Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

“Invitation, please.” The security man at the elevator said in a bland voice.

I pulled out the invitation Jarvis had sent me and the man barely looked at it as he waved us forward and into the elevator. I had originally planned to use one of my SHIELD liaison IDs and explain I wanted to inspect for fire exits and things, then realized I had the perfect inside friend already.

There were two other couples in the elevator with us as it rose up to the ninetieth floor. The elevators opened into a huge reception area with buffet tables, an open bar, a live orchestra, a dance floor, and a lot of people. Like, a lot of people. I cased the room with my eyes and saw who I wanted to talk to right away.

“What do we do now?” May asked me in a whisper after the two couples with us walked away to mingle.

“We destroy everyone's expectations, of course.” I said and smiled. “You better hold onto your panties, Aunt May. This is going to be a wild ride.”

May just shook her head at me and didn't comment as I led her across the room to where a bored looking Tony Stark stood with a shocked Pepper beside him.

“Pepper! It's so nice to see you again.” I said loudly and let May's arm go before I stepped close to kiss Pepper's cheek and then I stepped back. “We really need to arrange to have lunch one of these days!”

“Y-yes, I... that would be nice.” Pepper said and looked at Tony, who only had eyes for Aunt May.

“And who is this lovely young woman?” Tony asked with a crooked smile and held a hand out towards her.

I immediately fell back to my training as I swung my fist at Tony's jaw. I followed through as I was taught and pushed my arm with my shoulder and upper body, which made it look like I had used all of my strength to lay Tony out onto the floor. I hadn't, because I didn't want to tear the man's face off, in public anyway, and had reined in as much of my strength as possible while still making the punch look good.

“She's off limits to scum like you!” I spat at him and the look of surprise on his face as he rubbed his jaw was priceless. “Your date is right there and you ignored her as soon as another gorgeous woman walked by! How fucking stupid are you?”

“Ben!” May gasped and pulled me away from him, even though I wasn't going to follow up.

“I apologize for cursing, Aunt May. Pepper.” I said and nodded to each of them. “For someone that's supposedly so smart, he's ignoring the best thing that has ever happened to him!”

Pepper blushed and a lot of people around us looked like they agreed with me.

“Not only that, he can't even come up with his own ideas and has to steal them!” I added in an angry voice.

That comment gained a few mutters and whispers as Tony stood up and brushed his tuxedo off.

“Excuse me?” Pepper asked and gave me a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

I opened my mouth to respond and May put her hand over my mouth.

“This isn't the right time to discuss something like that.” May said to me.

I pretended to look conflicted about it and then nodded.

May moved her hand and smiled sadly at Pepper. “You might want to schedule that lunch meeting sooner rather than later.”

Pepper looked from her to me before she nodded. “Is Saturday all right?”

I nodded and the social atmosphere around us went back to normal, as if I hadn't just put Tony onto his butt. “I need to apologize again. I didn't intend to cause a huge scene like this.” I said, truthfully. I only wanted to cause a small one. Tony's comment just gave me too good of an opportunity to ignore.

“That was quite the punch you had there.” Tony said as his hand rubbed the spot.

“I've been working out.” I said. You're lucky I didn't want to leave a bruise.

“Yes, this isn't awkward at all.” May whispered and Pepper smiled at her. “It's nice to meet you, Miss Potts. I'm May Parker, Ben's aunt.”

“What? You're not his girlfriend?” Pepper asked and shook May's hand.

“Ha ha! I told you that me teasing you about that was genuine.” I said smugly to May and then smiled at Pepper. “She didn't believe me.”

May chuckled and shook her head. “He used to bring that up every few days until he promised... PROMISED... to stop teasing me about it.”

“I've only mentioned it once since then. I think. I honestly lost track.” I shrugged. “All that matters to me is that she's my family and I love her.”

“Aww, that's so sweet.” Pepper said.

“Yes, sweet.” Tony said and looked down at my feet and back up to my face. “You have great taste in clothing.”

I couldn't stop my smile and looked at Pepper and then at May, since they both contributed heavily to my new wardrobe. “I can only respond to that by paraphrasing a famous quote. Behind every great man is an even greater woman.”

Tony huffed. “Of course you'd be a fan of Groucho Marx.”

“He was ahead of his time.” I said with a chuckle. “If he had been born a decade or two later, his ideas might have been a lot less controversial. Then again, because they were made at that time, it let other people's less radical ideas be more acceptable later.”

“Please tell me you're not...” Tony started to say.

“My personal beliefs do not reflect his public or private ones.” I interrupted. “I can appreciate the social impact he had, however.” I looked at May first and then at Pepper. “I mean, we have proof right in front of us that having a great woman behind you, can make a man strive to do better.”

Tony chuckled. “A man? How old are you? Fifteen?”

“I'll be fifteen in August and I already created a multi-million dollar company, thanks to my brilliant Aunt that is the CEO and interim owner until I'm of legal age.” I said and Tony looked surprised while Pepper looked shocked, probably because of the CEO reminder, so I gave Pepper a warm smile. “That is something else I wanted to discuss with you over lunch.”

Pepper didn't say anything and just nodded. That lunch was going to be interesting, to say the least.

“Because you are the hosts for the party, I came right over to give you my regards.” I said and took May's hand. “If you will excuse us, there's a few more people for us to meet and greet.”

“Thank you for coming.” Pepper said automatically, then she blushed.

“It was my pleasure.” I said and nodded to her, to Tony, and led May away from them.

“Ben, what the hell was that?” May asked me in a hissed whisper.

“Us making a splash.” I whispered back as I approached a very familiar woman that wore a slinky silver dress and high heels. “Everyone is looking at us and talking about what just happened, especially since Tony didn't have me thrown out after either the punch or the accusation.”

May looked thoughtful as we came to a stop in front of a very statuesque Maria Hill.

“Aunt May, this is my awesomely stunning boss, Anita Goodkiss.” I said and Maria gave me a look with raised eyebrows. “I have several proposals I could make to you this evening and I have to ignore the temptation to do so.”

“Ben!” May admonished me and held a hand out to Maria. “Please ignore the sexual innuendo that statement was completely loaded with. He thinks he's a comedian.”

Maria shook the offered hand. “I have heard a few things about that.”

“They were all horribly embarrassing too, just as I unintentionally intended.” I said and Maria's lips twitched and almost formed into a smile.

“As I said.” May lightly laughed and smiled at Maria. “How do you know Pepper Potts?”

Maria looked surprised and opened her mouth to respond.

I cut her off. “She's not the one that got me the job.” I said and pointed partway across the room. “It was the redhead over there, Natalie Rushman. She used to work for Tony as an assistant until she couldn't take the constant propositions anymore.”

“I can understand that aggravation.” May said and Maria nodded. “You never did tell me how you met her, Ben.”

“I actually stumbled into her when I was looking for someone to teach me how to fight.” I said truthfully and May's eyes widened. “A kid at school was constantly verbally assaulting me and upgraded to physical when I wouldn't take the bait, remember?”

“Oh, the flashing pervert.” May said with a nod. “It felt good to send his family the medical bills.”

“It really did.” I said with a smile. “Anyway, there was some tension between us for a while, a few complete misunderstandings, and now we've worked things out to the point where we are only associated on a professional level.”

May gave me an understanding look. “You really do push things a bit too much sometimes.”

“You can't blame me for enjoying making beautiful women like you smile.” I said and grinned at her blush. “You know how rare it is to find anyone even remotely close to your calibre.”

“Rare? HA!” May barked a laugh. “Pepper Potts, Natalie Rushman, and now your boss Anita Goodkiss, all in the same room as me. That's not rare at all.”

I chuckled. “It actually is. They're here only because no one in their right mind would ignore a once in a lifetime invitation to hobnob with all of the rich and powerful in New York City at the same time. I mean, they get to meet you, right? That's pretty rare all by itself.”

May gave me a disbelieving stare.

“I would rather keep you all to myself, you know that.” I said and she blushed a little as she nodded. “Speaking of which, I think I see a senator over there. Should we go say hello?”

May's eyes widened. “Ben, you can't just walk up to these people and...”

“We just did that twice!” I said and laughed. “Come on, let's go do it again.”

May looked at Maria and smiled. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Likewise.” Maria said and gave me a pointed look.

“Yes, all right. You've convinced me to give you a kiss at midnight.” I said and her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline.

“Ben!” May gasped.

“What? I have to obey her! She's my boss.” I said and took May's arm. “Excuse us, Miss Goodkiss. More hobnobbing awaits.”

Maria nodded to me and I led May across the room to meet the senator for the state of New York.

*

Pepper Potts felt like she was in a huge moral quandary. She had just found out that the young man that she had the best sex of her life with, had just started high school. High school! She had known he was younger than her, considering she was born in 1974 and tonight would be the start of 2012. She did not know that she was 23 years older than him, however.

“How do you know the kid?” Tony asked her as he took a drink.

“We bumped into each other a few weeks ago when I was out shopping.” Pepper said and did not add that they had screwed like rabbits. It was no wonder why he had seemed so innocent and naive, because he was! He's ONLY fourteen!

“You seem a lot more familiar with him than that.” Tony commented.

“We spent the whole afternoon shopping together and talked a lot.” Pepper said.

“That's... strange.” Tony said without looking at her. “Why would someone you don't know want to go shopping with you?”

Pepper turned to face him as she let her simmering anger at him surface. “Perhaps someone was concerned for my safety after we fell down on the sidewalk and he decided that he would rather spend the afternoon with me instead of completely ignoring me and my feelings!”

Tony's eyebrows rose at her tone of voice and he turned his head to look at her. “Why are you getting angry? I was just asking a simple question.”

“It was the implication!” Pepper said with squinted eyes. “You made it sound like no one wants to spend time with me just like you don't!”

“I never said that!” Tony countered.

Pepper opened her mouth to argue and instead took out her cell phone. “Jarvis, play the audio file called 'Tony is an idiot' through my cell phone, please.”

“Right away, Miss Potts.” Jarvis said and Pepper handed the phone to Tony, who put it to his ear to listen.

Ten minutes later, Tony's face was ashen, his posture was slumped, and the cell phone was held limply in his hand. He had just heard dozens of his dismissive comments about Pepper, his complaints about having better things to do, and his automatic response after they had sex the last time.

“The worst part about seeing the realization on your face is that we haven't been together as a couple in weeks and you didn't even notice.” Pepper said and took her cell phone back. “I was just another warm body in your bed when I finally managed to drag you into it.”

“Pepper, I... I didn't realize...”

“I know, and that's the problem.” Pepper said, sadly. “If I hadn't pointed it out, you never would have noticed.”

Tony looked at a loss for words, because he knew for a fact that she was right. He had nothing to say to defend himself, especially since the most recent of his dismissive comments had been earlier that day. He had claimed that he had so many better things to do than waste hours of time at a meaningless fancy dress-up party.

“I'm sorry that I'm always inconveniencing you with things that normal people tend to deal with on a regular basis, like work, eating, and sometimes talking.” Pepper said and put her cell phone into her clutch purse. “Being more intelligent than everyone around you can be a heavy burden to bear if you don't have the wisdom to temper it... or someone to help you temper it.”

Tony didn't say anything and just stood there, because he knew what she was going to say next. He also couldn't deny that she had every right to say it, not after hearing his own voice express his opinions.

“It's over, Tony.” Pepper said as tears came to her eyes. “I won't be begging you later to give us another try. Not anymore.”

Tony could only nod as Pepper dabbed a tissue on her face to catch the tears before they fell, then he watched her walk away. He was sure that she would still be there for him professionally, because giving up the high paying job as his assistant would be a mistake. He fully believed that he could figure out how to get her to forgive him again, if given enough time.

*

After a fairly long evening of mingling and getting several promises of hefty donations for the clinic, the countdown to the ball dropping in Times Square started with thirty seconds to go.

“I can't believe this is happening.” May whispered as everyone shouted the numbers.

“Me, either. Who would have thought I would be having my very first New Year's Kiss with my gorgeous aunt?” I responded.

“Ben!” May gasped. “We can't kiss like that!”

I waggled my eyebrows at her and pulled out a large set of fake plastic red lips from my pocket and slapped them onto my face. “Miss mosent mount!”

“This doesn't count?” May asked and stared at my nod for a second before she burst out laughing.

“Three! Two! One!” Everyone shouted and then yelled. “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

May was still laughing as she pressed her lips to the big fake ones that covered mine.