Well at Least I’m a Magic Pirate Now

Erastil 4

“Victory to Captain Emrys M’Dair!”

As Sosima’s words rang through the air, I hopped down off of the scaffolding. I cast Feather Fall, allowing me to gracefully land a few feet in front of Plugg. I held my off hand to the side, trailing mist from a readied frost blast, as I extended the other towards Plugg.

“Your sword, Mister Plugg.” I said. “And your coat. I’m taking them as a lawful prize.”

Plugg hesitated for a moment before complying, cursing all the while. Surrendering his weapon, even if he didn’t use it often, was symbolically more significant than merely accepting the loss. I slung the coat over one shoulder.

“Alright, Plugg. Daddy gets to protect you one more time. You’ll be confined to your new quarters until we make port.” I said, then raised my voice. “I am your captain now. Any man who wishes to stay in Harrigan’s fleet may go ashore when we reach port with my blessing. Anyone who’d prefer to stick with me is welcome, if I think I can trust you.”

Plugg nodded stiffly. The few men on deck nodded solemnly. I’d dropped this on them while they were all exhausted, and they all knew I’d saved their asses. They’d play along, at least until we were safely ashore, as Besmara demanded. (Sense Motive 12+1=13)

“Like hell!” Caulky roared, her face flushing with rage, “Ousting Seb is one thing, but this is Captain Harrigan’s ship! I challenge ya to a duel fer the position as captain!”

“No.” I sighed. “I’m sure as hell not fighting you right now, and I don’t have to.”

Caulky stalked towards me, gracefully traversing the frozen deck. Cog stepped into place between us, ready to intercept. Only he was close enough to hear Caulky when she started talking again.

“Look, I’m sorry I turned ye down, but what in the nine hells do you think yer doing?” She hissed. “Ye can’t just mutiny and run off with a ship because ye didn’t get everything ye wanted.”

“You think I’m mutinying because of you?” I asked, stunned, “Caulky, I was fucking kidnapped and forced into service. This was always the plan eventually, unless I could slip away instead.”

“The captain liked ye!” Caulky insisted, “You could have gone far, and yer throwing it away on a tantrum.”

“Fuck that.” I spat. “And fuck you for thinking I owe him a damn thing. I’d kill him if I could manage it, and I don’t know if I’d even lose sleep. Hand over your blade and gun. I think it’ll be best if you and Scourge stay in your rooms too.”

Caulky took a step back, slack jawed. Cog took her weapons from her, handing me the gun in its holster. It felt warm in my hands, comfortable, as if it had been made just for me. It was a trophy of a significant victory, which gave it a special kind of resonance. I could enchant this, if I wished. (Spellcraft 8+9=17)

“Scourge, please hand your weapons over to Lady Aulamaxa.” I called. “This can be the end of things. I think we’ve all had more than enough excitement today.”

Sosima and Sandara escorted Scourge down the stairs. The door built into the poop deck was frozen shut, so we had a few awkward minutes waiting for Salyar to unlock the hatch near the bow. I took the opportunity to give Sosima a long, lingering kiss. I’d been planning on a quick peck, actually, but Sosima deepened it with a hand on the base of my neck.

“You did great, Sima.” I said, picking a pet name at random. “If you wouldn’t mind, could you take care of getting Plugg set up in his new room? He can keep his personal possessions, other than weapons or tools he could use to call a spirit.”

“Of course, captain.” She agreed, then jerked her head towards the opening hatch. “Come on, lover boy. You’ll need to pick your favorite things. I’d suggest a few books to keep you company. Poetry, if you don’t have any novels.”

As she spoke, she tugged on her earring and wrapped herself in the illusory skin of a tiefling. Her whole demeanor relaxed slightly as she took her preferred form, like a soldier going from attention to at ease. She was still far more formal than someone like Sandara, though a faintly mocking smile tugged at her lips.

Plugg narrowed his eyes as he looked between us, then cursed under his breath. He followed instructions with stiff formality, the very picture of a captain on a captured ship.

“Everyone, head under.” I commanded the crew. “I don’t think we are likely to be attacked again, but we don’t have the numbers to leverage the deck right now if we were. Better to put a few locked doors in the way, so they won’t be able to surprise us. I don’t know about you all, but I need a nap. We’ve got dead to bury in the morning.”

I was the last person down the hatch. To the men, it looked like I was keeping an eye on the Esobok while it gorged itself on undead flesh. I checked my menu, and was greeted with multiple pop ups.

Chapter 1: The Wormwood Mutiny

Congratulations on completing your first chapter! 

You have 72 hours to complete any unfinished missions before they will become unavailable. 

18/21 mission rewards obtained. 1 more to earn Hero of a Thousand Stories. 

Huh. My math must have been off. So, I’ve got three days to get Aaron Ivey off this island and get my hands on an ankheg exoskeleton. I think I can manage that. More importantly, I don’t think I need to tear off after it right this very moment. Harrigan, it looks like you’re off the hook too. 

The second popup surprised me.

Bloodlust

You have gained 3 perks from Killer of a Thousand Men in 24 hours. Congratulations! Your three perks have been converted into one greater perk. 

Besmara’s Boon

You killing 50 foes with a single spell? Impressive. You have drawn the eye of the pirate queen, and her extraplanar servants will be aware of this fact. Don’t get excited; you’re still a small fry to most of them. 

In recognition of this fact, Besmara has granted you command of wind and rain. You may alter the weather within long range of yourself, calling or banishing wind, precipitation, and heat up to a severity of 4. When creating or shaping a storm, you may direct lightning to strike any point you desire within the area of the storm. This perk duplicates the Weather Sphere, Greater Size, Storm Lord, and Greater Storm Lord talents. 

I didn’t have time to hunt down the Weather sphere and get specifics, but I was pleasantly surprised. I hadn’t even considered the achievement when I was planning the defense. I’d almost asked Sosima to take care of the Black Tentacles, actually, only choosing to do it myself so she could use her Fierce Shout ability.

So if I get multiple perks in quick succession I get four linked feats instead of three totally random perks? I can dig it, especially if that bit about Besmara taking a shine to me is more than just flavor text. Shit, can I arrange for this to happen again? 

A quick glance at the achievement page was enough to bring me down to earth. It wouldn’t be easy. Hero of a Thousand Stories was definitely impossible, as earning even one perk from that was taking me over a month of concerted effort. Architect of a Thousand Dreams required that I “fulfill the personal goals” of my crew members in return for perks based around altruism. It seemed a bit vague to me, and I sincerely doubted that I’d be able to arrange to fulfill 5 life goals in a single day.

So that leaves Taker of a Thousand Ships, Layer of a Thousand Women, and technically Killer of a Thousand Men. Personally killing a solid 420 people or so seems a bit excessive for a single day, and I don’t know if trying to sink or steal 9 ships is plausible. Having sex with 16 girls though. That might be doable. I haven’t been to one, but how hard can arranging an orgy be? I’m a magical pirate now. 

My mind was still turning the idea over, looking for flaws in my reasoning, when I followed the crew down the hatch. I locked the door on the way down. No sense making it easy for any ghoulish stragglers.

••••••••••

I wasn’t lying when I said I needed sleep, but I intended to exercise first. Over the last few days I’d been plenty active, but I had neglected my workout routine for somewhat obvious reasons. When I opened the door to Plugg’s cabin, it was with every intention of doing some push-ups and squats before going to sleep.

Sandara was stretched out on the bed, looking for all the world like she slept in here every night. She had folded her clothes and piled them onto the small desk, leaving her in nothing but her chemise, a thin linen dress that served as ladies underwear. The stack was topped by a pair of bloomers; she was wearing less underwear than most women slept in, likely to leave her nethers unobstructed. (Perception 18+2=20)

Damn. This girl is ready to go. Well, this wasn’t the exertion I’d been planning on before bed but I’m game. 

“Miss Quinn.” I said with mock severity. “What, precisely, do you think you’re doing?”

“With ol’ Plugg out of the way, his bed was available.” She stretched out and yawned, “it’s a very big, very comfortable bed. Shame it still smells a bit like him; maybe we can find something to drown that out?”

“Stand up.” I commanded. She complied. “Since you are here, there are a few issues that need addressing.”

“Oh?” She asked, “and what might those be?”

I strode right up to her, leaned in, and whispered in her ear.

“Discipline. It’s very important that the men and women of my crew behave properly.” I said, “and I’m afraid you have made some missteps.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve done as well as could be expected.” She smiled, “lots of bad influences on this ship.”

I hiked up Sandara’s chemise, and of course Sosima chose that exact moment to poke her head into the cabin. She was wearing a clinging red dress in a Chelish style, and looked quite put out upon seeing that I already had company. I seized upon the moment, as Sandara’s face became quite nearly as red as Sosima’s.

“Lady Aulamaxa, for example.” I said, “you said some distinctly unkind things to her, and now you’re interrupting our meeting. I’m going to need to delay an important discussion with her to properly discipline you.”

Sosima, I’m thrilled to see you here, but I’ve got my hands full. Play along or leave, I’d be happy to see you here at another time. (Bluff to convey a secret message 9+11=20. Basic intent communicated.)

Sosima rolled her eyes, then glanced around the room.

“The whip is in that box next to his sea chest if you need it.” She said, “I’d be happy to accept a proper apology. She is, after all, an ignorant peasant.”

As Sosima spoke, she straightened her posture slightly and looked down her nose at the blushing Sandara. There was a spark of malicious glee in her eyes. I’d cited the whore comment as part of the scene, but it really had upset Sosima at the time. Sandara needled people to get a reaction, and she wasn’t 100% straight. I wasn’t going to push this all the way just yet, but I had an idea. (Sense motive 17+1=18)

“Just so. Bend over the bed, Sandara.” I pushed her down, “now apologize.”

Before she could speak, I swatted her plush ass with my hand. She yelped.

“Did that sound like an apology to you, Lady Aulamaxa?” I asked.

“Not particularly, no.” Sosima answered, her lips curling into a smile. She seemed to be enjoying herself. (Sense motive 4+1=5)

“Sorry.” Sandara snapped.

“Good start, but be more specific.” I said, and slapped her again. Her ass jiggled nicely under my palm. “We can continue until you manage a proper apology.”

“I’m sorry I offended the Chelish ship girl.” Sandara rallied.

Your unarmed strike has done 1 nonlethal damage

“None of that.” I said sternly. “If you insult her again, I’ll let her use the whip. I don’t think you’ll like that.” (Intimidate 11+11+5=27. Sandara is Shaken.)

“Sorry.” Sandara squeaked, cowed for a moment. “I’m sorry, Sosima.”

“Better.” I said, rubbing a thumb gently across her reddening ass, “What do you think, Lady Aulamaxa?”

“It could use some work.” Sosima said. “You’ll need to teach her a bit more humility, I think.”

I slapped Sandara again, tutting at her.

“You’re making progress, Miss Quinn.” I said. “Now try again, more respectfully. I know you know how.”

“I’m sorry for saying you were a whore.” She said quietly. “I just-“

She shut up before she could dig herself any deeper with the rest of that sentence.

“Acceptable.” Sosima said. “This time. I suspect you’ll need further correction in the future.” (Bluff to communicate additional context failed.)

I think I got the basic idea even without the roll there, bud. 

“Excellent. Lady Aulamaxa, I’m afraid there are other matters I must attend to with Miss Quinn.” I said, “I don’t suppose your concerns could wait until tomorrow?”

“I haven’t been assigned a bed.” She answered primly, fully turning away from the flushed Sandara. “Am I to sleep among the common members of the crew?”

“No, I don’t think so.” I said, “ask Cog for directions to the Quartermaster’s room.”

Once I was alone with Sandara again, I gave her another spanking.

“Misuse of divine magic to produce alcohol while in a dangerous environment. Apologize, and explain what you could have done better.”

“Sorry. I should have saved more for you.”

Smack.

“I should have packed a bottle instead of using magic. I’m sorry for my poor planning.”

Good enough this time. 

Smack.

“Antagonizing potential enemies constantly while we were planning on double crossing them later?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t kissing Plugg and Scourge’s feet like a good girl.”

Smack.

“Implying you would be a good girl for someone other than me? That’s far more serious.” I smirked.

“I’m sorry captain, I’ll make sure everyone knows that only you get respect.”

We continued in that vein for several more rounds, before I switched to a different tack. A small dribble of nectar was dripping onto my new sheets. I was just fine with that.

“Now thank me for teaching you how to be a good girl.”

Smack.

“Thank you for teaching me how to be a good girl.”

Sandara’s backside was practically glowing red when I decided she was ready. If nothing else, my cock was straining against the fabric of my trousers. Everything up to this point had been for Sandara’s benefit more than my own, but watching her squirm cutely had gotten me worked up. I considered plunging in without a warning, but I wanted to see her face. I extinguished the small oil lamp bolted to the desk, plunging the room into darkness.

I want to see her face, but I don’t need light for that. 

I flipped her over, and admired her in the darkness. She looked in my general direction, smiling coquettishly.

“Oh captain, what are you planning on doing with me now?”

“Can’t you guess?” I asked.

“I’m just a good girl, Captain.” She lied, opening her legs to reveal a glistening bush. “I’ve no idea what a big, strong man might do with a young lady in private.”

As she spoke, I stepped in and guided my cock smoothly into her slit. Her breath hitched as I easily penetrated her sopping wet pussy. I pushed her up onto the bed and joined her there, pumping gently to start with so that I could get nice and lubed up. She clutched the blankets, groaning with pleasure.

She was happy to let me do the work. After all the effort she’d put into teasing me, it was almost disappointing how little she put into the sex itself. I was careful not to drive her to orgasm; she hadn’t earned it. I carefully kept her on edge, slowing down when she would have had me speed up. It felt good to toy with her. (Perform: Sex 19+4=23 success) 

I expected a bit more enthusiasm out of my lovers, so I breathed out a whisper of seductive magic to charm my fiery haired paramour. (Secret will save 4+7=11 vs DC 16. Sandara is charmed.)

It barely matters if it worked or not. Even if it didn’t, there’s a good chance she’ll know what I was going for. 

“You’ve been a bad girl, Sandara.” I crooned, pulling out. “Bad girls need to earn their pleasure, or they need to beg.”

I could tell at that point that she must be charmed, because she immediately whipped off her chemise and kissed the head of my cock. She was being punished by an authority figure, which gave her a thrill, and none of the irritation that comes with actually being punished diluted the pleasure of it.

“Please captain.” She pleaded. “I’m so ready. I need it.”

“Earn it.” I ordered. “Make me cum, and then we can get to you.” (Opposed charisma to convince a charmed person to do something they otherwise wouldn’t 19+4=23 vs Sandara 2+3=5)

“Yes captain,” she said breathily.

She delicately took my shaft in one hand, the other gently cupping my balls. She looked at me adoringly, and I didn’t care how much of it was acting or how much of it was the charm. She expertly massaged my dick for a few minutes, smiling with anticipation the whole time. I leaned back, letting out a low groan of pleasure. I felt pressure mounting as she whispered encouragement.

“Come on, Captain.” She cooed, “go ahead, I’m doing my best for you here.”

“I’m cumming.” I said, “take it on your face.”

She complied, and soon globs of pearly white were dripping down her cheeks and nose. Abruptly, the spell wore off. She looked up at me, her eyes having adjusted to the darkness somewhat.

“You cheeky little bitch.” She said, amused. “You’d better keep your promises.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

Sandara was not difficult to finish off with my tongue and hands. I had the impression that she usually taunted men until they were ready to savage her in bed, so she didn’t have much experience with a more finesse based approach. She came undone in minutes, with no further complications, (Perform: Sexual 10+4=14)

After, the two of us were thoroughly spent. We’d been waiting far too long to put this off any further, but both of us had just come off of a three day life or death marathon. Sandara went to the desk for two small scraps of cloth; a handkerchief she used to wipe off her face, and her miniature black flag. She used the very last scraps of her magic to heal her thoroughly battered behind.

Besmara forbid she ever face consequences for her fun.