The Mimic in Monsterland

I recognized the joking voice immediately. It belonged to the only person who could possibly joke at a time like this. Truthfully, I was more shocked he didn’t try to light some part of my body on fire. I turned around and saw the middle-aged prankster wearing his trademark smirk. But I wasn’t relieved to see him like I thought I would. There was a strange feeling, but I couldn’t identify it.

I ignored it for now and went to greet him. Terl spoke up before me. “Mr. Ainsworth, glad to see you.” Terl said, but unease tinged his acknowledgment of Len. Terl rubbed his bandaged arms. He continued speaking without looking directly at either of us. “If you have this handled then I must be off.” He nodded at the two of us and walked out of the tent, heading in the direction of the other tent.

Looks like I’m not the only one Terl’s not a fan of. I wonder if it's just nervousness around Len or if something happened between the two. Hell before that, I’d like to know his beef with me. But I guess it's not really important right now.

Len shook his head as the antlered half elf walked to the second medic tent. He turned back to me and spoke.

“So how was your first taste of battle? Or at least battle with other splicers.” He tilted his head. “Or better yet, a battle with other splicers where you weren’t hopped up on inspiritus and fighting like an idiot.”

“Ouch. Uncalled for.”

Len shrugged. “Call ‘em as I see ‘em.”

I pondered for a moment, however only one word popped into my mind as an adequate answer.

“Chaotic. Everything was moving so fast and never stopped. I didn’t know what I was doing at all and I’m pretty sure everyone I fought with could tell. And my head is killing me on top of it all. And…” I lowered my head as some of the memories came back. Including the man I couldn’t save. I couldn’t bring myself to say more. Len must have picked up on that and decided to further the conversation on his own.

“That’s how it is. I doubt there’s a single person worth a damn out on this field that didn’t feel that exact burden in their first true battle. So you aren’t alone. This was probably the virgin battle for a few limping around.” Len lifted his head to the outside of the tent. “Let’s walk and talk. I’ve got some news for you.”

We made our way out of the tent, heading back for the main street that led back to the guildhall. People were rushing to and fro around the field now. Not all soldiers either. It looked like some construction workers, crafters in this world, marched to the school; their hands filled with tools and lumber. Yet they held way too many supplies for just the school building. It had to be enough to construct a whole new building. I looked at the school. It didn't take that much damage from the assault. Thankfully.

A minute later, I watched on as the crew walked right by the building and headed for the wall. Ah, wall repair. I hadn’t even looked at the hole in the wall yet but it looked like it had been patched. They were probably the group to actually repair and reinforce it.

We made it to the street, but the strange feeling in my stomach that grew when I first saw Len didn’t lessen. It grew worse, turning into a full blown pit as we walked. Until a question formed in my mind. The source of my discomfort.

“Where were you? Why didn’t you fight?” I asked Len.

I couldn’t help but think that battle wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long if he was on the field. And I know he could have gotten there fast. The man can freaking fly with his powers for chrissakes. So maybe he was taking care of something really important.

He didn’t move his head as we continued walking. It stayed focused on the road in front of us. “I had business on the other side of town.” He answered.

My mouth opened. I was completely stunned by the weak answer. I stopped in my tracks. “That’s it? What do you mean other business? People were dying, Len. Deaths you could have prevented by simply being there and tossing out a few fire balls. Those monsters were so weak compared to you. It would have been nothing.”

He stopped a few steps away, then turned to me, his expression was blank. Not serious or jovial. He locked eyes with me for a moment, then he sighed.

“I can’t be the solution to every problem this city faces, nor do I want to be. And it's like you said it would have been nothing to me. But that’s not all. It would have meant nothing to everyone involved as well.”

“What does that mean? It would mean a hell of a lot to those who died. Might say it’d mean the whole world to them.” I answered; my voice cracked slightly as I got emotional.

“Experience my boy. Like you said, the monsters would have been nothing for me. A simple flick of the wrist would have been all I needed. But I would have gotten nothing from that encounter. Nothing to learn and nothing to gain, including experience. I’d have to battle hundreds of hordes like that to even come close to another level.”

“Is that the only reason you fight? For your own gain? What if it’s not some forty foot ball of bodies then it's not worth your time? I thought you guys wanted to make a difference in this world. That’s what you’ve been blowing up my ass this whole time. Kinda feels like saving lives should be priority number one. Not that I even know what your plans are, everybody has to be so damn secretive about everything. Shit. Worrying about some fucking Exp. You sound like a basement-dwelling, cheeto-dusted MMO addict.” I finished with a huff.

Len’s face twitched for a second, but his expression didn’t change until he sighed again. His face softened and he chuckled.

“I have no idea what any of that last statement means. But what I can tell is that you are misunderstanding something very crucial about our world. You are severely undervaluing experience. My reason for not fighting is the exact opposite of that.” He turned back to the bloodied field. “What do you think the odds are that someone out there leveled up after that conflict? I’d be willing to bet at least a few. They got stronger. What would happen to them if I was out there? Take a guess?”

My anger still steamed but I answered. “Probably wouldn’t have leveled up.”

“Correct. And now let me ask you another question. What happens if that soldier is put on the frontline of the next raid? What if that ten extra points of health is the difference between them being a corpse or alive? What if that extra couple of points in strength is what lets them finish off the beast threatening to destroy their squad? So then what is the right answer? Deprive them of that opportunity to level up and grow stronger. Save a few lives now but risk the lives of many more when shit really starts piling. That experience would do nothing for me is vital for every soldier that entered that battlefield.”

I listened to him but still didn’t feel right. His reasoning made sense, but the images of that satyr’s bloody body kept flashing in my head. He might have lived if Len was there. Or if you did something. I gripped my knuckles so tight they started to crack.

I finally understood what that feeling was. The guilt I’d been pushing down started to surface. I wanted a scapegoat, someone I could shift the blame on. Len was just an easy choice.

But I was the only one to blame. No one else. If I wasn’t being such a child, then I could have saved him. Maybe others too. “Damn it.”

Len stood next to me as we looked back at the battlefield. “That frustration boiling inside you. I know it feels like shit, but it's not a bad thing. It means you care and there are plenty of splicers that don’t. Look, I don’t know what happened to you in that fight and I don’t need to know. But now you have to decide what to do with it. Frustration and failure make for the deadliest poisons and strongest motivators.”

I looked back over the battlefield. At the spot where the goat legged man died. I knew one thing. I didn’t want that to happen in front of me ever again. I peered at my status bar and saw the other forms were about to come off cooldown. I have the power to stop it. I just need to be stronger.

I took a couple of deep breaths. Then once I felt more in control and not about to cry, I turned to Len. “I need to train. I need to get stronger. Now.”

Len grinned. “Good. But not today. That was plenty.” He gestured back at the field.

“No and like I said earlier, I have some news for you.”

“What?”

“I was going to wait until we got back to the office.” He straightened up.

“Liam Foster. You are officially a citizen of Laurelhaven.”