Waifu Catalog: Warcraft Beta Tester

6/5 late afternoon

I don’t know exactly when Faerlina was captured; I was enjoying myself on the floor of a flying death fortress when it did. A few quick edits to her mind and she forgot that she’d ever worshiped the Lich King; I was the only powerful brainwashing entity she needed in her life. She had been operating deep undercover for years, as far as she was concerned, and would continue to do so for a little longer.

Anyway, after enjoying the face down ass up raid boss to my (and her) satisfaction, I let Sylvanas and Faerlina coordinate with the spirits of Naxxramas to hunt and either kill or capture every Scourge agent still in the necropolis.

Most of Faerlina’s acolytes were currently tied up, bathing in Alexstrasza’s newly modified flames. It gave her an opportunity to figure out how they worked before turning them upon Vaelen. They were very selective; she could burn out the fanatical devotion to the Lich King without weakening their bodies, resulting in them becoming the people that had initially joined the Cult of the Damned except for their substantial gain in power. People who, incidentally, were generally opportunistic and self serving.

I gave them a straightforward sales pitch: they abandon the Scourge, they submit to my authority, they perform a little ritual, and they are given immortality and a full pardon in the human kingdoms. I implied that death was the other option, but I’d have probably just locked them up and twisted them into my servants the old fashion way, whenever I had time. I think a few of them took a look at their former mistress and realized what their two options really were; nobody turned down the opportunity to join the winning side.

The death knights near the engine were the only serious defenders left in the citadel; the A Team could handle it, since the only heavy hitter present was Sir Zeliek. I was risking tiring them out by swinging around my big guns before a larger fight, but I thought that securing Naxxramas was worth it.

Plus, Zeliek was worth at least as much to me as Faerlina outside of the bedroom. He was a fallen Paladin who had somehow maintained the ability to channel the light even after being killed and reanimated by the Scourge. My best guess is that he’d been put in charge of besieging the engine room because holy magic was quite effective against rebellious ghosts. He was also, tragically enough, essentially a puppet with his mind and morals fully intact. It would be a mercy to help the poor guy out of his current position.

It could have certainly gone better. I honestly forgot how goddamn intense the Four Horsemen really were, one of the hardest encounters in all of Classic WoW. I’d figured that jumping one of them while the others were away would make it easier. It might have. Each of the horsemen had a damaging aura as their signature ability, paired with one additional power. Pretty simple, right? Well, every ten or so seconds inside of the aura, wide enough to match the effective range of most offensive spells, made its effects more potent. In the game, the best strategy was to swap around who was fighting which horseman to avoid becoming too vulnerable, but my team was largely going in blind. It wasn’t as simple as rushing down one guy on a horse and killing or collaring him, either; first the death knights guarding his flanks had to be taken out.

Gina managed to get to him, of course, but by the time he and around a quarter of his troops were disabled and tidied away my elite troops had been badly seared by holy energy. Whitemane was certainly going to have some work to do, and I don’t think I’ll be able to start my assault on Nefarian with full moonwells. My real takeaway was much more positive, though. I was never going to need to fight the full quartet in a coordinated assault, and I’d have a much happier Zeliek fighting on the side of the angels real soon. Thank fuck for that.

••••••••••

While a secure Naxxramas drifted through the sky towards Tirisfal Glades, I went over the books. You know me, this shouldn’t surprise you.

Apparently, according to her report, Vanessa had forced one of her shadow operatives to make herself attracted to bear men in order to seduce the furbolg. As a training exercise, supposedly, but I had my suspicions when she luxuriated in the opportunity to write about how this was Ursula’s former butler. The one who’d taken advantage of sloppy programming to take his boss up the ass, then participated in a rebellion against me. 

I checked his settings and found that he still thought of himself as a man and, as far as I could tell, basically hadn’t changed mentally at all except for an inability to say no to Vanessa (or me). He wasn’t terribly happy, despite my explicit orders. I’d need to punish Vanessa for that, but then again she’d probably enjoy it. I cracked my knuckles and fixed that by pouring out an entire jar of every kink in the book that might relate to his situation.

Submission, humiliation, lack of control, being brainwashed, pain, and anything else I could find that would normally be unpleasant. I also made my retinue, the easiest source of sex for any member, off limits. He’d still find men and women in the retinue attractive, but would be entirely incapable of maintaining a state of arousal if he was in physical contact with them. Voyeurism and cuckoldry kinks would soften that blow, as I am a merciful god. On the other hand, sleeping with someone that would benefit the retinue would get his or her engine running like nothing else. Did that count as my good deed for the day? Probably shouldn’t. Oh well. I checked the loot.

Rabbit Insignia: this stamp sets the target’s sex drive and views on sex to roughly those of a porn addicted nymphomaniac teenager. This removes most sexual hangups and sex related trauma and places the desire for sexual pleasure, with or without a partner, extremely high on their list of priorities. This is an instantaneous change, and will fade or intensify naturally over months or years depending on future sexual experiences or lack thereof.

I idly wondered about some of the sillier options there. Could I use this on C’thun to invoke the powers of hentai? I honestly wasn’t sure. If I didn’t sell it, it would probably be best used to make someone very easy to seduce, so I sent it over to Lillibeth. For that matter, I gave her a pact stamp and a seal of joy. Her team seemed like it would be done in a few more days, might as well give her the tools for a final push.

I also had two new regional missions, aka new methods of getting regional upgrades. Ashenvale and Felwood, this time.

Ashenvale: Defeat Diathorus the Seeker, leader of the conclave at Demon Fall Ridge
Reward: Grimoire of Inferno

Grimoire of Inferno: teaches the Inferno spell to a competent warlock

Oooh. Inferno is a rather useful spell that summons a special type of demon called an infernal. They might be more related to a golem than a proper demon, but giant rock men that radiate blistering fel energy seemed like they would be a perfectly adequate addition to my retinue. I couldn’t really think of many species in the Warcraft universe with more brute strength and toughness than an infernal, after all. I’m pretty sure they also give some rebates. This one went near the top of the list; if I remembered correctly the demons in Ashenvale weren’t anything special. Easy pickings.

Felwood: Defeat Chieftain Bloodmaw of the Deadwood tribe of Furbolgs
Rewards: Relationship Shift, Entrancing Orb

Another relatively easy one with good rewards? Nice. Everything’s looking pretty good for me. Maybe the raid on Nefarian’s lair will go well after all.

••••••••••

Nefarian walked up to the front gates of the desert troll capital and opened a portal. His lieutenant Ebonmaw and fourty of his chromatic draconids flooded through as the son of Deathwing cast a spell to allow his voice to be carried to everyone within the city.

“Trolls of Zul’Farrak. Greetings. I am Nefarian. I come with an offer. If you grant me a simple trinket known as the Tiara of the Deep, I shall be indebted to you. If you refuse me, then I will raze this city to the ground.” It was a bluff; he wouldn’t actually care enough to keep attacking after he got the tiara.

He heard a deep drum beat from within the city. He’d never learned the trolls’ drum language, but presumably the beat contained their chieftain’s response. Nefarian sighed as the tempo shifted a few minutes later; he might not be fluent but he was familiar with that particular song. They were preparing for battle. Quite irritating. The black dragon took on his visage and wrapped himself in magic to become uninteresting. He looked over his latest two batches of artificial drakonids and wondered if this was really a reasonable field test, or if he should destroy the enemy himself.

“Lord Nefarian, I would negotiate with you.” He turned to see a water bubble with the reflection of a troll woman within it.

“Oh? I’ve given my terms. Also, your chief appears to think it’s a bad Idea,”

“It is mine to give or to keep. What form of payment will you give me, if you will be in our debt? Your goodwill means about as much to us as ours does to you, but I’d prefer to avoid war. You ask for a great treasure, though. I’ll not part with it for less than it is worth.”

Damn. Hmm. How would Onyxia handle this? “What are you using it for? I may be able to replace it.”

The troll woman scoffed. “It can be used to beacon forth the mighty Gahz’rilla and command him to cooperate. I hardly expect you’ll be able to replace that.”

The human form of Nefarian smiled. “Oh, is that all?”