REND

I quickly sat up.

Cutting my arm off… I’d never considered this option before. Time to seriously consider it now.

Was there a knife in this room? Anything with a sharp edge? Likely nothing.

Room service was twenty-four-seven. I could order something that came with a knife, like steak or ribs. Going to be expensive, but might as well spend my money because I just know I’d lose my wallet on Red Island somehow. Also to celebrate being free of this annoying hand. Though I wasn’t sure if a steak knife was sharp enough to—You’re delaying it!

In the forty minutes or so for the steak and the knife to arrive, I might back out of my plan. That stupid knife would probably break anyway. More reasons for delay.  

I balled my right hand into a fist. Difficult to close all the way. This was going to end now—I was going to rip my hand off. I should have enough superstrength to overcome my super durability.

But what if my hand regenerated and the gold and crystals were still there?  

Stop delaying, Erind!

The answer was simple: I’d remove my hand again, then figure out how to stop the regeneration. In a snap, I made peace with losing my hand. The trade-off was very convenient—stopping myself from becoming a complete monster. And it wasn’t like I’d permanently lose it. I could attach an aug-arm. Shouldn’t be so bad. Mom removed her eyes to replace them with bionic ones, so it should be no biggie.

To stop the regeneration, maybe I could burn the stump like Hercules did with the necks of the hydra to prevent the heads from regrowing. Nah, I’d just regenerate the burn in that case. What about wrapping the stump with metal, maybe custom a metal cage for it? Going to be insane trying to stop it from growing. I could imagine the feeling, like holding a poop in—I was going insane with the similes.

Or I could trick myself into accepting that having a severed hand was ‘normal’ to stop it from reforming, like how our cut nails didn’t regenerate? We weren’t regenerating, more like returning to our base state.

Just do it already! I slapped my face with my right hand.

Metal slammed hard against my teeth through my cheek. I dropped to the left side of the bed. Blood filled my mouth. I gargled pieces of my tooth. My cheek burned. Just as fast as it became inflamed, it healed and cooled down.  

“I have to do this now,” I muttered as my broken teeth repaired themselves and sidled back into place.

Sitting up again, I removed my glove.

I stared at the back of my hand, not daring to check the other side. This was like knowing that you’ve fucked up so much on a test you’d rather not see the result and just throw the paper straight away. I grimaced when I spotted gold veins threading the skin of the back of my hand. It felt like glue that dried, pulling my skin taut.

My heart skipped a beat, not in a romantic way. Were those there the last time I checked? Was it spreading even when I wasn’t consuming other Adumbrae?

No longer.

I gripped my right wrist.

Hang on. Should I do this in the bathroom? The blood was going to—more delaying shit!

Fuck the blankets if they get bloodied. This was going to end now!

“One,” I whispered. “Two, three, and…” I held my breath, tensed my abs, and gritted my teeth.

Pull!

My soon-to-be-gone hand twisted to face me and grabbed my throat. Sharp pain in my right elbow from the forceful movement; something got dislocated. What the fuck was this? I was choking myself! I fell backward as I tried to pull my right hand away with my left.

Couldn’t do it. Too fucking strong.

I tensed my neck muscles and inhaled deep before my throat got crushed and the airway blocked. Knew what was coming next. My traitorous hand wasn’t done, just as I predicted. Fingers broke the skin of my throat and dug into my flesh. Hurts like a bitch. Throat closing, running out of air. I’d done the finger-stabbing thing to several enemies, so I just knew she’d do it for ironic comedy.

SpookyErind! I didn’t expect her to make a move, but who else could it be?

She wasn’t just choking me; she was trying to rip out my throat! Warm blood soaked the collar of my shirt. My vision was woozy. Strength drained from my body. I willed myself to hang on. No way she was going to push through with killing me… I think.

A shadow fell over me. Out of nowhere, a masked figure straddled me the next I blinked, blocking the light. This person bent down.

I was face to face with a half-black, half-white smiling mask—SpookyErind decided to show up.

Glowing red eyes peered through the mask’s eyeholes, twinkling with mirth. Her ghostly white hair wove through the air as if they had a life of their own. Her shoulders heaved as she giggled, causing the silvery fur of the coat draped over her back to ripple. The thick coat made her look larger than her actual size. My actual size. Her formfitting black suit with gold geometric patterns showed how petite she truly was.

She enthusiastically waved at me with her right hand, displaying her signature golden gauntlet ending in claws.

Her right hand?

I raised my right hand; it moved in slow motion as if I were underwater. We were in SpookyErind’s funky dream dimension. Did I choke myself or did she? No one was choking me now though. The pain was gone.

“Neat trick with my hand becoming your hand,” I croaked, massaging my neck. No wounds, no blood. Everything was fine. I was just being dramatic with my voice. “Meyoumeyoumeyou—there, I did it for you.” Did this weirdo show up because I could succeed in removing my mutated right hand?

SpookyErind lightly poked my cheek with a claw. If I’m a weirdo, so are you, meyoumeyoumeyou.

“Oh, right. You can read my mind. Our mind. Whatever. We’re both weirdos, I guess. Now, get off of me.” I was about to shove her away but stopped before I touched her clothes. If she got angry, she could end me. The choking bit was a demonstration. Getting deleted was bad, but I also didn’t like someone on top of me. “Shoo!” I pushed her off, expecting either that to be my last act or my hands simply going through her body.

To my surprise, I was able to shove SpookyErind. She rolled off me, laughing, and stopped at the edge of my bed. Her mask dissolved away, revealing her marble-like, inhuman complexion.

You have some questions for me, said SpookyErind. Though her mouth moved, her voice directly popped into my head. Thankfully, they don’t seem to be stupid questions like if you’re dead.   

“Since you’re so willing to answer, what about my plan to remove my—”

Wasn’t going to work. Not sure if I’ll count that as a stupid question. Kinda? She playfully cocked her head. Something must’ve shown up on my face because she then said, Don’t believe me? Try it after our little meeting. I’m not going to stop you.

“I believe you,” I said, with a sigh. “Does this mean that you showed up to stop me from hurting myself in vain? How sweet,” I sarcastically added.

Not really. You’re doing a good job of hurting yourself in vain.

“Let me guess your big message with the hand-meyou-thing. It was supposed to impress on me that we were the same. Continuing that thought, there was no point removing a part of me because we were one whole. For all I know, if I cut off my hand and tried to stop the regeneration, your gauntlet would grow out of my ass or something.”

You could try that too, SpookyErind said, wiggling her golden claws. You’d have a ready butt-scratcher if that’d happen. Seems very convenient to me.

“I’d rather that not happen. You could’ve told me to cut it out. Or left me alone to learn it myself. You didn’t have to choke me.”

It was just a little prank. Don’t be such a downer. Tinkling laughter like clinking wind chimes filled my head. SpookyErind laughed uncontrollably as if someone was tickling her. I got you good, didn’t I? You should’ve seen your face!

“Of course, I’m going to make a face while getting choked. That came out weird. You know what I mean. Choking that could kill isn’t a prank in any dimension.”

SpookyErind stuck her tongue out. It is if I say it is. And you know I don’t want you to die.  

“Whatever. Say, when you started choking me, was that like still in the real world? My world, okay? I know there are a lot of worlds out there, and I don’t care about any of them. I was thinking if I was wounded and my blood got on the linens. I used my credit card to buy a ticket. I can throw the linens overboard, but they’re still going to charge it. Although… if I sink this ship, they wouldn’t know to charge me.”

Always the violent route when it comes to you. She laid out straight and stretched, purring as if she were releasing pent-up stress. You should lighten up and have fun. I always want you to have fun.  

My cheek twitched, but I held my tongue.

SpookErind stopped stretching. She laid on her side, cheek propped on her hand, and gave me a tired look. This again? I know you hate it if there are other people on your bed, but… I was going to say we’re one and this is our bed, but this is technically the cruise ship’s bed. Well, I suppose you paid for the ticket so it’ll be yours for a few days.

“What was that about you wanting me to have fun?” I asked, not wanting to engage about side topics. “I have some complaints about the latest face you gave me if you don’t mind.”

And what if I do mind it?

“Well… I’m going to politely ask you to please not choke me or whatever. I want to say out loud, though you can read my mind, that Domino is super-duper fucking annoying. Yeah, she’s also me, I get it. Normal human emotions ramped up. No, thank you. What’s your return policy on faces? I’ve used it only a couple of times, but it’s not underwear so I should be able to exchange it, right?”

SpookyErind shook her head. I don’t understand how you’re still surviving this far even though you’re dumb. Luck must be on your side.

Being called dumb irked me, but it was pointless picking a fight with SpookyErind over it. Focus on getting information about Domino. “I know you won’t give me a new face without any reason,” I said. “Like having Pino was a huge saver, even if I’m still not sure what you were saving me from. Just that my death was on the horizon if I went with Blanchette when my condo got attacked. Thinking back, becoming Blanchette saved me from Myra and Everett at Sanders Mall. You’re not being straightforward with it, but you care for me.”

I want you to survive, if I haven’t made that clear enough, she replied with out-of-place sincerity I couldn’t confirm to be real. Caring, though… there are many facets of caring beyond not wanting someone to die.  

“Still counts as caring. I don’t understand how that works when it comes to Domino. I guess using your latest gift somehow led me to Big Marcy, but even without the Jeffrey thing happening, I’m certain Big Marcy would’ve found a way to contact me. He knows I’m on this ship and has plans to destroy his brother. Is Domino supposed to teach me some life lesson or what? Simply the worst way to go about it because I don’t want to do it. Like, I should, dunno, learn not to be a grouch and enjoy the Christmas spirit?”

You should watch less movies.

“I haven’t gotten around to shortening my watch list. After you leave, I think I’m gonna watch some. Might help me become sleepy. Another guess—is Domino supposed to teach me a lesson about recklessness?”

I’ve mentioned a few times that you’re reckless, said SpookyErind. I could’ve just told you that again.  

“Ugh, so Domino has a hidden profound meaning? I’m not good with that crap. I avoid movies with deep messages and shit because I can’t appreciate them in full. Not to mention I don’t relate to their message anyway. Or is it only for your entertainment? Must’ve been pretty funny for you when my brain got blended with emotions.”

I almost forgot my game-slash-bet with SpookyErind. Originally, I planned to find a way to turn back into a human. Of course, I couldn’t hide that from SpookyErind, so I bargained with her not to stop me because I’d make it very entertaining for her. I wasn’t sure how I was doing on the entertaining front. The part about turning back to a human was also getting abandoned. Whoops, SpookyErind should know about that too.

SpookyErind kept silent, politely staring at me as if waiting for me to comment about the weather.

“Did you influence me to change my mind about becoming a human again?”

What do you think?

I shrugged. “Probably, no. It’s so fun having power that I can’t resist. I mean, tons of other people want this too. Not like I can be blamed for this. Society has normalized all sorts of unhealthy habits just because they’re addictive, like drinking and smoking. Yep. Addictive. Power is very much so.”

SpookyErind changed her position, sitting cross-legged across me. I’m glad you’re having fun. But you have much to learn to survive. Learn your lessons or die, Erind dear.

“That’s all you have for me? I don’t even know what the lesson is! What’s going to happen if I keep on surviving?” I pointed at her golden gauntlet. “If that thing fully forms on my hand, is it game over for me?”

SpookyErind held my hand. The metal was oddly warm. To be honest… I have no idea. Isn’t it fun to find out?

“It’s not fun for me if it’ll be my end.” I paused for a few seconds, hoping SpookyErind would give me a hint of what was to come, but nothing. I found it hard to believe she didn’t know what would happen to me. “I haven’t given dying a thought… Guess I’ll just have as much fun as possible before the end. Red Island is coming up soon.”

Having fun and being reckless isn’t the same thing, said SpookyErind, continuing to hold my hand. There was a hint of care in her voice. Her usual joking tone wasn’t there. Even her eyes have… something. Fondness?

What was wrong with her?

“I need Domino for Red Island, don’t I? Fucking great. I suspected this would be the case. Can’t go stomping around as Blanchette in the heart of the enemy operations. Dammit. Makes me want to jump off the boat and swim to Hawaii or somewhere far and forget about all this.”

Enjoy, Erind dear. SpookyErind let go of my hand and held my chin. It’s going to start now.

“What’s starting now?”

There was a buzzing sound. The room buzzer?