I Am A Carnivorous Plant

Hmmm…

You know, maybe I don’t understand how mountains work?

 

Like, so, when the mountain was pointed out to me, I was sure that I could reach it in a day. But I guess the mountain is actually much bigger and father away than I thought it was? Because damn have I still not reached it after two whole days of moving! I was even flinging myself all fast and everything! To be fair, I was kind of skeptical that my magic vision could make out the mountain from this crazy distance anyways, so maybe that should have been my first indicator not to trust it… Usually I can’t see things such a far distance away. Maybe it’s because it’s super full of magic or something, so it's sending rays of mana towards me like a little sun? I mean, I could see the beach in the distance much sooner than I should have been able to, and from what I could tell that also has some good amounts of magic in it, enough to be visible from far away.

 

Eh, maybe the Water Spirit just really likes to leave stuff full of magic around the place, who knows? I won’t complain about the visibility, especially when it gets me closer to my goal!

 

~~~

 

Okay, so while I’ve been rushing around (And admittedly taking a few breaks here and there), I had a bunch of time to think over my interaction with the giant snake. Mostly I was just doing that stupid thing people do where they re-analyze the conversation they had, to double check if they screwed it up anywhere without realizing it. You know, that totally normal and well adjusted thing people totally always do. Honestly, I think it’s the first time I, as a plant, have ever really done that. Sure, sometimes I regretted things I said to Til on the spur of the moment, but I certainly never ruminated over it like I am now. It’s probably because it’s the first up-close encounter I’ve had with something obviously stronger than me. Made my silly little mind work overtime.

 

And do you know what my findings were?

I was too much of a nervous idiot who was busy trying to get to the immediate prize, and I forgot to ask some really important questions!

 

I think the most egregious thing that I didn’t ask was about that ‘Pact with that woman’ bit that the snake said. I mean that’s obviously something important that was just snuck right in there, right? The ‘woman’ part should have been about my mom, right? They were totally saying that they knew about the backstory behind her becoming corpse plant food, right??? So yeah, I’m a freaking idiot for not catching on to that earlier and asking more. Although, honestly speaking, idunno if I would have had the courage to risk asking to much of the big-ass scary looking snake, even if they were in the form of a hottie when we spoke.

 

But yeah, it totally implies that there’s more to the story than my mom just dying, doesn’t it?! There’s gotta be! People don’t just make pacts and die for no reason! So then what the heck is this pact thing all about?!

 

After I finish getting a ton stronger and I’m no longer as intimidated, I have to remember to go get some answers for sure!

 

~~~

 

Do you remember? There was a time, when I was much much smaller, that I thought about crabs. I thought about trying to eat them whole, since I was sure that my amazing acid in my stomach would be able to melt them down without the hassle of removing their shells.

 

Well hey, guess what, it’s finally time to eat some crab!

 

I know I certainly never forgot that little throwaway thought of mine. Or at least, I didn’t forget it enough to not remember it once I knew I was headed for the sea. I mean it’s the sea! Seafood is a must! Of course I was gonna keep my eyes peeled for all kinds of tasty shelled delicacies! Although really, the thought of eating a lobster uncooked isn’t as appealing to me. And all the clams and things that I’ve come across so far have been a bit too small for me to really appreciate. I’d have to eat bushels full of the things to really feel any impact from them, and I don’t think I wanna risk making the snake and the Water Spirit mad with my cute little antics like that, so there’s no way. Maybe they aren’t shelled per se, but I’ve also kept my little nonexistent eyes peeled for octopi too, wondering how they might taste in this body, but it seems that they’re a little too fast underwater for me to catch very well, and I could only find them quite a ways into the sea, so I had to give up. It’s probably for the best anyways, since I’ve compared myself to an octopus enough times that it might get awkward to eat them. Or at least that’s what I say to console myself.

 

But yeah, I’ve been looking for crabs this entire time, and I didn’t catch a single peep of ‘em. Even if they were tiny, my vision would have still picked them up, and if they were all buried under the sand or something, then my roots would have noticed their vibrations. So yeah, it was really confusing that I hadn’t seen even a single one. But now, on the third day of my journey across this long-ass beach, I finally finally found one!!! It’s… kind of on the huge side for a crab, I’ll give you that, but hey! It’s still totally a crab! I bet stupidly large crabs are just as tasty as the regular ones, right?

 

See, I think I’m actually getting closer to the foot of the mountain. At the very least, I must be in the vicinity of it, judging by all these sudden little alcoves and caves I’m starting to see pop up all over the beach. The palm-like trees are also getting a bit more dense around the place, which I think should totally be taken as a sign that the terrain is getting a bit less beachy, you know? And me being me, I could tell that some of the caves that were awkwardly sticking out around the place should have a bit of life in ‘em and I got, uh, curious.

 

Hey, if I’m gonna go head first into the supposedly dangerous Ice Guardians up on their mountain, then doesn’t it totally make sense to stock up before I get there? Don’t wanna be fighting a hard battle on an empty stomach, after all. So yeah, why not go raiding in the interesting little caves, huh? I had everything to gain and nothing to lose!

 

And so, I found this big-ass crab.

 

Now, to be fair, it was quite, umm, wedged in there. Honestly starting to think that these cave formations aren’t completely on the natural side, considering how snuggly the crab is fit into it. And with how I felt the vibrations of other things existing in most of the other alcoves I passed by, it’s a safe bet that this place is just crab territory galore, ya know?

 

Geez I hope these things are as tasty as they are big!

Otherwise, all this effort miiight just not be worth it.

Well, at least in the end I’ll have another cool little story to tell to Til when I see him again!

 

Alrighty then, first thing’s first. As always, the best course of action is to poke the big thing until it comes out of its stupid little hidey-hole, right? That aaaalways works out. Silliness aside, it honestly really is probably the best thing I could do, I mean, there’s no way I’m gonna fight it in a constrained space while I’m stuck in there with it. I’ve already long since learned my lesson from fighting those lizardmen in that hallway, I promise. …Not that I promise it won’t ever happen again, but, like, it totally won’t be happening so soon, at least!

 

Okay let me let you in on the inner machinations of my mind here. What I first wanted to do was just toss my little bush-dog in there, hope the crab is asleep or whatever and doesn’t notice, and trap them in together with trees or something until the thing gets completely gassed and dies, but uh… Yeah no, that’s a bit risky, and I highly doubt that a crab that big would A: Die fast enough to the gas, even if it is enclosed with it, and B: Not go on a trampling spree, both killing off my bush-dog and completely busting down all my hard grown trees.

 

If I’m being completely honest, what I’d actually rather do is dive in there and spear the thing right through its face with my ten almighty annihilating tentacles, but considering that there’s no way that that’s gonna be how that plays out with a crab as big and presumably super thick and carapaced up as that one is, then I guess I just gotta get creative.

 

So yeah, variation on the original plan, or well maybe calling it a ‘merger’ would be more accurate. The bush-dog is totally still gonna risk its life for me, but maybe I make it take a fewwww less risks here. First, let’s maybe uhhh… Let’s maybe get this crab’s attention. Maybe my tentacles aren’t strong enough to spear right through the thing like I want (yet), but they’re plenty long enough that I can get in a bunch of good long range pokes on it from the mouth of the cave. If I just barrage it with pokes and get it nice and angry at me-

 

Ahhh yup, it definitely got it angry.

Even with how fast I am, I still lost about four tentacles at once from just one sudden snip of its claws.

 

Jeez, aren’t big things supposed to be slow? I better still be fast like this thing when I get that big! I was all prepared to not get to be fast anymore in the future, but if this thing’s any indication, then- Oops I should really be paying attention. If I let up with my poking for even a second, then those big scissors that it has for hands are gonna cut me in two instead of just my tentacles. I’ve gotten amazingly good at regrowing myself, what with all the practice I’ve had over the past year (I think it’s maybe only a few months away from a year and a half!) that I’ve been alive, so I can regrow my tentacles to keep up with the rate that he’s snipping ‘em, but I can’t guarantee that I can keep up with him still if I have to regenerate my body as well.

 

Well, if I’ve proven that I can keep up with this so long as I focused, then it’s time to put the bush-dog into play!

 

I had to be sneaky with it, but I was able to weave some of my roots holding one of my bleeding heart flowers deep enough into the cave and find a little pocket behind the crab that I could fit a bush-dog in. Maybe it was a tight fit, and maybe the bush-dog was a little bit squished back there, but it was still enough that the crab shouldn’t be able to notice it until it gets to be too late. My bush-dog immediately planted its roots and started releasing its gas through its bush, slowly mixing its toxins in with the stale air of the cave, until the crab’s fast attacks suddenly began to slow down a tad. Unsurprisingly, the crab took notice of its own sluggishness too, and just as I planned, it quickly tried to escape from the toxic air that was slowly killing it. And with it barreling its way out of the safety of its little dugout, my plan was 100% a success!

 

It’s time to put the bush-dog away now.

The rest of this fight is between me and this crab.

 

It’s been a long time since I got to wrestle with something, you know!

_____

AN: Heyyy, I'd like to take this time to give a little shout out to Wyn's story 'Untouchable'! It's got really pretty illustrations to go along with it on like every chapter (Which I'm super extra jealous of right now because I'm currently trying to get a new cover picture for this series that won't get freaking flagged this time)! If you like stories about e-sports, gaming, and harems, then you'll totally love it! So if it seems like your cup of tea, give it a shot why don't you!