't try to find out or pay any attention. You probably didn't want to show that you were having a hard time. At school, “Of course, especially at home. I don’t want to make it any harder on my mother.”

His voice became quieter and lower.

"You couldn't tell your mother that you couldn't fit in at school. But you couldn't solve it, and you couldn't ask anyone for help. I can't even imagine how much you gritted your teeth and got through school life. Didn't you feel lonely? I didn't want to cry. "I'm sorry I asked late. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner."

"..."

"are you okay?"

"what?"

He let go of his hand and handed me a piece of tissue. Only then did I realize that a tear had flowed from one eye. When did I cry? I quickly grabbed a tissue, wiped my tears, and averted my gaze. It wasn't anything special, so why did I cry?

"how is it?"

His question reminded me of my original purpose. He raised his hand to his chest. There was a faint, spreading warmth. It was definitely more warm than other people's, but it was lacking a lot. I just knew. That something more is needed.

“I’m going to go. Yo.”

He stood up without saying a word.

“I’ll take you there.”

“No. I want to go alone.”

​

 

I turned around and left the villa without looking at him.

I was sitting at home without turning on the lights and then I realized it was getting dark. I had to go to work at 9, but it was already 7:30 in the evening. It was time to eat, but I had no appetite. I have to go out to the store and order something. I stood up. However, after looking at the dark house, I sat back down. Just buy some kimbap and eat it later. I lay down on the old sofa and looked around the dark house. When I was in high school, the house was always dark except for my room until my mom came home from school.

When I started going out to work part-time at the market at night, the lights in my room wouldn't even turn on. Because I needed to sleep a little more and get up and leave. Even taking the time to turn the lights on and off was a waste and a hassle. I also liked the dark one better. I didn't want to see the house in bright light. I didn't want to see the empty, fatherless house under the bright lights. Our house was twisted and broken, like a crumpled box. Mom didn't smile, and I didn't open my mouth. I only realized it now, but I must have been lonely at the time. I was sad, and maybe I wanted to cry. I got up, picked up my laptop on the table, and left the house.

“Is it Taekin’s?”

Yes, I answered Jiyong and looked at the screen together.

“I took a quick look, and there were only video lectures. The only sites saved were study-related academies or cafes. Oh, and cake. There were a lot of photos of cookies and cakes, and videos of making them.”

“Do you want to find something else, boss?”

huh. I nodded again. Jiyong was good at using computers, just like the guy who raised him was a guy who worked in a PC room. He first looked to see if there was a hidden folder.

“It would be nice to have porn. Hehe~”

Jiyong seemed excited about something and glanced at me.

“Then why are you suddenly looking for me?”

“Shut up and just look for me.”

Tsk. Jiyong pursed his lips and searched through the folder intently. But he had no results even after a while.

“I guess you really only used this laptop for studying? Didn’t you say you have another desk chop at home?”

“Yes, there is, but I share the living room with their mother.”

Perhaps Jiyong and his father also used it. I took a look and there were several documents stored there that were only for use at work.

“Then Taekin’s personal life will all be here…”

“So, take a good look. There was nothing on this guy’s smartphone either.”

“Now that I think about it, there was nothing saved at first except a few phone numbers. I thought someone had deleted everything?”

Erase it? Jiyong looked at my expression and added.

“Why don’t I become more obsessed with my phone when I spend a lot of time alone? I use the Internet and play games. But I haven’t installed any new apps, so I thought I deleted them. My phone isn’t even up to date.”

“Who erases that?”

“What, is it you? I guess it was something like, ‘I’m going to organize everything because I was trying to commit suicide,’ or something like that? I’m leaving behind only a family number that I can contact after I die.”

It seemed plausible. I asked, looking at my laptop.

“So this means the same thing? Taekin erased everything beforehand?”

“That could be true. I don’t have any internet history or any downloaded data... huh?”

"why?"

“There are hidden files.”

Jiyong found a transparent folder, changed it, and looked inside. But it didn't open.

“The password was locked. There is quite a bit of storage space.”

“Can’t you solve it?”

I can't solve it. Jiyong shook his head. shit.

“But my friend might be able to solve it.”

"Really?"

“Yes. But it takes some time because I’m on a business trip to a rural area.”

doesn't care. Time is running out.

“CEO, why are you suddenly digging into Taekin’s past?”

Yeah, not suddenly. But it shouldn't have happened suddenly. I should have looked into it from the beginning. After Jiyong disappeared with his laptop, a text message came.

[No effect?]

I just looked at Woo Min-jae’s text message for a while. It had no effect. I needed to send a reply, but my hands couldn't move easily. It's not that it wasn't effective. The warmth definitely spread out more than that of other people. Before, I would have thought Woo Min-jae was the answer. But strangely, I'm not sure about this idea anymore.

[Try again later.]

​

 

[What about ‘yo’?]

[Please try again.]

huh? After sending the reply, I felt strange. Wait, that's me now. Since you're not a high school student, you don't have to add this, right? ... Holy shit!

[hey!! Why did you label me like this?!! Do I look like I have hot legs in ice pants?!]

There was no answer. No, this bastard... I couldn't control my anger and called. The call tone sounded a few times and then disappeared. It was clear that the other person had answered the phone, but there was no sound.

“Hey! Why aren’t you answering?!”

But it was strange. I thought I could hear whining on the other end of the phone. A small sound was also heard. It seems like they keep saying, “Bingbaji, hot legs,” and so on. what? Is this kid sick? Did you have an accident?

"Woo Min-jae? Hey, Woo Min-jae, are you okay..."

[...huh.]

“Hey, what are you? Why isn’t there an answer?”

[...huh.]

As expected, the voice was awkward, as if something had been suppressed. Then, out of the blue, he made a strange request.

[Tell me something sad.]

"why?"

[just. My facial muscles hurt a little.]

I took the phone away from my ear and looked at it as if it were Woo Min-jae. Is this crazy? Why do your facial muscles want to hear sad stories?

“Did you turn?”

[It seem to be like that]

Seeing how he readily acknowledged it, it seemed like it was real money. From the outside, it looks like things are in danger. Screw you, if you really want to exercise, get rid of the teacher and do it again. Then I suddenly remembered that I had something to say to him. A very important thing that he can help me with as a teacher. I was thinking of calling this guy to punish the class president.

“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

[why?]

"If I call you after 11 o'clock, come out right away. I got some very important information, captain..."

After speaking up to this point, I paused. Come to think of it, this guy let a group of class leaders go last time, right? Aren’t they just sending it away again this time? What if I tell you now and then reject it by saying I don’t care?

[Class monitor?]

“No. Just call me and I’ll come out.”

[It might be a little late. I have an appointment tomorrow.]

"Until after 11 o'clock? Are you drinking? Where are you drinking? If you're in Gangnam, you can just come and go right away, so if you call, be sure to come out."

But you can't call him Hakju, right? She hung up the phone after receiving a reply from the guy saying he knew. I had completely forgotten the original purpose of the call and was trying to work hard when I received a text message. Just two words.

[Bingdari hot pants.]

what? Is it a typo? whatever?

The suspicion of cheating on my English test has probably been resolved. There was no call to me the next day, and my homeroom teacher didn't say anything. Still, if there is a harvest from this day, it is that it confirmed that there are two weeks left until the vacation that Woo Min-jae mentioned. More than anyone else in my class, I felt eyes on me while I was packing my bag and waiting for vacation. The class president was glaring at me, chatting with his friends. When our eyes met, the guy spit out an expletive from his mouth. That kid...

“Ignore it.”

When I heard a voice interrupt, I looked to the side and saw my partner gathering his luggage and adding lowly.

“The class president’s mother has influence in the school, so if you mess with her for no reason, you will be kicked out. Even the teachers can’t mess with her.”

I looked at my partner for a moment and then looked at the class president again. He was just leaving the classroom with his friends. I checked that he had left and called my partner.

“Do you know who I was close with?”

My partner stood up and looked back at me.

“Someone you were close to? You don’t know that? Oh, that’s right. You have memory impairment.”

He thought about it for a while, talked about something with another friend who came over, and then shared it with me.

“I saw you talking to the kids you were close with in first grade a few times when you met them in passing. But after rumors started to spread about you, you didn’t even talk to those kids.”

“Rumors that he’s gay?”

“Huh? ...Uh.”

​

 

He looked awkward and made eye contact with his friend.

“It seemed like you deliberately didn’t talk to us from your side after that.”

"..."

“Even if that wasn’t the case, everyone was reluctant because the class leader got angry and started swearing at you.”

Why on earth did that bastard curse at me? Just because he's gay? I remembered what I heard from my homeroom teacher and asked to confirm.

“Is it true that the class president hung out with me at the beginning of the semester?”

that's right. My partner nodded.

“You followed me around like a class leader.”

"Are you sure?"

that's right. The partner shook his head up and down again.

“The funny thing is, the class president seemed to like it when you ran errands for him, so he let you hang out with his group. So, you went to the class president’s house a few times. But what happened was that after the class president got angry, you started bullying. Did you betray him? "

“What betrayal?”

“Well, we don’t know. By the way, I saw you with a student from another school.”

What my partner told me was that I was talking to a student wearing a uniform from another school at a hamburger restaurant in front of the school. After that, I saw them together one more time.

“Maybe you were close with her? She looked kind of similar to you. She also looked like a girl.”

  7:00 pm.

As soon as I woke up in my house, the doorbell rang loudly. what? who is this? I got up unsteadily and frantically opened the door, and a familiar face came in.

“Hee-chan!”

I took a step back in surprise and frowned when I recognized it was Namsu.

“Hey, you suddenly didn’t contact me…”

“Are you okay?! I kept calling you, but I was so worried because you didn’t answer!!”

“I slept. I usually sleep at this time.”

“Do you still sleep long enough not to hear the phone or the doorbell ringing?”

“Yes. I slept so hard that my soul slipped out.”

The guy burst out laughing at my words.

“Why are you telling such a lame joke, which is so uncharacteristic of you?”

“...I’m serious.”

“Anyway, as long as it’s not for another reason, I’m okay with it. I also want you to…”

Namsu didn’t say anything again and avoided his eyes. Of course, it doesn't matter if you don't say anything. Is it for no reason that we have been friends for over 10 years?

“Did you think I didn’t contact you on purpose?”

Namsu glanced at me. No? When asked, he answered with his hands. Pop! My palm clinging to his back made a clicking sound.

“Are you the one who caused trouble to this older brother and then never contacted me? Huh?”

“Ugh! Hey... I’m sorry I couldn’t contact you.”

"come in."

Namsu hesitantly entered the living room and sat down in his familiar seat. And he sipped the yogurt I gave him.

“I didn’t say anything strange, did I?”

"I did it."

“Well, what did you say?”

“I want to have sex.”

“Kek!! Ugh!”

I hope that his screams are caused by the remains of the yogurt that splattered on the floor. If not, you will actually scream under my hand in 5 seconds. Fortunately, the guy quickly wiped the floor with a tissue. As expected, I educated my friend well.

“Did I really say that?”

“Yeah. I heard you’re not satisfied with the pink utensils in your second drawer.”

"Ugh! I'm crazy..."

“Are you not satisfied with your sexual partner?”

"Wow! Even that story..."

“If you’re bothered by an ugly sex partner, just date him.”

“Oh, no! That’s…”

"If you see that we've been together for over a year, our bodies are compatible. Wouldn't it be better to have an ugly sex partner in person rather than a pink dildo? He'll satisfy you in every way, right?"

Namsu was now tearing out his head in pain. Seeing his friend struggle, he realized that he had something to eat after teasing him for 10 years, so he happily took a shot of yogurt. After a while, Namsu, who was sitting on the floor, lifted his wild hair.

“You didn’t say anything strange again, did you?”

I narrowed my eyes, sensing the anxiety hidden in his voice. No, does this guy have something else to hide? Is there a whip in the third drawer?

“Nothing. Except for swearing at Manager Kim.”

Namsu secretly sighed. I guess there really is another secret. He was curious, but he didn't really want to know all of the guy's secrets. Because I also have something I want to hide. Was Woo Min-jae like that? As long as there is a secret, what you see is only half of it.

“It’s really embarrassing. It’s all revealed to you…”

The guy glanced at me.

“You, the other half, and you, the one who has been exposed, are the same Hannamsu to me anyway.”

“Half?”

“Someone said that the more secrets you have to hide, the more you have to pretend to be something you’re not, making you half a person. Come to think of it, you’ve managed to hide the fact that you’re gay all this time? Wasn’t it hard?”

“Well, I’m used to it.”

“Just because you’re used to being difficult doesn’t mean it’s not difficult.”

"..."

"why?"

“I didn’t expect to be comforted by you.”

consolation? I just said it without thinking. I was embarrassed and closed my eyes, but Namsu was looking down so he couldn't see me.

“Thank you. I didn’t want to be hated, especially by you. But you did this for me…”

“Fuck, are you crying?”

“Are you crazy?”

“But why are you turning your head? You crazy bastard, do you think you’ll get kicked out of my house if you cry? Huh?”

“Who says you’re crying?!”

The guy got angry and turned his head. His eyeballs were red. I thought about embarrassing him even more so that he would treat me as his older brother for the rest of his life, but at this point I decided to be generous. He was also sorry that he had been comforted by a question he had asked without any intention of consoling. At that time, Namsu muttered.

“I couldn’t be of any help to you.”

“I’m getting help from the bank. I don’t plan on borrowing money from my friends.”

“Not money, but when you were having a hard time.”

When I was having a hard time? I looked at him curiously and Namsu shrugged his shoulders.

“You had a hard time in high school.”

"...I?"

“You’ve been working at the market at night since then. We were playing around and went to see you in the early morning, but your uncle caught you and told you to die and just worked and never went back. Don’t you remember?”

Well, it flies. I answered as if it was no big deal and looked away.

“I worked at the market because I couldn’t study. Now that I’ve opened my own shop, it’s okay.”

“But we were really worried because you went to the humanities department on your own and couldn’t get used to it, but you had to work at night.”

“Who says I can’t adapt?”

“Hey, do you think we don’t have ears? And if you had a friend there, would we have been the only ones meeting up after school?”

... I spent a lot of time playing with them and they started to worry, damn it.

“At that time, you didn’t talk, didn’t smile, and looked dangerous. You were like a bomb that might explode at any moment. That’s why everyone was scared of you.”

"..."

“If I think about it now, I should have asked you if it was hard for you. I’m sorry. I was young so I didn’t know.”

I didn't react at all. All I did was shrug my shoulders as if it was okay. His expression didn't change, his voice didn't tremble, and his eyes didn't waver. But on this day, I felt more embarrassed than Namsu. I was just embarrassed. As if a friend's belated comfort revealed a wound I had hidden for a long time.