Well at Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now

Erastus 4: Afternoon

When I initially conceived the plan, I didn’t realize quite how much smoke would be involved. The clinging smog spilled out over the beach, enveloping the ship in an eye-burning haze. I smiled through my coughing fit, knowing that no matter how unpleasant things were for us, the ghouls were having a far worse time.

The wet forest didn’t burn very well, but anything is possible with enough alchemist fire. It took Rowe about half an hour to make a bottle of the volatile substance, as long as she didn’t have more than two currently active. It was the most video gamey thing I’ve ever seen, but everyone on deck shrugged and accepted it as goblin “tech”.

She seems more aware of how her powers work than anyone else. I wonder if goblins actually pull this kind of thing all the time or if it is just some kind of perception filter?

Of course, even with all the goblin firebombs in the world we’d be dead in the water without a delivery system. I’d originally asked Seovi, but her paws were poorly suited to carrying the smooth earthenware bottles that Rowe produced from thin air. I dismissed her and found an alternative in a slightly higher weight class. I’d specifically chosen something capable of speech, manual dexterity, and hand to hand combat with ghouls.

“I’m done. More spicy rice.” The brine dragon wyrmling demanded, landing on the ship. She shoved her nose into Jaundiced Jape’s bowl to eat.

Litorias was a small, cat-sized blue dragon. She was heavily armored, as physically strong as Sosima despite her miniscule frame, smarter than most people on the crew, immune to paralysis, and had been living on her own since a few weeks after her birth. She was a favored creature of Besmara, as a powerful sea monster driven by greed and ego. She was also, essentially, a feral four year old.

Jape sighed and let her take his dinner, knowing that he would be allowed to get more from Salyar. Litorias had already eaten nearly her own body weight in rice and roasted fish, but every time she returned to the ship for more alchemist fire she insisted on stealing any food she saw. Dragons have an incredible metabolism, allowing them to derive sustenance from nearly any substance they can fit into their mouths. She’s probably always hungry, and any excess nutrients serve only to accelerate her growth the next time she hibernates. (Knowledge Planes 20+3=23 Critical success)

Of course I got a crit on realizing why a child is always hungry and not on convincing Ivey to join us on the ship. 

I sent Litorias flying out to systematically drop firebombs onto the forest, setting the whole island ablaze. She was supposed to use her breath weapon, a spray of powerful acid, on any ghouls she saw; the bombs were strictly for the trees.

The ghouls instinctively moved away from the fire, so we were able to make a kind of wall around the ship. I was sufficiently familiar with modern military history to know that indiscriminately bombing the hell out of your enemy wasn’t actually a winning strategy, but I wasn’t trying to kill all the ghouls. I was trying to drive them into disarray.

The majority of ghouls were instinctive creatures, barely holding onto their humanity because it was tactically useful. When confronted with one of their primal fears, such as fire, they started to act erratically. Many ran deeper into the forest, where my Esobok stalked them, picking off any ghoul that let itself become isolated. Every hour, a few burnt ghouls ran out onto the beach to die alone, maddened by pain and hunger. I didn’t know how long it would take for Blackteeth and the other intelligent ghouls to figure out a counter, but for a few hours we were able to operate with impunity.

Cog had gone first, invisible, to finish chopping down the tree. There hadn’t been a hostile response, so a handful of volunteers had rushed out to drag the large tree closer to the ship and started chopping it into smaller parts that could fit on the ship. Plugg, ever the manager, ordered those who didn’t initially volunteer for log duty to drag the ghoul corpses into a large pile near the edge of crossbow range. Everyone had gone nose blind long before that point, but there was still a serious risk of infection if we let the corpses fester too close to us.

I watched the logging with great interest. It would be great to kill off all the ghouls, but I’d be just as happy fixing the ship and ferrying everyone at Ivey’s retreat offshore. I vaguely wondered how much money I was burning.

If these trees are a good type for building ships, this is as good as a gold mine in a naval society. Maybe I can really wipe these things off the map? If there weren’t any more ghouls left on the island, we could set up logging operations. It’s not like we’d be destroying the environment. The ghouls already wiped out everything bigger than an insect on the whole damn island. I’ll figure it out later. 

I checked my achievements and found that I’d picked up another new ability from killing so many ghouls: Conjure Puppet. It would allow me to summon a fairly strong melee combatant without costing me any spell slots. There was only one major catch: it needed to be controlled directly for it to actually do anything. Unless I could figure out how to control it myself, that meant going without Autopilot whenever it was up. I decided to keep that one in my back pocket; it might serve as a helpful surprise later.

My menu didn’t have anything else worth checking. My mission log listed becoming a captain, hunting an ankheg, and saving Aaron Ivey. The only other mission left was to kill Harrigan, so everything relevant was queued up. I checked in with Sandara, and found her harassing Scourge.

“It’s a coin or a drink; doesn’t matter as long as I get one or the other.” She said, “Do you want me to be able to use magic or not?”

“Damn it, you’ve never needed a coin to cast before!” He grumbled. “I’m broke, thanks to you!”

“Well you’ve never seen me cast this much, now have you?” She asked, fixing him with a withering glare, “Also, I didn’t die just to spite you, jackass. Don’t pin that on me. I’d be perfectly happy never speaking to you again, but Besmara demands an offering from you, specifically, or we might all die tonight.”

The men around the two were starting to glare at Scourge. He wasn’t the most popular officer, and Sandara’s popularity was at an all time high. None of them knew how her magic worked, and were perfectly willing to believe that the fickle goddess would make strange demands in a situation like this.

“Ah, damn it.” Scourge relented, pulling a coin purse from his pocket and retrieving a silver coin. Despite his protests, it was one of many. “Here!”

Sandara took it and immediately pitched it into the ocean, a gift for the queen bitch of the seven seas. She turned on her heel and walked away towards the bow without a word. I intercepted her, and slapped her on the ass as a greeting.

“Mister M’Dair, I am surprised at you.” She said, straightening her back and putting her hands on her hips. “I am a lady.”

“Why I believe you may be right.” I said, slowly looking her up and down with a smile. “I really need to do something about that sooner rather than later.”

I lowered my voice.

“Did you actually need that coin from him?” I asked.

“Not really.” She answered with an impish grin. “I just need to win it or con it out of someone. Besmara doesn’t get pissy if I miss a day here and there, but I get a little boost if I keep it up. It makes me just a little bit luckier.”

“What a naughty girl.” I said, teasing. “Lying to a superior officer. Speaking of, did you prepare the spells I asked you to?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” She said, “I’ll be ready if you give me the signal.”

“If we’re lucky, we can finish this up and sleep soundly tonight.” I said.

“Sleep?” She asked, affronted. “If we are safe enough to let our guards down, sleep is the last thing I want to do with my evening.”

“Agreed.” I said. “We can probably do a few other things first. I’ve got quite a list of things you need to answer for, Miss Quinn.”

“Of course, Captain.” Sandara said with a salute. Naturally, she’d chosen that exact moment to shift back to full volume. “It would be a pleasure.”

Plugg fixed his eyes on us.

“Miss Quinn, it would oblige me greatly if you were to refrain from openly mocking my position.” Plugg said acidly. “If you intend to stay in this fleet, you will need to learn respect.”

Yeah. Sure. That’s definitely going to happen. I’m not even sure if she’s going to be particularly respectful towards me when you aren’t around to troll. 

••••••••••

The assault, when it came, was lacking in tactics compared to the last two nights. There was no art to it, unlike the clever feints and maneuvers the prior day. The horde made up for it with sheer quantity. The ghouls, after a day of being bombarded with flames, stalked by a psychopomp, and randomly sprayed with acid by a dragon, attacked in a single unfathomably large wave. Nearly two hundred of them poured out of the forest to crush us. I’d been expecting this, I’d planned for it, I’d even deliberately provoked it, but the sight still made me pause.

Thankfully they had still mostly massed at the point closest to the ship, with the largest group charging directly out of the forest towards the bow. I placed my hand upon the whale skull, reached mentally into the largest carving, and drew out the magic. The oily sensation of demonically derived magic enveloped my hand, which I channeled through my body and pointed at the center of the mass of ghouls. 

Hundreds of black tentacles as thick as a man’s wrist burst from the sand, grasping at the ghouls and stopping the center of their line in its tracks. Black tentacles was a spell of the fourth circle, meant for use in large scale combats just like this. Though less immediately destructive than a fireball, the tentacles were strong enough to crush the life out of a normal man. Ghouls, for all their monstrous vigor, were not much stronger than the average soldier. 

As I regained control of my body, nearly fifty ghouls were caught in the mass. Half of them died instantly. Black blood dripped from the tentacles as they discarded the broken bodies. I watched the carnage I’d released until everything froze. I stared at the gruesome tableau for a moment, took a deep breath, and looked around at the rest of the battle.

“No! Don’t use my skull!” Litorias whined, landing heavily on my shoulder, “you’ll ruin it!”

Right. That’s her payment. I guess it would have been more honest to mention that I intended to use as many spells as I needed to first, but she never asked.

The whale skull was a massive art piece, big enough for her to sleep in comfortably and infused with a half dozen spells of varying levels of usefulness. I’d barely needed to make the offer before she accepted.

Economics 101. The best deal is the one where everyone loses something they don’t want and gets something they do. I won’t need a 50 pound magic whale skull tomorrow, but I definitely needed a baby dragon today. 

“No more ghouls, and I won’t need to use it.” I snapped at her. “Get to killing.”

Despite the slaughter, we were still outnumbered nearly three to one. The only real advantage we had was that most of the ghouls were already injured. Litorias flew out over the enemy and sprayed her caustic breath on a group of ghouls. Six of them fell to the sands as their legs gave out, eaten away by the powerful acid. Not ten steps away, three flash frozen ghouls stood in a patch of ice, turned into statues by Yael’s magic. The swarm dashed right past their injured fellows, not caring in the slightest.

We were prey. Now we are a threat. Pack politics aren’t a concern anymore. They just want us dead. They put us on a timer, we stopped worrying about provoking them. 

The men, at my suggestion, held their fire until commanded to shoot by Sosima. This was partly an effort to improve trigger discipline and avoid wasted shots, but mostly it was intended to take advantage of an ability she’d been neglecting: Fierce Shout. Sosima could command her allies to attack as a standard action, and in doing so grant them +3 to damage on the first attack of their next two turns. This would he a small but significant amount of damage in a group of six people like my party, but on a ship full of 25 crossbowmen it became far, far more dangerous. If even half of them made a single successful attack in the first few rounds of combat, Sosima could indirectly do almost 40 damage spread out across a dozen ghouls, and the upper limit was more than 100. Some of that would be overkill, but it would also turn many glancing blows into kill shots.

The ghouls stormed the ship under heavy fire, falling in droves. Most of the chaff was eliminated long before they reached the ship, but the remaining undead were still a rabid pack of ghouls who had every intention of overrunning the ship. We paid for our offensive focus, as the men waited until the last possible second to switch to melee weapons. Six people died abruptly, pulled over the railing into the mass of undead flesh. Only sixteen men were still in any state to fight.

It has to end now. 

One of the pack leaders, a dark skinned giant of a man, managed to kill three more with the wide sweeps of his ax. I hollowly watched Autopilot stagger the berserker with a full strength frost blast, giving Sosima the chance to impale him through the heart.

A rail thin ghoul flipped over the railing and made a mad dash for Sandara, hoping to eliminate her before she could channel. As the agile ghoul put its fist directly through Sandara’s mirror image, Yael and Plugg collapsed upon the creature. Both chopped at it with their swords, stopping the assassination with Sandara untouched. Yael began laughing delightedly as she finished it off, her echoing voice bouncing across the deck to envelop the whole battle.

We fought for our lives, and the corpses piled up. Most were pale, with rotted black blood, but a few pools of red stained the deck as well. I switched from my frost blast to color spray as the ghouls bunched up around the poop deck. The blinding multicolored light, so garish compared to the charnel house around me, bought the crew precious seconds. Those seconds were used, quite naturally, to kill.

There were about seven men left alive, plus the officers and my party, when the battle ended. Four of them could still stand without assistance. Another twenty were fighting off ghoul fever, either in the infirmary or at Ivey’s retreat. Most of the crew had a hard fight to survive ahead of them, even without the ghouls hunting us.

The ghouls were nearly, if not completely, gone. The Esobok made an appearance near the end of the battle, lunging for any ghoul that tried to quit the field. It was quick and efficient, crushing the undead creatures beneath its weight. I watched with detached amusement as it descended upon a ghoul lying facedown near the pile of corpses; as it did, the skeletons peppering the attacking force fell abruptly to the ground.

Blackteeth was trying to stay out of the real fighting. Makes sense. It’s what I’d do if I could. 

As the last of the ghouls fell, I took only a few moments to breathe. I still had a plan to carry out. I checked on Sandara, who clutched my hand and quietly cast two spells on me. I nodded at her grimly, stood up, and turned to Plugg.

“Mister Plugg, I believe things have reached the point where we may speak plainly. I am invoking my right as quartermaster of this ship under Shackles law. I declare you unfit for the position of captain.” I announced. “As you didn’t give me the position, you were unable to strip me of it according to Besmara’s Code. As I doubt you will accept my judgment, shall we proceed to a challenge for the position of captain, as laid out by Besmara herself?”

Plugg looked at me. He frowned. He studied my slight frame and considered the number of spells I’d cast during the battle. He looked for a trap. He didn’t see one. He saw me as I was; uninjured but largely spent, while his own abilities were already refreshed. He saw me exactly as I wanted him to see me.

“It’s to the death, is it not?” He asked. “Miss Tarroon, would you be so kind as to refresh us all on the rules of engagement?”

“Oh. Yes, sir.” She sputtered, taken off guard by the challenge, “As the challenged party, you decide the number of combatants on each team. It can be to the death or till surrender, by mutual agreement. All outside interference is forbidden, as adjudicated by a neutral judge agreed upon by the combatants. It can be done immediately or at noon, at the challenged party’s discretion.”

“I see. I believe summary single combat would be best, as we may still be in danger. This should be resolved promptly.” Plugg said, “Would you be willing to serve as our adjudicator, Miss Tarroon?”

“Bullshit.” I said. “The duel is sanctioned by Besmara. Sandara should be the referee as the goddess’s representative.”

“Ah yes.” Plugg said, “surely your pet priestess will be a fair judge.”

“Gentlemen,” Sosima said, stepping between us. “I do not understand your conflict, but I’d be perfectly willing to at act as a fair arbiter.” (Bluff 7+10 +10(subject wishes to believe the lie)= 27 opposed by sense motive) 

“I believe that may be acceptable,” Plugg said smugly. “What do you think, Mr. M’Dair? We won’t find many who can truly be called neutral.”

“I’d prefer Ivey,” I lied, “but I want to get this over with so we can get back to more important things.”

“Agreed.” Plugg said with a smile. “To the death?”

I rolled my eyes.

As if that means the same thing to you that it does for me.

“Sure. To the death. Specifically the first death.” I said. “I’ll even be nice and let you live as a gillman, if you agree to that.”

“Acceptable.” Plugg said, shameless. “Lady Aulamaxa, I’m afraid I must request my coat back. I understand it’s ungentlemanly to ask, but I have need of its protection.”

Sosima and Cog started to drag the ghouls off of the poop deck, chopping off their heads just to be sure. Once the space was clear, Plugg and I squared off.

••••••••••

AMA is still open, if anyone has anything they’d like to ask of any character or me. Just a bit of fun.