NotSoHero

Ouch… Uh… Where… How…?  My mind’s fuzzy, It’s dark and I can’t see anything, like I was blind folded.. no, I really am. I can feel the rough touch of fabric over my face.

Where am I? My head hurts… Why? I could hardly remember my name or who I was, everything else was shallow and my body gave me a warning every time I tried to focus, as is to tell me that it didn’t matter, and that staying conscious was its only concern.

It was silent, or at least, all I could hear clearly was the steady beat of my heart and my slow breathing.

Occasionally I could still faintly perceive some sounds which did not belong to me, barely audible and on irregular basis. 

Sometimes short lived, fading right away, or continuous and akin to background noises. As well as for the interval between each of them. Making me wait, feeling like an eternity slipped away, or beginning again only after a brief delay. 

The whole thing made me doubt, and I found myself pondering if I was not simply making them up and it was all but a figment of my mind. 

I couldn’t move? It seems I was all tied up… Anyway, I was feeling completely numb and wouldn’t be able to lift a finger. I couldn’t  speak, my mouth was sealed. But I was so weak I couldn’t even whine.

Tap tap tap tap tap

Again… The noise came back to taunt me. Barely strong enough to make me believe it was here, but too dim to ignore it. 

…

Time passed, I fell asleep, woke up, slept, woke up, again and again. Eventually, I got back some energy and sense. I was still groggy and dull, but I could now focus a bit, at least I was now confident, the sound which was still haunting me, it definitely existed. 

It’s him who rocked me, It’s him who disturbed my rest. I could now hear other things too. Voice? Footsteps? And… grumble, growl 

My stomach. I was hungry. I didn’t know how long it's been, my references were the number of times I fell asleep… No, even there I couldn’t keep the count and stop from trying.

Probably a certain amount of time, because It seems I had peed myself at some point, I didn’t know when, manifestly during one of those periods of slumber I had.

 I wanted to cry, but no tears came. ‘Now I’m thirsty’ I thought.

They’re not going to let me die, will they? Not that I know or reminisce who or what brought me here, but I must surely have keepers no? 

I was left alone… time passed again, enough to let me put together pieces of memory and souvenir. 

I was a bad girl, arrogant and proud. I should’ve listened, I should’ve understood, I shouldn’t have been hasty and narrow minded. Bored of everything, tired of my mother's reprimands, I had desires for changes.

 I was blinded by romance, my mind had plenty of tales and epic chronicles in storage. I ran away from home full of hope, expecting to find what would get me out of my white prison, only to find the unexpected and finish in an actual cell… 

Taptaptap 

I miss you mom…

…

Good news, the floor is hard and cold, at least I have some working senses left. Bad news, I’m starting to feel what were only light sensations until now. I’m freezing cold, I ache all over, I’m smelly and the wet straw under me unpleasantly sticks to my skin. Everywhere else, where my bare skin is left uncovered, It itches me like hell. 

But I can’t move, I can't scratch myself, or stretch my muscles like I want. The only thing I could do, was to relieve myself again and breathe the stale and smelly air. 

I'm going to throw up... 

Where are you then, my hero?

Tap tap tap, I wonder, this time, will this lead me into slumber?  Or will It prevent it? 

Tap TAP TAP TAP Uh? click, creakkkk

The total darkness suddenly disappeared, I couldn’t see yet, but at least I perceived light through the tissue. And that when a thought about what would happen from now on came to my mind. Only at this moment did I think ‘Who? What awful fate do they have in store for me?’

I couldn’t remember, but I had to be kidnapped. Why? Did they want something? Money? A means of pressure? Or did they lust after my body? Both?

And What’s next? Perhaps, they will just throw me out, or use me until I die, or sell me… In fear, I curled up as much as possible, pointlessly trying to hide from what was awaiting me. If only I could disappear… Mom? hero? Anyone, please… I beg you…

“Wow! It stinks!! They really did it, these bastards! Or rather, they didn’t. Are you alive, miss?”

“...” I didn’t dare to respond, or more likely, I couldn’t. My tears, which were unwilling to come until now, were surging out. I felt that the moment I would move, I wouldn’t be able to contain them any longer.

“Is she? How much drug did they use? If you hear me, I’m gonna unfold you and take care of your needs, don’t make any sudden movements, and let yourself be, anyway you can’t change anything and even if you could, nothing would really matter. There are tens, if not a hundred beasts in rut out there.”

Will it be okay for me to cry? As he said, nothing was left for me to hope for… But I was too shy for that, and above all I wanted to retain the little dignity I had left. If I was to lose everything, I would like to make it like in those stories I love so much.

“So better stay still or you ain't gonna make it. For once, I’d prefer to not deal with a wrecked body and broken soul. Be wise, and I will even wash you clean and give you acceptable food.”

The man removed my eyes-fold and my strings, then took me in his arms before carrying me to a small pile of hay, a little more comfy and thick than the few strands that covered the cell ground. 

He looked like a teenager, even younger than me. But with a quite strong stature already.  

Mhhh-ahh He removed the stuff that was blocking my mouth, ugh ”…Blaaaaargh!” barf

My tummy took it personally as a permission, if not an invitation, to empty the little content he had left, projecting bile everywhere but not far. Mainly on myself and him actually.

cough cough

Without paying attention to what had hit him, he started to strip me naked with an expert hand, taking care to not damage nor rip my cloth. Why? They’re long past any clean recovery possibility at this point. Are you still trying to save what you can? 

Or was he only just enjoying the moment to the fullest … Casting his lustful gaze on me while running his hand over my skin… 

I let it all happen without almost any resistance, slight shivers and cold creeps were my only reactions. His hands were hot and wandering, yet gentle, his staring was pleased, but also satisfied. 

Maybe he will be kind to me if I endure, and stay still. I knew some would prefer tears and screams and I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but he didn't seem like that kind of person to me. 

Perhaps He would treat me like a human, even nicely, in exchange for some cooperation. As long as it doesn’t hurt… I may not be willing to go all the way on my own accord, but I can try to please him… could I?…

 Then, he covered my shoulder with a crude but warm blanket and proceeded to check with attention all over my body… I was at his mercy, ready to be touched, abused or eaten at once… 

Couldn’t he wash me beforehand? I really wish I could have a proper first time… At least one which looks like it. 

But it seems it wasn’t the time yet. With a nod, after having felt different locations on my body, he moved away with a lasting glare, then went away with my clothes. 

Was I in such a bad state that I couldn’t arouse him completely? But he definitely enjoyed it… Maybe I stink too much? He said it when he first entered and I could smell it myself even used to the odor as I was. Can I have a bath?… no, a bucket of water and a rag would do, I suppose. 

“… It’s warm...” The blanquet… I hope it's not an oversight. He's not going to come and take it back, is he? 

… 

“Great news, you are perfectly fine… In bad shape, but unhurt. I feared they'd have broken something-- Hey? Did you fall asleep, miss? Sorry, but can’t, or you will catch a cold. Here, eat a piece first, while I clean this mess and make you a proper cell… Ah, nothing’s against you miss, you didn’t have a choice, It’s all these dick-head fault.”

I let loose for a moment apparently. I don't know how much time passed, but the man came back without making me notice, a bowl of what looked like gruel in one hand, and a bucket of water and a rag like I was thinking… Wait, he said the place, not me? And I’m fine? Was he only looking for injury? Did I misjudged him?

I took what he offered me and ate slowly. Even though my stomach was screaming loudly to be filled, I savored the moment and the hot food. Looking without speaking a word at the teenager washing the cell ground with plenty of water and rub. Suddenly, I felt ashamed. As he said, I couldn’t help it, but even so… 

“Have you finished your meal? Can’t you speak by the way? You didn’t utter a word since I’m here. Or are you deaf? They didn’t tell me a damn thing about you.” The sound of his voice asking me a question startled me. 

“Ah!...y...yes? No! I mean I can speak, and I’m not deaf. Sorry…”

“You were scared don’tcha? Don’t worry, in a den full of wolves, I’m the only cub around. As long as you don’t make things difficult, I will make your life easier. When we are alone, don’t bother and speak your mind. Just pay attention if others are present.”

“R...really?” I wasn’t expecting that, was he serious? or in the process of fooling me? 

 “Yup, I’m younger than you anyway, even if I’m your warden, you can speak freely. Any wish to celebrate our first meeting by the way? I can’t free you or anything, but as long as it’s not going against your captivity, I will do my best. I swear on my name!”

“ehhh… Can I have a bath? Or clean hot water? I would like to wash. And you swore on your name, but I still don’t know it yet, what should I call you?”

I spoke without thinking, without restraint. He's not going to ask me to repay him afterwards, is he? Maybe when he said I was free to talk my mind, that meant I have to be honest on what I feel when he will use my body?... I definitely am doubting his motive now, yet, It was too late to ask for confirmation, I just wish I could have my bath in both cases.

“No problem,  you won’t find a bath nearby, but I’ll fetch the basin used for laundry. As for my name, nice to meet you, my name’s Finn, but everyone around calls me puppy.”

“Pff Thanks, I’m Aurélia.” He managed to get a smile out of me, who cares if he plays with words, I’m bound to endure what will happen anyway.

Following which, we proceeded to accomplish my dream, a hot bath with clean water, along with a new set of clothes, simple and rough, but different from what I had expected. No rags, nor slave attire, but proper female clothes although a little big in many ways.

 

 I felt at ease, maybe not in security and without fear, but at least, I was in peace of mind. That’s why I let slip by, the lewd and intense look, as well as the lost hand and fondle.

 

 I didn’t misjudge Finn ultimately, he was truthfully a pervert. But that's probably the best I would find around, and the closest thing to the hero in my story. I wasn’t a picky girl, some(my mother) will even say that I was rather an easy one. 

Extract from:  Stockholm syndrome, or how to make a miss fall in love, unpublished bonus content.