Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

The guns came out beautifully. I had cheapened out and didn't try to integrate the repulsor tech into the gun itself. That would have just been redundant. The suit already had repulsors, so all I needed to do was convert that into an adapter and let it be fired like a gun. The handle was actually a receptacle that fit over the palm repulsor emitter and the gun body channelled the energy into a more compact and powerful beam.

Because it was all just straight compact technology, it folded down into two blocks that mounted on the belt of the suit for easy access and deployment. I had it down to a quarter of a second, so by the time Natasha could draw the weapon and point it, it was already in the shape of a gun and could shoot like a semi-automatic pistol.

Both Clint and Natasha had looked doubtful when I delivered the blocks to the rooms they were staying in on the training floor in the basement. I was tempted to tell them to trust me, then I shrugged, showed her how to attach them to the BWSuit's belt, and left. I would watch the footage when she practised with them later.

I spent half of the lunch hour with Melinda, worked out for the second half, and then had another afternoon of getting my ass handed to me. It was a great time and Melinda looked quite happy to be giving me the skills she had used herself so effectively.

She dropped me off at home after work and I did my chores, cooked supper, and had another fun evening with May. When she went to bed, aka I carried her to bed and tucked her in, I donned my Spider-Man outfit once more and kept working on building my intricate monitoring network. It was all hooked into the main server and my cell phone was like a portable terminal.

I was halfway through seeding the ninth block in the grid when my cell phone beeped. I checked it and two blocks away had a crime being committed. A robbery. I closed my backpack and was at the crime scene only a couple of web swings later. I dropped down from six storeys up onto the cab of the panel van and crushed it as I crouched down.

“Baaaad mennnnn!” I said with a gravelly voice and the five masked men stopped trying to gain entry to the jewellery store to turn and stare at me.

“Oh, shit!” One of them cursed.

“What the fuck are you doing? Shoot the prick!” Another shouted and pointed at me.

“I don't see you pulling a trigger!” A third guys spat.

“You are all idiots.” A calm male voice said and raised his gun to point it at my face.

As he pulled the trigger, my spider-sense told me to duck. I did one better and bent backwards instead to put my hands onto the van's roof behind me.

“Ha! You see? One dead spider!” The calm voice said smugly.

I raised my mid section into a perfect arch and I skittered around on my fingers and toes in a circle to face them. The look of shock on their faces was worth training in yoga and acrobatics to enhance my flexibility.

I slowly climbed down the van's side like a spider as I kept the perfect arch and used my hands and feet to move. All five guys took a step back for every step I took. My head hung down and I tried to make it seem like it wasn't attached and swayed it from side to side as I walked, and one of the guys put a hand over his mouth and threw up.

“Hunnnngry!” I loudly growled when I reached the pavement and quickly flipped over to crouch down like frog and let my head sway from side to side like it was a balloon.

“AAHHHH!” Four of them screamed and tossed away their guns as they ran down the street. The fifth tried to run and stumbled because he kept throwing up. It was hard to do both, apparently. I webbed him up and swung down the street to web up the other four, picked up their guns on the way back, and stuck them to their foreheads after I removed their masks.

I quickly searched through their cell phones and pockets, took their fingerprints from them, the guns, and from where they were trying to break into the store. I took pictures of them, the store, the van, the license plate, and also the papers in the glove compartment. I saved everything and sent what I could to the closest NYPD station and ziptied their wrists and ankles.

“Please... don't eat us.” One of them whispered.

I almost laughed at the scared look he had, because I had been skittering around for about ten minutes as I gathered evidence. I walked over to him and let out a growl, which made him whimper, so I crouched down and then jumped up as hard as I could. I practically soared twenty feet up into the air and I swung away.

I actually did laugh when I was far enough away, because I was sure that the security footage from inside the jewellery store was going to be quite entertaining to watch on the news tomorrow.

At least that Stark Protect device is going to be good for something besides target practice. I thought and swung back to where I had been before and went back to work building my monitor network.

*

“Report.” Nick Fury said the next morning when he entered the meeting room. “Hill first.”

“Sir.” Maria said and turned on the large monitor on the wall. “Spider-Man apprehended an international heist group when they tried to rob a jewellery store.”

“Why were they going for something so small time?” Clint asked.

“That's the point. The store is a front for a large diamond smuggling operation.” Maria said and showed images from inside. “They apparently sold marked diamonds to the ring to follow them to the main distribution point and thought they were going to get a huge payoff.”

“That's not on the news.” Natasha added and showed her cell phone. “It just says it was a simple robbery that was stopped by a local terror.”

Maria nodded. “This is the footage caught by the Stark Protect device.”

The table full of high ranked agents watched and a few of them shivered as Spider-Man acted like a spider and stalked his prey, terrified them, then gathered them together and skittered around.

“He has to be at least double or triple jointed. Normal people can't bend like that for long, even with training.” One of the agents said. “Those movements don't seem human at all, actually.”

“He definitely has extreme hypermobility.” Another agent added. “That head shake thing is really unnerving.”

“Agreed.” Fury said. “Hill? Anything else?”

“I hate to admit that his analytical mind for evidence gathering is phenomenal.” Hill said and the monitor changed to show all of the well preserved evidence, including fingerprints on everything and cell phone records. “He's meticulous, even when moving around like he was.”

“What about interviews?” Fury asked.

“A complete bust as an interrogation.” Natasha said. “They sang like a canary before we could start with any kind of intimidation. They wanted us to keep them safe from him, so no accidental slip-ups or misleading clues to anything that might have given us more leads to who they worked for or why.”

Fury nodded. “All right. I'm glad we got all of that.” He said and then his eye gave them all his classic glare. “Now which one of you can tell me how the bastard is evading all of our monitoring systems?”

“I don't understand it, sir.” A woman said from the end of the table. “We should have accidentally caught him on one of the surveillance systems by now, let alone on the ones that are actively searching for him.” She let out a sigh. “That includes actual agent assets as well.”

“No eyes on him at all?” Fury asked her.

“None. It's almost as if he can sense where they are and avoids them.” She said and nearly everyone in the room stiffened at her words.

“Oh, shit.” Clint whispered, copying the criminal's words.

“Hill, update the file on Spider-Man and add in suspected extrasensory perception. It's useful against both cameras and the mark one eyeball.” Fury said.

“I already added in the analytical mind and mobility.” Maria said. “I also managed to get the tech guys to analyze both his appearance and his quick retreat.”

Fury gave her a questioning look.

“If he is the average weight of a normal person of his size, in order to crush the cab of the van by simply landing on it, he had to have dropped down at least five or perhaps six stories.”

Complete silence met her words.

“When he swung away, his average speed was... honestly, it was ridiculous.” Maria said and met Fury's eye. “Half a mile every 60 seconds.”

Clint let out a whistle. “If that's average, what's his top speed?”

“The numbers could triple or quadruple when factored with his strength.”

“Good lord.” One of the agents said. “He could cross a mile in thirty seconds if he wanted to?”

“Assuming his strength remains constant while swinging, yes.” Maria added as a qualifier.

That made everyone fall silent again. The unspoken 'he can go faster if he was stronger' weighed heavily on them.

“Is the team fully mobilized?” Fury asked.

“We have everyone ready, sir. They are at the penthouse deployment zone and awaiting a go order.” Maria said. “I don't know how we can use them effectively if the target can evade sight so easily.”

“Trick him and trap him.” Natasha offered.

“Explain that.” Fury ordered.

“We know he'll step in to stop crimes, even if his mentality seems conflicted between dysfunctional and highly functional.” Natasha said and several heads nodded. “We set up a crime and then jump him when he stops it.”

Everyone looked thoughtful for several minutes.

“With what we just discovered, won't his sensory perception warn him if we do that?” Maria asked.

Natasha smiled. “I didn't say to stage a crime. I said to set one up, an actual crime with real criminals, and then we can grab him.”

“That just might work.” Fury said and nodded. “I'll get a few things going and put out some feelers into certain underworld aspects. I won't go into any details, in case anyone besides me knowing might tip him off.”

“No field agents need to know, especially the capture team.” Natasha said. “It should all be behind the scenes and everyone will fully believe it's real.”

“Even if nothing happens, this will confirm if we can actually plan around someone having that kind of perception or not.” Clint said and everyone nodded.

“Then we shelve it for now. You're all off for the next few days, so get some rest and prep for the big New Years bash at Stark Tower.” Fury said and everyone looked happy. Getting out and having fun on the agency's dime was always a good time, even if it was as a protection detail for one of the security council members.

*

On New Year's Eve after supper, while May soaked in the bathtub, I snuck into her room and her closet as I grabbed the shoe box with her blue high heel shoes before I went back to my room. I took out the tuxedo jacket I had bought with blue colored accessories, namely a cumberbund and handkerchief, to match May's dress, and I started to get dressed up.

I already owned appropriate shirts and pants, so the tuxedo jacket was an easy purchase. I didn't go overboard and buy a corsage and lapel pin, since that stuff was more appropriate for a prom and not a New Year's dance. I styled my hair to make it look more voluminous than normal and nodded.

I gathered up May's dress, her shoes, a set of baby blue lingerie that she should adore, and a fake mink fur wrap. I set them out on her bed in a blatant 'wear me' order and went out to stand across from the bathroom door. I wanted to see May's face when she saw me all dolled up for the first time, because you know that I had to tease her back for the gold bathing suit.

The bathroom door opened and May stopped in mid-stride as she stared at me. Her mouth hung open slightly and it wasn't the first time I had seen a completely gobsmacked expression on her face. It was the first because I was dressed to the nines, however.

“Dear lady, our limo will be here in half an hour. I require you to dress in your finest and accompany my person to an appropriate venue for your status.”

May didn't move at all, not even her eyes.

I beamed a smile at her, took her hand, and led her to her bedroom. The sound she made when she saw the expensive dress she liked and a fully matched outfit to go along with it, was worth waiting this long to surprise her.

“There really is a limo coming for us, Aunt May. We are about to make a splash into the corporate world and a CEO as important as you needs to look her best.” I said and kissed her cheek. “I'll be just outside the door if you need me for anything.”

May just stared at me and didn't say anything, so I walked over to her bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway as I started to shut it.

“Ben.” May finally said and I leaned back into the room. “How long have you been planning this?”

“Ever since you tried on that dress. I had to get it for you, then plans formed in my head and snowballed from there. I've been gathering bits here and there to make the whole outfit without you seeing me with them.”

May looked at the bed and her hand touched the lingerie. “I will get you back for this.”

“I look forward to it.” I said with a chuckle. “By the way, there's a velvet case on your make-up table with your name on it.”

May strode over to the small table where the case was and snapped it open. “BEN!”

“Now you have something to match the diamond earrings you like so much. If you need a hand with the clasp, I'll be right here.” I said and closed the door.

May let out a rare curse and I heard the case snap shut. I stood there and waited for twenty minutes and didn't really hear much, besides the sound of cloth across cloth occasionally, then the door opened and a vision of loveliness stood there.

“Sweet Heavenly Goddess.” I whispered to remind her of the pool.

May smiled and blushed. “We need to go.”

“As you wish.” I said and held an arm out for her to escort her.

May hung her expensive clutch bag over her shoulder, adjusted her shoulder wrap, and took my offered arm. We went down the stairs and left the apartment, which I locked, and we rode the elevator down to the lobby. The limo was already there and the driver nodded to us and opened the back door. I nodded back and helped May enter before I climbed in myself.

The stretch limo had everything inside and May couldn't stop herself as she checked everything, even the small refrigerator. She took out a can of fruit drink and gave me a pointed look.

“I agree we should only have an occasional glass of champagne.” I said and she nodded.

The ride was surprisingly quick. I wasn't sure if the driver had a route planned out or if traffic was light. Either way, the limo pulled up to the red carpet reception area. The cameras started flashing immediately and May looked nervous.

“May.” I said in a stern voice and she jerked slightly and looked at me. “You are the CEO of a multi-million dollar company and soon to be the owner of a very lucrative non-profit healthcare and homeless shelter. Out of all the people that are here to show off, you deserve to be here.”

“B-Ben...” May started to say.

“The world is about to see my gorgeous Aunt and you are going to strut your stuff and you're going to impress everyone by being yourself.” I said as the door opened. I climbed out of the limo and waved at the confused paparazzi. “Please ignore me! I'm just the eye candy tonight!”

That gained me a few laughs and one cat-call.

“Allow me to introduce you to the newest corporate mogul to invade the New York area! The CEO of Parker Incorporated and owner of the soon to open Benjamin Franklin Parker Free Clinic and Homeless Shelter, my beautiful aunt, Maybelle Parker!”

Everyone started talking as I reached into the limo and took May's hand.

“I am going to kill you.” May threatened through gritted teeth before she beamed a fake smile and stepped out of the limo. The camera flashes were almost blinding and everyone started shouting questions.

“Yes, it was a recent development. No, we haven't opened for investors yet. Yes, we're still growing and plan to announce several more departments that are going to take the city by storm!” I said and led May along the red carpet and through the throng of reporters and cameras.

The same doorman smiled at me as he opened the door for us. I handed him a hundred dollar bill and his smile was even bigger than May's fake one. We went to the elevator and stood in line to wait and ride the elevator up to where the reception was to be held.