Maniac’s Mayhem: A guide to being a corporate slave

 

One of the biggest moments of corporate fuck ups as well as showing what a samurai is capable of when driven into a corner is the siege of Milan. The corporation, afraid of the dread queen and her powers, decided to pull their resources together and take her out.

After spitting out the bullet that had hit her head, she started a full hostile takeover of the city, which is, to this day, one of the only cities where corporations do not rule.

-- Episode 23 Corporate fuck ups. A show made by the Purple Truth 2051

 

Well, I have a problem now. And no, before you ask, it is not because I am out of marshmallows. That is my second way less pressing problem. We have finished our dinner and are now sitting by the campfire. Claire or Bubbles, not really sure when I should use samurai names and when I should use normal names.

Also, I found out something amusing about our legal names, and that is that glowsticks first name is Sparkling, her middle name is Magenta, and her last name is Explosion. Apparently, she did this to get rid of everything that would tie her to her old self. And I can respect that, but it does not mean I won’t make fun of the fact that her name is fucking ridiculous.

But back to the problem, Claire has fallen asleep. This is not a problem because it hurt my ego that she fell asleep during my ghost story. No, the problem is that her head is now lying in my lap, using it as a makeshift pillow. It's not uncomfortable or anything, but the look Glowstick keeps throwing me is making my brain do weird things. I try to look away and address my math issue.

‘is it just me, or do I have significantly fewer points? I mean, the drones could not have been that expensive.’

Correct, the entire swarm cost only 500 points.

‘That is still a lot, but yeah, that should have left me with more points.’

Well, they are more expensive because Lyssa gave them the ability to hide and camouflage. Observe.

One of the drones flies down to me and attaches to my shirt, folding itself in and making it look like a fancy brochure. Okay, well, that is a pleasant surprise, so I can easily carry them into places then.

As for the rest of the points, when you said whatever the cost to heal you, Lyssa took the liberty and already put in a cybernetic ribcage and lungs, seeing as those were already damaged.

‘Okay, that makes more sense, but is that not a bit expensive? What can they even do? Make me breathe underwater or something.’

Technically, your lungs would not receive any damage even when trying to breathe in the vacuum of space. But with the lack of oxygen there, you would still suffocate. The same applies to being underwater. Your lungs can filter oxygen from the water, but the process is not efficient enough to truly allow you to breathe underwater; just stay underwater for longer.

‘Why the fuck do I need lungs that are rated for the vacuum of space.’

You most likely don’t need them, but it is always good to buy quality now rather than having to buy extra upgrades later.

‘Point taken, so does my ribcage do something special as well since you spent so much? ‘

Not really. It’s a giant battery bay that allows future cybernetics to run for longer without charging. Also, there is already an empty slot where your warp drive would fit. So it would be possible to get installed once you get the points. Lyssa would like to mention that she did buy another catalogue to facilitate these purchases.

‘Ahh, I see, which one? I assume one for organs’

Tier II stone heart technologies: Lyssa spent one of your tokens on it.

‘One of them; I thought I only had one.’

The area with the model 17 had a hive you helped destroy, so you get a token.

‘Okay, makes sense. What do these tokens do again?’

Allows you to unlock higher tier catalogues, which are also necessary for some advanced purchases.

‘So good to have, but not of major importance at the moment.’

Correct

‘Is there anything else, or was that everything?’

You trying to ignore the current situation is rather immature.

‘Ahh, right. But I don’t know what to do here. This is unfamiliar territory. I have not been trained for this.’

Then do what you always do and just bludgeon your way through it with sheer undeserved confidence.

I turned to Magenta after that and considered what I should say next: “So, your parents, did you, like, do anything about them?” I say, after no sensible thing comes to mind

“No, I have a younger sister who has always been kind to me, so I don’t want to ruin her life.”

“Well, living with her cool samurai sister would not be ruining somebody's life, I think. Then again, I did not grow up as a rich corpo, so what do I know.”

“Yeah, I guess, but won’t she be lonely then? I mean, I do work a lot.” She says, with a conflicted expression

“I don’t know, but the hotel is usually pretty busy. She can stay there if you don’t want her to be alone.” I say, while wondering how good of a babysitter Yun Min would be.

“Still can’t believe you bought a hotel.” She says with a faint smile. “I mean, a samurai-run hotel has a fun mental image to it.”

“Honestly, neither can I, but it’s useful, in a way. I mean, I can have big sleepovers now, right? So that is a plus.”

“I guess, but do you even have that many friends? And that can't be your main plan, right?”

“More some ideas, than an actual plan; I managed to buy all the floors below the hotel with the money I have, let’s say, repossessed, so those can be used later and should definitely be looked at to make sure nobody collapses the building below us.”

“I see. Does that mean you plan to move in there as well, in the future?”

“At some point, I would like to. I don’t like being alone, and fewer places to lay down security is also a big plus.”

“Really, I thought you would go live somewhere far away, in a dark cave or something.”

“What the fuck am I to you, some kind of goblin? No, it was the hotel or space, but the spaceship seems expensive, so I guess I will stick to the hotel.” I say, still looking up at the sky.

“I see. Well, I will consider it then. But let's talk about something fun instead, okay? don’t want to bring the mood down too much.” She says with a deep breath.

“Yeah, sure. You have something in mind?” I say, as I look at her. I am not one for small talk, and when Sam and I talk, it’s more about private stuff.

She looks down at my lap for a second, then smiles. “What about Claire? What do you think about her?”

I look down and run a hand through her hair. “She is cute. Also, I snuck a peek at her work, and she is brilliant. She is also very kind.”

“And does this mean you like her?” she says with an even bigger smile

I feel the little face I have been stroking heat up, and her little heartbeat accelerates. Telling me that someone is not as asleep as she wants us to think, “Of course I like her; she is my friend.” I say, full of confidence.

“Fuck Evelin, I meant like her romantically,” she says in exasperation

“So when you said, we should talk about something fun. You meant something fun for you. Noted. As for romance. I don’t know, it is hard, okay? I mean, she is underage, right? So that is issue number one.”

“Wait, what? No, she turned 18, like two months ago or so. Her birthday is on the 26th of April. Did you not just admit you hacked into some of her accounts? How do you miss that?”

“Well, to be fair, when I was researching everyone, I was looking more at occupations and connections rather than age. Because that is the information that can tell me if you are a danger to me or not. But I guess I will scrap the issue. I still have other problems. Granted, they are not directly related to her, more just to me.” Looking down at the girl who is trying hard to pretend to sleep.

“How does that work?” Magenta says in confusion.

“Well, I was forced into a relationship with someone for several years, so that kind of changed my perspective on things.”

“Bullshit. If I learned one thing about you, it is that you always make sure you hold the advantage, and nobody can force you to do something you don’t want. Sure, I don’t know all the details, but that relationship was not as unwanted by you as you make it seem.”

“Are you going to debunk all of my points here or what?” I say, a bit annoyed.

“If they are stupid, I will.” She says while crossing her arms.

“You’re such a pain in the ass; well, my major issue is that I still have feelings for Cierra, and I don’t want to go date someone when I still got feelings for someone else. That is just unfair.”

“That is actually a fair concern. And I can’t say that it is unreasonable. But I am going to try and change your mind anyway.” She says with an evil smile.

“Fuck, why?” I say with a groan.

“Because I am Claire's best friend, and for some Protector-forsaken reasons, she has caught feelings for you. So I want to try and make her happy. So I am going to say something only a maniac would say.”

“Ha-ha, very funny. But sure, here you go,” I say as I pick up my mask off the ground and throw it at her. If she wants to be me, she might as well look the part.

She looks at the mask and then laughs. She puts it on, and my customary purple hoodie appears around her. “Ooh, this is pretty nice tech”, she says, but her voice is different, somehow sounding more distorted and lighter. So this is how I sound to people then.

She giggles for a bit and then continues, “Well, from one maniac to another, I have a crazy idea. Why not both?”

“Why not both? What?” I ask in confusion. “The fuck is that even supposed to mean? I am pretty sure I still talk somewhat coherently when I wear my mask.”

“Well, I mean, sometimes you sound like you walked straight out of a Yandere game”, she says. “Anyway, what I meant was, why not date both? Sure, society might not agree, but what do you care? You are Maniac. So why not date both Claire and Cierra at the same time?”

“Okay, yeah, that is definitely an insane plan. Say that I agree with this weird plan of yours. Would they even agree? Second, why would I even want a harem? That feels wrong somehow, like it is against what I stand for.”

“You stand for something? I thought you just enjoyed being in buildings that are falling apart. And causing chaos.”

“That only happened twice, which is still more than I would like, to be fair, but that is still not often and is less of me standing for something and more a group of suggestions I abide by. But I like to think that I stand for unwavering freedom. I want to be free, but I also want others to be free as well, not tie a bunch of them to me.”

“That is new. But you have a point. Then again, it does not have to be an exclusive relationship. If everyone is comfortable with it, you can have a somewhat open relationship.”

“So they date multiple people as well? I guess that could work, but it sounds messy. With, like, the whole jealousy and stuff.”

“Well, it probably would be. But it might work. You don’t seem like a jealous person to me. Would you be upset if Cierra starts dating someone else?” She asks.

“I mean, if it is someone that makes her happy, that is fine, I think.”

“Why would she not be with someone that makes her happy?”

“Her parents are still massive assholes, so it would not surprise me if they force her to be with someone she does not like.”

“Fuck okay, well, assume it is someone she likes and wants to be with.”

“Well, that is fine. I guess above my own feelings, I want her to be happy.”

“And you don’t think she wants you to be happy.”

“Honestly, I would like to think so, but the only way to know for sure is to ask, I guess.” I say, dreading that particular conversation already.

“Well, that is all I wanted out of it, to make you think of options. But mostly to start doing something, it kind of feels like you are avoiding the problem.”

“Well, honestly, that is what I would prefer to do. Keep avoiding it, but then nothing will get done. So I guess I will address it.” I say, with a resigned sigh. "Was that the only crazy thing you had to say, or do you want to keep the mask on? Might as well get it all out now.”

“I am kind of out of things to say, but I do want to keep it on and continue to say crazy things. It is really fun. I can see why you do it.

“Well, get one of your own, then we can be matching”, I say jokingly.

“You know what, maybe I should, but you kind of stole my colour already,” she says, while pinching the hoodie.

“Isn’t that better? No one knows who is who. Got to keep them guessing.”

“Yes and no, I guess. Being a samurai is a dangerous job. Hell, the whole reason I have my livestream is because I want to show off all the samurai, so they won’t be forgotten when they get hit by an unfortunate end.” She says in a sombre tone, while taking off the mask.

“That is actually quite noble of you.” Personally, I just thought she liked the attention.

“Yeah, ooh, well, we all need to do something besides killing aliens. Anyway, I am tired, so I am going to bed. How about you?”

“I still want to think about some stuff, so I join you later,” I say, indicating the girl sleeping on my lap.

She looks at Claire and smiles. “Okay, don’t think too much about it. Don’t want to give yourself a headache.”

I wait for the sound of her mucking about in the tent to die down; then I lean over Claire and whisper in her ear, “How much longer are you going to pretend to be sleeping for?”