Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

“Welcome aboard the next generation of Quinjet.” I said to Maria Hill after she had ordered Clint and Natasha to leave. They hadn't been happy to be sent packing, until I told Maria that the things I had to tell her during my debriefing would raise my security rank to 10... and that was only because they didn't have a higher one. Both she and Fury were rank 10.

“It's a little cramped.” Maria said as she walked between stacked crates of weapons.

“This is what's left of Ulysses Klaue's international smuggling operations.” I said and Maria caught her shoulder on a crate and almost fell. I easily caught her and held her tenderly. “Are you all right?”

Maria nodded and I slowly let her go. “I don't think this is the best place for a debriefing.”

I chuckled and sat down on the pilot's chair and waved for her to sit on the co-pilot's seat. “It has a custom Faraday Cage laced throughout the ship. Signals can't enter or leave unless allowed to.”

“What? How?” Maria asked.

“You would be surprised what you can scrounge up from a recycling plant that absolutely loves you.” I said with a laugh. “I've got more electronic components than I know what to do with now. I actually had to buy a transfer truck trailer to store everything and returned the rented panel truck I had.”

Maria blinked at me several times. “Ben, you're not making sense.”

I gave her a knowing smile. “Are you seriously telling me that you have no clue I've built a monitoring station in my office and have nearly 30 blocks of downtown wired for video surveillance?”

Maria closed her mouth and didn't respond.

“Does that mean you're not having any luck pirating the signals?” I asked with a laugh. “They're keyed in specifically to my server and anyone else trying to use them receive a scrambled signal or static. I thought that was a particularly smart thing for me to do, considering all of the cell phones and wireless signals that everyone has or generates.”

Maria seemed to relax and sat back in the co-pilot's chair. “I don't suppose you'll share that programming setup, will you?”

“I suppose I could be convinced if a particularly lovely woman is accepting of my new social status.” I said, a bit cryptically.

Maria squinted her eyes at me. “You need to explain what you mean.”

“I have paperwork.” I said and took out the stack of diplomatic papers to hand them to her. “I'll wait for you to skim through those before we continue.”

Maria quickly read the top sheet and her eyes widened at the Royal Consort details. “Agent Parker...”

“It gets better, trust me.” I said with a chuckle. “Jubadi? You may resume your post.”

Maria stiffened when an ornately dressed bald woman with dark skin stepped into the cockpit and stood beside Ben. She looked like a fierce warrior and her outfit was both ceremonial and functional, as was the golden spear she wore. She also had a SHIELD issued standard pistol strapped around her shoulders.

“Believe me, there's a lot to get through.” I said and waved at the papers.

Maria nodded and started reading again. I watched her face closely and even though she kept trying her best to keep her face impassive as she read on and on, subtle twitches and movements of her eyes and lips gave away what she was thinking. She was not happy.

It took Maria an hour to get through it all and she sat there quietly with a blank look on her face for another ten minutes. “You've compromised SHIELD to a foreign country that isn't even a member of the United Nations.”

“Did I?” I asked and she gave me a stern look. “I went there to return their stolen artifacts and property and when I saw the state of the country... how they don't even use money to buy food... I had to step in and offer my assistance.”

“Agent Parker, you can't seriously think that...”

“According to those papers, I am currently three people in their eyes. A foreigner, a consort to their princess, and the ambassador to their country.” I said and Maria nodded. “As a foreigner, I did my best to befriend them. As a consort to their princess, I shared the things I solely control and we collaborated to create several new things to bring their society to new heights.”

Jubadi nodded with a jerk.

“As an ambassador, it's going to be my job to continue to look for things that will benefit Wakanda and her people. I have the authority to strike deals in their name...” I said and Jubadi coughed. “...within reasonable restrictions, which are in those documents.”

“Agent Parker, you can't possibly think you can...” Maria started to say.

“Parker Industries has already agreed to send ten thousand units of both versions of Stark Protect to their country. When they learned of them, especially because of the rampant wildfires that sometimes threaten their villages and people, they desperately need them.”

“What will they do for power?” Maria asked.

“I've already given them the design specs for the same solar power adapters that I've created for all those monitoring devices downtown. I'll be sending along the recycled solar panels with the first shipment of Stark Protect devices.”

“How exactly do you expect to get that all through customs?” Maria asked.

I pointed at the stack of papers on her lap. “As the Wakandan Ambassador, I have been sworn to work towards their interests and I have full diplomatic immunity.”

Maria took a breath and let it out. “It's going to cost a fortune to send that much cargo to a third world country.”

I reached for the flight console and pat the controls. “The King of Wakanda seized the foreign vessel that had entered the country's airspace without permission, claimed it on behalf of his people, then issued it to their ambassador after it had received several upgrades from their military forces.”

Maria's mouth puckered briefly before it went back to normal. “We both know that's a polite fiction.”

I chuckled. “It's a paper dragon, yes. However, I did have access to several pieces of technology that SHIELD doesn't and I modified this transport specifically to show them off.”

Maria handed me the paperwork. “This debriefing isn't giving you the clearance you claimed it was going to.”

“That's because all I've done so far is establish my new position in your eyes.” I said and smiled. “Now that you know where I'm coming from, I should inform you that your recording devices and anything they store, should be classified as 'Burn After Reading'.”

Maria's eyes widened at that.

“Is Fury watching or listening?” I asked and she shook her head. “Should we wait until he is?”

“No, I'll brief him as soon as I get to the office.” Maria said and checked the time to see it was five in the morning. “You have two hours before you need to be home to eat breakfast with your aunt and then head to school.”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Two hours isn't enough time. Not for this.” I said and looked at Jubadi. “Lady's choice. Guard standing or guard sitting?”

Jubadi nodded and collapsed her spear into the handle, stepped around me, and sat on my lap with a flourish. She put one arm around my back and her other hand held the spear handle discreetly at her side. It was also pointed directly at Maria's heart. The implications were not lost on anyone.

“Let me first say that I hadn't planned on a lot of what happened after I went to Wakanda.” I said.

“Which means everything before that was.” Maria said.

“It was. Extensively.” I said and successfully ignored the loving pinches Jubadi gave me in various spots. I couldn't stop Penis Parker from appearing and pressing into her thigh, though. It was then that I realized that the guards hadn't been testing me at all. They had been training my automatic responses to their specific stimuli.

“Explain.” Maria said and crossed her legs demurely.

So, I did. It took a lot longer than the two hours and I had to pause in the debriefing to call Aunt May and apologized for being caught up in reporting to work after missing a day. To say she was upset was an understatement. She actually hung up on me and wouldn't answer when I tried calling her again. I called the school after that and Mary the receptionist was a bit more understanding and only hung up after I promised coffee and donuts for the rest of the week.

I continued to tell Maria everything after that. Well, everything except being Spider-Man. That was going to remain my secret for as long as possible, especially since I now had a way to cover up that I had powers.

Shuri's and the queen's betrothal gift had contained a dozen books and an entire bolt of vibranium weaved cloth. That meant I could cheat with an Iron Suit's construction and make it out of aluminum instead of steel, still be protected by the vibranium cloth underneath, and I could use my own strength when performing tasks.

I would have to send the both of them something special for giving me such a great gift.

*

May Parker entered the hospital with a frown on her face. She had been worried sick over her nephew being gone for so long, despite when he had texted and she said she was happy that he had found someone, then he had the nerve to blow her off and had gone into work instead of coming home to her.

How dare he do that to me? May asked herself as she signed in. She didn't notice the slightly scared looks on everyone's faces as she passed them.

She did her prep work for her shift and then went to each emergency section and checked everything. She replaced what needed to be replaced, namely sheets and any opened containers of gauze and needles, and she went back to her station and sat down to start her paperwork.

Two hours into her shift, she was surprised when Doris appeared in front of her.

“You're taking a break.” Doris said and signed her out, took her hand, and led her out of the emergency room and up to the third floor and into the office worker's lounge. She presented May with tea instead of coffee and sat her down on one of the nice couches.

May hadn't stopped frowning, even when she took a drink of the delicious tea. She also didn't like that she had to sit on a couch that wasn't as nice as hers.

“Tell me what's wrong.” Doris prompted.

“Nothing's wrong.” May denied and took another drink. “What kind of tea is this? It's really good.”

“It's my own special blend of oolong, green, and vodka.”

May almost spit it out and covered her mouth to stop it. “Doris! I can't drink at work!”

Doris laughed softly. “I'm joking, May. You would taste the alcohol if there was any in it.”

May scowled at her. “That wasn't funny.”

“You would have laughed at that a week ago.” Doris put her tea down and took May's hand. “We've known each other for years and I can tell when something is bothering you. Please, tell me what's going on.”

May gave her a pointed look, let out a sigh, and then told her. She explained about her worries, her fears, Ben's actions, and how she felt about it all. When she finally got it all off of her chest, May felt tired and sighed loudly as she sat back on the couch. Her tea had been gone long ago.

“So, you're saying he's growing up and building a life for himself.” Doris commented.

“Wh-what?” May asked and sat back up straight. “I didn't say anything like that.”

Doris started to raise her fingers with each point. “He's found several great jobs and is earning an actual living. He's going out and meeting new people in different social circles. He apparently has a girlfriend that he spent the weekend with and was responsible about it.” She paused and thought about what her daughter Liz was going to think about that. I can worry about that later.

“Doris...” May started to say.

“He kept in contact with you, even though he didn't have to. He's making sure he still has a job after pulling his disappearing act and even apologized to you for doing that first.” Doris said and let her hand drop as she gave her friend a charming smile. “What were you angry about again?”

May opened her mouth to argue and realized that she couldn't. She closed her mouth and thought about what Doris had said, and she was right. Ben might not have been home like she wanted; but, he had kept her informed and let her know he was okay and about any change in his plans. It was a lot more than most teenagers would have done if they were in his shoes.

May let out a sigh and dropped her head onto the back of the couch. “Why couldn't you have shared in my indignation instead of being so reasonable?”

Doris let out another soft laugh. “Welcome to the wonderful world of wrangling teenagers.”

May nodded and then remembered her friend's own plight. “How did your talk with Liz go?”

Doris sighed this time. “Just about as well as could be expected. She felt terrible about everything, especially about how she handled things.”

May nodded. “I'm glad she realizes how much she screwed up.”

“Addy and I do as well.” Doris admitted.

May gave her hand a squeeze. “Thanks for telling me about what Ben got up to at that party.”

Doris shook her head at that memory. “I still can't believe he did that... did them... in my house.”

“What was it you were saying about wrangling teenagers?” May asked with a crooked smile.

“We need to add horny to that.” Doris huffed and then smiled. “After we strangle them all.”

May let out a laugh. “At least we can relax on that front now. I doubt Ben's girlfriend would be happy if he continued his escapades with his friends.”

“What if he doesn't tell her?” Doris asked.

May barked another laugh. “Ben? Not being honest and telling everyone what he's been doing? Have you met my nephew?”

Doris laughed, too. “You make a good point.”

May fell silent for a moment, then she took several breaths and let them out. “Thank you for this.”

“It's what friends do.” Doris said and let her hand go. “We need to get back to work.”

May nodded and stood and stretched. “I'll stay after my shift to make up the time we just wasted.”

“It wasn't a waste. I had to get that frown off of your face because you were scaring the other nurses and the patients.” Doris teased and they both laughed, then the two friends walked out of the lounge in much happier moods.

*

Maria sat there when Ben was done talking and she was stunned. What she had just heard, that the Wakanda that everyone knew was a poor third world country, was a complete fabrication and always had been. The country and villages they showed the world was all an elaborate cover-up to hide that they were actually the most technologically advanced society on the planet.

Mag-lev trains, hover technology, advanced mining and ore refinement, holographic technology that was indistinguishable from the real thing, and advanced weaponry that could change the balance of power on the planet if they were ever discovered.

“Now you know why they are so isolationist.” Ben whispered. “It's both by choice and to keep the world safe from the implications of what the tech could do, even if it is never released to the public.”

Maria nodded. She knew that just the ideas that the tech existed and was possible, would drive people to invent it themselves or create a similar version. It would cause a near global surge in both technology and danger, because everyone would be hunting for scientists to create things for them. Hover technology alone would completely destroy the car and auto industry, the oil and fuel industry, and the current mechanics industry.

“I agree, Ben. This is top priority secrecy and I'm sure that Director Fury will agree with me.” Maria said and stood. “I need copies of those diplomatic documents as soon as we get back to the office. I'll have them filed quickly and put into effect before the end of the day.”

“Thank you, Maria.” Ben said and Jubadi stood and resumed her guard position to let him stand. “You don't know how happy I am that you're onboard with this.”

Maria squinted her eyes at him. “I never said I was onboard, Ben. I'm doing this to protect my country... to protect the world... from the threat that you now represent.”

“But, I thought...” Ben started to say.

*SMACK!*

Maria's hand slapped him right across the face. “How dare you misappropriate SHIELD assets, commit fraud and various other crimes across the world, then invade a country for your own petty needs and desires!”

Ben was too stunned to react, because he had never seen her act like that before.

“I may not show it; but, I love my country, Ben. I will do anything to protect it, even if it means fighting against other agencies, against other countries, against unbelievable odds... or against subversive agents like you that plunge it into unpredictable peril!” Maria said and glared at him as she stepped close.

Ben stood his ground when Maria invaded his personal space and she pressed the tip of her nose to his.

“If you make a grievous mistake like this again and endanger the people I care about, I swear upon all that I believe in, that I will tear you apart with my bare hands.” Maria whispered with a deadly voice.

It was completely silent until Jubadi spoke. “Answer her challenge, Umkhuseli (protector).”

A determined look formed in Ben's eye. “I knew you and I could see eye to eye, Maria. I completely agree and reciprocate the sentiment for both my family, my new family, and for my new country.”

Jubadi nodded. “Complete the agreement with this country's top warrior.”

Before Maria could make sense of what had happened, she had Ben's tongue in her mouth and she moaned as his hands gripped her ass tightly. She was soon stripped naked and his whispered question about if she wanted to go though with completing the agreement, made her opinion of him rise, just like his prominent erection.

Maria grabbed onto it instead of verbally responding and guided it into her soaked opening, then she moaned loudly as he forced his way inside. She really should have let him play with her a bit first before doing this and then she lost all coherent thought as Ben pounded into her like a jackhammer.

Barely ten minutes later, Ben sprayed himself onto her stomach and chest. After another whispered comment about the deal being sealed between them, he kept going. Despite the quick and rough start, Maria had the time of her life, because Ben really knew what he was doing.

It wouldn't be until the next morning, just after the marathon sex session and a fantastic night's sleep, that Maria would ask herself why she was okay with having another woman make sure that Ben was primed and ready to keep going for as long as Maria needed him to.