NotSoHero

Once is not custom, I avoided the worst by using my hero’s spirit and man’s nerve of steel. My courage was unparalleled.

After getting to know Lily a little better, she wasn’t as scary and impossible to live as expected. Once you knew how to handle her, she receded to the appearance of a normal girl, rather cute, and of somewhat appreciable frequenting. Some (me) would go so far as to say she was lovely and hot, if it weren’t for her potential peril level.

She was a good talking partener, moreover a sexy one, and in my current situation, casted aside from society as I was, loneliness and blacklisting were common occurrences, I couldn’t be picky. Likewise, she revealed herself to be capable, albeit clumsy and a danger for herself, she wouldn’t be that of a dead weight if she gained some more experience in the future.

She was like a gift from heaven, a poisoned one yes, but still a gift.     

All things considered, if I didn’t mistreat her, and paid her a bit of attention, she wouldn’t be a threat. A few strokes to her head made her cheerful and some discussion was enough to fill her emotional needs. She even remained unangry, although a little jealous and saddened, when I was paying attention to another girl, as long as I was not outrightly ignoring her existence. 

To top it all, she didn’t mind sexual harassment, if not enjoying it. As long as I didn’t consider her as a potential night partner, It was safe and I could appreciate her company.

Everything to say that she was easier to manage than I had first thought, benefiting my feeble heart. After she woke up, Lily was not as furious as before, although still a little regretful and pissed, she let me make my apology round without fuss… Well she couldn’t do otherwise, she was all tied up and her mouth was clogged with a piece of fabric. 

She ended up forgiving me in exchange for a head petting session and my whole safety stock of sleeping tablets, who therefore fell under her management. Crap, I had foreseen that but I didn’t predict she would carefully search my pouch and even seize my alchemy kit. Such a relief that she didn’t find my most potent medicine, I did well to disguise it as an aphrodisiac vial.

“By the way, get yourself your own panties if you want to use them as a gag,  would you, ugh, they’re full of saliva now… ”She said spontaneously with a dejected voice, while we were ready to set off again. 

“Ahem, Sorry, mine aren't cheap, most are made of silk or expensive material, plus they are not  suitable, full of holes and embroidery. Furthermore, I surrendered them to you as per your order, so I’m unable to do so, even if I would’ve wanted to.”

“I shouldn’t have sworn to let your collection untouch when you kneel and begged me.”

“It’s you who first begged so I didn’t let you behind on this first quest. And used it as a bargaining end, even though you already had seized them all.”

Taking the time to throw at me her soiled underwear, telling me to use it sparingly on my private time, she put on a spare one out of my belonging. Doing so, she made sure to expose everything that she had to show, slowly and in an excessively sensual way. Attempting to make me lose my means, and entice me beyond reason. A fine but effective punishment, if you asked me .

Refusing to yield to temptation, we then proceeded to loot around and took note of what remained of the face of our targets. They were bandits that were rampant in the outskirts of the city. 

By the way, we were ourselves at the edge of the Rana empire. At the very end of its direct borders with the stainless soul kingdom. To the east the saint kingdom, to the west, well, the empire. Above, both of them, and below…laid unclaimed territory. A dense forest  was making a notch on their ground, which was expanding in width as it continued toward the south. With the added bonus of a high mountain on the kingdom side which was drawing a clear cut between the two giant dominions. There, at the very tips of the said forest and end of the mountain range. A city of medium size, and of great military importance, raised from the ground and served as a fort to the empire.

A dangerous area known to everyone, but still rich with well enough wealth circulating due to the strategic position. The place was a connecting point for the different parties, and served as a base for peoples and business no matter their destination.

Moreover, its perfect outpost location made it a haven for adventurers and prospecting companies. The forest and mountain,  although not pacified, were stuffed with opportunity and raw material. To top it all, several other races lived deeper in these environments so the multiplicity of folks and cultures was not negligible, even within the city walls.

Nothing surprising that bandits roam around, trying their luck. Not hard enough beside, I think these ones held more from retards than from muggers and were ill-fated. They’d better work properly and perhaps make a living, surly poets are scarce and rare, at least him, he should be able to put his talents to better use. Ah, but, if there is an interview, I guess he won’t pass as long as they test IQ. That could actually explain his presence in this group of hoodlums.

“I think that’s all the spoils we’ll get here, I didn’t search every nook and cranny, but I don’t think anything of value remains on these bodies. Did you find something of interest Lily?… Ah yes, she said that her chef d'oeuvre was disgusting and went to their hideout…” As if it suited me better... 

Regardless, they were quite poor, too bad that most of them took plastic surgery on a whim and are no longer recognizable. I definitely saw a wanted notice at the guild. From memory, they had a bounty per head, and a bonus on the boss, more if caught alive.

Well, I shouldn’t complain, they would make us a good earning eventually, supplementary income that will serve for food and lodging, while the true quest’s reward will go in the bottomless pit of my debt.

 Yes, that’s mainly why I said they were unfortunate, we encountered them purely perchance, on our way to the actual target location. Basically, we were hunting a troll that was spotted not that far from the city, something much more difficult and lucrative than dumb theft/child care.

Upon entering the forest, these guys assaulted us from nowhere, taking us for a good catch I suppose. But damn, what idiots were they? Not even trying to ambush us, well, I was aware of them so they couldn’t, but still. Just as Lily appeared in their field of view, they jumped outside their hiding and shouted something like ‘What a good chick you got here, she will make a perfect offering to the boss. Catch here!’. 

And yet, we were so far I had difficulty just hearing that much, should’ve we attempt to flee, I don’t even think they could’ve outrun us if we just walked away. No encirclement, no strategy, at that time I even believed that some big powerhouse was lurking nearby,  and it was all a diversion. But no, no one was, and they just died miserably.

“Anyway, let’s join Lily.”

At least, they’d make good wildlife snacks, already prepared with care and ready to be served. A splendid hors d’oeuvre of meat and bone, for all connoisseurs and enthusiasts.

Masterpiece, appetizers, she truly knows it all. That’s our artist-chief Lily for ya!

***

“I’m home! Darling! Do you have something for me!!”

Was something I wanted to say upon entering the refuge-like camp, but I promptly changed my mind. I don’t want to give Lily any sudden urge to put on the apron and ask me the three questions. I might have trouble turning down the last one. And if she goes for a naked-apron I won’t even wait for the first… No!! Calm down, you can’t! Hold back, it hasn’t even been a week without considering the sleeping day. Damn it, I had anticipated that this would supposedly be easy and completely doable for at least a few months, but I’m already having a hard time. 

“Hey? Did you find something? It’s time to get back on track. We already wasted enough time.” I asked instead, restraining my mind to go wild and give me a one way ticket to hell.

“Oh hero, did you finish with the ‘things’ outside?” 

A bit of respect, they were proper humans before at least… The voice of Lily came from one of the shelters. She responded with disdain, like she was speaking of ants.

“Yup, didn’t find anything that catches my eye, but I won’t spit on gold and I can sell pretty much all of their equipment to a scrap dealer. And you?”

“Almost done, only this last tent remains. But I got pretty much the same as you, some gold and poorly maintained equipment, nothing similar to former victim booty or treasure if you’re wondering”

Were they that bad? Or maybe they specifically targeted beauty? In that event, I’m willing to understand. If their approach of predilection consists in showing out in broad daylight and shouting from far away, they must not catch a lot. Either it, or they’re so in heat that anybody would do, leading to the same result.

“Ah, I think I just striked on the weirdo package. Look, letters, reports on situations, accounting notes… and so on.”

“Nothing for the other two girls? Rosa or Estel? Or one coming from them? If we want to at least give them the word about the guy’s death. It would be nice if we had something other than just a name. Besides, reassure me, you’re not going to write them poetry and all if we find them, are you?”

“No, I’m too bad at that stuff, I don’t wish to bleed their eyes... Hey, look! This one’s weird, a missive from a certain Arabelle.M de la tour.”

What’s now! A noble? Are you kidding me?

“Let me see… Wow, It event has a complex wax seal?… Magdala? What does it mean, her family name ? It sounds grandiose.” I looked above Lily's shoulders, struggling to see the detailed wax seal. As lily was a little too close to my taste, nay, she was, but that’s the problem. She was not wearing any bra and I glimpse her bosom, while easily picturing the rest.

“I’m not sure, but it’s not unknown to me. I think I’ve already heard or seen it somewhere back at home. I could ask mom if ever we pass by, should I open it?”

“No, better not, if it's stolen, and I expect it is, it could contain confidential information. Take what appears to be important and let’s move on. “

I really don’t want to think about the possibility of it being a legit correspondence, and I want to hit the road again ASAP to calm down.

“We will give to the guild what we discovered when we return, maybe this will bring us something. As for the missive, if ever, I mean, ever, in the smallest possibility, we pass by your home, we can always worry about it.”

Maybe I should’ve asked where she lived, so I never set foot there, even by mistake.

After a last prayer for the soul of the dead, and thanking god again for sparing me, his lost sheep, from Lily’s furry.  I promised to fervently devout myself from this point on, or at least try to, while receiving this strange comforting energy which now seems familiar. We resumed our walk silently toward where our original target was last spotted. Leaving behind us those who were still unknown… ah, except Andy! This one, I’m not ready to forget it. 

Ah… I will finally be able to ponder a little, and pick up my accounting. So… I think I left at one thousand nine hundred something… a yes, 1988, 1988 and the little twin farmers, whew, what a work, but at least I think I have all the girls from the past half-year now. The last few were arduous, cause I was mainly focused on the demon side last autumn and it was rather exhausting. I mean the fights! I had many rows of restless days.  Which explains the trouble, I was so tired that I wasn’t paying too much attention to my conquests,  they were so scarce anyway, there was no chance to mistake them for another, so why bother?

Now, Let’s attack the main course. What was I doing last summer?… Let's be methodical, starting from the end…