Level Up Saintess

I felt like a chunk of me died when I heard his words. ...So it was all… just some kind of false hope on my part? But that’s impossible, isn’t it? I mean, the man looks like Kale if Kale was a bird person. It’s like he’s cosplaying it or something. His eye color and hair color are different, he’s covered in feathers from his scalp to his arms, and from the knee down he has raptor legs, but everything else is perfectly Kale shaped! Even his stupid bird eyes are Kale shaped when he doesn’t open them very wide! He smells just like how I remember, and-! Okay, his voice is a tad off, but it kind of reminds me of when he was in his teens, although I don’t remember it so well because that was over a decade ago. But still! That bird over there practically screams Kale!

There’s no way! I refuse to believe it! You can’t just take my hope and spit on it like that! You can’t! I won’t let you! I…

I have to admit, the Goddess was really clever with this part of the stupid redemption run she’s putting me through. I have a freak-out, say how much I can’t accept anything good unless Kale’s there with me, and she hands me a look-alike that completely doesn’t remember me. Very crafty. Looks like the Goddess is practicing her ‘Arissa's hell torture’ plans early. Gotta say, she has me pegged really well. Just add in my father and a bunch of cute animals dying around me constantly and she’d have everything set.

...Or maybe I’m looking at this thing all wrong.

Maybe he doesn’t remember who Kale is, and by extension who I am, but I’m 100% certain that that man must be Kale. So far this stupid redemption run that the Goddess has put me on has been full of really great people, and it’s almost like a second chance at having a better life. And when I had that stupid melodramatic episode a while back, I said that it didn’t matter how nice things were, and that I would never care about any of it if there was no way for Kale to come back. So either the Goddess heard my words and decided it was the perfect time to be a sadist, or she listened to what I was saying and actually gave me Kale like I wanted. Or, you know, maybe he was here the whole time, since Chella said he should have been a slave for at least a few years now. But still, it’s much too big of a coincidence to just ignore, right?!

If this is the Kale that the Goddess gave me, then it’s possible that he really is my Kale, and he’s just been reincarnated and forgot everything from his last life just like regular people supposedly do. At least deep down his soul would be Kale’s, right? And if that’s the case, then maybe there’s a way to trigger his memories of his last life? I think I’ve seen some shitty b-side movies like that before, back in my old world; You know, the ones where some mad-scientist type hypnotist hypnotizes someone to remember their past lives or something? That kind of thing! If any of that’s real, then I might just stand a chance!

All I have to do is just stick around him until he gets his memories back and remembers who I am, and then we can finally be happy together like we promised! We’ll never be lonely or sad again, no one can come around to hurt and use us as they please, and we’ll… and…

Oh… Oh lord, I’m being such a hopeful idiot right now…

Please Arissa, please stay sane and think about all of this rationally!

...I know it’s a crazy longshot, but this stupid and vain hope is all I have going for me right now. I feel like I’m being that idiotic movie stereotype of the person whose lover or child or whatever gets turned into a zombie, but they just keep the zombie around and still try and interact with it like it’s still the person they loved, thinking that they might get better. Maybe I should just give up and accept that that bird over there isn’t really my Kale…

But that’s too hard.

Kale’s the only thing that I ever had, the only person who was ever really there for me in my life.

I know myself too well to think I’m strong enough to survive without him.

All I have left is blind hope and a man who I desperately want to convince myself is the person I’ve been longing for.

And I guess I’m willing to take what I can get.

If I’m being honest, though, there is a small part of me that doesn’t want this bird guy to be Kale. Because if he is… then he’s just been unlucky all over again in this life, and I really can’t stand that thought, even if it’s what brought him back to me.

~~~

Anyways, it’s been 2 days. You’re welcome. You didn’t have to sit through me getting practically carried away to our room by Chella, while I repeatedly muttered that Kale didn’t remember anything, like I was a crazy person. You didn’t have to hear about me refusing to leave the room and skipping the morning prayer, breakfast, and dinner. You didn’t have to hear about me bawling my eyes out under my covers and crying out for Kale like a lunatic, and you didn’t have to hear about the awkward next day where I was practically a zombie following through the motions while my mind desperately tried to sort out what I do now with my life. You're. Welcome!

Oh but don’t worry, even though I was a zombie the second day, I still successfully got my 30 exp from the daily prayer, even though I completely missed out on it the day before like an idiot.

So yeah, after 2 days of getting myself together, I’ve decided what I’m going to do. At first, in my stupid bogged up mind, I kept thinking that I could just use my level 15 wish to get Kale’s memories back, but later on I realized how absolutely shitty no good that idea really was. I mean, what the heck am I supposed to do after I got Kale’s memories back? What, do we just reminisce about our past lives together while he keeps rotting in that cellar as a slave? No, the wish definitely has to be for his freedom. I can sort through the whole remembering debacle later, once he’s no longer enslaved or endangered!

There you go, by the way: That’s the plan. I rush to level 15, and make my wish to the Goddess to set Kale free. And if for whatever reason that doesn’t work out, then we move to the backup plan, where I steal Kale like a thief in the night and we go to move somewhere far far away. In a way, it's kind of what we always promised we'd do when we were kids. I’m sure any country would be absolutely thrilled to have a Saintess around healing people for free. I could easily negotiate something somewhere, if it meant they promised us protection. I’m a Saintess; My possibilities are limitless.

It would suck, of course, going somewhere new and having to prove myself all over again, but since I already have [Regenerative Heal] then that should really expedite the process. Or at least I hope it would. I wouldn’t have Chella anymore to take charge and tell people to listen to me, so it might be hard convincing people to let me prove myself since I have such a lack of social skills. The Goddess gave me that quest to come talk to the Head Priest here, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is going to be as nice as him and give me a fair chance. And it doesn’t help that I look like a malnourished peasant child with crappy hair, completely unlike a majority of the other Saintesses…

Yeah, plan B is definitely a last ditch effort sort of deal.

Also, you know, there’s the problem of if Kale would even want to come with me after he gets freed, legally or not. He doesn’t even remember me, and there’s no way of telling if he’d come with me simply out of gratitude for freeing him. Heck, for all I know this new Kale could actually be a really hostile and mean guy, and then what would I do? I know myself; He looks too much like Kale for me to keep my guard up around him for too long. Maybe I have [Benediction], [Lullaby], and [Soothing Bell] to keep me safe while I’m awake, but what if he attacks me when I’m sleeping? What could I do then?

…I’m not terribly well versed in rope tying, which I never thought was a bad thing until now.

If my [Small Dimensional Space] could handle it, then maybe I could put him in there overnight, although I’m not sure if A: It could handle his size, or B: If it even has air for him to breathe in there. Guess it’s worth experimenting with. I was actually pretty happy about having something inventory-like at first, but all I’ve managed to put into it so far is the handful of Riffles I’ve managed to scrounge together. Turns out I actually don’t really own much of anything, so I don’t have many chances to use it. Hopefully I’ll own more stuff in the future, but who knows? I’m a Saintess, so maybe I’m expected to live an ascetic life. Or maybe they’ll pay me a salary in the future once I make it to the capital. One can only hope.

Either way, I know I won’t be getting any rope-like tie-’em-up spells anytime soon, so if this new Kale doesn’t seem too cooperative, then I’m gonna have to come up with some new ideas to get him to stay. Probably for the best if I go meet with him again and try to get a better read on his personality. Of course, that’s only if I can convince Meria again after these past 2 fiascos, and if I can even manage seeing Kale again without bursting into tears. It’d be crazy hard to get the answers I need out of him if I act like a freak again. Who knows, maybe he won’t even want to talk to me anymore with how freakish I was.

…Fuck I hate how hard everything suddenly is.

~~~

Yeah, convincing Meria was completely hard. No one seemed like they liked the idea of letting me go back to see Kale again. I’m sure hearing the stories and seeing the zombie-me yesterday must have really made everyone reluctant to let it happen again after I had only just recovered. I even had to make a second public apology, although I’m sure this one was much less convincing.

Honestly, I had to beg Chella for about a day straight before she finally caved and said she’d try and convince Meria on my behalf. I feel like such a bad friend making her do that by the way, since know why she’s awkward with her now. I’m basically going ‘Hey, that person you were close with but now have a problematic relationship with because you saw her abusing slaves and became massively uncomfortable with her afterwards? Yeah, go talk to her for me and tell her I wanna go see those slaves that drove a wedge between you.’

Yup, definitely a bad friend. If I could do anything to make this all up to her I totally would. Too bad the only thing I could really do for her is reconnect her with her family at the brothel. Hopefully that gave me enough points with her that she can overlook how completely shitty and needy I’m being right now. Damn...

But yeah, who knows how she did it, but Chella came back and told me that she’d convinced Meria to give us the go ahead to see the birds tomorrow, although the quiet priest was going to be the one to take us. Dunno if that’ll turn out better or worse than when Meria was there, but I guess we’ll see. Hopefully he’s a little bit more patient with them than she is, although there’s the distinct possibility that he’s the one who’s left more bruises on them than she has.

Well, at least if I faint or go catatonic again, then he might be strong enough to carry me back to my room. We'll see.