Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

Nick Fury was a slightly happy man after he had watched the footage that Agent Parker had submitted the previous night after completing his mission in Columbia. He had also let Maria Hill read the files out loud for him that described the current situation in the area and how effectively Ben's staged suicide had completely dismantled the drug operation.

“That is excellent work.” Nick commented and several other voices agreed. He spun around in his chair and looked at everyone's faces. Two looked particularly blank and he did his best to not yell at them again. “I knew Agent Parker would become a great asset to SHIELD.”

“Yes, sir.” Kelly, the computer department head said. “His data entry contributions have reduced my department's overhead time significantly. I swear his hands are magic when entering numbers and he is actually getting faster with it.”

“Robotics has also benefited a lot from his help.” The department head said.

“He lets the others have a ball making new things and they stopped bothering me.” The head of the R&D department said. “He's a great asset for that alone.”

The others exchanged knowing looks.

“What was his latest project?” Fury asked.

“It's a series he calls 'basic spy stuff' that he said we needed to make as soon as possible.” The R&D department head said. “A retractable knife blade inside the front soles and heels of shoes, both male and female, a cutting laser inside a still functioning watch, a pen explosive that is full of compressed C4 and the clicker that deploys the pen nib is the detonator cap, and a fully functional umbrella that is actually a cleverly disguised long barrel gun.”

Everyone around the table looked impressed, except for one person who groaned. She was the head of the finance department.

“He's sucking up a good portion of our annual budget with the patents we are buying from him.”

Fury let out a rare chuckle. “He's also given all of our field agents invaluable equipment that is easily hidden, easy to deploy, and relatively cheap to produce.”

“We can mitigate the upfront costs by splitting the patent. We only bought out the first few because we didn't want to flood the civilian market with such useful tech.” Maria said. “Agent Parker will own half of the patents and will gain a constant income instead of a one time shot for each.”

The woman from the finance department looked thoughtful. “You know, I think we could do that. I can spread the smaller payments out over a larger time period and it won't completely drain our ready cash so quickly.”

“We can also alter and market that keyboard design. It doesn't need the full connection suite that our agents need.” Maria said and nodded at the head of R&D. “Leave the physical wire attachment as the sole connection and we can save adding back in the wireless option for an upgrade later.”

“Which will produce more sales!” The woman from the finance department said and wrote it down. “I'll get my department working on a great sales campaign to market it.” She looked at the head of R&D. “I'll need one of the new model keyboards for photos and video, so have one delivered as soon as you make the alterations to the production runs.”

The man nodded and made note of it as well.

“When Agent Parker returns, have someone ask a few pointed questions about any more ideas he has in his head. Anything else we can squeeze out of his brain will be worth it.” Fury said and several people nodded. “Which reminds me.” He said and changed the monitor to show 'no signal'. “Would anyone care to tell me how Agent Parker managed to disable the camera systems and integrated tracking equipment on a Quinjet or tell me where he's been for the last 16 hours and counting?”

Not one person spoke up.

“Did anyone tell him he was supposed to come right back when his mission was completed?” Fury asked and looked right at Natasha and Clint. Both of them winced slightly, because they hadn't planned to tell him at all. It was going to be a survival test and making his own way back was a part of that.

“I assumed he knew.” Maria said. “He also informed me that he wouldn't disappoint me.”

Fury nodded at her for assuming responsibility. “In the future, please make it clear. We can't have agents roaming around without any over-watch in place or a backup ready to step in.”

“I've made note of the changes, sir.” Maria said and did just that.

“Is that it? No other issues?” Fury asked and everyone shook their heads. “Iron Hawk and Iron Widow, stay. Everyone else is dismissed.”

“We owe Agent Parker twenty dollars.” Maria commented and made note of it.

Fury gave her his patented eye glare and she held up the royalties contract.

“We're getting a severe discount because he's going to release toys for them in about four months.” Maria said. “Parker Incorporated is raking in the money, hand over fist.”

“Toys?” Clint asked, surprised.

“Yes, it's ingenious, actually.” Maria said and pulled out a thick file folder. “He had the forethought to file patents and trademarks for practically every name that we know of, from Black Widow, to Iron Man and any likenesses, right up to the god of thunder, Thor. He even added villain names to that, like Hammer Drones, Abomination, and Kilgrave, The Purple Man.”

“Excuse me?” Natasha asked and couldn't hide her surprise. He owned HER code name?

“The new firm of Nelson and Murdock are fairly ruthless when negotiating licensing deals.” Maria said and flipped through several pages. “To put things bluntly, every company that had huge sales to be on top, have suddenly found themselves scrambling to get their customers back, because their competitors have superhero endorsements.”

Fury let a rare smile out. “Please tell me he sold the Iron Man image to a feminine hygiene products company.”

Maria had a very rare blush show on her face. “He... licensed a specifically designed and shaped Iron Man likeness... to a vibrating sex toy company.”

Fury was completely silent for three seconds and then he laughed an actual full laugh. Not a bark, not a chuckle, a full laugh that lasted nearly ten seconds.

“Oh, god.” Natasha whispered and covered her face.

“It's one of their best sellers, isn't it?” Clint asked and barely managed to not laugh with Director Fury.

“They can't produce enough of them to meet the demand and had to sub-contract to three other companies.” Maria said and her blush didn't fade. “I never thought I would regret being so good at my job to find out things like that.”

Fury calmed down and took several breaths before he spoke in his normal manner. “I apologize for asking you about that, Hill.”

“It's all right, sir. That's the most extreme case of Agent Parker getting revenge against Mister Stark for stealing his patent.” Maria said. “Oh, that reminds me. They sent their tech teams over and replaced the internals of the Stark Protect devices to more resemble Agent Parker's original idea.”

“You're kidding!” Clint exclaimed.

Maria shook her head and opened the next file. “They've entered an exclusive patent and tech sharing contract. There will be a new fire suppressant variant available next week and they are already sold out with the pre-orders and have increased production.”

“Oh, god.” Natasha whispered again.

“How rich is he now?” Clint asked.

“If you include the patents we're going to share with him and the advanced orders for the Stark Protect devices that have opened up for sales across the country, Agent Parker will be a billionaire by the end of the month.”

“Fuck.” Clint whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Now you know why I'm worried that our newest agent hasn't returned.” Fury said as he stood to lean on the table and both Natasha and Clint nodded. “Whatever you two have planned, or were going to plan, I am specifically ordering you to KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!”

Clint and Natasha flinched, because Fury had never yelled at them like that.

“So what if he knows about you! He knows a lot of shit that no one could have known!” Fury spat. “I can't tell you about it, because it's so classified that I'm not allowed to even mention it by name!”

Both Natasha and Clint were stunned to hear that.

“I can corroborate Director Fury's statements. I was a witness when Agent Parker revealed some of what he knew.” Maria said.

“Some?” Natasha asked.

“He was severely holding back the full extent of his knowledge.” Fury said. “I tricked him once and pretended my beeper was a lie detection device. After that, he hedged his words to be full of conjecture and guesses.”

Maria nodded. “We know he has depths of knowledge that we could benefit from. However, we can't push him.”

“We do not want him to clam up and not tell us anything. That could be bad. Very bad.” Fury said and glared at the two best agents he had. “If someone had been fucking smart and stayed friends with him, someone might have had the perfect opportunity to casually worm some information out of him.”

Natasha sighed. “I don't think so. He didn't...”

“Yes, he did.” Fury interrupted her. “What part of 'practically full access to his life' did you misinterpret?”

Natasha closed her mouth and didn't respond.

“You could have been around him constantly during your time off and you would have had immediate access to whatever plans he came up with. Instead, we're stuck with getting second-hand and third-hand knowledge and piecing things together.” Fury said and nodded to Maria. “Hill is doing an excellent job of getting closer to Agent Parker without letting him know that's what she's doing.”

“It's slow progress and that's how I'll gain access. Slipping into warm water and turning up the heat is easier than jumping into hot water and hoping you don't get burned.” Maria said, wisely.

Fury nodded. “When Agent Parker returns, your confrontation with him over his much overdue state, will provide a unique opportunity for a personal interaction.”

“Don't worry, sir. I've never failed in a mission yet.” Maria said.

Natasha and Clint exchanged looks. Neither of them thought that Maria had what it took to seduce someone.

“All right. There's nothing else we can do about him until he pops back up on the tracking system or comes back to base.” Fury said. “Until then, pretend everything is fine and go about your business.”

“Yes, sir.” Maria, Natasha, and Clint said together.

“Dismissed.” Fury said and Maria packed up her files and followed Clint and Natasha out of the meeting room. He sat back down and placed his elbows on the table and crossed his fingers under his chin. “Where are you, Parker? What are you doing right now?”

*

I sat inside the elaborate palace garden and stared at the modest cleavage of an excited African Princess as she leaned forward intentionally to give me said great view. “Shuri, you're killing me here.”

Shuri had a very smug look on her face. “Please, Ben.” She purred. “I want to see it. I need to see it.”

I looked over at my two guards and they both looked amused, so I wasn't getting any help from them. I looked back at Shuri and she had hooked the bottom of her billowy top with a finger and pulled down a little more. The small white bra she wore actually highlighted her breasts wonderfully and made them more appealing than if she had worn nothing.

“Why did your mother warn you about me when she should have warned me about you?” I asked her.

Shuri let out a laugh as she let her top go and it sprung back up into place. “She wanted to make sure that you wouldn't touch me without my permission. She didn't say anything about me using the same tactics on you, because she knows those are some of the most effective weapons a woman can wield.”

“They are definitely the most distracting.” I commented and she looked quite pleased.

“Then let me see it.” Shuri said. “If I'm happy, you might get to see a little bit more. If you're lucky.”

I pretended to think about it. “What if we did a mutual exchange? You get to see mine and I get to see yours?”

Shuri gave me a pointed look for several moments, then she nodded. “Five minutes.”

“Deal.” I said and unhooked my automatic deploying shield bracelet and she unhooked her thick bangle from her wrist. We held them out to each other and then grabbed the offered items at the same time.

Five minutes wasn't very long for an examination and I knew Shuri was a genius, so she was going to figure out the collapsible tech long before I would figure out her communications and computer controller bangle. Or so she assumed. She wouldn't have agreed, otherwise.

Unlike a normal person, I parsed computer language by its function and not by whatever wording was used. It was essential to my building blocks theory, because when a program was built properly, each part had its own function. Certain blocks of code always did certain things and looked similar, even in different languages.

My thumbs almost burned as I poured through her computer systems and added my own commands into her system files, just like I had with Tony Stark's servers. I even did the backups and override codes to make sure I still had access. I had just enough time to delete my tracks when Shuri let out a whoop of joy.

I looked over at her and she had somehow gotten a small toolkit from somewhere and I saw that my bracelet was half disassembled with a futuristic cell phone connected to it, probably to root through my coding.

“You do realize it's proprietary technology and I patented it.” I said and handed her the bangle back.

“Patents filed in the United States don't apply here.” Shuri said as she clipped the bangle back onto her wrist and then she gave me a smug look. “If you give me another five minutes to finish disassembling your bracelet to work out the mechanism and the programming completely, I'll let you see my bra without my top on.”

I looked over at my guards and they both shrugged, which meant it was her choice. “I'll agree to let you work on it for as long as it takes, if you take the top off now and I can admire you while you work.”

“DEAL!” Shuri yelled and whipped her top off without even thinking about it and then she was bent over my bracelet and gave me a spectacular view of her cleavage with the white bra starkly contrasted against her dark skin.

I didn't try to hide it as I stood and adjusted myself, in full view of Shuri and my guards. I didn't think Shuri could look any smugger or more pleased that her ploy had worked. I sat back down and reclined slightly and watched the young woman as she enjoyed herself and completely tore my bracelet apart.

I could almost see her mind working behind her eyes as she examined everything from the construction, to the wiring, to the sensors, then she dug into the program that ran it. I watched as her nipples grew hard and she bit her bottom lip as she read through the reams of computer code that was both simple and complicated at the same time.

It took her twenty minutes before she let out a very satisfied sigh, stood up and stepped close to me, then she sat down right beside me. She also left her top off, to my erection's happiness.

“I know why you handed me my bracelet back to end our deal and why you let me figure out the bracelet completely afterwards.” Shuri said and gave me an interested look. “You completely compromised my computer systems, didn't you?”

“Yep.”

“You didn't need to know our language to do it?”

“Nope.”

“I can't remove what you did, can I?”

“Not without resetting everything and starting from scratch.”

Shuri shivered slightly. “I know my body is only fourteen; but, I'm really turned on mentally right now.” She said with that same purring tone as before.

“To be honest, this body is only fourteen, too.” I admitted and she gave me a pointed look. “I train and work out a lot.”

“Show me.” Shuri commanded in a husky voice.

I stood up and started to take off the SHIELD stealth suit. Shuri's eyes watched me, with interest far beyond her apparent age, so I made a bit of a show as I stripped myself off for her. She let out a soft gasp when I revealed my well-muscled chest and then I pulled off my pants. I heard two other soft gasps, that I assumed were from the two guards, and I did several muscle builder poses.

Shuri stood up as she ran her dark hands up my thighs, along my waist, and up to my chest. The look of desire on her face wasn't something I had planned, though. I suspected new tech would excite her, yes. What I hadn't expected was for her to be comfortable enough with her body to flaunt it to get what she wanted.

“I told mother that I've been training since I was six and you couldn't touch me if you tried.” Shuri whispered. “That's not true, is it?”

“No.” I whispered back. “I completely expected to not be allowed to, even if I asked.”

Shuri smiled smugly at me. “Shall we have a friendly fight to confirm that?”

I shook my head. “It wouldn't be fair for you, Shuri.”

Shuri gave me an odd look and then her smug smile became a mischievous one. “You're right. This wouldn't be fair at all.” She said and stepped back from me and stripped off her skirt and tights to leave herself in just a small pair of starkly white panties and her bra.

My eyes drank all of her in and she softly laughed.

“If you keep admiring me like that, you won't see my attack coming.” Shuri said.

“I don't need to.” I responded.

Shuri hesitated for a moment, then she moved with a quickness that wasn't there before. I had been watching her abdomen like Melinda May had taught me to do and my arm moved up to block Shuri's punch that her fit body had telegraphed.

“How did you do that?” Jubadi asked with a slightly raised voice.

I lifted my gaze to meet Shuri's eyes and she looked surprised. “Admiring a spectacular body gives you a different perspective during a fight.”

Shuri's surprise changed to a stern look. “Show me how.”

“As you command, my princess.” I said and she smiled for a second before I grabbed her arm, whipped her around, flung her over my back and through the air, to gently land in a bed of common flowers.

“HEY!” Shuri gasped and sat up. “Wait a second! That didn't hurt!”

“Pain is not a requirement for learning, your highness.” I saluted her and bowed. “Shall we continue?”

“Yessss.” Shuri growled and stood up as a feral smile appeared on her face. “We shall.” She said and attacked me.