My Adopted Family

After talking to a psychiatrist. I gained confidence.

 

Loving is not a sin.

 

And that my family loves me as much as I love them.

 

I thought that my current happiness would last forever.

 

***

 

Tonight, I was alone with my mom for the first time in a while.

 

I decided to muster up the courage to tell my mom first.

 

"Mom, are you... Okay if..."

 

My mother must have guessed what I wanted to say when she saw me hesitating.

 

I want to do the next thing I did last time.

 

Up until now, my mom had suggested it to me first, so this was the first time I spoke first.

 

I never even thought that my mom would reject me.

 

Mom listened to anything I asked for, but my mother answered with a troubled look on her face.

 

"I'm sorry, Rye. Now, that thing with mom... Can't we stop?"

 

Is this what a thunderstorm is like?

 

When I heard my mom say no, I felt like the sky was falling.

 

"Why why… … Do you hate me?"

 

You don't want to do that with me, Or maybe she hates me now.

 

I was scared to hear the answer.

 

"No, It's not like that... . Would you like to come and sit here for a moment?"

 

My mother seemed a little embarrassed by my shocked appearance.

 

I did as my mother told me and sat down next to her.

 

Take a slow breath.

 

I shouldn't be nervous about things like this.

 

Because doing so will only disappoint Mom.

 

Mom held my hand as I quietly trembled.

 

Mom's hands were still warm.

 

"You know that I put your priority first no matter what, right?"

 

"Hm".

 

"The reason I first suggested something like that to Rye was because I was worried that Rye might end up going down a bad path. Do you remember what happened back then?"

 

I nodded.

 

The time I was caught by my mom while masturbating with my sister's panties.

 

While my mom scolded me for stealing my sister's panties (even though I didn't actually steal them), she also suggested solutions to prevent me from doing such things.

 

And for the first time, she helped me masturbate.

 

It was an unforgettable day when my relationship with my mother began.

 

"The reason I made that suggestion at that time was because I thought it would be helpful to you. But now I wonder if this is really for good."

 

"Why?"

 

"I love you the way your now, but I hope that in the future, you becomes closer to more people. I want to see you not be afraid of people and talk and socialize naturally."

 

Mom's voice was serious.

 

I didn't feel the slightest hint of falsehood.

 

I know very well what my mom wants to talk about.

 

I also want to change.

 

I want to live like a normal person.

 

I want to be liberated from this horrible mental illness.

 

But what does that have to do with this?

 

Does loving my mother get in the way of my treatment?

 

"I hope you will bring a pretty girlfriend someday and introduce her to me. I want you to get married, have a happy family, and give me cute grandchildren. But for that to happen, you have to get a girlfriend, right? That's because I thought I'm was taking that opportunity away. You may not be able to move forward if you becomes satisfied with your current status."

 

I could understand what my mother meant.

 

Obviously, if I can continue to have a good relationship with my mom, older sister, and younger sister, I won't need another girlfriend in my life.

 

But that shouldn't be the case.

Because what I want is not a girlfriend but a mother.

 

"Mom. I don't think that's necessarily true."

 

"Huh? In what way? Can you tell me?"

 

I organized the thoughts that came to my mind.

 

How can I convince my mom?

 

Lying was bad, but there was something more important at stake right now.

 

"Not long ago, I had a conversation with a girl I didn't know at school."

 

"Oh my goodness. Is that true?"

 

Even if it's just one or two words.

Even if that girl was dragged along the way, it was a conversation.

 

Mom was truly surprised by what I said.

 

It is true that I have actually improved a lot. In the past, if a stranger even spoke to me, my body would freeze, but last time, I talked to a mother-daughter in the elevator.

 

"Yes, I had improved to the point where I can talk face to face even with people I don't know. It's still a little scary, but it's not as painful as it used to be."

 

I folded my other hand into my mother's hand, who was holding mine.

 

"It's thanks to you, I was able to change because you gave me confidence."

 

My mother thought our relationship was interfering with my healing.

 

In that case, all I have to do is claim that it was helpful.

 

"Ugh, your really speak well."

 

"I mean it, Mom."

 

Mom hugged me as if she couldn't stop me. There were slight tears in the corners of her eyes.

 

And I took the opportunity and buried my face in my mother's breasts.

 

I could feel my mother's scent strongly. It's a scent that makes me happy.

 

"Okay… … If what you said is true, it's something to celebrate. Do you want to eat anything?"

 

"Mom, I prefer…"

 

I didn't say much, but the meaning would have been conveyed.

 

Mom sighed deeply.

 

"Really. How did you become such a nuaghty child? Should I be happy or sad about this..."

 

Still, my mom didn't let go of me, who was burying my face in her breast.

 

Instead, she patted the back of my head.

 

"But first, Can you make a promise to me that you will bring girlfriend."

 

"That…"

 

Those were difficult conditions.

 

A girlfriend... Can I really date?

 

Why not take Lye and call her my girlfriend?

 

"I'm not asking you to rush it. I'm saying just get better bit by bit and try to get more social and then someday... bring your girlfriend."

 

"Yeah. Okay, I'll try."

 

"Okay."

 

And then my mom took me away from her arms.

 

I felt sad that the warmth had disappeared.

 

"Then Rye, come to my room in 10 minutes."

 

"in 10 minutes?"

 

"Yes, because I needs to prepare too."

 

"Okay, Then I'll be there in 10 minutes."

 

Mom got up from her seat and went into her room.

 

And I quietly sat in the living room and waited for time to pass.

 

10 minutes.

 

Only 10 minutes.

 

But these 10 minutes felt like the longest 10 minutes of my life.

 

Time doesn't pass. The clock seemed to move particularly slowly today.

 

What does mom mean by preparation? It's okay for me to not prepare in particular.

 

First of all, it would be a good idea for me to at least brush my teeth, right?