Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

It only took them ten minutes to assemble into an offensive line and everyone in the village went into their huts and homes as twenty burly men wearing animal skins and ten bald women wearing red ceremonial outfits and carrying spears strutted down the middle of the village. Unlike the guard with me, I had kept an eye on them and also make it appear that I didn't care who they were.

He did not appreciate the practical lesson and ran as soon as the women were close enough for him to get away. One of the women looked fiercer than the others and she took a double step and raised her spear as she lunged at me.

My spider-sense didn't go off, so I stood there in a casual manner as the spear stopped right under the edge of my chin. The impressed looks on the women's faces and the bored looks on the men, let me know who the more intelligent ones were.

“Hand over our sacred metal or you die.” The dark skinned African woman spat.

I deigned to take my gaze away from the hut across the street and the little boy staring at us from the window. “I thought the women here were the intelligent ones.”

That definitely impressed the women fighters.

“I stated if you tried to kill me, you would see neither the hostages nor the sacred metal.” I said and glanced down at the spear with just my eyes. “If you wouldn't mind removing that and stop grandstanding, we can get to the reason why I'm here.”

The woman glared at me and seemed to make a decision. My spider-sense flared and I leaned slightly to the right as she tried to swipe the tip of the blade into the edge of my neck as a show of dominance. I wasn't having that, so I snatched the spear out of her hands, flipped it around, and swiped it at her face in less than a second.

A tiny little cut appeared on the tip of her nose and I spun the staff in my hand once more before I jammed the tip into the ground between her feet. I let the spear go and dug a tissue out of my pocket to hand to her.

“You have a little something on your nose. Just there.” I said and tapped the tip of my own nose.

The woman huffed and used a fingertip to wipe at it and then she stared at her slightly red fingertip.

I waved the tissue at her and she took it and dabbed at her nose. “I hope you don't poison your spearheads until you're facing a real enemy.”

That had the other women muttering among themselves and a few of them nodded slightly.

“I formally request a meeting with your monarch to discuss matters of national security.” I said and she nodded.

“Show us where you have hidden our property and we will take you and your prisoners where you need to go.” She promised. It might have even been sincere if she hadn't just tried to mark me and didn't have a white tissue starkly contrasting against her dark skin.

“I am not a normal interloper to fall for such basic trickery. You would need to be naked to distract me enough to hand over one part of my negotiating capital, let alone all three.”

“You dare!” One of the burly men growled and stepped forward.

“Thank you for proving your women are smarter, because she didn't react at all to my posturing.” I said and smiled at her. “She realized I didn't say she needed to do anything besides disrobe.”

“We all know you westerners take things too far!” He responded, angrily.

“Most would.” I said and looked at the woman's face. “I would politely ask, however. A willing partner is much more enjoyable than a reluctantly agreeable one.”

The woman looked thoughtful and took the tissue away from her nose to see only a small amount of blood. “You barely nicked the skin.”

“Like you would have.” I said and she nodded. “Are we travelling on wheels, hooves, or air?”

She gave me an appraising look. “Do you have any preferences?”

I couldn't stop my chuckle and glanced at the large man who was probably her mate. “I must refrain from answering and will show you the proper respect instead.” I said and crossed my arms over my chest in their country's secret salute and bowed slightly towards her. “Whatever the lady decides.”

That was how I ended up as a wrapped bundle of rope that was strapped to the back of one of their giant rhinoceros beasts for an hour. Despite that, it was a surprisingly smooth ride. We stopped near one of their flying machines and I was loaded up like cargo. The two men accompanying us laughed and the two women guards gave me pointed looks. I rolled my eyes at the men and gave the women a happy smile.

It was unfortunate that I couldn't see where we were going while I was on the floor, which was probably why I was left on the floor. However, I knew that by flying a plane and plunging into a seemingly lush forest at a very specific coordinate, the illusion disappeared and it granted passage through the Wakandan Energy Barrier.

We landed a short time later and the two men picked me up again and carried me on their shoulders as they laughed. The two women warriors flanked us and we left the hangar bay and went into a crowded street.

“You do realize you're being stupid by flaunting me around like this, right? You're announcing to the entire population that another outsider has found you and discovered your secret.” I commented.

The two burly men stopped laughing and the two women warriors looked embarrassed.

“Well, it's too late now. You might as well keep the parade going.” I said and looked at a family of four we had been approaching. “Mholo! Unjani?” I said 'Hi' and 'How are you?' in their native language and that was all I knew. Even when they responded, I had no idea what they were saying. Probably curses.

We continued our trek through the streets and people were now openly pointing and some shouted at me. I said my two phrases back and would have waved if my arms hadn't been tied to my sides. I really shouldn't have agreed to do whatever the female warrior squad leader wanted; but, it was the easiest way to get what I wanted.

The two female warriors guarding the door of the palace glared at my escorts and spoke in terse short sentences, probably berating them for the ruckus that our passage through the city had caused. I agreed with them and they gave me hate-filled looks.

“What's with the anger? It's not like we're ex-lovers seeing each other for the first time after a bad breakup.” I joked and their looks didn't change. “I bring vibranium as a peace offering.”

Both guards gasped and hit their communicators at the same time. A furious exchange happened, then a dozen women came out through the palace doors. I was taken from the two men by six of the new warriors, the two men were ordered away and clearly not invited to come inside, and the two female guards with me entered with us, I assume to give their side of the story.

I was brought into the crowded throne room and it looked identical to the movie I had seen, except it had T'Chaka on the throne and not T'Challa, who rigidly stood off to the side.

“Interloper!” Someone in the crowd spoke in English. “Kill him! He knows our secret!”

Shouts of agreement came from nearly everyone.

“Do you want to remind them of my words or shall I?” I asked the squad leader of the female warriors that had arrested me.

She gave me a look that clearly told me to shut up and then she spoke. The entire room fell silent when she was done and I could almost feel the hatred flowing off of everyone. My spider-sense was fairly calm, though. There was only a light tingle from one or two people and that was it. One was from the king's personal guard, Okoye. The other was from a clan chief that wanted to overthrow King T'Chaka.

“You dare make demands of the royal family?” Prince T'Challa asked.

I chuckled. “Of course not. I demanded that your warriors respect my position and asked them for an audience with his highness, his beautiful wife, his humbly arrogant son, and his brilliant daughter.”

Several gasps came from the audience and a few of them looked nervous.

“How do you know so much?” The queen asked.

“The same way I knew there were ancient Wakandan artifacts in a British museum that I've brought with me to return to their rightful owners.” I said and a collective sound of disbelief came from them.

“He must be lying! We would know if any artifacts were out in the world.” That same angry man exclaimed.

“A vibranium weapon was taken by British soldiers in Benin and mislabelled as a seventh century pickaxe made by the Fula tribe.” I said and the man fell silent. “The other things like the ceremonial mask and clothing pieces are genuine articles, too.”

“You will bring them to us now.” A big burly man ordered and tried to loom over me from across the room. If it wasn't so pathetic, it could almost be considered cute.

“I'm a little tied up at the moment.” I joked and no one laughed. “I will have to respectfully decline your polite request.”

My rebuke was not lost on anyone, especially the now angry man.

King T'Chaka glanced around the room and then looked at me. “Put him down and release him.”

“No!” Several people gasped.

Okoye stepped in front of the king and he waved her off. She did not look happy.

The six warriors holding me placed me on the ground and one of the warriors slipped a large knife out of its sheath on her thigh.

“I don't need the help, thank you.” I said and she looked surprised. I wiggled a bit and drew the small knife I had stashed at the small of my back and turned my hand to cut the ropes near my waist. With a hand free, I easily cut the rest of the ropes and stood up to see everyone as they stared at me.

“You could have escaped at any time.” Prince T'Challa said with a bit of admiration.

“I willingly submitted to the squad leader's authority.” I said and crossed my forearms over my chest and bowed deeply to the king, to his wife, and to T'Challa. They looked impressed. “I would be a poor guest if I tried to escape after doing so.”

“Guest?” The queen asked and looked intrigued.

“Yes, your highness. If I may speak freely?” I asked and the king waved for me to continue. “I wanted to visit your country long before now, only I didn't have the resources to acquire the gifts I would need to present to you and your country.” I said and that had everyone muttering, mostly from disbelief.

“Gifts, you say?” The queen asked and she looked to be struggling to not smile.

Lovely. I thought with a huge smile. “I apologize for how I worded my initial inquiry to your honored warriors, your highness. I did that to get their attention and to prove my presence here was not an accident. I specifically came here to return your stolen property and didn't want them to kill me before I had the chance to do so.”

“You are being sincere.” King T'Chaka said.

“Your highness, I would be a fool to come into your home as a guest and not bring an appropriate gift.” I said. “The first gift would be a welcoming one, the ancient artifacts. The second gift would be a deserving one, the life of the man who stole from you and killed your countrymen, that caused such strife in your family and your country.”

Everyone muttered loudly at that and the queen smiled.

There it is. I thought, happily. “The third gift is to prove my sincerity in wanting your country to regain its honor, with the return of the sacred metal the thief had taken.” I said and a lot of people nodded, while T'Challa looked pleased. “The final gift... is something I probably should not state here openly.”

“You may continue to speak freely.” The king said and it sounded like an order.

I took a deep breath and locked eyes with the man. “The last gift I have for you is the discovery of a Lost Son of Wakanda, N-Jadaka. Son of the disgraced N'Jobu, nephew of King T'Chaka, and cousin to Prince T'Challa and Princess Shuri.”

There was complete silence for about ten seconds, then everyone exploded with sound as they shouted, yelled, and waved their hands and various weapons around.

The twelve warriors around me had mixed and interesting reactions. Half of them turned to me and had their spears ready to run me through and the other half of them faced the crowd and readied their spears to do the same thing. I was both protected and threatened, which meant they knew my words about killing me would lose them everything I had brought. I was also not allowed to move.

It took ten minutes for the king's shock to wear off and he yelled for everyone to shut up. At least, I assumed that was what he said, because it fell deathly quiet after his proclamation.

“Do you have proof?” King T'Chaka asked me.

“He has the sacred family tattoo on the inside of his lower lip, your highness.” I said.

The man looked ten years older as he sat back on his throne and didn't say anything.

I couldn't let anyone else influence the man at this pivotal moment, so I spoke. “I invite Prince T'Challa, his guard, the head of the royal guard, and the honored warriors that surround me, to accompany my person to where I have hidden your gifts.”

A collective gasp came from everyone and the muttering started again.

The queen looked surprised as well. “You are going to hand all of those precious things over without concessions or expectations of repayment or reward?”

I crossed my arms in front of myself once more in their salute and bowed. “A friendship is built upon trust. If I expected anything in return for a gift freely given, it is not a gift at all.”

A lot of people in the crowd nodded at this.

“Father.” T'Challa said without saying anything else. We all knew what he was implying.

King T'Chaka gave him a searching look for a moment before he nodded.

“Okoye.” T'Challa said and she waved for someone else to take her place.

The female warriors around me dropped their aggressive stances and formed into two lines as T'Challa and Okoye approached me. I nodded to him and then to her, stepped aside to let them pass, and saw approval on everyone's faces.

We became another parade as everyone in the city saw T'Challa and yelled and hollered to get his attention. He was their prince and he had to stop a few times... every few feet... to talk to and greet his people. It made them happy and the guards unhappy, because of the risk it represented.

After the tenth time, the female warriors were openly scowling at everyone, so I sighed exaggeratedly. That made the women stop walking to glare at me and T'Challa gave me a questioning look.

“Your own guards are going to attack you for being so reckless, your highness.” I said and his face went blank. “If you will allow it, I can let you borrow a piece of equipment that will assuage their fears of you being shot every time we stop to greet your people.”

That had the women around us widen their eyes, especially Okoye.

“What is this equipment?” T'Challa asked.

I held up my own wrist and showed him the thick bracelet. “It is an auto-deploying arm shield. If anyone attacks you with a sufficient velocity, it opens up into a two foot wide circular shield that you can use to deflect things yourself or let it handle them.”

“That... is interesting technology.” T'Challa said, his voice guarded.

“It's proprietary as well. Patented collapsible compression technology.” I said and nodded at the female squad leader and not Okoye. “If the lady would care to demonstrate and attack me seriously, you will see that it works.”

The woman looked surprised at the offer and the other women looked interested.

“One attack.” T'Challa said in approval and they spread out.

I didn't change my casual stance at all. “Whenever you're ready.”

The woman had a particularly keen glint in her eye as she took a fighting stance and then her spear lashed out at me with the intent to kill. The shield popped open instantly and the clang and scrape sound as the spear was deflected upwards and over my shoulder, seemed to be much louder than it should have been. It was then that I realized the people around us had gone silent to watch us.

I hit the release trigger and the shield collapsed back down into the bracelet. “You can use the controls here to deploy it on purpose and to collapse it again.” I said and then unhooked it and handed it over. “I'll ask for it back after we return with the gifts.”

T'Challa and the women warriors around us stared at the thing as if it was made of pure gold.

“If you're wondering what it's made of, it's a titanium steel alloy that is light and easy to swing round.” I said and he attached it to his wrist. “It shouldn't be necessary to wear, except as peace of mind for your guards.”

“Why do you say that?” T'Challa said and hit the button to deploy it manually and moved his arm to pretend to deflect imaginary attacks.

“I've worn it all this time and even as an interloper, your people are respectful enough to only shout attacks and won't resort to a physical attack until it's the last resort. Or they are ordered to.” I said and smiled at the female squad leader. “I appreciate you actually going for a kill shot and not to just disable me.”

She looked surprised that I had noticed. “If anyone attacks the prince it will be to kill.”

I nodded and glanced at T'Challa. “Shall we continue the procession, your highness? We only have several hundred more people to greet along the way to the hangar bay.”

The female squad leader actually smiled before she startled and her face went blank.

I don't know why that always feels so satisfying. I thought happily and gave her a huge smile.

T'Challa kept his face blank and nodded. So, we continued on down the street and the normal sounds of the crowd started up while the prince performed his princely duties.